December 22, 2019 at 9:08 am #39150
I’m a college student and I’ve recently ~2 months begun dating a girl who I was pining over a year for. She was always bad with contact before dating, but made it obvious she was into me when she became glued to my arm when we walked anywhere.
However, since we begun dating her communication is still pretty bad. If it was another girl, I’d take it as a sign of disinterest but she’s always keen to see me in person.
In this time I’ve been hanging out with a girl I lived with for a year, I had no feelings for her during this time, but recently I’ve been getting on so well to the point I quote and speak about her without thinking. I’m much more confident than last year too, so I’m quite a different person. I only started hanging out 1 on 1 as she had a spare concert ticket that no one else could take, but mostly it’s mutual circumstance as I know lots of her friends (due to living with her for a year and being on the same degree). To be honest, I’ve enjoyed hanging out with her more than anyone this past three months.
My girlfriend however I’ve started to lose feelings for as I don’t see her often and I feel our lifestyles may be just a bit different at the moment, even though we share many common interests. I never expected to feel this way so quickly after dating a girl I was into for so long, so I’m confused on my feelings.
Is it because I haven’t seen her often, or is this second girl really a better fit? My friends say to stick with my girlfriend to see how I feel in a few months and also I’m not sure if the second girl is into me, though there’s a chance and because I had no expectations I’ve spoke about more serious topics with her during our friendship I feel very comfortable around her.
I’m really not sure what to do, as college is short is there a chance I’ll miss out on an extremely compatible girl because I hesitate? I feel a girl who likes me despite me not purposely acting more ‘masculine’ to attract her would be very nice.December 22, 2019 at 10:32 am #39157
You may be losing feelings for your girlfriend because she is not fulfilling your emotional needs.
For one, she still continues to maintain bad communication even after you became her boyfriend.
Meanwhile, this second girl that you used to live with for a year makes you feel at home. You probably find it easier to communicate with her and may have even hung out more with her in the last two months than you have your girlfriend.
There are some very important elements to a relationship that you are missing out with your current girlfriend.
The elements of communication, fun, trust, openness, safety and comfort are just some of them. You are finding all these elements in the second girl.
It is not so much that this second girl is a better fit, it is that your current girlfriend isn’t providing you with these key missing elements.
Just because you find these elements with this second girl doesn’t necessarily mean that she is looking at you as someone of romantic potential. So, it is important that you don’t assume that this second girl feels the same way about you.
Being that you have only been in a relationship with your girlfriend for 2 months, it may be best to talk to her about what you believe is missing in the relationship.
If she truly cares about you, she may try to work on those elements. If she does, it will take time for things to change. So, don’t expect your relationship to become perfect overnight.
Being that you were pining over this girl for a year before she became your girlfriend, it would be worth it to at least try to see whether your relationship with her can be salvaged. This way, you don’t risk having regrets.
There is always a chance that in college, you could miss out on an extremely compatible girl because you hesitate.
However, it is best to first know the elements that are absolutely essential for you to feel fulfilled in a relationship.
Once you know what they are, you will be in a much better position to date an extremely compatible girl to you because you would know what to look for.
This way, you never waste too much time with someone who doesn’t fulfill them.
It is always important to be yourself. Thereby, you shouldn’t act more ‘masculine’ for the sake of capturing a girl’s attention if that truly isn’t who you are. The most compatible girl for you will like you for who you are.
However, most girls prefer that the guy initiate conversation or interest.
Hence, you should always be prepared to be more ‘masculine’ in this sense. This way, you never miss out on an opportunity to get the most compatible girl for you.