Early dating stage

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Luke 4 days ago.

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  • #37889 Reply

    Cor

    Hello!

    I met this guy about a month ago and a half ago we hit it off very well. On our first date we spent the entire day together (his idea) and it seems to be a pattern where we see each other at least once a week and he likes to spend the entire day together which is awesome.

    However, I noticed he is not the best texter but is perfect in person. Since we have talked there has been a time or two where he has gone nearly a week with no contact. I have contacted him first on two occasions and he is very responsive, however, I do not contact first often as I feel like earlier on the guy should.

    The last time we hung out was about 2 weeks ago. The last time he reached out has been about two weeks ago as well he asked what my schedule was for the week, I informed him and he said he will try to lock me in for a date. Nothing since.

    Should I reach out casually? Or possibly wait for him to reach out? (Not literally wait by my phone expecting this) OR assume he has moved on?

    #37890 Reply

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Cor,

    The early stage of dating is often the time that there should be a lot of energy coming from a guy.

    He should be excited to talk to you as often as he can.

    He should be making himself available and setting up dates.

    If he hasn’t reached out nor hung out with you in two weeks, there is a good chance that he is not as excited about you as he should be.

    He is treating this more like a casual interaction.

    For now, let him reach out to you first.

    However, if you don’t want to just casually date, you should let him know this the next time he does reach out.

    Even though it has been two weeks, he will most likely still reach out to you.

    He could have spent the last two weeks going out with other women for all you know.

    This is why it is best to be clear about what you are looking for upon your next conversation with him.

    This way, you don’t end up wasting a lot of time and energy on someone who doesn’t want the same kind of relationship that you are looking for.

    #37893 Reply

    Coree

    Wow thank you so much for your quick reply. I agree with everything you said! So he has told me he is not dating other people (without me even having to ask).However, he is a musician and just moved to Los Angeles (where I live)two months ago just got his new place etc so I think he is settling in. From the last time we hung out, he seems to be very determined to focus on music and be productive so could I be right to assume he just wants space? (Not too good to need space this early) but yea lol

    Since he reached out first last, would it hurt to message him first? Or should I 100% wait for him to contact me again. Last question I promise lol

    #37894 Reply

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Coree,

    It’s unlikely that he just wants space.

    He has been a musician throughout your interaction with him.

    Yet, he was still going out on at least one date with you a week and spending the whole day with you.

    He was clearly able to make time for those dates.

    If he truly wanted to, he could focus on music while still finding the time to go out on dates with you.

    Let him message you first.

    Guys who are truly interested will make the effort to reach out to the girl, especially in the early stages of dating.

    If he is not willing to make more of an effort to pursue you this early on in your interaction with him, that would indicate that he doesn’t care all that much about the interaction.

    The sooner you discover this, the better.

    #37897 Reply

    cor

    Thank you so much! I love your blunt approach and will take your advice. I am a fan of yours by the way!

    #37898 Reply

    Luke
    Keymaster

    You are welcome Cor.

    All the best.

    #37931 Reply

    Cor

    Hello,

    Just a follow up on this, I finally heard from the guy.

    However, our conversation was very short through text. In a playful manor, I asked where has he been and his response was ‘You just have to hit me up’

    He is basically implying that I need to reach out first to hear from him or hang out with him, correct?

    I am turned off by this and now I’m assuming hes not interested if he thinks i should be doing all the work, correct? I am interested in your opinion on this.

    Thank you! 🙂

    #37932 Reply

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Cor,

    Yes, by telling you, “You just have to hit me up,” he was implying that you need to reach out to him first to hear from him or hang out with him.

    Unfortunately, as suspected, he is just not all that interested.

    He will be game to hang out with you on occasion.

    However, he isn’t invested in getting to know you and developing a deeper emotional bond.

    You should not allow yourself to do all the work.

    If a guy is not willing to put in the work to court you, you are just not that important to him.

    If you fall into the trap of hitting him up all the time or most of the time, he will not have any real investment in the interaction.

    This will make it too easy for him to be very hot and cold throughout the interaction until he starts ignoring you entirely due to boredom or complacency.

    This kind of effort just wouldn’t be worth your time.

    #37935 Reply

    cor

    Wow amazing break down. Yes, I do not plan on continuing anything further with him. Its amazing how thing changed up so quickly but hes not worth any of my time.

    Thank you!

    #37936 Reply

    Luke
    Keymaster

    You are welcome Cor.

    Thankfully, you experienced all of this relatively early and before deeper feelings had set in.

    This will make it easier for you to let this go and move on.

    All the best.



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