Ghosted…kinda

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Luke 4 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #41983 Reply

    Hope
    Click here to help answer someone else's question.

    Hey! Love your videos. I had been talking to this guy for a little and we went on a few dates. He ended up going back to his school after Christmas break in a different state, but we still occasionally spoke through the month of January. But during February and now March, he only speaks to me if I text him first or he’ll swipe up on some of my Instagram stories. It seems like he lets at least a week go by before even doing that though. But we are one way or another in contact at least once a week even if it’s brief. I don’t want to push him Bc I do know he wants to work on himself before getting into something serious, but should I even be allowing this behavior, or should I just drop him and stop waiting for him to be ready?
    Thanks!

    #41990 Reply

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Hope,

    Thank you and I am glad that the videos have helped you.

    If you are looking for a serious relationship, you should drop him and stop waiting for him to be ready.

    Getting kinda ghosted is just as bad as getting all out ghosted. If anything, it could be worse because it could leave you latching on to the bare minimum in terms of what he gives you as you desperately hope for more in the future.

    You don’t really know what he is doing, if anything, to make himself ready to date someone seriously.

    If you wait, you could fall into the trap of constantly telling yourself that you are getting closer, when in fact, you aren’t.

    If he only texts you when you text him first and often after a week has gone by, he is showing a strong lack of interest in getting to know you and interacting with you.

    He may have been a lot more communicative when he was physically around you, but since he returned to school after the Christmas break, his behavior has changed.

    His lackluster effort in communicating would indicate that he is a lot more involved in what is happening around him and a lot less willing to maintain a long distance correspondence.

    With all of this behavior, waiting on him to be ready would be to your detriment. The long distance makes it that much harder for you to determine whether he is truly working on himself or he is just doing nothing.

    It wouldn’t be worth it to take a chance on him, knowing that he may never come around.

    #42001 Reply

    Hope

    Oof…hurts to hear but you’re right. By drop him, do you mean completely block or just not respond if he reaches out? We share mutual friends so if I just block him out of my life digitally, I’ll still have to face him in person

    #42004 Reply

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Don’t respond if he reaches out.

    If you happen to be with mutual friends and see him in person, be polite in your exchange, but avoid getting into extended conversations with him.

    Keep those interactions short.

    If you let them last too long, you could find yourself beginning to develop feelings for him again and this will only set you back.

    #42008 Reply

    Hope

    Thank you for taking the time to respond! He texted me tonight and asked when I was free to hang out. Do you think I should?

    #42010 Reply

    Luke
    Keymaster

    You are welcome.

    You shouldn’t hang out with him.

    As long as he is still in this uncertain state of mind, he would only be hanging out with you in order to have fun as friends and kill time.

    Thereby, if you were to hang out with him, you could start thinking that perhaps this is all leading somewhere, when it really isn’t.

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