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Luke 3 years, 7 months ago.
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NoahWhat do I do if a girl I’ve been messing with for awhile (not exclusive) continues to text me first but suddenly has been acting flaky and has flaked on me three on times in a row when I ask her to come over?
We’ve been sleeping together for a while, and tbh she is promiscuous but after the first time we hung out she wanted to bond with me…. and has been giving off the vibe of wanting a relationship. So she finally got me and I asked to be exclusive because I thought that was what she wanted and she said no and wants the relationship to stay the same and I was like ok. Then ever since she’s been initiating contact but whenever I ask her to hang out or come over she comes up with an excuse or just doesn’t put me at a priority like I used to be, but she continues to text me first.
Hi Noah,
She may keep coming up with an excuse whenever you ask her to come over because she is worried that the dynamics of the relationship has changed.
In asking her to become exclusive, she may feel that you have developed feelings for her that she is unable to reciprocate.
Even though you felt as though she was giving off a vibe that indicated that she wanted a relationship, she may have simply been caught up in the idea of it all.
In other words, she would just get a little lost in thought whenever she would hang out with you.
However, it is typically best, especially in a scenario such as yours in which the both of you were sleeping together without commitment, to let the woman be the one to strongly suggest getting into an exclusive relationship.
This way, you never run the risk of being too presumptuous with her and consequently ruin the casual relationship as a result.
As of now, this particular girl continues to text you first because she still likes the attention. However, she is worried that if she comes over and sleeps with you, your feelings for her will become even stronger.
The next time that you both chat, start a polite, open and honest conversation with her about why she is flaking on you.
Once you know her reasoning, you may be able to assuage whatever fears or doubts she may have and that may be enough to get her to start coming over again.
NoahOk I will and there was a point last week that I sent a text saying I’m not feeling the relationship anymore and wanted to end it, but she said why last week were we’re almost exclusive to you saying I’m leaving you and she was confused, then I called her and said I wasn’t sure where your head was at after that convo we had and I felt like I spooked you when I asked about being exclusive, and she said no You didn’t scare and nothing is wrong. So we never ended the relationship but the flaking started
Hi Noah,
She may still be unsure of what to do with this relationship.
When you texted her last week saying that you weren’t feeling the relationship anymore, you caught her off guard.
As long as she is unsure of what to do with this relationship, she is not going to want it to end prematurely.
In other words, if there is going to be a breakup, she wants to be the one that does it after a period of deliberation.
If it ends, she would want to end it on her own terms. At this time, she isn’t quite sure about what she wants to do.
When you called and told her that you thought that you spooked her after asking about being exclusive, she told you that you didn’t and that nothing was wrong.
However, her actions since that phone call have demonstrated the complete opposite. She has flaked on coming over three times in a row.
This is something that is uncharacteristic of her, which means that something is indeed wrong.
The sooner you have an open and honest conversation with her about why she has been flaking on you, the sooner you will discover whether this is a situation that you can salvage.
Noahshe said “She You didn’t spook me it’s just like idk I’ve been in a bad mood recently and can’t really get out of it so when I have the opportunity to hang out with my friends I take it cause I think it’ll make me feel better but it’s just been making me feel worse tbh I’m not sure how to explain it”
Give me the context of this message.
Was it after having had the conversation about why she has been flaking on you or is this some other conversation?
NoahThis is why she has been flaking, we said this yesterday. I asked I as you said and this was here response
NoahAnd I haven’t sent a response back yet
If she wasn’t in a bad mood prior to you asking her about becoming exclusive, there is a good chance that your request to become exclusive with her is the source of her bad mood.
She is still not willing to admit that to you because she is not sure about what to do with this relationship at this point.
Basically, she is still trying to buy time. Until she figures out what to do with this relationship, she will most likely want to continue texting you.
However, it may not be to your benefit to just hang around in the hopes that she figures out what she wants to do with you.
You could respond to her message by asking her if she would like to take a temporary break from the friends with benefits relationship in order for her to clear her head.
The thought that you may spend that break possibly hooking up with other girls may plant a sense of urgency in her head that could make her feel the need to figure out where to take her relationship with you a lot quicker.
NoahLast thing I’ll mention and thank you again for your help but before I asked we didn’t speak for a week before I asked because of a certain situation happened between us that I didn’t take well and she didn’t like The way I was speaking to her and we didn’t speak until we meant and thats when We had the convo about the situation and cleared everything up and me also asking her to be exclusive but after that convo she seemed happy and even spent the night. Just thought I should mention if that means anything. This should be my last post and thank you again for your help.
That particular situation that happened between the both of you may have been what initially planted the seed of doubt in her mind about her relationship with you and the prospect of becoming exclusive.
Prior to the week in which the both of you didn’t speak, you felt as though she had been showing signs of wanting to be in an exclusive relationship.
Perhaps, the situation that later occurred punctured whatever fantasy she may have concocted about what life with you as an exclusive boyfriend would be like.
After the night that the both of you made up, she may have spent more alone time thinking about the situation that occurred. This may have actually been what put her in a bad mood, leading her to seek solace from friends to no avail.
It may be helpful to ask her if she still has issues about that situation and if so, what they may be. Perhaps try doing this before suggesting a temporary break.
If indeed the source of her continuous flaking stems from this situation, clearing it up further with her may help to mend the rift that has developed between the both of you.
However, if she tells you that she has no lingering issues in reference to the situation, you can then go ahead and ask her if she would like to take a temporary break from the friends with benefits relationship.
NoahI asked her if their are any issues from the situation still and she said no so I proceeded to ask to if you want a temporary break so you can get a clear head and she said No I don’t need a break, I’m fine
If there are no issues from the situation and she doesn’t need a temporary break either, ask for her availability to see you and set a date.
The conversation that you have just had with her in an attempt to make things right may be enough to compel her to finally show up.
NoahOk I asked this morning for her availability and I didn’t reply back for a whole day from her text saying I don’t need a break and she is ignoring me now since she is posting on Instagram today and still hasn’t responded, most likely cause I didn’t reply back in a timely manor, so should I just wait til a reply or something.
And I feel like I’m stressing or putting to much energy into someone’s that’s not even my girlfriend I feel or someone that is tryna let me go idk.
NoahNevermind she responded but do you have any last advice to limit stress with women ?
To limit stress with women, make sure that you don’t make your life revolve around them.
Many guys make the mistake of becoming too wrapped up in the lives of women that they are into.
They forget to have hobbies, interests, goals and a life outside of what they share with the woman.
If you stay active with your own life and make sure that you are habitually engaging in other interests that are your own, you will not get caught up with any one woman and this will help to limit stress.
NoahTo update you on things: when she texted me back about setting a date last Monday she said she is busy this week and will let me know when she free to hangout and I was like ok and she still hasn’t hmu it’s been a whole week and if I don’t hear something by next week then I’m going to leave her alone and move on , I’m in the process of moving on right now which is good. I’m seeing other people also but I’m just confused after I’ve been nothing but respectful to her, just curious why it seems to be ending like this even after I gave her the chance to tell me the truth about why she’s acting different and gave her the opportunity to take a break from this relationship, just want closure if possible
It is rarely a good sign when, in reference to setting up a date, a girl tells you that she has a busy week and will let you know.
We already suspected that she was having doubts about this relationship and was merely buying time with you.
It may be ending like this even if you gave her a chance to tell you the truth about why she’s acting different and even gave her the opportunity to take a break from the relationship because she may not be particularly good at ending relationships the right way.
There is a good chance that she still kept several of her ex friends with benefits around for a while after those relationships were over as well.
She likes the attention that she gets when she is still able to text the guy.
Hence, she may keep him around until the next guy comes along that she is interested in, who is also capable of giving her the right kind of attention.
Once that happens, she is able to disappear from the ex’s life.
She will often do this without closure because the only reason why she kept the guy around in the first place, once the sexual part of the relationship was over, was for the attention.
NoahOk I will move on thanks !!!
You are welcome.
All the best.
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