He said he wants to be friends first but his actions doesn’t show it.

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  • #37725 Reply


    This guy I like works with me at a major retail store part time. He’s a firefighter but 2 days out the week he works retail for extra income. I’m attracted to him. He found out from a friend of mines, that I’m attracted to him and he said that he just got out of a 6 year relationship (no kids or marriage) and he just wants to stay single for awhile and focus on him. I get that 100%. He also told me that we could work on a friendship and build that first before anything romantic and I agreed. However, it doesn’t seem like he is trying to get to know me in order to build that friendship and get to know one other. I’m starting to just leave him alone and ignore him from now on but apart of me wants to see if he really just need more time.

    #37737 Reply


    Hi Sammii,

    He may have said that he wants to be friends, but he may simply not be willing to be proactive in building a friendship.

    He is focused on other areas of priority in his life right now and building a friendship with you simply isn’t one of those areas.

    This is why it seems like he isn’t trying to get to know you.

    As of now, he doesn’t know all that much about you.

    Hence, there is really nothing for him to become intrigued by.

    Becoming intrigued can be a catalyst that makes him put out more effort to get to know you.

    If a part of you wants to pursue something romantic with him, leaving him alone or ignoring him is only going to make it that much more less likely that any kind of romance will ensue with him.

    The same applies if you think that giving him more time could make him come around.

    You could give him all the time in the world and he may still not come around.

    Next thing you know, he is no longer working at the retail store part time and you would have missed out on an opportunity for possible romance.

    You would have to become more proactive in getting him to know you if you hope to have any chance at romance in the future.

    This means that you can’t wait for him to initiate conversation with you.

    You will have to be the one to do this, at least for now.

    It may feel one-sided, but taking a more aggressive approach in getting him to know who and what you are about is what will increase the chances that he may become intrigued by you.

    All it will take is in him discovering something about you that really appeals to him and he may start taking more of an initiative to build a friendship with you.

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