December 28, 2019 at 6:43 am #39197
Hi there Luke.
I’ve been talking to this guy for about 2 months now. When we first met I wasn’t that into him and told him straight up I didn’t want anything with him and was being distant and cold, not giving into him.
From the get go he told me wanted something, promised me all kinds of things like he wasn’t going to hurt me like the previous person had. Said he cared about me so much, called me babe right and left. He always wanted to be with me, see me, talk to me he was so into me. Eventually I started believe his intentions were good and he really meant what he said. He was super intense with me with everything from relationship talks to being intimate, you name it. He wanted me so bad. One time he even told me he wanted to start building something meaningful with me and he really meant it. He said he really wanted to get to know me at the next level, build that friendship along with it and do it right. He didn’t want me to become just his friend with benefit. He wanted a future with me. Which I believe because usually guys don’t say that kind of stuff.
After that he started acting more distance but we still saw each other and he reassured me his feelings were still the same. Then he went home to Canada for 6 weeks fro Xmas break, he returns in about 10 days. Last tome we saw each other we talked about him coming back, and that we were going to see each other when he was back and we kissed etc. during the break we talked here and there without me thinking too much into it. Eventually I notice he would never reach out to me first so I sent him a message asking if we were still on the same page. He wouldn’t open message yet was active on social Messi to which I called him out on. He then eventually opened my message and he said he felt like we weren’t on the same page. He said he told me he wanted to be friends and nothing more that he thought he made it clear. To which I said he didn’t at all in fact he said the opposite of that as I mentioned earlier. Then I said I would just talk to him when we were face to face, to who he said he’d let me know when he was back.
Days later I knew he had a trip with his family so I wished him a good trip. I noticed a day after that he unfriended me off Facebook.
Yesterday I had been thinking about and realized I didn’t want to be in a shitty situation with him, like we both said we cared about each other especially he said that to me. So I messaged him after days of no communication I said (hey there I don’t want us to not be on speaking terms anymore, looking forward to seeing you again, hope you’re doing well).
He opened it and didn’t respond. In the middle of the night I saw someone had unfollowed me off Instagram, and I checked and realized he had just unfollowed me last night while I was asleep.
I’m really hurt and confused. I’m not sure what is wrong with him and why he is acting like this now.
Everything was so good, he’s the one that wanted this way more than I. Now he’s unfollowing me off social media? No person had ever done that to me before. I took that really personal and I don’t know how to feel anymore. This guy pretended to be such a nice genuine sweet guy who didn’t have a bad bone in his body. I was going to reach out to him eventually when he was back so we could talk at least, but now I don’t even think that’s a good idea anymore. He’s making me feel so shitty about myself and like I’m the crazy girl who he’s trying to get rid when in reality I havent done or said anything. He’s the one who initiated everything and was super intense with me and weird (in a like a romantic way professing his feelings for me all the time).
If there any advice you could give me or what to do at this point? We’re still friends on snapchat, twitter and on IMessage. Also my Instagram isn’t on private so he can still see everything of mine.
Dear Question Asker,
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Click here to help answer someone else's question.December 28, 2019 at 7:58 am #39199
I was planning on texting him a simple (when are you free) when he’s back. As we have been taking over snap lately since his texts don’t work outside the country. Do you think I should still reach out and send that simple text? I think we need to talk. And he said he’d let me know when he’s back. But then went onto unfriending me off Facebook and Instagram.December 28, 2019 at 8:24 am #39201
It’s best not to keep trying so hard. All that does with most guys is push them away.
Going home to Canada may have affected how he looked at his relationship with you.
Perhaps in having that time away from you as well as possibly other influences, he came to the conclusion that he wasn’t ready to follow through on so much that he had promised before leaving for Canada.
He has unfriended you on Facebook and Instagram because he has noticed how hard you have been trying to maintain what the both of you had before he left for Canada.
Again, over pursuing in this way with a guy will often turn the guy off.
You shouldn’t text him when he gets back asking if he is free. You would be trying too hard and this only leads to pushing the guy even further away.
Even though you think that you both need to talk, let him be the one to reach out to you first.
If this was a temporary change of heart due in some capacity to something that he experienced in Canada, that may reverse when he returns.
However, you have to let him reach out to you first in order to increase the likelihood that this relationship can be salvaged.December 28, 2019 at 10:00 am #39205
I shouldn’t contact him at all anymore and pretend he doesn’t exist or that our relationship just suddenly stopped with no explanation?
I took it really personal when he unfollowed me on Instagram especially because that’s the main social media everyone uses. I haven’t unfollowed him on Instagram, and he still hasn’t deleted me off Snapchat, not sure if he just hasn’t gotten to it yet.
I have spent this whole break waiting and excited for him to get back so we could pick back up from where we left off. I’m not sure why someone would treat a person so badly, what he’s done is horrible and I try telling myself he’s an awful person. I understand people can change their feelings and whatnot, but this is definitely not the way to go about it. Completely cutting me out of your life and ignoring me, when nothing has even happened. I was never told he had changed his mind nor did he ever tell me, in fact he said quite the opposite all the time. I was only nice to him and trusting. He practically begged me to let him in my life cause he wanted me so bad, so him acting like this is super personal and hurts really bad.
Thank you for yours advice it really helps.
I would love to talk with him as like I said I feel like we need to, but as you mentioned I do not want him to push me further than he’s already done. Even though I don’t know what the next step is? He already unfriended me off Facebook, unfollowed me on Instagram so what’s really next? What more can he doDecember 28, 2019 at 10:02 am #39206
I would also love so casually ask him why he unfollowed meDecember 29, 2019 at 6:07 am #39209
Should I ask him why he unfollowed me explaining to him that he should be mature enough to talk to me rather than acting childish and unfollowing me off social media?December 29, 2019 at 9:52 am #39212
You should let him contact you first and then move forward from there.
If he wants to work on the relationship and you feel the same way, then the both of you need to get reacquainted and start spending some quality time getting to know each other better.
If he doesn’t want to work on the relationship, then you should accept that and avoid trying to force anything.
You may be able to win him over if you were to try forcing the relationship to work, but then, the relationship would be imbalanced when it comes to who holds the power.
This means that it would only be a matter of time before the relationship would suffer again from a lack of continuity and emotional investment.
You shouldn’t ask him why he unfollowed you on social media.
Trying to get an explanation out of him isn’t going to help your situation. If anything, you would only give attention to the fact that he has issues with you and this relationship.