i get so many mixed signals from him and i need to move on

[Najlaa]

I have this guy from work three years ago he was trying so hard to get my attention and then i started to go to his room every other day to chat he used to ask me lots of personal questions but when i ask him about any personal things he would give short answers he wasn’t comfortable about it at all. and even before every weekend or a holiday he would ask me about my plans but he would never ask me out by the end of that year i stopped talking to him because i was tried from all these mixed signals that i’m getting from him and since then when he sees me sitting with somebody he would come and ask or try to join the conversation and for me i just get so nervous and i just don’t talk or even give no reaction at all or sometimes i even leave the place.
now my problem is that some days i feel that i’m missing him so much specially when i face a problem I feel that i want to talk to him although i know that i don’t know him very well but because he used to give me advises and he seemed that he’s always concern about me he’s almost 20 years elder than me. sometimes i think if i know him better i’m sure i won’t love him that much i’m really not sure of my feelings towards him and till now he is always follows me with his eyes and i got used to him doing that and sometimes he even ignores me on purpose
i don’t know if it’s all in my head and he’s just trying to be friendly with me specially that after that year he changed his profile picture to a picture of him with another woman i guess his gf
i’m totally fine with the idea that i’m a delusional or that he’s just playing me but can a guy keep playing somebody for years?? i don’t see him much now as i asked to be moved to another department but still sometime we get to meet like in workshops or in meetings like until this august we had a workshop and in the dark i saw him he was turning his face aside towards me and looking at me and when i looked back at him he looked straight again or walking around my table in when it’s time for a coffee break or something.
the thing is i’m not sure of anything but i don’t want to be so weak i think i would have so much relief if i know whats going on in his head and by the way we are so different from each others and i can’t see that we could be in a relationship together i want him to be just like anybody else i get so nervous around him and for him trying to be around whenever he sees me makes me even more nervous.

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