March 30, 2020 at 8:33 am #42034
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Hi, We have been friends with my current girlfriend since 2015. I proposed to her almost a year ago. We have been dating since then, and everything is going smooth one day when I asked her to describe what she likes about me, she went on to identify all the good personalities she likes in me and why she’s so glad that she has chosen me. But she also explained that with regards to physical attributes (though she acknowledged that I’m not bad looking), I’m not even close to what she’s looking for in a man. In her words, she wants a tall, giant and handsome guy. Despite not meeting the physical attributes of her ideal man, she said she’s going to marry me for my personality (she went on and mentioned many qualities that she identifies in me).
My problem: I know she loves and respects me a lot, but I’m not comfortable with the fact that I’m not up to the physical standards she’s dreaming in her head. My mind is telling me this is a red flag! Get out of this relationship and the other half is telling me to stay. I’m confused please what should I do?
Thank youMarch 30, 2020 at 11:53 am #42051
You should stay in the relationship.
You were the one who asked her to describe what she likes about you and she decided to go even further than that in letting you know what she doesn’t like.
Not everyone gets into a relationship with another person primarily due to looks.
There are some people who will put certain qualities above others.
In her case, she puts your personality above looks.
If you have a healthy sex life with her and she doesn’t shy away from showing you physical affection, she is clearly attracted to you.
Her liking you more for your personality than your looks may actually work in your favor.
Looks do fade with time but personality can get even stronger with time as you learn and mature as a person.
You may be coming at this from your own way of thinking. Perhaps you cannot imagine being in a relationship with someone whose looks weren’t up to par.
However, she is not you. So try not to think for her.
Now, if you can’t get over the fact that she doesn’t believe that you match her ideal dream guy in terms of physical attributes, it may be best for you to leave this relationship.
If you were to stay, you would keep feeling insecure in the relationship and acting accordingly.
This would affect your relationship tremendously because she will sense this change in behavior and that will start making her wonder whether there is something wrong with her.
However, if you are able to accept her reasoning and understand that she is a person who is able to put personality above looks, you should stay on.March 30, 2020 at 1:35 pm #42066
Thank you so much. This response really clears the air for me. Still, do you think I should discuss this with her and let her know how I felt about itMarch 30, 2020 at 6:13 pm #42068
You are welcome.
What’s the point of discussing it?
Do you want her to suddenly change her story just to make you feel good and stroke your ego?
You’ve got one of two choices here.
You can either accept it and keep moving forward with your relationship or you can whine about it and jeopardize your relationship.
It’s up to you.March 31, 2020 at 7:14 am #42076
My point for discussing the issue with her has nothing to do with ego boost. I have so many things that make me feel so good about myself as well as about the whole relationship.
Talking to you has now opened my eyes to focus on many positive things happening in our relationship than focusing on a sincere opinion of hers
I know she’s never going to change this narration, the girl is honest and straight forward, this is one of the reasons I like her, she’s always sincere in her dealings.
We both invested so much into this relationship and she always brings along positive energy with her
I respect her reasoning, I will stay on and continue to grow as a person.
Thank you Luke.March 31, 2020 at 7:32 am #42079
You are welcome Aminu.
You have a girl who is straight up with you and honest.
That is a personality trait that you should cherish and even continue to encourage.
One of the reasons so many relationships fail is because both partners are unwilling to be straight with each other and say what is on their mind.
By the time one or both of the partners get around to it, it may be too late and the relationship simply can’t be saved.
You know what you have in this girl and it is something special.
Choosing to stay on and move forward is a wise decision.
Stay true to each other and communicate, communicate, communicate.
All the best.