She flaked last minute lunch but asked to reschedule for dinner that night

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This topic contains 7 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Luke 5 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #37937 Reply

    Lou

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    Met a girl during an internship in the summer, we spent all summer working together. I noticed that she use to get hit on a lot so I never validated her, she noticed and kept asking me why I acted cold, like a brat etc. One day she even said I was a mean guy. She would ask my other co-workers if I they thought I hated her. She was always touchy by touching my quad when talking or squeezing my bicep when she got excited, she claims they were love taps. One day we were walking by a hallway and she said “are you sure this is the way out?” I replied “yeah follow me” and she said “okay”. She started giggling and said “this hallway is weird hahah it’s like we can have sex here” so I took that as a joke and nothing more. I always thought she was just a tease and wanted my validation not really me.

    During the summer, she did heard me talking about other women to my co workers and she’ll get quiet. One day she just started calling me “bro” “dude” out of the blue and the day she heard me talking about another girl to my friend, I was teasing her about a work task and I said “why would you do this to me, em I not important to you” she said “yeah you are!! You’re my friend”

    She went back for her last college year out of town but the day she was leaving I texted her a bad message in my part cause I was desperate to know what she felt. I had asked her the day before if I was going to see her again and she said “possibly”. I felt that wasn’t really good answer. I texted her about the good times we had all summer, the laughs and I said “love you *nickname*”, she replied saying I was so freaking cute for that and how she was fortunate to work with me, and she promised to see me again.

    Fast forward she comes to visit town over the weekend, parties goes out, but never tells me she’s in town, happened 3 times in 3 months. Eventually I texted her after the third time saying “are you alive, just checking on you” and she replied saying that I made her happy by texting that and that she misses me and that she’ll be in town the following week. I tell her I would like to hang out but can’t cause I’ll be out of town, but next time.

    Fast forward to last week, she’s in town, I asked her for lunch and I said the day, she replied “Id love to” “what about during the week? im not doing much” and I explain how during the week I have an emergency to take care of, she says that okay we’ll work on that. A day prior the day I said to hang out, I reach out and said that I’d like to see her before she leave again, she replies saying that she thought we were going to that the next day, I agree, she replied saying she can’t wait to see me. The time comes for our lunch, no reply from her since I texted her early that morning, she finally replies and says she’s “dying” cause she went to sleep at 7 am and follow by “I might have to do dinner please” she was out all night celebrating her friends birthday at the club etc. I’m disappointed at this point, cause to me, this proved that she didn’t care enough to plan accordingly. Does it sound like she was never into it? I replied saying “all good, I got shit going on tonight”. She never replied after that.

    #37944 Reply

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Lou,

    Yes, it does sound like she was never into it.

    Flaking on lunch at the last minute was not a good sign.

    Even her follow-up statement, “I might have to do dinner please,” wasn’t all that strong of a request to reschedule to a dinner date that night.

    The signs were already there that she was never truly interested in pursuing anything romantic with you.

    The first three times that she was in town, she never told you that she was.

    You had to text her, “Are you alive? Just checking on you,” after the third time that she ignored telling you that she had been in town.

    Again, these were already very strong signs that she wasn’t really interested in seeing you.

    The last time she is in town, which was last week, the both of you make plans to have lunch.

    However, it takes her hours to let you know that she wouldn’t be able to make it to lunch and that she might be able to do dinner instead.

    When you replied by telling her that you have things you have to do that night, she didn’t bother responding.

    Again, this would indicate that she really didn’t care to meet you all that much.

    She is used to getting attention from guys and may have enjoyed the attention that she was getting from you for a while.

    However, her actions have shown that she may have no further interest in you than that.

    #37960 Reply

    Lou

    Thanks for the advice Luke! Just out of curiosity, do you think that the only reason she kept asking why I was acting different or if I hated her was because she was just looking for attention? At the time she had recently got out of a relationship of 3 years were she was screed over and cheated on.

    #37963 Reply

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Yes, she most likely kept asking why you were acting different or hated her because she was just looking for attention.

    #39140 Reply

    Lou

    Update:

    I asked a co worker that we both mutually knew to ask her for lunch and she showed up for him, I believe she went out that night before too (sort of like the night before she flaked one me). He claims it was just a friendship catching up type thing but she showed up.

    Also, I hadn’t talk to her since she flaked on me but I did noticed that she stopped watching my Instagram stories fast like she use to before. Back before she flaked on me, she use to keep up with my stories and be one of the first to watch, now she skips them or takes a while to watch them.

    I wished her happy birthday and she responded hours later saying thank you with heart emoji cons very enthusiastic, which her enthusiasm was one of the things that probably led me wrong to believe she liked in the past but that’s about it as far as communication.

    Maybe she use to see me as a friend at most but when I told her that I would like to see her she might of thought I was serious so she acted different.

    Lastly I know the night before she flaked on me, her ex who cheated on her tried to come back I believe based on him liking her social media pictures again.

    I think it’s a good time to give up on this right?

    #39141 Reply

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Lou,

    Yes, it’s a good time to give up on this.

    She likes attention up until the point when a guy seems to be getting serious about her and then she bails.

    She may have stopped watching your Instagram stories as fast as she used to, if at all, because she doesn’t want to expose herself to the possibility that you could make another attempt to get her to go out with you.

    In other words, now that she knows that you are serious about her, she has bailed.

    She may have showed up to that lunch date with the coworker because she knew that it was all about friendship and nothing more.

    Thereby, she could handle that.

    If her ex cheated on her, she may also be dealing with trust issues when it comes to relationships.

    If that ex is now trying to come back to her, she may also be debating whether he is worth it.

    All in all, she doesn’t appear to be someone who is seriously looking for a relationship with anyone at this time.

    The attention that she receives from men is enough.

    #39142 Reply

    Lou

    Luke,

    Thanks for taking your time helping me figure this out, you’re a genius. Thank you for all once again!

    #39144 Reply

    Luke
    Keymaster

    You are welcome Lou.

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