So confused…I don't understand guys!

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Luke 3 years, 6 months ago.

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    So I had a complicated relationship with a guy for years. We never officially dated because of a number of reasons…mainly bad timing. Neither of us was personally ready to move into a relationship. Last year, he reached out to me to see if we could get back in each other lives. I said no, not now which ended in a bad argument. Months later, we had a conversation to have closure. I thought the conversation had ended well. He told me that his had a girlfriend now, and he wish me well. Even though it was saddening, I though we had an understanding.

    We ended up seeing each other unexpectedly and I was very cool about it but he was upset that I was around. The situation occurred again months later when I had a small conversation with his sister (we have been cool even before I started talking to her brother).

    My question is why would he still get upset if we had a “closure” conversation? And he has a girlfriend…



    Hi Mariah,

    He may still be getting upset even though you both had a “closure” conversation because every time he hears about you or sees you, he gets a reminder of how complicated the relationship between the both of you was for years.

    He is also reminded of how it all ultimately ended in you turning him down when he was most likely finally ready to get into a relationship with you.

    Though he may currently have a girlfriend, those facts still sting. They sting of failure and shattered hope.

    The “closure” conversation didn’t automatically wipe out the history that he has had with you.

    There is a good chance that the only reason why he got into a relationship with his current girlfriend is because he was never able to get into a relationship with you.

    That means that there is most likely still some emotional baggage that he has yet to reconcile with.

    He may try to make himself believe that he has moved on and his new girlfriend may have been a welcome distraction to that effect.

    However, whenever your presence becomes a factor in his life again, all that history comes back and he finds it hard to cope, hence why he gets upset.



    So for future reference, if we ever run into each other again what should I do? What would it take for him not to get mad at hearing or seeing me? I’m not a big on people having a problem with me. And it bothers me so much because I have had guys to do me WRONG but we were able to have a mutual agreement.



    In order for him not to get mad at hearing or seeing you, if you ever run into each other again, be polite in greeting him but keep the interaction as brief as possible.

    The less time you spend around him, the less likely he will get mad.

    Avoid getting into full-fledged conversations with him. Create space between the both of you soon after greeting him briefly.

    He needs time to heal from his unresolved emotions. Right now, the bitterness is too poignant.

    With time, he may heal. That will allow him to be more clear-headed and less emotional when it comes to you.

    At this point, he may no longer have a problem with you.



    Thank you. I do believe you are right about his current relationship. From what his cousins and siblings told me, he started getting serious after I had said “no, not now”. From a male perceptive, do you think his true feelings would come out as he heals or not?



    You are welcome.

    Yes, his true feelings could come out as he heals.

    As the healing process advances, he will become more and more clearheaded.

    This will allow him to let his guard down and avoid being so defensive when it comes to you.

    Being unburdened from the emotional weight that he has been carrying around can help him find peace.

    When his mind is in this state of peace, there will no longer be much of anything hampering his true feelings from coming out.

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