Was there any hope in this guy ?

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  • #37469 Reply

    Radwa

    Hi, I am a single 28 year old girl and have been single all my life for some reason !! … anyways there was this guy who was pretty attracted to me and wanted to go out so we did with two of our common friends bear in mind this is the first time we meet and actually talk. He was pretty nervous obviously talking so much and laughing at the wrong times hahaha but we talked for about a good one hour or an hour and a half. I was a bit nervous too but I talked confidently but mostly about myself, what I do and what I like. I didn’t really feel that click or spark maybe because he was too nervous and I couldn’t see the real him. At the end he left but didn’t take my number or instagram or anything. Called my friend afterwards had positive feedback about me but he just didn’t feel that chemistry. I am confused what I know is that this guy wanted to go out with me for over 2 years and did not have the chance and when he finally did he ditched me !! He said he wants someone like his sister in a way or another which is something I do not understand. Is it by any chance my fault was I too intimidating or do I exude this unwelcoming vibe or what ?!! please help me I truly don’t know whats wrong with me … Is it because I didn’t feed his ego enough and did not ask about himself so he thought I was not interested ? I just can’t get passed this I keep remembering this date although it was almost a year ago. He really had an impeccable profile handsome, successful, polite and generous. But I don’t know what is his problem saying its all about him and not me so was that just to be nice or what is it ??!!

    #37470 Reply

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Radwa,

    If the both of you had gone on a date much earlier on, there may have been hope as far as this guy is concerned.

    However, the longer it took to go out on a date, the more that hope diminished.

    It is unlikely that this guy felt a lack of chemistry with you at the date because you were intimidating or exuded an unwelcoming vibe.

    It is also unlikely that it was because you didn’t feed his ego enough and did not ask him about himself.

    It may simply be because he had built up what he thought you would be like in his mind and upon interacting with you at the date, you weren’t what he expected.

    This often happens when too much time elapses before two people who are attracted to each other finally go out on a date.

    One party or both may build up an incredibly unrealistic picture of what the other is like in real life.

    You stated that this guy had been wanting to go out with you for two years.

    During those two years, he may have created the perfect picture in his mind of what you are like.

    He did say that he wanted someone like his sister.

    Perhaps, over the course of the two years, he had imagined a person with some of the characteristics or personality traits that his sister has.

    When he finally met you, you didn’t possess those qualities and he became disappointed.

    It was hard for him to just let go of the fantasy of what he was hoping to meet.

    As a result, he closed himself off emotionally.

    He thought that you were a nice enough person but simply couldn’t get over the fact that you weren’t what he had built up in his mind for the last two years.

    By saying that it is all about him and not you, he was indicating that he had built you up to such a level in his own mind that he is simply unable to accept you for who you truly are in real life.

    He wasn’t necessarily trying to be nice.

    He was trying to be as honest as he could be, in the hopes that this was good enough.

    He didn’t go into a detailed explanation because he already feels awkward about his reasoning.

    He may also feel that it wouldn’t be fair to you to explain that, for the last two years, he created a fantastical version of who he thought you were in his mind, only to become disappointed when you didn’t live up to that version when he finally met you.

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