Luke

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  • in reply to: Zoom first dates? #63306

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Ayden,

    Zoom first dates are the current times. Yes, they can be off-putting, but you should try making an adjustment.

    You are already going into each zoom date thinking that it will be bad, just as the last one was. That doesn’t help give your date a good impression about you.

    They can already sense that there is something off about your body language.

    Video dates are successful when you take them seriously.

    Wear something nice. Have a nice background that is inviting. Make sure that the live feed is clear and that your sound is good. Put the camera at a safe distance from your face, enough that she can make out some of your physique and what you are wearing.

    Add some extra energy to how you interact.

    Oftentimes in a real live venue, whether it be a coffee shop, restaurant, etc., you are able to feed off the energy around you. That makes you more animated or excited as you talk to her. On a zoom date, you don’t have that advantage. You have to manufacture that energy.

    Think about it like an actor on a stage would. They often have to exaggerate the acting in order to convey the mood. They do extra.

    You need to be that way too.

    Laugh louder. Smile wider. Show more animation.

    All of these areas help make a zoom video date work.

    If you just lazily go into a zoom date without much preparation because you aren’t at a real live venue and aren’t taking it as seriously, your date will feel the dullness in very short order and won’t want to pursue anything further with you.

    in reply to: We are engaged, but she is still on dating sites? #63304

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Ashton,

    Some people stay on dating sites even after they have found a significant order out of fear. They worry that something could change for the worse in their relationship and they keep that dating profile active to give them a sense of security.

    Oftentimes, this lack of trust in their relationship stems from a previous relationship where they were left emotionally damaged and exposed. They don’t want to be that exposed again.

    As long as she is not actively messaging or liking people on the dating site, she is able to excuse her behavior without conscience.

    But, in the back of her mind, she knows that there are people looking at her profile and liking it. This makes her feel like she has a security blanket in case something goes wrong in her relationship with you.

    in reply to: I just had the worst online date #63301

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Amara,

    This certainly qualifies as a bad date. Do not be discouraged though.

    Just about every one has a bad date or two when they are in the active process of trying to find their right match on online dating sites.

    Just hang in there. The dates do get better as you become more adept at filtering out the guys who aren’t a good match for you.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Alexandra,

    You shouldn’t look at dating as a horse race. Where are you running to?

    Yes, you are soon to be 25 years of age, but that doesn’t mean you are about to become a Mummy.

    Relax.

    One of the biggest advantages of using dating apps is the ability to expose yourself to multiple dating options, giving yourself an even better chance at finding the right match for you.

    Two failed dates shouldn’t discourage you from dating apps. Most people who find their right match on dating apps are actively using them for about 6 months.

    Be patient. Go out on more dates. With the right amount of effort, finding your right match is inevitable.

    in reply to: Men on dating sites keep ghosting me when I ask to meet up? #63297

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Alaia,

    Some guys become really intimidated with the prospect of meeting someone from a dating site in person, even though they seemingly joined the dating site to find a partner.

    Suggest chatting on the phone first or doing a video chat. Breaking the ice with each other this way first, before suggesting a meet-up helps to reduce reservations or stress.

    Once they are able to get a good read on you after having spoken to you on the phone or through video chat, it is easier for them to believe that meeting you in person won’t end up in embarrassment or failure.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Adeline,

    He values honesty and trust when it comes to relationships. To him, someone who isn’t forthcoming with their baggage is hiding something.

    That makes it harder for him to trust the person. To him, the lack of honesty and trust is a deal-breaker.

    Using baggage as a litmus test is how he goes about filtering potential romantic partners. It doesn’t mean it’s right. It is just how he sees it.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Amir,

    They put, “No liars or cheaters,” on their dating profiles because they are still caught up in the emotional repercussions caused by people they dated in the past that were liars and cheaters.

    It’s best to avoid dating profiles that use this line. You don’t want to get caught with someone who hasn’t gotten over a past relationship. They typically use you as someone to unload their frustrations on and that isn’t what you are on a dating site for.

    in reply to: Running out of likes on Hinge #63289

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Adriel,

    Running out of likes on a dating app at the most inopportune time does happen to many. You do have an advantage in that Hinge does give you a certain number of likes for free each day. You just have to use them wisely so that you get the most out of them.

    If you just go liking any random profile simply because it has a pretty face in it, that’s where you find yourself running out of those precious likes and ultimately getting upset when you see a profile that truly shows promise.

    in reply to: Anybody else feel like Tinder isn't interesting anymore? #63287

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Adalynn,

    Since you want to meet a guy who is looking for a lot more than drinking and having sex, it would work in your favor to try other dating apps. Tinder is used by a lot of men who are seeking casual relations.

    If you still want to stick with Tinder to find a serious relationship, try to be more thorough in the guys you choose to match with.

    Oftentimes, the guys who are only interested in drinking or having sex will give that away in some way in their bio. They have pics that only show them in clubs and bars, or their bios overly focus on frivolous topics that barely give you any insight into who they are as a person.

    Picking up on clues like this can keep you from matching with these men.

    The men who are looking for more serious relationships often write well-thought-out bios that give you good insight into their personality and their pics are normally a lot less superficial. You know, no shirtless pics and stuff like that. More so pics showing them engaged in substantive activities that they love.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Adam,

    Yes, you should start another conversation in the meantime even though you have already set up a date with the person.

    A mistake a lot of guys make when online dating is in thinking their job is done by simply setting up a date and that no more conversations needs to be had until they meet each other on said date.

    That can actually make you lose any momentum or rapport you had already built with her prior to asking her out on a date.

    Keep the conversation going between you in the meantime. You don’t have to message every single day, but still maintain a degree of consistency in communication through the week. This helps to make her feel all the more excited about meeting you, which increases the chances that she doesn’t cancel on you.

    in reply to: Do men swipe right on everyone on dating apps? #63282

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Adalyn,

    Yes, there is a lot of truth to this. Men get a lot less likes on dating apps than women. Some of them try to compensate for this by swiping right on as many women as they can, without necessarily looking at the woman’s photo or bio. They believe that by going for quantity in this way, they increase the chances of getting more matches.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Skylar,

    Some people aren’t very good at putting themselves out there in the right way on dating sites. For some of them, this is the first time they have tried online dating. They don’t realize the importance of putting out a well-constructed online dating profile.

    This failure falls on them.

    Are there some diamonds in the mix? Absolutely.

    They are just too lazy or clueless when it comes to making a good dating profile.

    in reply to: Do guys on dating apps not ask for phone numbers anymore? #63215

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Serenity,

    Guys on dating apps do ask for phone numbers. This guy in particular isn’t as interested in you as you are in him. Guys who continue exclusively messaging you through a dating app after having met you on a first date are still actively looking for someone else, but keeping you around just in case they don’t find that person.

    in reply to: Where are the geeky nerdy people at on dating apps? #63195

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Scarlett,

    You can try interest groups that gather in one place online to share their geeky, nerdy interest. These can be found in Facebook groups or video game platforms. You could even join social/dating sites such as Meetup.

    Meetup has a variety of groups that meet to share a common interest.

    So, whether you are looking for a partner to cosplay with, geek out over LOTR with, blabber about science fiction related topics with, or all of that and more, you will find them there.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Sarah,

    The people who keep using dating apps even after meeting a great match are not the right ones for you. They are more so attracted to the attention than actually finding a serious partner.

    There are people who are happy to settle with a great match. They can’t wait to get off the dating apps. So don’t lose hope. You just need to start asking the right kind of questions early on and pay close attention to the conversations you have with people.

    People will often show their true intentions over time. If they aren’t truly serious about settling, they communicate sporadically, provide frivolous answers and barely ask good, fact-finding questions.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Santiago,

    Make sure that are communicating with your match consistently in-between dates. This gives you the opportunity to get to know her faster.

    If you primarily message her when you are looking to set up a date but barely communicate in-between dates, it could take weeks or months to discover whether there is true chemistry when that could have been determined much earlier.

    Learning early whether there is true chemistry keeps the cycle of dating from becoming tiring because you get to discover who you are really dealing with in-between dates versus primarily at the location of said dates.

    in reply to: Why don't men ask questions on dating sites? #63180

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Samantha,

    Yes, quite a few people find themselves in a position where they aren’t getting asked questions by men they meet on dating sites.

    To get men to ask you questions, focus on relating with them on something.

    If there is something that they have written in their dating profile or talked to you about that relates to you in some way, make that connection in how you respond to them.

    The more shared experiences or interests you have, the more a guy feels more excited about asking you questions.

    At first, the questions will be in reference to that shared experience or interest, but eventually, he becomes so turned on by this, that he becomes starts asking you more unique questions about yourself out of curiosity.

    in reply to: No one likes me back on dating sites? #63178

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Sadie,

    You are clearly being liked on dating sites because you have been able to talk to people who liked your dating profile first.

    The problem that you are having with the lack of responses from profiles you like and message first could be in the type of messages you are sending.

    Focus on sending messages that relate to something interesting in the person’s dating profile and ask them an open-ended question about it. This tends to get the best results in terms of generating responses.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Roman,

    It’s normally a good idea to at least give it a handful of conversations before you ask someone out.

    You don’t want to appear to be too eager by asking the person out right away, as though you are in frenzied competition with other guys on the dating app. Get to know them a little bit, see if there is conversational chemistry.

    A handful of consistent and robust conversations should be enough for the both of you to know whether there is at least an initial connection. From this point on, you can ask the person out.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Ruby,

    Most guys who are secure about themselves aren’t intimidated by a woman who is more successful. Where you run into problems is when the guy is insecure about where he is at in life.

    At this point in his life, coming across a successful woman on a dating site who does really well for herself and earns more than him often makes him reflect on his own failures. This is where he begins to have an issue with it.

    Avoid insecure men like these, and you shouldn’t have a problem meeting men on dating sites who aren’t intimidated by your success.

    in reply to: Do you stalk your date before meeting? #63168

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Robert,

    It’s best to wait.

    If you were to look up all that information about them beforehand, you would have a preconceived notion of the person you are about to meet.

    This could affect how you behave on the date due to a new set of expectations.

    Besides, wouldn’t it be a lot more fun to get to know the person based off of your personal experience with them than off of a bunch of images, text and memes you see in relation to them online?

    Nothing wrong with learning a little something about them but don’t go overboard. Save most of that curiosity for the real life meeting.

    in reply to: Hinge dating profile removed? #63166

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Quinn,

    Yes, people get removed for violating a dating app’s TOS all the time. It’s always a good idea to read a dating app’s TOS very closely when you are thinking about joining. Some dating apps are very lax with certain actions and others punish you indiscriminately for the same actions.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Piper,

    To make your dating profile 10x more attractive, post a lot more photos on it.

    A lot of people tend to only post no more than a handful or so.

    Post more.

    Use those photos to showcase your personality and lifestyle. Make sure they are recent and clear.

    Photos are a major part of a person’s dating profile. This is where most people start when they are trying to figure you out. Make them exceptional and your dating profile will stand out above so many others.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Nicholas,

    A person you are talking to on a dating site typically shows that they want to stop messaging you when it takes them a long time to respond to your messages, they are barely giving you much when they do reply and they never or rarely ask you questions.

    Even if this person keeps responding to your messages, they are merely doing it to keep you around as a possible last option. They are most likely already talking to a number of other people on the dating site who have a higher priority than you do.

    in reply to: Free dating websites? #63147

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Nevaeh,

    The closest thing to a completely free dating app or website out there of any real value would be POF and Facebook Dating, as long as you have a Facebook account. There are no strings attached. You get to see your matches and likes, and can send messages, all for free.

    Other popular dating apps or websites like OkCupid, Bumble, Hinge and Tinder have some free features but people tend to get the best results when they pay for their premium features.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Natalia,

    Send him a quick text reminding him about the date in some capacity. You could crack a joke about something the both of you talked about or experienced on that first date.

    Since you were both laughing and having great conversation, there must be something you can take out of that conversation and use as a topic when you message him.

    Yes, he could be waiting on you to make the next move. Some shy guys will do that. Either way though, you shouldn’t be waiting around for him to text you. Send one instead. It is best to know what you are dealing with earlier on than to waste precious time and energy speculating as to what is happening.

    Take charge of your dating life.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Madeline,

    As of now, the dating site, POF, would be your best bet. It is one of the largest dating sites around and is completely free to use, including the ability to see who messaged you.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Lydia,

    There are lots of people who don’t know how to use online dating apps. It can get frustrating when all you want is to connect with someone and yet you can’t seem to find a good dating profile. Unfortunately, it’s just part of the online dating process. You have to go through a lot of weeds to find the roses. To succeed in online dating, patience is key.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Luca,

    They either don’t want you to know they are married or are in the process of going through a separation. Either way, they should be honest about their marital status.

    However, by putting, “I’ll tell you later,” in the marital status section of their dating profile, they are hoping you pay less attention to that part of their profile and focus more so on the other areas they deem to be more attractive.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Leilani,

    It’s actually a good thing when you are asked about what you are looking for early on by people you are chatting with on a dating site. It gives the both of you a chance to gauge just how similar you both are in what you are looking for.

    Better to find out earlier on that someone isn’t looking for the same thing than after weeks or months of communicating and dates. Just be honest about what you are looking for when asked.

    You don’t have to get into the details about it. You could even tell a joke or two to keep the mood lighthearted. But, it is a good question and you are actually at an advantage if asked this question early on.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Josephine,

    Whether he is married or not really is besides the point. You clearly want to date someone who is available on weekends as this is when you have your down time from work. It’s best not to settle. Dating apps are filled with prospects. Be patient and keep looking until you match with someone who better fits your lifestyle.

    in reply to: When do you ask for their last name? #63119

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jade,

    You can ask for their last name after a period of time of consistent communication. For some, it can be within the first week or two.

    Just make sure that there has been consistent communication between you. By this point, you have already exchanged some personal stories about yourselves and even shared some of your insecurities.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Leonardo,

    There is a slight difference when you list your height at 6’0″ as opposed to 5’11. You really have to weigh whether receiving a little bit more matches is worth telling a little white lie.

    In your case, the difference in height is so little, that you are not necessarily going to turn a girl off if you listed your height at 6’0″ and she were to meet you in life and you were 5’11”. She most likely wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.

    However, it really comes down to what you can live with. Just about everyone, male or female, embellishes their dating profile to an extent. You wouldn’t be the first, nor the last.

    in reply to: Do girls use dating apps as an ego boost? #63111

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Landon,

    Yes, there is truth in what the articles say. Dating apps are often used as an ego boost. However, you normally know those who are solely on dating apps for an ego boost. They have very superficial dating profiles with very little substantive information and lots of selfies. If this isn’t your thing, you can always ignore dating profiles like these.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Kennedy,

    No, you aren’t the only one who finds this annoying. However, you may be in the minority. Dogs are the most popular pets in the US with over half the households in the country owning one.

    in reply to: Does the dating profile text actually make a difference? #63107

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Kai,

    Yes, good description text makes a difference. It does improve your dating profile. If your attempts in the last few weeks to update your description text hasn’t changed your match results, don’t give up. Oftentimes, all you need is a few good tweaks and everything changes.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jose,

    Some of the women who delete and recreate their dating profiles on a weekly basis do so because they want to get better matches. The older an account gets, even by a week, the less quality matches it receives.

    When she deletes and recreates her dating profile, it tricks the dating app’s algorithm into thinking that she is a new member, which in turn makes the algorithm send better matches to her account.

    in reply to: Any men here using Badoo? #63103

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jordan,

    Yes, there are still some men who are able to get more than 2 conversations going a day on Badoo. For a lot of them, the key is to use as many features as they can on the app. Badoo has quite a few of them now. You should look into them.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jonathan,

    She is showing a lack of interest in always responding with, “Aw,” whenever you ask her out to a restaurant. A girl who is truly interested in you would be unequivocal in her response and tell you, “Yes.”

    This girl isn’t interested in you.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jeremiah,

    Yes, this is cheating. It may not be physical at the moment, but it is emotional. Emotional cheating often leads to physical cheating. People can try to parse this whichever way they want, but in the end, it is doing something deceitful that could easily lead to cheating or infidelity. Best not to even mess with it.

    in reply to: What do you hate about online dating? #63091

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jaxson,

    Sending the same messages over and over again is definitely something that people grow to hate when online dating. Other areas of hate when it comes to online dating is when conversations with someone are going well and all of a sudden they come to an abrupt stop or when someone matches with you but chooses not to reply to your message.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jayden,

    Your frustration with these last minute cancellations are understandable.

    You might be too eager to meet these girls. They agree to the date because they don’t want to be disagreeable but never follow through because they weren’t ready to meet you in person in the first place.

    So, be patient.

    Give it some time before asking her out on a date. A girl who is ready to meet you in person will often be obvious about it. She will drop hints in conversation letting you know she is ready.

    For example, she asks you about what you are doing over the weekend. Now you have your cue to ask her out.

    Once a girl starts dropping hints that she would like to meet you in person, the likelihood that she shows up on the date is much stronger.

    Try doing this for a while and see if you get better results.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Hailey,

    Yes, it can be demoralizing when you don’t hear from a guy who seemed to be into you during the course of a date. Guys tend to lead when they are courting a girl. When you don’t hear from them after a date, it is often an indication that they aren’t interested in pursuing the girl any further.

    You shouldn’t initiate a message to him. You don’t want to be the one chasing him. Once a guy gets the notion that you are the one chasing him, he often won’t put in much effort into courting you. This is never good.

    Leave it.

    As much of a downer as it is, it is better that you don’t allow yourself to become much more emotionally invested in him by reaching out. Right now, you can move on with very little emotional repercussions and that is a much better place to be.

    in reply to: Are any dating sites worth paying for? #63078

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Gabriella,

    Yes, lots of people have had success paying for a premium membership on a dating site.

    The people who have given you the impression that paying for a premium membership on a dating site isn’t worth it are normally the people who never really gave online dating a chance. They expected to meet their best match in no time. They were impatient.

    As far as whether paying for a premium membership on a dating site is worth it for you, it really depends on the kind of relationship you are looking for. If you are looking for something casual, free dating apps like Tinder are your best bet.

    If you are looking for something serious, dating sites like Match and eharmony are your best bet. Yes, these are dating sites that require a premium membership to really get the most out of them, but they are worth it because you are in the midst of other people who have also paid for a premium membership.

    This means that you are around people who are more serious about meeting a long-term partner.

    When people put in their hard-earned money into something, they are serious about getting results. This means that you won’t be dealing with as many people who just join dating sites for the fun of it without any intention of getting serious with someone or even meeting them in person at some point.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Everleigh,

    It isn’t disrespectful or a turn off to say thank you to guys who compliment your photos online. There is a good chance that the guy you are dating does the same thing with platonic girlfriends he has online.

    As long as you don’t take your comments beyond a polite thank you, you don’t have to worry about turning off a guy. If anything, it normally inflates a guy’s ego when so many other guys compliment the girl he is dating.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Everett,

    If conversation is going really well with someone else on a dating site, phone numbers are often exchanged as soon as within a week or two. But, in the end, what matters more is what you feel comfortable doing.

    If you don’t feel comfortable giving him your phone number, either tell him that you would like to keep communicating through the dating site for a little while longer, or give him another option by which the both of you can communicate. For some people, that option is through personal emails or even social media.

    At the end of the day, how comfortable you feel is most important. If he truly likes you, he will respect whatever decision you make.

    in reply to: Online dating worked for me! #63066

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jameson,

    Congratulations on finding love through online dating. That’s just wonderful. It can really be done. People experience it everyday. It is just a question of hanging in there and making adjustments where necessary. Congrats again!

    in reply to: Matching with coworkers on dating sites? #63064

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Eva,

    Seeing not one but two of your coworkers show up as potential matches on a dating site isn’t surprising. Online dating has become one of the primary ways people meet romantic partners.

    Just about everyone, who has a big enough circle of friends, knows someone who is online dating or has done some online dating in the past.

    Don’t be surprised if it happens again. Dating sites are prone to resending potential matches that were passed on after some time has passed. Hopefully, you would have met your match and be off dating sites long before then.

    in reply to: Why do you think you gave up on dating apps? #63062

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Delilah,

    People often give up on dating apps because they didn’t get what they wanted sooner. There is often a lot of impatience when it comes to online dating.

    People just believe that online dating is like ordering a something from a brochure and it isn’t. It takes time and adjustment to strategy for most people to find someone compatible with them.

    Regardless of how good or bad the dating apps were, people just weren’t willing to put in the time and effort to make it work.

    There is a reason why so many people have successfully met their significant others online. It isn’t because there was anything special about these people. It was because they were willing to persevere and make adjustments where necessary.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Ian,

    The appropriate time to leave dating apps is when you have both decided to date exclusively.

    Don’t make the assumption that just because you are really interested in this person that they will also shut down their dating apps. It needs to be a mutual act. Then and only then, are you both on the same page.

    And no, once you both decide to date exclusively, you shouldn’t maintain dating profiles on dating apps. Doing so would make it hard for your new partner to trust you and you don’t want that.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Hunter,

    They lie about their age in the hopes of attracting someone within the age range that they are making others believe they are in.

    She is actually 52 but saying she is 45 in the stat area because she knows the computer algorithm of the dating site will then use that information to send her matches within the 45 year old age range.

    She probably started with stating her true age in her stats. However, she got the attention of older men that she just didn’t find attractive or appealing. She then changed her age in the stat area so as to get better results with younger men.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Greyson,

    Some women are more aggressive in their approach to online dating. Sending you a message before matching with you is a way they can get ahead of everyone else and be more proactive.

    Online dating has given people who would not normally be this aggressive when it comes to romance the opportunity to be so due to its relative anonymity.

    You don’t have to respond with a thank you to these women. It can get a little tedious after a while if you were to continue responding to them in this way, and some may actually start trying to engage in conversation with you in the hopes of changing your mind.

    Just ignore the message.

    You aren’t obligated to respond. They are well aware that by taking a chance on messaging you without having matched with you first, they increase the chances of not getting a response from you due to a lack of interest.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Cora,

    Yes, you should be upset he lied about his height on his dating profile and in multiple conversations with you. He did so because he believed it would increase his chances of getting a match. It is not right to deceive someone else to improve one’s chances of finding a partner.

    It speaks to his character.

    If he was willing to lie to you about this for 2 years, what else has he lied about and what else is he capable of lying about?

    These are questions you need to ask yourself.

    If you are looking at this guy as marriage material, trust is absolutely essential. Given what you recently found out, do you believe you can trust him? You have to wrestle with these thoughts before thinking about moving forward with him.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Ezekiel,

    Put as many pics as the dating app allows. Get into the double digits if possible. It can be a work in progress over time. But, maximizing the number of pics you put on your dating profile makes you a lot more attractive to not only people, but the algorithm of the dating app. Avoid using selfies. They are lazy and make you look like you shouldn’t be taken seriously.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Emery,

    A good place to start as far as intros or starting a conversation with someone on a dating site is to use information on the person’s dating profile to give you ideas on what topics to introduce.

    Focus on something that you can relate to and send her a question in relation to it. Doing that alone makes you stand out on dating sites.

    So many guys don’t bother reading the girl’s dating profile and choose to send her bland messages like, “Hi,” or “Hey beautiful.”

    Don’t be that guy.

    Use her dating profile to help you start a conversation with her and that alone could easily intrigue her because she is just not used to seeing that from guys that have messaged her on the dating site.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Easton,

    It happens to a lot of people who meet on dating sites.

    Conversation on the dating site is amazing until they meet each other in person and there is no spark or connection.

    Try not to let this worry. It is all part of the process of finding who you are compatible with. Dating is a numbers game after all. Just try not to put too much pressure on what you are expecting out of the date.

    There is a good chance that the less pressure you feel, the more relaxed you will be on the date.

    If you are relaxed, your date will feel more prone to being relaxed as well. This helps in allowing the both of you to be yourselves, thereby increasing the chances that a spark occurs.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Caroline,

    Unfortunately, there are guys on dating sites who are just there for an ego boost or will only put in real effort with someone they find to be the most attractive. Try not to take their lack of effort in conversation personally.

    If anything, this should teach you that simply matching with someone that appears to have a lot in common with you on paper, doesn’t guarantee that you will both engage in robust conversation.

    Once you notice that they aren’t really participating wholeheartedly in conversation, stop putting out the effort to keep it going. Only focus your attention on guys who are showing a true effort in conversation.

    Oftentimes, you will know who these guys are by how often they ask you questions and how substantive those questions are.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Dominic,

    Yes, they are unpleasant excuses for sure. Just make sure that you aren’t asking to meet up with them too soon though.

    Sometimes, people on dating sites will give the line, “Life is crazy for me right now,” when they feel uncomfortable about you asking to meet up with them too soon.

    Always protect yourself from the start by asking each person you begin a conversation with about what they are looking for at some point during the course of your conversation.

    This saves you a lot of time and energy by weeding out those who aren’t at a place or time in their lives to take anyone else seriously as far as hooking up or romance is concerned.

    in reply to: Unsolicited dating profile critique? #63018

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Autumn,

    Yes, there are some people who choose to give unsolicited dating profile critiques on dating apps. These are people who are very controlling in their day to day lives and get an ego boost when they are able to critique someone else. It makes them feel like they know better.

    This doesn’t sound like a person that would be compatible with you anyway. Try not to get offended. There are some people that will rub you the wrong way on dating apps, but you need to avoid letting them get to you.

    Stay focused on what you are on the dating app for and don’t waste your energy getting caught up in someone else’s attempt to boost their ego or sense of self-importance.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Ariana,

    A lot of men don’t read through a dating profile before liking a woman back. It is possible that they never saw that you had already answered the question about what brought you to the dating site in your dating profile.

    The majority of guys who ask this question are open to either pursuing something long term or something casual. They just want to know what category to put you in so that they can determine how much effort is going to be required.

    If you tell them that you are looking for something long term, they will go back to your dating profile to give it a proper look. If they determine that there is compatibility, they start putting in the effort to get to know you better.

    If you tell them that you are just looking to have fun, they know they don’t have to bother taking a closer look at your dating profile. They just start chatting you up casually in the hopes of hooking up with you soon.

    in reply to: When did OKC become so spammy? #63012

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Cooper,

    OkCupid casts a really wide net when it comes to matches. Many of them are people who are out of the country.

    They are quick to swipe even as you are in the process of completing your dating profile because they are fiercely competitive and are hoping to especially land a match who lives somewhere they are able to take advantage of.

    Yes, some of them are people looking to better their lives and some are true spammers who are looking to take advantage of you financially.

    in reply to: Is OkCupid worth paying for? #63009

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Connor,

    Whenever you join a dating app for the first time, you are going to get a lot more attention in likes than you would if you are an old-timer on the app.

    In other words, you received the 10 likes after only having joined OkCupid last night because you are new.

    I would give it a little more time, at least another couple of weeks, to see just how many more likes you continue to receive and the quality of the likes before getting overly excited and choosing to go premium.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Anna,

    These are men who are so focused on swiping right on as many dating profiles as they can, in the hopes of getting a few matches in return, that they don’t have the time or are unwilling to stop and read the dating profile of each individual woman they are swiping right on.

    They are more concerned with getting the match than learning about the woman through her dating profile. They figure that they will have the time to ask her questions later on.

    First, they want to get as many matches as possible, irrespective of what she wrote on her dating profile. She just has to be a pretty face.

    in reply to: Has Facebook dating just become overrun with fake profiles? #63004

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Colton,

    As with just about every dating app, there are always going to be fake dating profiles. However, Facebook dating is not showing that it is overrun with fake dating profiles any more than the next popular dating app.

    If you only recently started using Facebook dating again, you will be more susceptible to getting matched with fake profiles. Bad folks see you as fresh meat. Give it a little more time, about a week or two more, and they will move on from you.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Christian,

    Yes, it is normal to have gotten only 1 right swipe in 2 days on a dating app. You have only been on Tinder for 2 days. The algorithm is still trying to find your best matches based on the information you included in your dating profile. Be patient and give it a little bit more time.

    As far as only having been on 1 date in the last 6 months while using several dating apps, focus on getting good at using only one or two for now. If you are too spread out, you miss out on what techniques work best on each individual dating app.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Brooks,

    You are not the only one who would much rather stay inside and watch tv and play video games, rather than hike or be an adventurer.

    If you are having a hard time connecting with people on dating sites based on their activities, think about joining other platforms that cater to your interests.

    There are loads of video game platforms online where you can find people like you and possibly connect with some of them romantically.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Carson,

    The good news is that many people do feel awkward when they are meeting someone for the first time that they had been chatting with on a dating site. You are not alone there.

    A way to go about feeling less awkward is to stop overthinking the date.

    You are spending too much time thinking about the date and what could go wrong. Instead of thinking so much about the date, busy yourself with doing other activities.

    The more you keep yourself busy, the less likely you think about the date and everything that could go wrong. This allows you to go to the date with a lot less pressure which in turn reduces the amount of awkwardness you feel.

    in reply to: I’m quitting online dating #62985

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Cameron,

    Quitting dating apps may give you a temporary reprieve, but online dating isn’t the issue.

    It is always a good idea to improve yourself to make yourself more appealing, whether it be physically, mentally and so on.

    Clearly, you don’t feel good about the person you are at the moment. You know that you have certain areas that need some work. Perhaps the fact that you aren’t entirely happy with who you are at the moment is causing you not to get likes or matches on dating apps.

    Yes, other people can sense it, even on dating apps.

    Work on yourself for a while so as to get to a place where you feel better about who you are, not just physically, but also mentally. This increases the likelihood of finding a romantic partner, whether it be on dating apps or in person.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Allison,

    There is nothing wrong in feeling disappointed that your match wasn’t as attractive as his dating profile showed upon meeting him in real life. We are all human beings and most of us expect to be attracted to who we choose to date.

    You aren’t a bad person for being disappointed nor should you try to come up with some way to get past physical appearance.

    You like what you like and the last thing you want is to start dating someone you aren’t physically attracted to because you are trying to ignore the fact that you aren’t physically attracted to them. This never ends well. You just end up leading the person on and wasting time.

    Think about doing a video chat before meeting future matches on dates. This really helps in allowing you to get a better sense of what your matches look like in real life without the aid of well-taken photos.

    in reply to: Keeping a conversation up and interesting on a dating site? #62981

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Axel,

    Keeping a conversation up and interesting on a dating site often requires that you ask something that intrigues the person. Use the person’s dating profile for ideas. Ask them a question related to something they described in their dating profile in great detail.

    This is often what sets the spark and as you both chat, more and more highly effective follow-up questions can be created from that initial topic. This is often how you keep a person interested so that your conversations last a lot longer than what you have become accustomed to.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Austin,

    Congrats. Moving from a dating site to a real life meeting is great.

    Good afternoon date suggestions would be:

    – Local bookstore
    – Museum
    – Farmers market
    – Picnic
    – Movie matinee
    – Coffee shop
    – Flea market
    – Ceramics class
    – Beach
    – Aquarium


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Angel,

    If you can look at this as a way for you to get better on dates, then, there is no harm in meeting up with her. If she is actually willing to meet up with you, it’s unlikely that she is completely against the idea of finding a romantic partner.

    After all, she chose to join the dating app. It’s just that, at this point in time, she doesn’t want to deal with the pressures and responsibilities of a full-fledged relationship.

    As long as you are able to go to the date without any expectations of her changing her mind, you will reap the benefit of gaining more experience, which never hurts. The more you learn, the closer you get to finding the right one for you.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Aaron,

    When a woman states, “Must Be Financially Stable,” in her dating profile when referencing her match, she means that she wants her potential match to be gainfully employed and financially responsible.

    She doesn’t want to have to carry his weight financially if they were to start dating.

    It has nothing to do with whether the guy rents or owns a place.

    So, no, you are not some kind of undesirable loser. You are actually the definition of, “financially stable,” for many of these women.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Alice,

    Whether you met on a dating site or in real life, you don’t owe anything to a guy who pays for your meal on a date.

    He chose to go out with you and pay for the date. This doesn’t guarantee that you will like him or that the date will work out.

    As long as you know that you are going on these dates sincerely and not just to take advantage of guys by getting them to pay for your meals, you have nothing to feel guilty about.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Wyatt,

    If you feel this way about women who have their lives together when it comes to dating, you are not happy with your own life. You need to be happy enough with yourself before thinking about making someone else happy in a relationship, whether you meet this person on a dating site or in real life.

    Otherwise, you will just keep getting into short-lived relationships that aren’t fulfilling. This doesn’t mean that you have to become a CEO or something high and lofty to date, but, you do need to get to a point in your life where you truly feel happy about your life.

    This could be something as simple as finding a more fulfilling job or even deciding to take some classes in something, whether it be academic or in a trade of some sort.

    Work on getting yourself to a happier place before thinking about dating, whether that woman is on your level or doing better. Your attitude needs to change in order for you to have more fulfilling and healthier romantic relationships.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Thomas,

    You can do everything right on a date and still never hear back from the date again. No matter how well you got along on the dating site, it doesn’t guarantee that the both of you will have real life chemistry when you meet in person.

    Yes, this is a frustrating part about online dating, but it makes sense. There is a lot more to a person than what you see on a dating profile. What looks good on paper doesn’t always transfer to real life chemistry.

    This is just something that is very much an online dating phenomenon and you don’t really have that much control over it.

    That being said, if you are constantly finding yourself in the position where you do everything right online and on the date itself and you are still never hearing from your dates again, the issue is most likely with you.

    It’s time that you stop being so perfect.

    You are so intent on being the perfect date that you are giving your date the impression that there isn’t much else to you, or if there is, that you are hiding it. Don’t be afraid to let loose on a date and be who you are.

    Obviously, don’t get carried away. But, just be more open and risque with how you express yourself. Stop being afraid that if you aren’t proper and rehearsed on your dates, that your date will lose interest in you. This may be what is turning off your dates.

    You aren’t making them feel like you are a human being with actual flaws. If you come across as too perfect, your dates will often either see you as bland or believe that you are hiding something.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Savannah,

    They advertise that they are former college athletes on their dating profiles because they believe that it makes them come off as more attractive. They think that women who gravitate towards athletic men will find this bit of information on their bios appealing.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Samuel,

    If you are looking for a serious relationship, many people report good results with the the dating apps, Bumble and Coffee Meets Bagel. These dating apps aren’t as large as Tinder, but they have a base of members that are more geared towards learning more about a potential match than about how quickly both parties can meet.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Ryan,

    Most women have their doubts about online dating. However, once they set up an online dating profile, most stick it through, at least for a while.

    Indeed, there are those who freak out over the idea of meeting strange men online to the point where they take down their online dating profile shortly after creating it.

    These particular women are just not used to the idea of meeting a relationship partner through online dating. They are more used to meeting men using more traditional avenues such as through work, parties, friends, family, etc. The idea of talking to some guy online that they have never physically met with the goal of romance can be too much for them after a short while.

    They initially put up the online dating profile because they were being encouraged to do so by friends, family or coworkers. However, the reality of setting up the online dating profile and actually going through the process of talking to guys they don’t know online proves to be too much for them and they take down the online dating profile shortly after.

    in reply to: Why does it seem like everyone dating online is a mess? #62925

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Maya,

    No one is perfect. As you have admitted, neither are you. People will always have flaws. Even those you meet or date online. They are human beings after all. If there are a core set of principles or qualities that you are looking for in a person, be sure to emphasize them in your bio.

    Yes, it will take some weeding out and you have to be patient. But, many people have found successful relationships online. You just have to be aware of when you are dealing with someone who is most likely going to ghost on you.

    Normally, you will see the signs beforehand. They may not respond to you but for every so many days or they may lose track of the conversation that you were both having and confuse it with something else.

    This is often a person who is talking to so many people on the dating site that they have lost track of their conversations. Early signs like this are a warning that you are dealing with someone who will most likely ghost you.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Madelyn,

    Be careful about making assumptions when it comes to guys who are too hot for you on dating apps. If it was so easy for them to get girls, many of them wouldn’t be using a dating app.

    Are some of these really hot guys players?

    Sure.

    But, you would be surprised at how many aren’t.

    If you are intrigued, take the time to read his dating profile. If it is flimsy and just looks like he put it together without much thought, you can swipe left and move on.

    However, if he took the time to write it and put real effort into it, it is worth your while to swipe right, if you liked what he had to say and you are attracted to him.

    Thinking that he is out of your league is doing yourself a disservice. You have no idea what sort of girl would work for him. That sort of girl could be you.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Kinsley,

    Since you are seeking a serious relationship and you don’t want to put yourself in a position where you could be dating someone long distance, it’s best not to meet up.

    He is just looking for something casual anyway given the casual nature in which he goes about seeking matches. This is not his first rodeo. He probably seeks out matches in whatever city he finds himself working in.

    in reply to: Which online dating app is the best to go premium? #62908

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Ivy,

    If you are looking for a serious relationship, you are better off upgrading or going premium with Bumble. You have a lot more control over the types of matches you receive on this online dating app over most others.

    Plus, most of the people there are looking for serious relationships. Many started with Tinder, discovered that they weren’t having much luck finding suitable partners there and switched to using Bumble.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Nolan,

    People who change their location and give likes to people outside of their set distance are either doing it because they have been unable to find someone compatible closer to where they live or they are going to be visiting that city soon and want to establish some romantic connections with potential people before making the trip.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Genesis,

    As long as he isn’t following it up with sexual innuendos or proposals for marriage, there is no need to be alarmed at this time. He is just comfortable with you. Some guys get comfortable quicker than others when they are chatting with a woman that they have just met on a dating site. If you are uncomfortable with it though, just let him know. If he truly respects you, he will stop saying it.

    in reply to: I get no likes on my dating profile #62882

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Miles,

    Not getting likes on your dating profile has nothing to do with your looks. Looks are subjective. One woman may not find you attractive but another does.

    Thanks to the popularity of dating sites, there are many women who will get to look at your dating profile, thereby improving the chances that a certain percentage of them will find you attractive. So, the issue isn’t your looks.

    The types of pics you are using are a major issue.

    You need to get out there and take new pics. It is never a good idea to post pics to your dating profile that include your ex. Other women using the dating site are going to pick up on that and they won’t like it. That is the first thing you need to do.

    Secondly, your dating profile needs to be fun to read. Infuse your personality into it and don’t be afraid to be self-deprecating at times. This makes you come off as more human and less robotic.

    As far as conversations, to keep them going on dating sites, you should remember to have fun. If you are always about the topic at hand with no deviations, it can easily feel like she is at a job interview whenever she chats with you on the dating site.

    Remember to have fun in your conversations and mix things up. As you are trying to get to know her, crack some jokes, flirt with her, tease her playfully, share some trivia that is interesting, etc.

    Just mix things up so that the conversation doesn’t feel so monotonous. This keeps her excited and energized to keep the conversation going.

    in reply to: Dating apps and selfies? #62872

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Eliana,

    You can set a camera up to take photos of you automatically without having to take a selfie. You can take these photos in different areas near and where you live and in different outfits so that you have some variety.

    If you have a little extra money lying around, you could even hire a professional photographer to take photos of you. The proliferation of social media and dating apps has increased the volume of professional photographers, making them a lot more affordable than you think.

    Your photos are the most important part of your dating profile. Some people will forgive a poorly written bio if the person’s photos are good. Take better photos and you will get better results on dating apps.

    in reply to: Is using an alias on a dating site a good idea? #62866

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Nathan,

    There is nothing wrong with using an alias on a dating site. A good number of people feel uncomfortable using their real names on public platforms such as dating sites.

    If you want to use a fake name, it’s best to use another common name. It just makes it easier for a potential match to take you seriously.

    If you use an obvious fake name like “Batman,” some potential matches may pass on you because they might think that you aren’t taking online dating seriously and for all they know, you may have a dating profile up just for the fun of it or for a good laugh.

    in reply to: How old should online dating profile pictures be? #62856

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Maverick,

    It is a good idea to change your pictures every month. You don’t have to get a new set of 6 pictures. You could simply add a new photo or two to the bunch or take one or two off to make room for the new ones.

    This is encouraged because it improves your chances of getting the algorithm of the dating site you are using to send you more matches.

    An online dating profile that has pictures that haven’t been changed in 2 years runs the risk of becoming next to invisible to the algorithm and that means that you are going to receive less and less matches over time.

    Sure, when you initially join a dating site, you automatically receive more matches, simply because you are new and the algorithm wants to put you in front of as many eyeballs as possible so that you are excited and continue to use the service. But this grace period is short-lived.

    If you don’t keep your online dating profile pictures freshly updated, you will fall into the back of the line as more and more new members take up more of the attention.

    Again, you don’t have to change every single picture each month. You can add one or two new ones. But, you do need to keep up with these changes.

    Get into the habit of taking fresh pictures in your daily life.

    However, even if you go through a period where you haven’t taken any new pictures and you have nothing new to upload to your dating profile, you can still go back to a picture that you have used previously and upload that.

    As long as that picture is fairly recent and you haven’t gone through any major physical changes since that photo was taken, you can do this.

    The idea is to keep your dating profile fresh so that the algorithm continues to send you matches.

    The algorithm doesn’t really care if you have used that picture before. All that it cares about is that you are updating your dating profile with fresh pictures.

    But, don’t get into the habit of going back to your older pictures and updating your dating profile with them. If you get into the habit of doing this, it won’t be long before people on the dating site catch on to what you are doing. Be in the habit of posting new pictures that you recently took.

    in reply to: I got catfished by a gay guy #62853

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Elena,

    Hopefully, you didn’t spend too much time and effort getting to know him before meeting up. What a waste of your time.

    This gay guy may still be in the process of figuring out his sexuality and unfortunately, he chose to use online dating as his way to go about it.

    At least, you have a great story to tell the next guy you meet up with from the dating site.

    Keep your head up.

    Finding a compatible partner through online dating isn’t an exact science. You often have to go through a few bad apples first.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Matthew,

    Congrats on having what you believe was a good date with the woman you met on a dating site. That is never a guarantee. So, good for you.

    Start your text with something that was shared between the both of you during that first date. Something fun that either puts a smile on her face or makes her chuckle.

    This helps to keep your text lighthearted and fun. Then just ask if she would like to meet up on X day at X time for X activity.

    That is really it.

    Keep your text relatively short. Start with something lighthearted that references the first date so that she is hopefully reminded of how much fun she had with you, then offer the second date with a specific date, time and activity in mind.

    Women like men who are decisive. If you spend too much time trying to butter her up through texting in the hopes of finally getting to a point where you ask her to a second date, you could easily turn her off. It can make you look like you lack confidence.

    Keep your text short and decisive. If she truly enjoyed that first date, there is a good chance that she agrees to the second date.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Claire,

    Since you are coming across the same issue time and time again with guys that you meet on dating apps, make it a point to inform any guy that you conduct conversations with on a dating app in the future about your boundaries earlier on.

    While you are still in the early stages of getting to know them, let them know about how you feel about kissing, having sex, or whatever else you have as a boundary if you were to start going out on dates with them.

    It may seem a bit forward, but it is an excellent way to filter out the guys who don’t agree with your boundaries a lot earlier.

    This way, you don’t find yourself putting out so much effort to go on multiple dates and share your life with them for weeks, only to have a falling out with them because they tried to get physical with you and you shut them down.

    Get into the habit of being forward in this way. It will save you so much energy and prevent exhaustion. It may reduce the number of guys who decide to go out on a date with you, but at least, the dates you do get will be with guys who are in sync with your boundaries.

    Quality over quantity should be your mantra from this point forward.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Brooklyn,

    Many of the men that you have met on dating apps who don’t want to talk on the phone before meeting up on a date don’t feel comfortable doing it. They aren’t used to it.

    We live in a digital world. In this day and age, most people text, email or instant message each other.

    Phone calls are reserved for emergencies, setting appointments, talking to aging relatives or perhaps a handful of close friends.

    With less vocal conversation on the phone and more finger clicking conversation being the norm in today’s world, many men lack the confidence to conduct a good vocal conversation with a woman who at this point is still essentially a stranger to them. They believe they are more in their element when they are able to talk to said woman in person.

    Also, many of these men believe that talking on the phone before meeting up on a date is yet another unnecessary step in the process of discovering whether you are both a good match. They believe that skipping the phone call and meeting in person provides a much better opportunity to find out if there is true real life chemistry between both parties.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Bella,

    It can be exciting to have feelings for someone who seems to check all the boxes as far as what you look for in a partner. However, it’s important to remember that you still don’t really know this guy.

    Regardless of what you have learned about him through communicating online, you don’t really know him. So much of the attachment you feel for him is caused by what you believe him to be.

    He is saying the right things and your mind is naturally filling in the blanks about his character to keep you feeling good about him. That is how the mind normally works in these situations.

    Try not to get ahead of yourself.

    Whenever you feel that you are making assumptions of who you believe him to be, stop yourself. Until you meet him in person and get to know him more through face to face interactions, you don’t really know who you are dealing with.

    in reply to: Online dating feels like a second job #62821

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Aubrey,

    You don’t have to respond to these guys every day nor have lengthy conversations. You have a life outside of online dating. No need to make online dating a second job or more work than it needs to be.

    If they are so desperate to hear from you that they double text you after only a few hours of not having received a response to their message, they aren’t worth your time.

    Don’t feel like you are obligated to keep messaging them if they are unable to respect your time and expect you to be at their beck and call when it comes to conversation.

    The right match for you would respect your time and not expect you to message them every single day with lengthy conversations.

    Always remember that you are in control when it comes to online dating. The guys that you are chatting with do not have a right to your time. When and how you choose to communicate with them is at your discretion.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Lincoln,

    Yes, some guys can go for weeks with zero likes on their dating app of choice, even in metropolitan areas. If you use the dating app a lot and have been swiping furiously for weeks, you will reach a point where you aren’t getting as many matches, if any.

    Be sure not to go crazy with swiping and you have a better chance of not running into this problem. Also, update your dating profile, especially your photos, on a frequent basis.

    Algorithms on dating apps favor dating profiles that are constantly updated. Regular updates to your dating profile gives it a better chance of being propped up by the algorithm so that it gets more eyeballs, increasing the likelihood of getting more matches.

    in reply to: Women on dating apps and their insatiable appetite for matches? #62802

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Josiah,

    Dating is a numbers game and to find the right match, you need to play that game. The reality is, when online dating, it normally takes a multitude of matches before a woman finds the right match for her.

    What they see on a dating profile, no matter how perfect it sounds, doesn’t always equate to a compatible match once they have engaged in actual conversation with the person.

    Computer algorithms on dating apps aren’t an exact science. Human beings are a lot more than algorithmic equations. We are flesh and blood. We are emotion and thought. There is just so much more to our construct than a bunch of x’s and o’s.

    These women keep swiping despite being overwhelmed with messages from incompatible guys because they are still trying to find the right match for them.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jaxon,

    These are the dating profiles you should avoid. If the girl wasn’t bothered to take the time to include enough information about her interests and hobbies on her dating profile, it’s unlikely she is all that serious about online dating in the first place.

    This being said, if you still feel the need to send messages to girls with these types of dating profiles, open a conversation by asking her an icebreaker. Give her an either/or scenario.

    For example, if she stated that she loves to travel in her dating profile but never really expanded on that, you could ask her something like, “Cayman Islands or Greece?”

    Icebreaker questions, particularly of the either/or variety are some of the best conversation openers, especially when the girl has given you very little to work with on her dating profile.

    in reply to: Haven’t gotten many likes or matches on my dating app? #62793

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Isaiah,

    Yes, it’s always a good idea to focus on the dating profiles that have a good bio and swipe right on those. If she took the time to write a good bio, the chances are greater that she is serious about meeting someone and not just using the dating app to boost her ego or kill boredom.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Elias,

    There is a very good chance she made it home okay. A quick check on the last time she logged into her account on the dating site you met her on will probably reveal that she has been active since her date with you.

    A date may seem to go really well, with the girl even laughing at your jokes, but it doesn’t always mean that she wants to see you again.

    At this point, don’t message her any further unless she messages you. The last thing you want is to come off as desperate by sending her multiple unanswered texts.

    It’s okay.

    Her lack of a response to your text message asking if she made it home okay may be because she liked your personality well enough but simply didn’t feel a romantic spark.

    If that is the case, remember that there are a lot more fish in the sea. Stay active on the dating site and continue engaging with other potential dates.

    Dating is a numbers game. Eventually, you will meet the right one.

    in reply to: I keep getting matched with single parents on dating sites? #62778

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Eli,

    If you don’t want to get matched with single parents on dating sites, filter them out in your match preferences.

    You don’t have to go out with single parents if you don’t want to nor do you have to spend money on their kids.

    Don’t undersell yourself.

    Under match preferences, simply filter out single parents. If you are not on a dating site that provides that option, find one that does.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Caleb,

    If you have gotten no matches in a week, you should change your dating profile.

    Take a look at the dating profiles of your competition. These are the guys who show up first as potential matches on the dating site or app. There is something that they are doing that you aren’t.

    Tweak your dating profile to mimic what they are doing. Don’t copy them word for word. Just look for what they are doing that is different from what you are doing.

    It could be in the length or content of their bio or the types of photos they post. Make changes where necessary. It is never a good sign to go for a week and receive no matches. Your dating profile is the issue and should be reworked.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Andrew,

    By saying, “Take me on an adventure,” on their dating profile, they are indicating that they want you to show them something that they have never experienced before.

    in reply to: I have made friends from online dating but not much else? #62756

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Adrian,

    You have to show your intent from the get-go if you want to be successful in making more than just “friends” on dating sites.

    If you play it too safe, you give the girl the impression that you aren’t serious about romance or even hooking up, and they put you in the friendship category in their minds.

    Once you are there, it is very hard to get out of, even if you suddenly start flirting or asking to meet up.

    Always start your conversations with girls on dating sites with intent. Be playful. Tease. Flirt. Don’t spend forever building up the courage to ask her to meet up.

    If you are more aggressive in your approach to online dating, you won’t have to keep getting relegated to the role of “friend.”


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Hudson,

    Women on dating apps receive a ton of attention. It is easier to get numbers from girls at social venues because the attention they are attracting is limited to the venue. That reduces the amount of competition you have to deal with.

    Dating apps are a different story.

    Unless you have a really good dating profile, you could totally get lost in the sea of dating profiles that are shown as potential matches to these women on a daily basis.

    If you want to get more matches, you need to have much better photos and an alluring bio. This is how you set yourself apart from the myriads of men who are hoping that their dating profiles capture the attention of these women.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Paisley,

    What you are missing is that there are lots of men on dating sites and apps who swipe right on almost every potential match they receive. They do this to play the numbers game and increase the odds of getting matches.

    They are not necessarily going to initiate a first message to every match they receive. Oftentimes, they will pick and choose who they decide to message upon matching with them. If they don’t find the dating profile of a woman who matched with them all that appealing, they don’t always feel the need to message her first.

    They are more concerned with getting matched with women that they are the most attracted to. Those are the matches that they will initiate first messages to.

    They will leave the less desirable match to her own devices. If she chooses to send a first message to them, fine. They may or may not respond to it.

    If she doesn’t send them a first message, they will only come back to her and initiate a first message if they aren’t getting as many matches as they were hoping to get from more attractive women.

    in reply to: Dating profiles that advertise their Instagram accounts? #62741

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Ezra,

    Yes, many people use dating apps to advertise their Instagram account. It is nothing new, and unless dating apps start cracking down on dating profiles like this, it doesn’t seem like this is something that will end any time soon.

    Men do follow these women to their Instagram accounts, which only encourages them to keep advertising their Instagram accounts on dating apps.

    You will find more dating profiles like this on dating apps that are more about casual dating. If you want to avoid dating profiles like these as much as possible, you are better off trying dating apps that are geared towards people seeking serious relationships such as Bumble or eHarmony.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Dylan,

    Whether a woman met you on a dating app or in real life, she still expects common dating etiquette.

    Assuming that you haven’t messaged her at all letting her know you will be running late, most women are willing to forgive lateness, as long as it is within 15 minutes. They aren’t necessarily happy about it, but if you are apologetic about your lateness when you arrive and show her a fairly good time, she will most likely be open to going out on a second date with you.

    Now, continuing with the same premise that you haven’t messaged her at all letting her know you will be running late, if you are a lot more than 15 minutes late, say, a half hour, most self-respecting women would have left the venue of the date by then. There is no chance that you will get another shot at a date with these women.

    However, on the off chance she is there when you arrive a half hour late or so, there is actually still a chance that she will go on a second date with you. If she waited that long, she wasn’t willing to give up on you.

    If you show her a REALLY good time, there is a higher likelihood that she will be willing to go on a second date with you. You will really have to turn on the charm and make her feel amazing at this date.

    All of this being said, just don’t be late for dates. It starts you off on a bad footing and first impressions are hard to overcome.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Natalie,

    It is possible to do online dating when you don’t want kids. Now, your age range being (34-46) reduces the number of options you have in this category, simply due to the fact that most people by this age range already have kids.

    It is still possible though to meet men who don’t want nor have kids. Bumble may not be the best dating app to use for this desire.

    Instead of using such a popular dating app, it may be best to seek out more niche dating apps, such as CFdating (Childfree Dating), that cater to people who are seeking others that don’t want kids.

    If you don’t have much luck finding niche dating apps like this, you may have to make some concessions when it comes to age or location. Consider adjusting your age range and widening your search area.

    Younger men have a higher likelihood of not already having kids and if you do enough digging, some don’t ever want to have them.

    Widening your search area gives you a much better chance at finding what you desire. Your area may not be particularly bountiful in men who don’t want kids, but, somewhere else might. This means that you may even have to relocate if need be. Making this kind of sacrifice depends on how important this criteria is to you.

    in reply to: How do I get to talk to someone on eHarmony without paying? #62699

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Christopher,

    The only way to chat with someone for free on eHarmony is when eHarmony is doing a Free Communication Weekend.

    They normally do these on or around special occasions or holidays such as Valentine’s Day, St Patrick’s Day, Thanksgiving and even Christmas. They can also do them on random weekends as well. There is no set schedule for when they do these.

    If you are signed up on eHarmony, you will normally get a notification by email when they are about to have a Free Communication Weekend. Otherwise, you can always follow them on social media. They make announcements there too whenever a Free Communication Weekend is imminent.

    These give you an opportunity to communicate with matches for free for up to 3 days or so.

    Other than this, there is really no other way to communicate for free with a match through messaging on eHarmony. The only other thing you could try is pay for a membership and then cancel or close your account within 3 days.

    eHarmony will not refund your money if you go beyond the first 3 days of premium membership. 3 days is not that much time to find a match, but if you have a killer dating profile, you may get lucky. Other than that, you are out of luck.

    There are lots of free dating sites and apps out there. Perhaps try those?

    in reply to: I have a date with someone I don't like from a dating app? #62697

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Naomi,

    If you are a little interested in him and he is your second choice, it wouldn’t hurt to actually go out on a date with him.

    Dating apps give you the opportunity to meet a number of potential matches. Who is to say that you won’t change your mind about him once you meet him on a date?

    If you aren’t convinced and still don’t want to go through with the date, just let him know that you don’t believe that there is a romantic connection and wish him the best in finding a compatible match.

    You don’t have to explain yourself, even if he asks. Just be polite and to the point. Guys appreciate straightforwardness and though you feel that you are being cruel by doing this, it is a lot more cruel to lead him on.

    in reply to: I actually found someone on Bumble! #62694

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Lucy,

    I am excited for you and wish you all the luck in the world. You learned from your previous dates and you are now seeing success by simply being yourself. That’s a theme that you need to maintain throughout.

    Now, I know that you are excited but be sure not to get ahead of yourself. Avoid making assumptions of where things are leading. That is the mistake that so many make when they finally meet someone who seems to be compatible with them from a dating app.

    Do not start projecting what you are hoping to happen. You could start steering the relationship in that direction too prematurely if you have this mindset and this could ruin everything.

    Relax. Let things play out at a natural pace. This approach gives you the best chance at getting a serious relationship out of this.

    in reply to: Replying too fast to guys on dating sites? #62685

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Lillian,

    It isn’t a turn off when a girl replies too fast to a guy’s message on a dating site. If anything, that kind of speed is a pleasant surprise to the guy. Rather than looking at you as desperate, clingy or overly eager, he admires that you are this straightforward.

    He doesn’t have to sit around for days wondering why you haven’t replied to his message. He doesn’t have to fret over the thought of sending you another message just in case his first message never reached you.

    Replying to messages fast is actually a very effective way to go about finding what you are looking for sooner. The quicker you message him back, the quicker you learn whether the both of you are romantically compatible.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Charles,

    All dating sites and apps are businesses, and like any other business, they are in it to make money.

    But in the end, garbage cash grab or not, it really comes down to the kind of online dating experience you are looking to have. Many people never pay for premium features on dating sites and apps and meet people regardless.

    Others have a harder time meeting the right kind of person and pay for premium features in order to increase the likelihood of meeting the right match for them.

    Paying for premium features allows you to get matched with what you are looking for a lot quicker because you can tailor what premium features you pay for to fit the kind of partner you are looking for.

    On the other hand, if you don’t mind spending more time on dating sites and apps just socializing and going on the occasional date without any real urgency to meet a particular type of person, paying for premium features on a dating site or app may not be for you.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Leah,

    It’s frustrating when men in particular, complain about not getting matched with “desirable” women on dating apps, when they in turn keep swiping right.

    They do it to play the numbers game. They already know that they would much rather match with the most attractive women.

    However, they notoriously swipe right on just about every woman in the hopes that they receive a certain percentage of matches that are of the most attractive women. If they don’t, they temporarily settle for the less “desirable” woman until they finally get lucky with a more attractive match.

    Yep, this means that they keep swiping, even when they have already started engaging in conversation and setting up dates with women who are less desirable, giving said woman false hope.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Isla,

    Just wear what you are most comfortable in. It’s a casual meeting anyway, not a gala. If you feel most comfortable in sweatpants, a cute top and trainers, wear that.

    Even though you have been chatting with him online for a month and you are just now getting to meet him for the first time, it doesn’t mean that you have to go out of your way to impress him with what you choose to wear.

    The most important factor is that you are physically clean, your clothes aren’t wrinkled or dirty and you carry yourself well. That is really it. He is most likely not going to go all out either. Rest assured, he isn’t showing up in a tuxedo.

    You are already used to wearing more casual clothing in your everyday life. Stick to this on your first date with this guy.

    The last thing you want is to be constantly distracted or distressed by something that you are wearing that you only wore in order to impress him, but you were never really comfortable in to begin with. That leads to way too many awkward moments during the date as you try to adjust to the discomfort or having to make multiple trips to the bathroom, all leaving your date perplexed and uncomfortable.

    in reply to: Online dating while traveling? #62643

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Everly,

    Yes, a lot of people use dating apps when they are traveling to meet up with people that can show them around a new city or town and perhaps have a fling along the way. To go about this the right way and stay safe, follow important safety protocols.

    Meet him in a public place first and foremost. When you both meet, tell him that you are going to take a picture of him and his ID card to send to a friend or family member and if that is okay. If he quibbles with that or tries to keep you from doing it, just end the date right there.

    Spend a good amount of time chatting and getting to know him. Watch for inconsistencies in his stories. If you notice that he has contradicted himself, that is a major red flag. Inconsistencies in what he is telling you is often a sign that he is making things up and lying.

    If there are no inconsistencies and you feel good about him and decide that you would like him to show you around the city, keep the venues to only public areas. DO NOT go to isolated areas with him no matter how much he tries to convince you to do so.

    Every time he is taking you somewhere, ask him for the name and location of where he is taking you. Then, enter that information in your smartphone while he is watching and send that to a friend or family member.

    Also make sure that you send updates to said friend or family member of where you are exactly throughout the tour. Your smartphone’s GPS comes in handy with this. This is how you cover yourself and ensure that he is aware that you are doing so.

    Always think about your safety first, no matter how thrilling and fun the prospect of being shown around an unfamiliar place with a stranger is. Use your common sense and trust your basic instincts.

    If something just doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. You have all the power to cut that date short or end it if you feel uncomfortable, no matter what he says to convince you otherwise. Be always ready to exercise that option if your instincts tell you that something just doesn’t feel right.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Addison,

    When it shows that someone has been “recently active” on Tinder, it means that the person has been active on Tinder within the last 24 hours. This often comes with a green dot next to the person’s dating profile picture or name. It doesn’t mean that they are using Tinder at that exact moment or that they have seen your dating profile.

    in reply to: Taking a break from dating apps? #62633

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Anthony,

    The secret of avoiding mental breakdowns with these dating apps is to ensure that you aren’t exclusively using them as the only way in which to find a date or a partner. These dating apps should be an addition to other ways of meeting potential dates, not the only way.

    This is where guys just go into such a mental breakdown when it comes to these dating apps. They are overly dependent on them to find a date. People on dating apps can tell when a guy is desperate and its a turn off. You still need to be a well-rounded individual for any potential partner to want to meet up with you.

    Use dating apps as only one way amongst multiple in which you go about meeting people and you will soon realize that this improves your overall mental attitude. You are no longer so dependent on the dating apps and this makes you come off as very self-assured and independent.

    These characteristics make you so much more attractive to potential dates on dating apps. They establish an abundance mindset that keeps you from getting anywhere close to a mental breakdown.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Leo,

    Once your Tinder account is banned, it isn’t visible to others. It completely disappears. Tinder considers a banned account as one that has violated its Terms of Use or Community Guidelines. Exposing its members to that account could actually jeopardize the safety of said members and Tinder wouldn’t want to be liable for that.

    in reply to: Texting between first and second dates when online dating? #62616

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Julian,

    Yes, get in touch with her between now and next Tuesday. The loss of momentum is a genuine worry and many men who are online dating have often made the mistake of not communicating with a date in-between dates only to result in that date losing interest.

    She wants to hear from you in-between dates.

    This lets her know that you are genuinely interested in getting to know her as opposed to just merely waiting for the physical dates in the hopes that you hook up with her by the end of the date.

    When you are actually taking the time out to chat with her in-between dates, you are showing that you actually thought about her during your day and this really makes her feel good. Starting the conversation with referencing something that she talked about during the first date is an even better start.

    It lets her know that you were paying attention to what she was saying during the date.

    There is no need to feel that you would be coming across as clingy if you stayed in touch with her between now and next Tuesday. The only time that you come across as clingy is when you are sending multiple messages throughout the day and not giving her much of an opportunity to respond in-between those messages.

    Yes, there are times where you send a message and it takes her hours or quite some time to respond, depending on how busy she is. You should let your message be and just give her the time to respond.

    Don’t send another one because it has been a few hours and you are yet to receive a response from her. This is when you become clingy.

    Just relax.

    Send a message and give her time to respond, even if that means hours later.

    Let the conversations flow naturally and there is a good chance that by the time you get to next Tuesday, she is even more excited to see you again than she was when you both met for the first time.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Joseph,

    Oftentimes, it takes a girl some time to warm up to a guy, especially when her only reference to the guy before having met him on a date was through a dating app. This happens more than you realize, even with girls who are extroverted by nature.

    Assuming that you chatted with these girls on a dating app for a good amount of time and got the vibe that they were extroverted through these conversations before asking them out on a date, there is a good chance that they are genuinely extroverted by nature.

    It’s just that they need some time to get comfortable with seeing you in person. Girls who are extroverted often worry that if they were fully themselves on a first date or two, they would be too much for the guy and he might get turned off.

    So, they wait it out a little to get a better feel for the guy’s personality and what he can tolerate. Once they get a good read on that, they become a lot more comfortable with showing their extroverted side.

    So yes, you may have to carry on the conversation for the first few dates but if you are patient, you will eventually get rewarded with her opening up to you. Be careful what you wish for. Once she feels safe and comfortable with you, you may not be able to shut her up.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Riley,

    Oftentimes, you have the option on a dating site to choose whether you would like to be matched with accounts that have no pics. If you don’t like being matched with accounts that have no pics, you can easily opt not to.

    Yes, there are people who choose to open accounts without pics. They have the fears that you laid out. They fear that coworkers or even a boss may see them. They even fear that family and friends may see them.

    Sometimes, it’s even an introverted person or someone with social anxiety that doesn’t feel comfortable with showing their face on a dating site.

    It does work for some people. Some of them do get matches and do get to chat with others and even go out on dates.

    The pickings are slim though.

    They don’t get anywhere near the kind of attention that they would get if they had an account with pics.

    Some deem it worth it though.

    They trade the likelihood that they receive less matches for the comfort of knowing that they aren’t putting themselves in a situation where they feel awkward. This is especially true for the ones who are socially awkward or anxious.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Penelope,

    Guys that post photos with other girls on their dating profiles want to send the message that they have dating options.

    They want you to know that other girls desire them and you would be doing yourself a disservice if you were to swipe away.

    Guys like this believe that women become inherently competitive when they see a guy with other girls. Such women get the urge to win that guy’s attention over said girls.

    In posting photos of himself with different girls, he is hoping to spark that sense of competition in you and force you to chase him.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Nova,

    How sure are you that those full body pictures of him on Facebook aren’t old? Are you certain that those pictures are reflective of how he looks in present day?

    Since meeting him on the dating app, you have built up quite a good connection with him, which makes it that much more imperative that you meet him on an actual date to be sure.

    The last thing you want is to lose a good connection with someone who had romantic potential, based on full body pictures of them on their Facebook account that you aren’t entirely sure are recent.

    If you still feel that you just don’t want to see him anymore based on those Facebook pictures, the easiest way to let him know that you would just like to be friends is to tell him as such.

    Guys respond a lot better to you when you are honest with them than if you tried to be ambiguous with your words. Just let him know that you would only like to get to know him as a friend.

    If he asks why, don’t get into it by trying to explain yourself. Just tell him that you feel that a friendship just works better for you, but you understand that he might want more and you wouldn’t take it personally if he chose to move on and not pursue said relationship.

    That’s really it.

    The more straightforward your message is, the easier it is for him to understand it and not try too hard to encourage you to pursue something romantic with him.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Nora,

    Yes, guys lie about their height in this way on dating sites.

    If their height is relatively close to the next definitive height, perhaps short by just a few inches, they often add those extra inches to get to that next tier.

    This is especially true the closer they get to 6 feet. The average height of most men in the real world is around 5’9″.

    Dating sites are often a reflection of society at large.

    If you are seeing an unusually large number of dating profiles claiming a height of 5’11”, that goes against the overall height average of most men in the real world. This makes it more likely that several of these men are adding extra inches to their height.

    in reply to: Do you hate online dating? #62575

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jayden,

    Online dating can be frustrating when all you are experiencing are girls who are either ghosting you or giving you poor marks for not meeting the expectation of taking them home.

    However, it is easier to weed out girls like this if you take the time to get to know them first on a dating site before asking them out on a date.

    Girls who are most likely to ghost will often exhibit that kind of behavior if you talk to them long enough on a dating site.

    They will take longer to respond to messages, ignore questions you asked them previously, disappear from a conversation while you are still in the middle of it, etc. These are all characteristics that let’s you in on whether this is a person who will show up on a date.

    Clearly, these are behaviors that indicate that they won’t.

    Talking to a girl for a longer period of time before arranging a date with her also gives you the opportunity to discover whether she is the type who would expect you to take her home or if she is too needy or too independent.

    Again, you learn all of this through clues that she leaves in conversation and you can’t really get these clues without taking more time to chat with her before asking her out on a date.

    If you believe that you are a 7 out of 10 and want to chat with girls who are the same, you need to capture their attention by doing something different.

    Yes, you are right in that there is more competition on a dating site to get women of this caliber. However, most men who message these women are too caught up giving them compliments than trying to start a conversation of substance with them.

    Send a woman of this caliber a message of substance that has nothing to do with how attractive she is. Pick a topic of interest that you gathered from her dating profile and send her a fun message that addresses it.

    Trying to get more information from her about something of substance that she included in her dating profile gives you a much better chance of getting a response from her, than merely sending a message full of compliments that so many men end up doing.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Lily,

    Yeah, saying something like, “Not here for drama. No games,” instantly makes someone who sees their dating profile start thinking about drama when the thought of that hadn’t even crossed their mind before seeing the person’s dating profile.

    The person thinks that they are being proactive in writing this in their dating profile but what it shows is someone who will be quick to judge if they were to start talking to a match. The moment they read something that “feels” like drama or games, they pounce on the person, accuse them of playing games and stop chatting with them or even block them.

    The accused person may have only been making lighthearted conversation or cracking a joke and they have already been erroneously judged of starting drama and playing games.

    Including negativity in a dating profile is never attractive and only leads to less people willing to take a chance on getting to know said negative person.

    This person will probably learn this the hard way when they realize that they have been on the dating site for months and have never been able to keep a conversation going with someone for more than a handful of days.

    in reply to: When do you stop dating multiple people from a dating app? #62560

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Isaac,

    You should keep your options open and keep dating multiple people, as long as you are giving each one the right amount of attention, until you come to a point with someone where the feeling is mutual and you both want to date each other exclusively.

    No matter how good the first few dates may be with someone that you met on a dating app, that doesn’t guarantee that this is a person that you should suddenly give your full attention to by cutting off everyone else that you were going out on dates with.

    In fact, the longer you continue dating multiple people, the longer you are able to keep yourself from becoming too consumed with any one person.

    This bodes well for you. It keeps you from looking too eager to move a relationship along quicker with someone that you feel you have been connecting with the most.

    Moving a relationship quicker with this person could jeopardize it entirely.

    When you are dating multiple people, you develop more of an abundance attitude which makes you come off as a person with a lot more value and that can be very attractive to a potential partner.

    in reply to: A dating profile with filters is an automatic nope from me #62555

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Grayson,

    It isn’t surprising that you have such disdain for filtered pictures on dating sites. They are deceiving and lead to a lot of unhappy first dates. People use them to hide their flaws in the hopes of landing the best possible match. It doesn’t seem like this behavior will come to an end any time soon. They get results.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Gabriel,

    If it’s only been a few months since you joined eharmony as a non-paying member, there is a good chance that your account is still up. Using your old account saves you from having to go through the laborious eharmony sign up process all over again, which saves you time and effort.

    Once you become a paid subscriber, keeping your old account also allows the algorithm to go about quickly trying to find your best matches, some of whom you may have matched with in the past and liked, but you were unable to communicate with due to not being a paying member at the time.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Hazel,

    If you like these guys, it wouldn’t hurt to give them a hint that you would like to meet in person or just outright ask them out.

    If you would much rather they do the asking out, just drop a hint in conversation by asking about what their plans are for the weekend.

    In the process of telling you what their plans are, a guy who is interested in asking you out would naturally ask you about your plans and if you appear to be available that weekend, he would take that opportunity to ask you out.

    Some guys just don’t know how to go about asking a girl out, that is why some of them are using a dating app in the first place. They aren’t that experienced when it comes to talking to women.

    They may just need something that inspires them to ask a girl out and asking them about their plans for the weekend is the opportunity that some hope for.

    If, on the other hand, you have completely lost interest in these guys and aren’t even interested in meeting in person anymore, even if the opportunity presented itself, just tell them that you have enjoyed chatting with them but that you don’t feel that there is a romantic connection.

    That is really it.

    The more direct and honest you are about it, the more likely they are to respect what you said and leave you be.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Hannah,

    There is no strict timeline in terms of how quickly you should meet someone in person that you met online. It just depends on how well the both of you connect. Some people decide to meet in person after just one online conversation with someone because they felt that connected to them.

    Oftentimes, the sooner you meet, the sooner you know whether there is real life chemistry, as long as the person isn’t asking you to do something that you aren’t quite comfortable doing this early.

    In your case, you have both been talking to each other for about a week and conversations have been good. There is no real harm in meeting him for dinner to see whether you both have real life chemistry.

    Meeting in person doesn’t suddenly mean that the process of getting to know him stops. It’s just that you now have a physical reference to go with all the knowledge that you are absorbing about him.

    When it comes to online dating, getting a physical reference sooner than later works in your favor.

    Let’s just say that not everyone who posts photos of themselves on their dating profile are being honest about how they currently look. Might as well get this annoying side to online dating out of the way before investing more and more of your time getting to know him.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi David,

    Given your measurements and physical description, you would appeal to many women. Your height at 6’1″ alone is right up there with the range in height that many woman prefer.

    The dating apps, Tinder, Bumble and Facebook Dating are all fairly different.

    If you are using a uniform dating profile for all these dating apps, you have a higher likelihood of not getting matches.

    Tinder’s vibe is more casual in nature. It is about instant impression and gratification.

    To this end, you need to use photos that are very attractive in nature and more superficial, within limits.

    Bumble is more about serious relationships. To this end, your photos need to be of more substance, giving women a good perspective on what your life is like and what activities you participate in.

    Facebook Dating at this point in time is still fairly new and trying to find its identity. Having a combination of both eye-catching superficial photos and activity photos would probably be your best bet on Facebook Dating for now, until it finds its identity.

    Your photos are so important on dating apps. Even though you aren’t photogenic, you need to have excellent photos. You probably have some friends who have a natural ability of taking good photos of themselves that they then post on their social media.

    Ask these friends for their help with your photos. Better yet, find a professional photographer who is experienced in taking photos for dating apps. Look through his or her portfolio of work and hire them if you like what you see.

    Just about everyone, male or female, reaches a point where they feel like their self-confidence has taken a hit on dating apps. Don’t take it personally. Everyone has their tastes and people tend to be a lot more picky when they are on dating apps than they would be when picking someone to date in real life.

    Get a boost to your confidence by making sure that you are still spending quality time with family and friends who will naturally give you compliments. Don’t spend all your time on dating apps. That is not psychologically healthy for anyone.

    in reply to: Professional pictures on a dating profile? #62529

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Carter,

    Using a professional photographer for your dating profile pics is a good idea. Just make sure that you get him to take pics of you in different environments as you are engaged in various activities that you love.

    So, don’t just have him take pics of you in a photo studio. Too many photo studio pics on a dating profile, no matter how professional they look, makes you appear to be one-dimensional and too manufactured.

    Get him to take pics of you in a variety of environments while you are participating in a variety of activities and your dating profile will stand out high above the other guys who are too lazy and cheap to put up quality pics of themselves.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Grace,

    It is never a good look when you are able to see toothpaste smears and other nasty stuff on a person’s bathroom mirror as they take a selfie in front of it.

    Selfies in front of bathroom mirrors are not appropriate pics for a dating site profile regardless of whether the person has a clean mirror or not.

    The majority of people that post selfies in front of bathroom mirrors are often met with a lack of matches. Potential dating prospects experience their own bouts of disgust at the sight of said mirrors and choose to bypass the culprit’s dating profile.

    Maybe that is what it takes to get them to stop posting them. One can only hope.

    in reply to: Is online dating right for me? #62513

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Asher,

    Just about everyone is right for online dating as long as you have a healthy mindset and aren’t looking to find someone to save you from the monotony of your life.

    No one wants to be your life.

    That is overbearing and makes you come off as weak and without anything of substance to offer. You need to have your own life in the real world and look to online dating to be a means to add to your life in a positive way as opposed to a means to save your life.

    Since you aren’t good at talking to women, online dating is an even better fit for you. You already have the woman’s dating profile as your guide. Use her dating profile to discover topics that you can bring up in conversation. This is so much easier than having to approach a woman in real life and having to think up a topic to talk about.

    No matter how dull and boring you think you are, someone out there is going to find you interesting as they get to know you as a person. Start with learning more about her and asking her questions to that end. This is how you are able to learn more about her interests.

    Once you are privy to an interest that is shared, let her in on what your experience has been with that particular interest. This is how you build a connection with her. She won’t find you boring at all when she is learning more about similar experiences that you have had.

    Let the conversations flow naturally and the rest takes care of itself. But, don’t wait too long before asking her out.

    As far as getting more matches, write a detailed bio and include lots of photos showing you involved in activities you love. A more detailed bio gives the algorithm of a dating site a lot more to work with in terms of finding keywords that match with what a prospective partner included in their own bio.

    Lots of photos makes the algorithm happy. The algorithm likes a dating profile that has many photos because that makes your dating profile so much more attractive, not only aesthetically, but also with potential partners.

    People are a lot more prone to clicking on dating profiles with a lot of photos than dating profiles with only one or two photos. A lot more photos gives them a lot more of you to see and that is always attractive to potential partners.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Emilia,

    Yes, there are a good number of people on dating sites who think about the ones that didn’t work out. Oftentimes, it’s because it felt like a connection was possible with the person at the early stages of getting to know them.

    When that connection doesn’t happen, there is often a residue of disappointment that is left behind. The person was so interesting and yet, something was just missing that kept the romantic connection from happening.

    Being a people person yourself, it is easy for momentarily thoughts of these people to come into your head, especially in moments where you wonder if you are ever going to find someone you truly connect with.

    When you find yourself missing the person to a small extent, it’s the sense of nostalgia and the idea of “what could have been” that instigates that feeling.

    You are not alone in this and it isn’t really a “problem” per se. Just make sure that you spend a lot more time focused on the present than on the past. It is in the present that you find that special someone that connects with you, not in the past.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Aurora,

    Not being super career-oriented isn’t a turn off to most guys that you meet on dating sites. The ones who care about that and only that probably wouldn’t be the best match for you any way, so why bother worrying about them?

    When it comes to careers, the majority of guys that you meet on dating sites just hope that you are gainfully employed so that they don’t have to worry about whether you are only on dating sites to take advantage of them financially. That is really it.

    Beyond that, they really want a girl that they get along with and have things in common with. There is a lot more to you than your career. Use your bio and photos to showcase what makes you who you are and many men will be drawn to you.

    in reply to: The anxiety of meeting someone from online dating? #62500

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Ellie,

    It’s perfectly natural to feel anxiety when you are about to meet someone from a dating app that you have been talking to. Many feel this anxiety. Oftentimes, it goes away once you have met each other.

    The most anxious part is the anticipation. As long as your physical appearance and personality is consistent with the person that you have presented yourself to be on the dating app, the nerves subside shortly after meeting in person.

    Your confusion with the possibility on going out on more dates with this person while they are still online dating is understandable. However, don’t forget that online dating is often used by many to figure out who they have the most compatibility with.

    Dating more than one person while trying to determine this is actually a good thing. You should do the same. You have a better chance at meeting your best match when you go out on dates with a manageable number of people.

    When you meet the one that you truly believe is the most compatible with you, if the feeling is mutual, the both of you normally come to an agreement to solely go out on dates with each other.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Chloe,

    Yes, you keep swiping on the dating apps even after 3 good dates. 3 good dates are no guarantee that this is the right person for you. Rest assured, the other person is swiping still.

    It is always a good idea to have at least one other person from the dating apps that you are going out on regular dates with.

    Coming to a point where you stop swiping or delete the dating apps altogether would require that you are months into dating someone and they have told you that they have stopped swiping, and even better, deleted their dating apps.

    Always keep your dating options open until the point where you have both invested a significant amount of time seeing each other and have both come to a mutual understanding to date each other exclusively.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Aiden,

    Yes, many on dating apps are tired of this experience. It is such a buzz kill too. All the excitement leading to that first face to face meeting is instantly diffused by what the person actually looks like in real life.

    People who misrepresent how they look in the present don’t like how they look in the present. They believe that they looked better 6 or 7 years ago and post dating profile pictures that old in the hopes that they are able to attract the best dating prospects.

    This won’t ever change when it comes to dating apps. People always do this. To counter it as best you can, tell the person that you want to conduct a video chat with them and use that video chat as your filter.

    It’s pretty hard to hide what a person truly looks like when you are looking at them on a video chat. Make sure that you see them clearly and they aren’t trying to play any tricks by hiding themselves in some way on screen.

    Get into the habit of doing video chats first and save yourself a bunch of heartache and frustration.

    in reply to: Gym pics on dating sites? #62481

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Theodore,

    Using a funny photo of yourself with the two pound dumbbells on your dating profile isn’t cringey at all.

    It is you not taking yourself too seriously. If anything, it would be a nice counter to any other gym pics that you have on your dating profile that show you really focused on your workout.

    It lets people see that you aren’t just about working out. You also have a lighthearted side to you and you aren’t afraid to make fun of yourself. This makes you so much more personable to people, increasing the likelihood that they like your dating profile.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Sebastian,

    Yes, there are lots of guys who experience the “wanna be” escorts, scammers and Snapchat premium promoters on dating apps. Rest assured, you are not the only one frustrated with all this. Dating apps have often been the targets of people like this.

    They hope to take advantage of lonely men who are looking for companionship.

    Do your best to flag these dating profiles whenever you encounter them. It helps to reduce their volume so that guys like you don’t keep encountering them on dating apps such as FB Dating, Bumble and Hot Or Not.

    Something else you should consider is trying out smaller dating apps. Escorts, scammers and Snapchat premium promoters are often attracted to the most popular dating apps. They are looking for volume and popular dating apps serve them with a seemingly endless array of victims. Smaller or lesser-known dating apps are not often a go-to target for these people.

    Having a healthy combination of smaller dating apps and larger ones gives you a better chance at finding what you are looking for sooner, so that you can get off of dating apps and not have to deal with these situations again.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Owen,

    The “what if” potential of someone that you experienced unforgettable dates with easily boggles the mind. It blocks your mind from even considering the possibility that anyone else is comparable.

    This mental block is partly the reason why all of the dates that you have been on with new people that you probably met on the same dating site that you met this one person on, have been lackluster. They never stood a chance because all you could think about were the unforgettable dates you had with this one person.

    You move past this person by unblocking your mind. You have to come to terms with the reality that the person dumped you for a reason.

    No matter how connected you felt with the person, the feeling wasn’t mutual. No number of “what if” scenarios change that reality.

    Your experience on those unforgettable dates weren’t shared by this person. Coming to this realization unblocks your mind, leaving it open to the possibilities of what a new dating experience with someone new could be like.

    The person that you are so fixated on hasn’t had a single “what if” scenario in their mind about you since they dumped you. This means that all the mental energy that you have been spending on this person by creating these “what if” scenarios have all been a waste of your precious time.

    Wake up.

    They have moved on. You should do the same.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Mila,

    Yes, there are people who have experienced this situation after having met someone on a dating site. It is never good when a person refuses to send a pic, especially after a good month of consistent communication with a dating prospect.

    You made the right decision in ending it when you did. She was secure enough to create a dating profile and put herself out there. Now that she has had time to build some rapport with you over the course of a month, she really has no justifiable excuse to refuse to send you a pic of herself.

    Catfishing is something that is unfortunately very prevalent in online dating. People pretend to be who they aren’t or hide their identity in the hopes of luring unsuspecting prospects into their web and taking advantage of them however which way they deem beneficial to themselves alone.

    After you ended it, she has continued reaching out to you because she isn’t ready to sever the connection. She has come so close to getting you to where she wants you to be, completely in love with her.

    You have already experienced some of this in how you recognized that you are falling for her. That is what she wants.

    You shouldn’t respond to her messages. If you do, you will only find yourself drawn deeper into her web of deceit. Block her from all forms of communication and move forward with your life.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Madison,

    Many men play the numbers game when it comes to matching with women on dating sites. They match with as many of them as they can without reading their bios in the hopes of getting as many messages as possible.

    Then, depending on whether they find the woman attractive enough, they decide to read her bio.

    Though you set your preferred age range at 48-60 years of age, this doesn’t really spare you from this strategy. Men of all ages on dating sites use this tactic.

    You can’t really eliminate this problem but you can mitigate it. When you message a match, send something intriguing. Saying “hello” isn’t going to grab the attention of men.

    Send a thoughtful message that is either witty or references something significant that they mentioned in their bio.

    This new approach to how you go about messaging guys won’t get every guy to respond. But, it does get you a lot more responses than what you have been getting, which in your case, has been nothing at all.

    in reply to: Has anyone had success with online dating? #62448

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Layla,

    Online dating has become one of the most popular ways of meeting a significant other. It wouldn’t be this popular if it wasn’t working for so many people.

    Take some time out from online dating and reassess where you are at in your life and what it is that you are truly looking for.

    Sometimes, people jump head-first into online dating without really assessing where they are at in life and what it is that they truly want. This approach often leads to failure.

    Once you have taken some time to think this through, it is a lot easier for you to come back to online dating with the right approach.

    Whatever you have been doing in the past hasn’t worked, so do something different with your approach to online dating.

    Change up the photos that you post to your dating profile. Let them show another side to your lifestyle that you haven’t shown in the past. Write a bio that shows another side to your personality that you haven’t shown in the past.

    Take the initiative in messaging someone that interests you instead of waiting on them to message you.

    Start a message with something different. Instead of sticking to the same old safe topics, be more risque. Ask an either or question that takes them by surprise and is intriguing.

    With so many people having online dating success in meeting their significant others, there is no reason why you shouldn’t be one of them.

    If you keep doing what you have been doing in the past when it comes to online dating, you are going to continue getting the same results. Be bold. Try something different.

    in reply to: Why do girls not take dating apps seriously? #62440

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jack,

    Girls on dating apps who don’t have bios or have their Instagram username in place of a bio are girls who are clearly not taking online dating seriously. They are not on the dating app to find a partner. If they were, they would take the time to write a well-thought-out bio.

    There are girls who use dating sites for selfish reasons that have nothing to do with finding a partner. Some want to promote their social media accounts. Some just want to kill boredom so they chat with you for a short while until the conversation dies and make no effort to keep it going.

    Some just like the ego boost of getting so many guys liking their dating profiles and begging for their attention. These are the attention seekers. They are the ones who don’t reply to your messages or only give you one word sentences when they do reply.

    Try not to get so caught up with how attractive these girls appear. This is why you clearly see that there is no bio on their dating profile and yet you still message them. You are setting yourself up for disappointment.

    Focus on the girls who have actual bios that clearly show that they took the time and effort to put together.

    Not all of them reply to your messages, but you get a lot more of them replying and actually putting out an effort to have conversations with you than you do the girls who have no bio or just an Instagram username in their dating profile.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Eleanor,

    When there is a really significant difference in the information that you both provided in your dating profiles, there is a higher likelihood that the guy settled.

    Most people who are serious about looking for a relationship partner are normally going to look for similar interests and experiences.

    When you match with a guy on a dating site and his dating profile has very little in common with your own in terms of interests and experiences, there is a very good chance that he is settling.

    He is desperate and is just liking or swiping right on as many dating profiles as he can in the hopes that someone like you ultimately gives him a chance.

    On the flip side, if you get a match and notice that both of your dating profiles have a lot in common in terms of interests and experiences, there is a good chance that the guy is selective with who he chooses to match with.

    As far as messaging, if the guy is only looking to hook up, he is going to be a lot less inclined to be selective in who he chooses to message, as long as he finds her attractive.

    You are able to weed out these types of matches by talking to them for a while and asking good questions that delve deeper into who they are as a person.

    Normally, guys who are only looking to hook up are impatient and want to meet you in person very quickly. When a guy is asking to meet too prematurely, there is a good chance that he is only looking to hook up.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Aria,

    A guy who views your dating profile isn’t necessarily going to respond when you send him a smile. Viewing your dating profile doesn’t guarantee that he is interested.

    Yes, your dating profile photo captured his interest initially. However, once he read it, he most likely didn’t feel that the both of you would be a good match.

    Try not to focus on this or take it personally. This happens to just about everyone who is online dating.

    Some people become curious about a person and take a look at their dating profile. But, upon reading the person’s profile, there is something that throws them off or they just feel that there is no compatibility. That is alright. Not everyone works for everyone.

    By virtue of the sheer volume of dating prospects on dating apps, there are always guys who have the opposite reaction. They view your dating profile with curiosity and become even more interested in you upon reading what you had to say.

    This means that they respond to your smiles or even better, they decide to initiate a message to you.

    in reply to: Introverted men and online dating? #62415

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi William,

    You don’t need to pretend to be extroverted to get the attention of women on dating sites. You stand the best chance of getting the best matches if you are yourself.

    All you need to do is make a good dating profile that showcases your personality and interests, along with good photos. That is really it. People sometimes try to make online dating more complicated than it needs to be.

    The advantage of online dating is that it exposes you to matches that you would otherwise never meet in your everyday life.

    There are women on dating sites who like introverted guys. You just need to focus on making the best dating profile you can and you will get matches.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Michael,

    Selfies on a dating profile are a huge turn off because they are considered lazy and trashy.

    Quite a few men experience the same problem that you are having when it comes to the photos that they have available to post to their dating profile. They just have selfies. But the problem isn’t as complicated as you think.

    Even though your friends don’t share the same love of your hobbies, there are other people who do. Don’t be afraid to expand your network of friends.

    This is something that is easily done by meeting new people who congregate to participate in the hobbies that you love or who love visiting the favorite places that you frequent. Instead of always going to these locations by yourself, seek out groups that have the same interests that you do.

    They are easily found in Facebook groups, Meetup groups, forum communities, etc. Befriend these people and meet up with them at these venues. In these environments, it will be natural for them to take pictures of you participating in a hobby that you enjoy.

    That’s it.

    Now, instead of a whole bunch of selfies in your dating profile, you have lots of energetic pictures of you involved in your hobbies, taken by your newly found friends.

    Try doing this.

    It will do wonders for your dating profile and get you so many more matches.

    in reply to: No more online dating for me #62399

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Emily,

    He never really took the notion of marriage very seriously. He led you to believe that he did. But in the end, he never truly showed the signs of a person who wanted to get married.

    He was already demonstrating this very early in the relationship. You just chose not to take it seriously because you were so hopeful that he would be the one.

    This wasn’t the fault of online dating. You just happened to meet a man who was looking to use you for as long as he could.

    Many men do this because they are still emotionally attached to someone else. That is why he would never tell you that he loved you. The idea of flirting with you was also a bridge too far.

    Some men experience such a psychological downturn from a previous relationship that it keeps them from wanting to get playful and flirt. It is easier to be serious. This way, he never has to start something he can’t finish.

    Again, don’t blame online dating for this and give up on it. There are many men on dating sites who are truly looking for marriage and commitment. You just have to learn how to filter out the men who are serious from the men who are stringing you along.

    If you don’t hear the words, “I love you,” after dating each other for a few months, that’s a sign. If he doesn’t make regular plans to see you and take you out on dates, that’s another sign. If he doesn’t open himself up to you and share information that isn’t only private but also sensitive, that is another sign.

    Your instincts were already telling you that this guy was wrong, but you chose to ignore them because you had developed feelings for him. Always acknowledge your instincts. Oftentimes, they are trying to warn you about something that is truly an issue and must be addressed immediately.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Logan,

    It does get frustrating when you have been online dating for a while without finding the love you seek. However, it doesn’t help to have such a defeatist attitude. This negative energy easily permeates through your dating profile or when you are chatting with a dating prospect on a dating site.

    It turns her off and she decides not to give you a chance.

    Maintain a positive attitude at all times. This is key to being successful in online dating. You are taking things too seriously too quickly.

    If you give off the energy that you want to find the love of your life right now and with urgency, you can easily make women feel like you are in too much of a rush. Remember to show personality and humor. Stop being so serious and there is a good chance that a woman will gravitate towards you.

    If you don’t like the quality of the dating profiles that you are reading, try conducting a different kind of search or try a new dating app. Above all else, maintain a positive attitude and stop being so serious.

    in reply to: Online dating as a single dude with a cat? #62386

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Levi,

    There are more than enough people who love cats that are on dating apps. You shouldn’t concern yourself about people like your ex girlfriend who wouldn’t have dated you if she discovered that you had a cat when you both first met.

    The beauty of online dating is that the dating app that you choose to use will be filled with all sorts of people. Many will love cats and have cats of their own as pets and others won’t.

    You don’t have to worry about those who don’t care for cats. You will have more than enough people that you can romantically connect with on dating apps who love cats. They would most certainly date you if a good connection is made through conversation.

    in reply to: Trolling for IG followers on dating apps? #62380

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jacob,

    A few thousand followers added to the troll’s IG account adds up when the troll is leaving IG links on multiple dating apps. You don’t need a ton of followers on IG to have influence and make some money.

    That is why they do it.

    Of course, being a very attractive person only makes the troll’s dating profile that much more appealing to the hopeful suitor. They follow her on IG in the hopes that she takes notice of them and gives them some attention.

    People do learn eventually that these trolls have no interest in a relationship. That realization soon quells whatever unrealistic expectations they might have had about the prospect of dating this very attractive troll.

    Just like you, they learn through experience that there will be no romance at the other end of that IG link. Perhaps in time, enough of these men see the light and start ignoring these trolls and their IG links.

    Only then will the possibility of finding less and less of these trolls on dating apps more likely.

    One can only hope.

    in reply to: Why is it so hard to find someone on dating apps? #62370

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jackson,

    OnlyFans has become a very popular way for people to make money, especially of the adult variety and lots of women are taking advantage of it.

    Women who use dating apps to promote their OnlyFans accounts normally focus on the most popular ones. They know that the more popular the dating app is, the more men there are to attract to their OnlyFans accounts.

    Think about changing the dating apps that you are using. Try one that isn’t so popular or well-known. Yes, this decreases the number of women that you match with, but it does help to drastically reduce the number of times you come across a dating profile with an OnlyFans account link in it.

    Choosing a smaller dating app that is more geared towards the type of woman that you are looking for eliminates the issue of finding women who are the complete opposite of what you are looking for in a partner. Though it has a smaller pool of women to match with, it has the right kind of woman that you are looking for.

    A popular dating app with a lot of women is useless if a significant number of them don’t match with what you are looking for in a partner.

    You can fix the issue of location by setting parameters in your dating profile in terms of who you want to connect with and where they are located. This helps to reduce the number of messages or matches you receive of women who don’t live in your city that are driving through.

    in reply to: My dating profile photo and facial hair dilemma? #62361

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Daniel,

    This is why you should always have current photos on your dating profile. It saves you the trouble of having to deal with issues like this. It may seem trivial at face value, but it isn’t. She started talking to you on the dating site based on what she saw on your dating profile.

    She saw a guy who has no facial hair. That may be what she is into. Now, you could be wasting her time by meeting up if facial hair isn’t something she finds attractive on men. Even though it is just a stache and not full-on facial hair, she may still be turned off by it.

    If keeping the stache isn’t a big deal to you, shave it off.

    Don’t worry, if the both of you hit it off, you will be able to grow it back in the future. By that point, she would be emotionally invested in you, which would allow you to get away with certain things that she otherwise wouldn’t have forgiven if there was no emotional investment.

    As of now, you are yet to reach this point of privilege.

    Again, if the stache isn’t a big deal to you, just shave it for now. Keeping it on and sending her a photo instead could turn her off.

    Even if seeing a photo of you with a stache doesn’t necessarily turn her off, she may still be turned off by the fact that you didn’t use current photos on your dating profile. That alone could put a sour taste in her mouth.

    So far, the both of you have really struck it off and it wouldn’t be worth it to risk all of that goodwill by taking a chance on how she may or may not react to a photo of you with a stache.

    Shave the stache for now and avoid any unnecessary and possibly unappealing reactions.

    in reply to: Wasted time on the dating site, Match.com #62338

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Avery,

    It does feel like wasted time when there is a lack of response to your attempts to start a conversation on Match.com or any dating site for that matter, but this experience is nothing new. Others have had the same. However, you are most likely making the same mistakes.

    Your messages are boring and too serious.

    Yes, using information that you gather from the man’s bio is always a good idea, but you also need to make sure that your message doesn’t come across as wooden. If you are too serious with your message, it makes you come off as no fun and this easily turns men off.

    Men tend to be more responsive to women on dating sites who are playful, especially in the very beginning of getting to know each other. Try sending messages that are more fun. They should address something relevant to the man’s dating profile, but in a more fun, lighthearted way.

    Crack a joke or be self-deprecating.

    Men need to know that you would be someone fun to talk to and the very first message that you send them often lets them know that. If you fail that test, there is a higher likelihood that they won’t respond to your message.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Mia,

    The one guy that you were able to get a response from in terms of why he lied about wanting a serious relationship in his bio gave you a reason that is espoused by many men who do this.

    They do so to trap the woman into thinking that they are looking for a serious relationship in the hopes that they are able to seduce the woman into sleeping with them while dangling the possibility of getting a boyfriend out of this in their faces.

    Many of these guys aren’t honest about just wanting sex because they believe that it narrows the pool of women who would want to match with them.

    There is also something else that is often at play here that makes this issue all the more confounding. Although, as you stated, there are women who are also looking for sex, said women aren’t always all that honest about wanting that type of relationship either.

    Many of them actually write that they are seeking a serious relationship in their bio when in fact they know that they are only looking for casual relationships at this moment in time. Although what she truly wants is to find someone to have sex with, she is still worried about coming across as a woman with loose morals. Yes, many women still worry about this, even in today’s supposedly more enlightened era.

    They worry about being judged.

    These guys believe that they will be able to get more of these women who are also looking for sex but aren’t mentioning that in their bios to match with them by pretending to be seeking a serious relationship as well.

    If more women who are just seeking sex were more honest or forthcoming about that in their bios, many of these men may not see the need to be dishonest in their bios. Two wrongs don’t make a right. But, when it comes to this situation, both parties, men and women, could save people like you, a person who is honestly seeking a serious relationship, a lot of wasted time and effort by just being honest about what they truly want.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Luna,

    The men who post photos of themselves posing with attractive women on dating apps want to give out the impression that they are desirable to women. They believe that by posting these photos, women that come across their dating profile will look at them as someone worth talking to because they appear to be desirable to other women.

    It’s a way for these men to send the message that they have experience with attractive women and attractive women are happy to be around them. The men hope that by posing with attractive women on their photos, they are able to attract more attractive women that are using the dating app.

    They want attractive female dating prospects on the dating app to know that they are experienced when it comes to handling attractive women in general and that by liking their dating profile, these attractive female dating prospects are in for a really fun and exciting ride.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Gianna,

    Being busy is not a good enough excuse to justify not messaging you more consistently.

    Although he seems interested, he really isn’t. Any guy, even those you meet locally online, would be more consistent in messaging you if he was truly interested. He would want to learn more about you. He would want you to learn more about him.

    He seems interested whenever he chats with you because he wants you to feel as though he is interested. He only does this to keep you engaged so as to have you as an option in case he is unable to meet someone else of higher desirability.

    He hasn’t blocked you for the same reason. He wants to keep you around as a possible option.

    It isn’t wise to stick around hoping that he starts messaging you more. The longer you stick around, the more likely you become emotionally attached and that isn’t a good idea. Move on from this guy. He isn’t truly interested in you.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Evelyn,

    You need to be honest about the fact that you are plus sized by including that information in your bio. You have already been on dates with multiple men who ended up ghosting you after the dates based on not knowing that you were plus sized before they met you.

    Although you have full body pictures in your bio that clearly show that you are plus size, you should give yourself an extra layer of protection by also including the information that you are plus sized in your bio.

    Some guys don’t look through all the pictures on a dating profile. They use your primary picture as their quick eye test in deciding whether to like your profile or not, before moving on to other potential matches.

    Why keep putting yourself in situations where you are having really great conversation with a guy only to have him ghost you after discovering that you are plus size upon meeting you in person?

    It isn’t worth it.

    If you are worried that you won’t be able to get the attention of any man if you were to add that you are plus size in your bio, don’t be. There are lots of men on dating sites who will date plus size women.

    Instead of waiting for these men to message you or match with you, you can get more proactive. If the dating site has a search option, conduct searches for men who are seeking plus size women or who have plus size women as one of the options for the woman that they would want to match with.

    If you are having trouble finding men like this on the dating site that you are currently using, there are other dating sites that are specifically designed to cater to plus size people. You can look into dating sites like these.

    Let this really cute guy that wants to meet up with you on a dinner date tonight know that you are plus size before meeting up. It shows that you have respect for yourself and for his time. You can’t trick a guy who isn’t into plus size women into liking you simply because you have been having good conversations with him on a dating site.

    Those good conversations were predicated upon their understanding that you were of the right size in terms of what they are attracted to. In your 5 failed dates, those guys most likely thought you were slim or fit.

    It is so much better to dedicate your time and energy on a guy who is interested in you, knowing full well that you are plus size, than on a guy who doesn’t know that you are plus size but you are hoping will continue to like you upon meeting you in person.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Ella,

    It isn’t too soon to initiate a conversation about a fwb relationship with your Bumble match. You have both already talked about how you would both prefer a casual relationship. He knows where your mind is at.

    As long as a fwb relationship is truly what you want with this guy and you aren’t harboring the hope that a fwb relationship develops into something more serious and long term, you should let him know about what you want.

    It is always better to have conversations like this in person. It makes it easier for the both of you to really hash out the terms of how to go about this in a way that respects both of your boundaries without anything getting lost in translation.

    Something getting lost in translation is what you run the risk of experiencing if you were to text him instead. However, since you would much rather do it by text, the best way to initiate this kind of conversation is to just be straightforward about it.

    Straightforwardness is often what guys understand and respect the most. If you use ambiguous sentences in the hopes that he gets what it is that you are trying to tell him, you run the risk of making him either not understand what you are texting him or not take you seriously.

    Just be straightforward in letting him know that you want to pursue a fwb relationship and that if he is fine with that, you would like to talk about some of the logistics about how you can both go about making a relationship like this work and what the boundaries are.

    That’s really it.

    You are both adults. Set the rules and stick to them.

    The fwb relationships that tend to fail are the ones where there was never an honest conversation about logistics, expectations and boundaries beforehand.

    Having this type of conversation puts both of you in a position where you both know what you are getting into and can both feel secure that the feeling and understanding is mutual.

    in reply to: People avoiding questions on dating sites? #62278

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Elizabeth,

    These men avoid the topic of marriage because they don’t want to confront what they believe to be a heavy topic. They worry that addressing such a question puts undue pressure on them to deliver.

    Those that lie by giving the woman the impression that they also want marriage do so in the hopes that they can keep the woman around. They fear that if they were to tell the woman anything short of wanting to get married as well, she will shut them out and no longer communicate with them.

    This is why they make something as simple as letting a woman know what they are seeking in a relationship so difficult. They want to eat their cake and have it to. They want the privilege of having the woman’s attention without having to commit to any potential outcome. And if they believe that avoiding the topic won’t kill it, they lie.

    in reply to: Online dating dilemma? #62266

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Mason,

    You both found each other on a dating app. Clearly, you were both there for a reason.

    If her Bumble account is still active, she is still thinking about the prospect of dating someone. Sometimes, people believe that they aren’t ready to date because they are still dealing with emotional repercussions from a previous relationship.

    She may have chosen to join Bumble because she found out that it was a dating app that gave the woman a lot of control over who she chooses to talk to and the process of getting to know one another. This may have made her feel better about the prospect of getting back into the dating scene.

    When she told you that she felt the same way about not being ready to date, she may have meant that she wasn’t ready to date at that moment but she was open to talking to someone and taking it slow.

    Again, this may have been the reason why she joined Bumble, instead of other dating apps.

    She felt that she wouldn’t have to deal with the pressure of guys constantly messaging her and asking her to meet up after having only one or two conversations with her, or no conversations at all.

    Your best chance at getting her to go out with you is to reconnect with her on Bumble, but don’t ask her out right away. Just go back to having fun and engaging conversations with her like you were doing when you first met her on the dating app.

    If you are willing to be patient, there is a good chance that she will warm up to you over time and be open to meeting you in person.

    She needs to trust whoever it is that she decides to take a chance on dating. That person could be you, as long as you are patient and focus on earning her trust by having meaningful conversations with her over a sustained period of time before anything else.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Abigail,

    Yes, this does happen to a good number of people on dating apps. The guys who give excuses or unmatch you when you request a 10-15 minute phone call don’t believe that they will be able to carry on a good conversation with you.

    It’s a lot more intimidating for them to talk to you over the phone than to meet you in person. Meeting you in person gives them the opportunity to use their physicality to seduce you.

    Conversation on the other hand is a different story. It’s a lot harder for them to think of ways to keep a conversation going than it is for them to simply give you the flirty eye and flex an arm muscle if they were to meet you in person, while hoping to hook up with you by the end of the date.

    Their poor conversational skills is often why they ask you out after only a few hours of conversation on a dating app. They are capable of using simple conversation openers but anything beyond that is beyond them. It’s also why they don’t want to entertain the idea of talking to you on the phone for 10-15 minutes.

    They don’t have those conversational skills and know that the sooner they are able to get you to meet them in person, the sooner they are able to use their physicality to woo you.

    in reply to: Are you guys getting matches on dating apps? #62246

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Henry,

    Yes, there are a good number of guys who report getting less matches over time on a dating app that they are using. When you have had an account on a dating app for a while, say, for a year or more, you run the risk of the dating app putting you on the back burner in terms of matching you up with women.

    There are so many guys who join dating apps in comparison to women on a daily basis that the dating app has to make room for the newer accounts. They want to match women with their latest male accounts. If your account has been around for a year or more, the dating app may not prioritize matching you with the newest female accounts.

    They figure that you are either gaming the system in some way or you are simply not all that desirable if you have been unable to find a partner in that amount of time.

    Deleting your account and starting a new one, as you tried, isn’t a remedy. Dating apps have a way of knowing who is doing this. They have to. It helps them combat the proliferation of bot accounts that are all being created from the same IP address.

    A solution to your problem of getting less matches on a dating app is to do a complete overhaul of your dating profile.

    Many of the males who have the same problem that you are experiencing make the mistake of maintaining the same dating profile. Here and there, they may make minor changes to it but nothing profound. You need to do the opposite of this.

    Do a complete overhaul of your dating profile.

    Post fresh and new dynamic photos to your dating profile. This catches the search algorithm’s attention. The algorithm loves fresh content, whether it be in photos or in what you write on your bio. Rewrite your bio and make sure that you include popular keywords that many of the women use on their bios. This is essential.

    When you read the dating profiles of women that you are interested in, make sure that you are writing down the keywords that you keep seeing them use. These keywords are normally what she likes in terms of activities or refer to the experiences that she has had in life.

    If those keywords relate to you, make sure that you use them in your bio. This is how the algorithm is able to find your dating profile whenever it is looking for matches. It sees that the same keyword was used on another dating profile and matches the both of you.

    Do this complete overhaul to your dating profile and there is a good chance that you notice an increase in how many matches you start getting.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Ethan,

    A lot of this comes down to the types of messages that you are sending. If you aren’t stimulating conversation in the messages that you send, don’t expect the woman to be stimulated enough to respond to your message sooner.

    You need to send the kind of messages that open up conversation in a way that makes the woman feel compelled to get back to you sooner. Oftentimes, messages like this constitute a lot more than merely saying hello or asking her about how her day is going.

    You need to use information in her dating profile to stimulate conversations. Ask her open-ended questions about information that you find interesting and make her laugh by either saying something funny in relation to that information or teasing her good-naturedly about it.

    You will discover that women are more likely to respond to your messages quicker when you make them laugh and show that you are truly interested in something that is specifically about them, than if you were to send generic messages about how their day is going or make use of the atypical getting-to-know-you questions that almost everyone adopts to open conversation with someone they are romantically interested in.

    Using open-ended questions that are more specific to each woman’s personality and life experience, based on the information that she included in her dating profile, sets you apart from so many other guys on the dating site who are sending these women generic messages.

    Give it time.

    Being that she is so used to guys sending such generic messages, she may be a little hesitant to get excited over the fact that your messages so far have been uniquely different.

    However, if you keep it up, you will notice that she will start responding to your messages a lot quicker than the 24-36 hour time frame that you have experienced so far on the dating site because of how good you make her feel whenever she reads your messages.

    No need to ghost these girls or move on. First, try sending better messages to these girls and you just may be surprised by the result.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Alexander,

    This is an opportunity to take a look at your LinkedIn profile and use it to help you create a better dating profile on dating apps.

    You are receiving more messages on LinkedIn because you have an attractive profile. You are showing potential employers your best qualities by stating your experience in relevant areas of expertise. Your approach on a dating app should be no different.

    No, you shouldn’t be talking about your years of experience in whatever career that you are qualified for, but you should be showing your years of experience in life itself.

    You have had a life so far that has had experiences. Think of some of the most interesting experiences that you have had that relates to who you are as a person and tell short anecdotal stories about them in your bio.

    This is how you infuse personality into your dating profile and improve the chances that you attract a lot more attention from single women, in the same way that you have been attracting the attention of prospective employers on LinkedIn.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi James,

    Yes, scam accounts are becoming a lot more sophisticated. They know that legitimate people on a dating site are getting wiser as far as what to look for and the scammers are now getting a lot more sophisticated in how they go about deceiving people.

    As you mentioned, you are familiar with a lot of the telltale signs of a scam account, from the use of sexually suggestive or highly attractive photos, to the use of bad English grammar. However, a quick way to spot a scam account is to take a look at whether that account actually viewed your dating profile before liking it.

    Many scam accounts send out likes automatically, without ever having looked at the dating profiles of their targets. If you are using a dating site that gives you the option to see who has viewed your dating profile, I highly recommend that you take advantage of this feature.

    Even if it costs a few extra dollars to get this feature, use it. Paying a few extra dollars a month to see who viewed your dating profile saves you a lot of grief and even expense at the hands of a scammer. If you get a like from an account you suspect is one of a scammer, check to see if this account actually viewed your dating profile.

    If they didn’t, there is a very good chance that this is a scam account that is just sending out hundreds of likes in the hopes of getting some of their targets to respond.

    Another way to spot a scam account more quickly is to take a look at how long that account has been logged in. A newer scam account is logged in throughout the day. It doesn’t take a break to go to bed, school or work. It is always on. You could even check it at 2 am in the morning and it would still say that the person is logged in.

    Couple this with an account that liked your dating profile but never viewed it and you have the makings of a scam account.

    in reply to: Should I disclose my disability directly in my bio? #62207

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Benjamin,

    You should address your disability in your bio. It isn’t wise to keep this information from women until you reach a point where you believe that there is mutual interest on both parties.

    You have been able to meet and date women in real life irrespective of your disability. You will be able to do the same on a dating site. Although your worry that women could simply skip your dating profile due to reading about your disability without having to experience any social awkwardness has merit, it doesn’t mean that you won’t get attention.

    You mentioned that you check a lot of the other boxes in terms of what a woman would want in a good partner, use your bio to showcase those positive attributes. This is where you are able to really let your personality come through. Use your photos to showcase your personality as well.

    Just as you have been able to attract women in person, giving women on a dating site the opportunity to get a really good idea of what you are like as a person and what your lifestyle is like is what will also attract them to you.

    You are not online dating to attract every woman. You are there to attract the right woman for you. Most people who have a disability and have chosen to do online dating report that they have the best results when they are honest about their disability by disclosing it in their bio.

    They have stated that this has boded well for them and potential matches because it prevents misplaced expectations and unexpected surprises.

    You will find that as long as you write about your disability in a positive manner and spend by far the majority of your bio talking about your interests, experiences and showcasing your personality, your disability becomes a side note. Women will see that it isn’t something that rules or overshadows your life and they will be turned on by this.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Camila,

    Guys that use a threatening photo as their dating profile picture believe that it makes them look tough. They don’t want to come off as though they are weak. The photo with a dead animal is also a sign of their masculinity. They are sending the message that they are protectors and providers. They believe that blatant displays of what they perceive as masculine traits is what attracts women.

    When you have swiped right on them in the past and tried to give them advice about the benefit of not having such a threatening dating profile picture, they see that as an attack on their masculinity. That is why they have retorted with telling you that you aren’t that hot.

    Yes, something like this can get frustrating. However, being a good Samaritan to guys like this may not be worth your time. Guys like this often need to experience what it is like to get next to no matches on a dating site in order for them to start reassessing the negativity that comes with having a threatening dating profile photo.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Sophia,

    A consistently negative online dating experience can have a negative impact on your mental health. Yes, dating is supposed to be enjoyable, fun and playful.

    If you are feeling more and more anxious lately when it comes to online dating, you should take a moment to ask yourself about how you approach these dates. If you come to them with a lot of expectations, your body language may have some rigidity to it that could easily make your date feel uneasy.

    Try approaching these dates with the mentality of having a good time with no expectations. This helps to make you a lot more open and relaxed on your dates. Having this approach to your dates increases the likelihood that your match will follow your lead. If you are loose and relaxed, they emulate you. This increases the chances that you both have a fun time.

    Instead of calling it quits on online dating, try using this approach on the next few dates that you go on and there is a good chance that you won’t keep feeling as anxious.

    in reply to: Advice for getting matches on dating apps? #62171

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Oliver,

    Use photos that are recent and show you involved in activities that you love. This tends to capture people’s attention. Instead of just mentioning the interests that you love, elaborate on that by showing those interests through your photos.

    This is often where people connect with what you are saying, through actually getting to see these interests in photos. This type of approach to the photos that you post on your dating profile on dating apps helps tremendously in getting you matches. People connect to what you are saying and feel compelled to like your dating profile.

    The algorithm on all of these dating apps, whether it be Tinder, Bumble or Hinge, love matching people based on the key words that are used in their dating profiles. This is where you benefit by having a detailed bio. The more words you use in your bio, the more words you are giving the algorithm to work with. This means that it will match you with other people that used the same key words in their bios.

    Don’t get lazy with your bio. Guys tend to make this mistake. They write too little in their bios and then wonder why they aren’t getting more matches. Make your bio compelling. Fit in a good number of key words that have to do with your interests and experiences. This opens you up to getting a lot more matches.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Elijah,

    The dating apps that override the distance range that you have set often do it because they are having a hard time finding the matches that you are seeking within the 25 mile distance range that you have set.

    It is something that a lot of them do by default, whether it be Facebook Dating, Plenty Of Fish or Tinder. The algorithm isn’t finding enough of the types of matches that you have specified in your match preferences and default to looking for these matches outside of your distance range.

    If you don’t live in an area with a high density of people, the chances of dating apps doing this sort of thing is even stronger as there just aren’t enough people who meet your specific match preferences to match you with.

    In the end, they figure that it would be best to show you more matches, even if it means going beyond your distance range settings, than giving you fewer matches or none at all.

    A way that you can lessen this is to be less stringent in the preferences that you specify that you are looking for in a match.

    If there are some qualities that you can do without, without sacrificing the most important qualities that you are looking for in a match, remove them as preferences. This broadens the pool of people that you can get matched with and increases the likelihood that you receive more matches within your distance preferences.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Noah,

    Yes, girls promoting their OnlyFans accounts on Tinder has become more and more prevalent as OnlyFans has become more popular. Escorts and prostitutes on dating apps have always been a thing. There is nothing new there.

    Dating apps is fertile ground for women who are offering adult services and a location like South Florida, that has a very active adult entertainment industry, is a mecca for them. There are a lot of lonely men who respond to these women. These women are often attractive. Tinder, like many other dating apps, wants to have dating profiles of attractive women on their app. This increases the popularity of their app.

    Flagging the dating profiles of women who are leaving links to their OnlyFans accounts can help to lessen this problem somewhat. But even when Tinder acts by banning these dating profiles, the girl just opens a new one under a different name.

    Until Tinder uses an internal monitoring system that blacklists certain sites such as OnlyFans, along with certain escort sites that are repeat offenders, enabling it to instantly identify dating profiles that are leaving these links and automatically banning them, which it doesn’t appear that Tinder is willing to do anytime soon, this problem will persist.

    If this experience has reached a point where you are just not getting what you want out of Tinder, consider trying out some other dating apps that take this sort of thing more seriously. Tinder isn’t the only game in town.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Isabella,

    An online dating profile photo that has good lighting and shows your full face at a distance of about five feet from the camera is most preferable.

    Your face should be unobscured.

    People often make the mistake of trying to be sneaky by taking their online dating profile photo at weird angles, at distances too far from the camera, with them in a group of people, with sunglasses or a cap on, or with photo filters. Avoid doing any of this.

    Your online dating profile photo should not be this busy. It only makes it appear as though you are hiding something which is never appealing to men and will never make them stop and pay attention to your online dating profile.

    The focus needs to be on your full face taken at enough of a distance that your upper torso is also visible. This gives men a good idea of your build, which can also go a long way in getting men to swipe right on your dating profile or send you a message or interest signal.

    Smile.

    Just as in real life, most men are drawn to women who seem approachable. When they see her somewhere in public or a social event, they will be a lot more inclined to approach her if she is smiling. This makes him feel like she would be open to his approach and would be pleasant to talk to. It is no different on an online dating site.

    Provide a natural smile in your dating profile photo. Don’t overdo it. Just smile as you normally would when you are happy.

    What you are wearing can also have a profound effect. There have been psychological studies done that have shown that men are most attracted to women in red.

    There is a reason why there is so much red on Valentine’s Day, whether it be in flowers or boxes of chocolate. Red is the color of passion. If you have red earrings, a red necklace or a red blouse lying around, make use of them in your online dating profile photo. Red can go a long way in setting you apart from other women.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Amelia,

    He was fully aware that he was married when he met you online and started dating you virtually for the last 3 months. He was misleading you on purpose. That is never a good characteristic in a person.

    If you were to keep him in your life as a friend with the intent of only talking to him casually, at some point in time, you could easily be misled into thinking that you should start dating him again.

    It was this easy for him to mislead you for 3 months, who’s to say that he wouldn’t find a way to make you believe that he has divorced his wife and wants you to give him another chance at dating?

    The point here is, he cannot be trusted. Stay away from married men online. They can make you believe whatever they think you want to hear just so that they can keep you around. They will communicate with you for sustained periods of time until you become so emotionally attached to them that you just can’t let go, even when you know you should.

    Friendships come about through honesty. Trust is not only important in romantic relationships but friendships as well. Given how your relationship with this married man began, with lies and dishonesty about his relationship status, he would not be a good person to keep as a friend. He can’t be trusted. You should block him entirely and move forward with your life.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Olivia,

    It would help to look back at the last few conversations you had with this guy that you met on MeetMe. There may have been something said that didn’t quite agree with him. He may not have brought it up at the time for fear of appearing to be too sensitive.

    He is still looking at your online dating profile because there are moments where he feels the need to reach out. There are moments when he recalls his conversations with you and the pictures that you both exchanged.

    He craves those moments and finds himself looking at your online dating profile as a result. However, as the initial excitement over looking at your online dating profile again starts to wear out, he recalls why he stopped communicating with you in the first place. He becomes sensitive to whatever this issue was and chooses not to message you.

    in reply to: I got a Google Voice Number for online dating #62114

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Katherine,

    In this day and age of technological advances, people can find out a lot about you with even less than your phone number.

    A first name and a general idea of what area of town you live in and what you do for a living is enough for some determined people to find you, thanks to what technology can do today.

    The experience that you had with the man that you met off the dating app knowing so much about you based off of looking up your real phone number was definitely cause for concern. You never really know who you are dealing with on a dating app until you have really gotten to know them better as a person.

    Even if you have Google Voice, you should always be cautious of men who want to start texting you through another medium too prematurely. Using Google Voice does not keep you from falling for a guy who is cunning enough to get you to trust him, even though you took the precaution of using Google Voice to communicate with him outside of the dating app.

    If his ultimate goal is to take advantage of you in some manner, Google Voice isn’t capable of screening out men of poor character who can keep that part of themselves hidden.

    Though you are using Google Voice now, still exercise caution and common sense. If you believe that it is too soon to start texting each other outside of the dating app, let that be known, instead of just handing him your Google Voice Number.

    A man who is truly interested in getting to know you as the person you are, with no ill intentions, will respect that and continue chatting with you for a sensible amount of time on the dating app until you are ready to take communication away from the dating app.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Charlotte,

    If playing video games is a big part of your life and something that you really love, you should share that information in the bio of your online dating profile.

    You have been receiving a bunch of matches with guys who want to talk video games because they find it attractive that your interests include a love for video games.

    The conversations are fizzling out because you are not transitioning the topic into something else in sufficient time. By the time the initial excitement about all the video games you both have in common such as Pokemon has worn off, there doesn’t feel like there is anything else to talk about.

    To overcome this, use the cues that you are given in conversations to do a redirect. Instead of solely focusing on themes about these video games, take the opportunity to ask him questions about topics that don’t necessarily relate.

    For example, in talking about Pokemon, he may say something about playing it a lot with some of his friends. That is your cue and your opportunity to now ask him an open-ended question such as, “Wow, what else do you normally do with your friends on the weekends?”

    At this point, you have used information that he briefly mentioned while talking about Pokemon to redirect the topic of conversation to something else. Redirecting conversation through using information that the guy gives you while talking about video games is how you are able to keep these conversations going without allowing them to fizzle out.

    These guys that you match with are most likely shy. They are confident when it comes to talking about video games, but aren’t very equipped with how to go about changing the topic. This is why the conversations fizzle out.

    Continuously using this redirecting tactic broadens the conversation. Soon, his confidence is boosted as he gets more comfortable with the prospect of learning more about you. This is when he starts asking you open-ended questions about topics that have nothing to do with video games.

    This way of going about having conversations is how you get some of these guys to eventually ask you out on a date.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Philip,

    It is a good idea to make your first message easy on the eyes without being so rigid. Have a good blend of casual and serious tones. This makes you come off as both a guy who can be taken seriously but who doesn’t take himself too seriously. It gives you personality and women are very attracted to this kind of approach.

    You are right in that the women on the dating app that you are using, Hinge, could be easily getting as many as 30 messages a day if not more. The good news is that most of those messages are bad. It’s mostly guys giving her superficial compliments or starting the conversation with, “Hello,” “Hey,” “Hi beautiful,” Hey gorgeous,” and so on.

    These conversational approaches are a turn off to most women on a dating app, so you won’t have to work too hard to get their attention by sending a more substantive message.

    Don’t worry about the ideal length.

    The same woman can be just as captivated by a well-worded short message as she would be by a well-worded message that has multiple paragraphs. It is just about how you write it. Try not to feel restricted by what the ideal length should be.

    Just think about the impression that you want to convey to her. Think of one or two common themes that you want her to be able to pick up on about you in that first message. It works best if the themes connect with something she included in her dating profile.

    A theme about travel for instance could be conveyed by you giving her an abbreviated account of a trip that you went on and what that experience was like. In the process of telling the story, you can make some lighthearted jokes. You then end your message by asking her an open-ended question about the trip that she went on.

    This is how you are able to create a mood and a feel for who you are while finding ways to connect with her by using a common experience as the focus of your theme. The ideal length of this type of message just depends on how much of the story you want to reveal.

    As long as you are compelling in what you write, the ideal length of your message really doesn’t matter. Women who are seeking serious relationships will take the time to read a longer message if it is compelling enough. Your focus should be more so about the substance of your message than on what the ideal length should be.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Ava,

    The both of you have lost quite a bit of momentum since you first starting talking to each other last year. Although he saw your text messages on Tinder, he wasn’t excited about reconnecting at that moment.

    He is still actively using dating apps. This means that there is a good chance that he is actively dating different women. At this time, you are not at the same level of priority as you were last year. Other dating prospects are now ahead of you in terms of desirability.

    In liking your new dating profile on Coffee Meets Bagel, there is a chance that he didn’t even really pay much attention to what he was doing. If you used a different dating profile photo on your Coffee Meets Bagel account, he may not have even recognized you.

    He is on two dating apps that you know of. He could even be on more. He is liking a lot of dating profiles. A lot of guys do this to increase the likelihood of getting as many matches as they can. They play the numbers game.

    With the lost momentum from last year, he is trying to see what else is out there. If he reaches a point where he has run out of matches or isn’t getting that many, he might come back around to replying to your text messages on Tinder.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Liam,

    This is not a new phenomenon. There are women who are addicted to online dating. They always believe that the next guy that they go out with is going to be their perfect match. They are always looking for the next best thing, even if they are going out on dates with very good matches.

    Women like this join multiple dating apps. They swipe on so many men that they lose track of who they are swiping on and who they are meeting up on dates with. These handful of women aren’t only swiping on your dating profile several times, they are swiping on the dating profiles of lots of other men. They are serial daters.

    They like going on dates. They don’t commit to getting to know the guy better after the date. That is why you didn’t hear back from the woman that you went on a date with. Women like this who are addicted to online dating and serial dating are merely seeking the high of meeting men on dates.

    They have no real interest in pursuing anything serious beyond that. They excuse this behavior by making themselves believe that all they are doing is looking for their best match. Unfortunately, it’s so much more complex than that.

    They have taken this type of behavior so far that they don’t even realize that the prospect of meeting their best match is no longer a real desire anymore. They are now addicted to the high that comes with swiping on guys that they see on dating sites and going out on dates with them. The high has become what they are now chasing, not a serious relationship.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Marianne,

    You shouldn’t put it upon yourself to take all the initiative when it comes to planning dates. It doesn’t matter that you don’t feel uncomfortable with initiating contact with guys and asking them out.

    Any guy, whether you meet him on a dating app, such as Bumble, or in real life, needs to appreciate your value from the very beginning. A way for him to see and respect your value is in how the both of you go about meeting each other for that first time.

    He needs to contribute to this process. Guys get lazy when the girl does all the work in planning dates. They just come along for the ride. You need to make sure that there is a healthy balance when it comes to the responsibility of planning dates.

    It isn’t a good idea to start this with you paying for dates. The both of you may be new to the town but that doesn’t mean that you should start with going to well-known restaurants and tourist locations. You don’t even know whether you will have any chemistry with this guy first.

    It doesn’t matter how good the chemistry was between the both of you on Bumble. Real life chemistry is a different story. Start with something small. Meet for coffee first. This helps you establish whether there is true chemistry between you. It also lets you see whether he actually looks like his dating profile photos.

    Yes, there are many incidents where two people off a dating app meet in real life only to be disappointed that one or both parties misrepresented how they truly look in present day in their dating profile photos.

    Give him a chance to pay for the coffee date. Although he is 3 years younger than you at 26 years of age, I am pretty sure he can afford to pay for a cup of coffee.

    If he doesn’t, you should strongly reconsider whether it would be wise to continue talking to him. Guys often give you a preview of just how selfish of a boyfriend they would be when they don’t pay for a cheap coffee date.

    So, let’s hope he pays for the coffee date.

    After the coffee date, if you both feel that the chemistry was there and would like to see each other again, tell him that since the both of you are new in town, you can both do an exercise.

    You should both do some research independently and gather a list of some of the touristy locations that you would each like to visit. Then, you will both alternate weeks to venture to a touristy location that is on each of your lists.

    This is a good way for the both of you to alternate expense. On a weekend that you both go to a touristy location that is on his list, he pays. On a weekend that you both go to a touristy location that is on your list, you pay. This way, you are both sharing the cost and effort to make these touristy location activities happen.

    In terms of going to the well-known restaurants, you can use the exact same approach. You both do your own individual research and gather a list of the restaurants in this new town that you would like to eat at. Then you alternate.

    This is how you both share the load of both expenditure and coming up with restaurants to go to.

    Never take on the entire burden of planning and paying for dates when you are getting to know a guy. When there is equal expenditure and effort by both parties, you have the better chance of the guy taking you seriously.

    in reply to: How long must I wait until online dating works for me? #62071

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Barbara,

    Yes, people do find meaningful relationships through online dating at 30 years old or more. Many do. Since you have tried online dating through the years with less than satisfactory results, it helps to take a look at what you have been doing that has remained constant.

    If you have been using the same dating apps over the years, try some new ones. You don’t always have to use the most popular dating apps to try finding a match. Sometimes, a dating app that is smaller but caters to the type of match that works best for you is a better option.

    It’s better to be on a smaller dating app filled with the types of matches that you are attracted to, than to be on a popular dating app that has only has a few of the types of matches that you are seeking. Though a popular dating app has more people overall, it may be lacking in the types of people that you are most attracted to.

    If you have been using mostly the same photos over the years for your dating profile, take new photos and post a bunch of them to your dating profile.

    You are not the same person you were a few years ago. You have had new experiences and hopefully grown as a person. Showcase that in the photos you post on your dating profile. This goes a long way in attracting the best matches to you.

    Change the way you construct your bio. If you are normally really formal in how you write, be less formal. Have fun with it. Make jokes. Be self-deprecating. Ask questions. Tell short anecdotes about some unforgettable experiences that you have had. All of this makes you so much more personable and approachable.

    You come off as a fun human being that a guy would want to get to know as opposed to a person who is simply going through the process of robotically writing their bio in the hopes of getting over with it soon.

    Making all of these changes gives you a lot better chance of having success in online dating. You won’t have to wait very long until online dating works for you. People who follow good practices in online dating often report that they met their best match within six months of joining the dating app.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jimmy,

    As tempting as it is, you shouldn’t leave your height allocation blank. Girls on a dating app look for a guy’s height. Leaving your height allocation blank makes them suspicious that you are hiding something. This shows a lack of confidence.

    A lack of confidence is a turn off. Although you say that you aren’t insecure about your height at 5’5″, girls think otherwise when you purposely omit it. Include your height.

    Yes, most women prefer tall men but that doesn’t mean that you can’t get attention. There is a lot more to what women find attractive in a man than solely his height. Women are a lot more multi-faceted in what they are attracted to.

    Focus on creating a fun and descriptive bio with lots of eye-catching photos that show you participating in activities that you love. This makes your dating profile resonate with women.

    Don’t worry. You are not on the dating app to capture every woman’s attention. As long as you create a descriptive, personalized dating profile, a good number of women will still swipe right on your smiling face regardless of your height.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Angela,

    Not surprised that this guy that you met on a dating app is driving you nuts. After five dates, there is really no excuse for him not be initiating contact with you in-between dates.

    Given that he does take the initiative to contact whenever you get sick of initiating contact and making suggestions, it would work in your favor to pull back.

    Being the one who always initiates contact in-between dates for the most part has spoiled him. He is leaving it to you to initiate because you have made him feel as though you are going to do it anyway.

    You need to make him start doing some work in contributing equally. Take a step back from initiating contact in-between dates. Let him be the one to start reaching out to you first from here on out. He has already shown a propensity to do this whenever you get sick of making suggestions and back off. Do more of this.

    The conversations must be about a lot more than just setting up another date. If all he does is initiate contact in order to set up another date, tell him that you would rather the both of you get to learn more about each other before going on another date with him.

    This should make him start putting out a lot more effort in his conversations with you so as to earn another opportunity to meet up with you on a date.

    Make him chase you. Make him do some work. Do this first before moving on.

    If he demonstrates a consistent willingness to initiate contact with you in-between dates over a sustained period of time, you may have a keeper.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Amber,

    I understand your frustration. You are not the only one who has been left feeling angry and defeated when it comes to their dating experiences with dating apps.

    Dating apps have provided people with a lot of options when it comes to dating. Unfortunately, if you don’t blow away many of these guys on the first one, two or three dates that you go on with them, it is much too easy for them to seek out someone else on the dating app. There is just too much choice.

    To combat this, you need to make sure that you have multiple dating options of your own that you are going on active dates with. If you attach yourself to only one guy at a time, believing that he is the one, he can easily ditch you, even if you make it to the third date with him.

    Having a few other guys that you are meeting on dates allows you to maximize the efficiency of your time and make the most of it. This way, you always avoid being left completely empty-handed if a date loses interest in you at some point soon after the second or third date.

    Given the repetitiveness of your dating experiences with guys that you are meeting on dating apps, you should also think about what you may be doing on some of these dates.

    First dates that don’t result in a second isn’t something unusual. It happens all the time when you are meeting someone for the first time in person. The chemistry that you both shared on the dating app doesn’t always persist when you meet each other in person.

    However, you have been on second and third dates which ultimately led to these guys slowly fading away. Getting to these consequent dates clearly showed that something went right in the first date.

    Think about how you behaved on the first date and the time spent communicating in-between and compare that with how you behaved on the second and third dates, as well as the time spent communicating in-between those dates. If you discover that there were some noticeable changes in behavior, think about making corrections to that.

    You did mention that you get excited about some of these guys. That could be the problem. When you go on second and third dates with them, you could be trying too hard because you are just so excited about them.

    This means that you are sharing a bit too much about yourself too prematurely and probably asking them questions or making statements that are a bit too personal too early. You just get so carried away that you are already acting as though you are in an exclusive relationship with them.

    This overzealous behavior can easily chase guys away. Remember how you behaved on that first date. You weren’t so crazy about spilling everything about yourself, you left a lot out. Be that again. Have some restraint when you realize that you are beginning to get excited about a guy. Leave some mystery to you.

    If you show everything on the first few dates, you leave nothing for them to discover. Allow them to chase you. It’s too early to start initiating the majority of the messages or pressing to see them again. Remember that you are the prize. Let him pursue you.

    Exercising restraint and maintaining an air of mystery about you is very effective in getting guys to remain interested and stick around.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jeffrey,

    It can be frustrating when you come across so many dating profiles where people are wearing sunglasses. When 70 percent or more of the person’s dating profile photos shows them wearing sunglasses, it isn’t too farfetched to start wondering whether this person is truly serious about finding a relationship partner. After all, why cover half of your face in the majority of your dating profile photos?

    Many people do this because they haven’t bothered to take better photos. They feel comfortable in sunglasses. They are not comfortable with the prospect of allowing you to see a lot of what they really look like behind the sunglasses.

    Sometimes, this is a result of shyness, other times, it’s a result of people who have taken the anonymity of online dating too far. They still have reservations about online dating and believe that they need to protect their identity as best they can by wearing sunglasses in the majority of their photos.

    Although, you are right in that, anyone doing something like this needs to fix it, some of them still have success in getting attention from people on dating apps.

    Regardless of the sunglasses, they are able to attract people often because they still look good in their photos. For people who are experiencing success like this, despite a majority of their photos showing them wearing sunglasses, they are not about to change their behavior any time soon.

    On the other hand, those who do this and receive next to no attention soon learn that they need better photos. They learn this lesson the hard way. This bodes well for people like you who hope to find more dating profiles with people who are not wearing sunglasses.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Patrick,

    When it comes to dating, everyone has something that makes them feel uncomfortable to the point where they regard it as a deal breaker. For you, it’s a woman who doesn’t offer to pay for anything on a second date. You may have had some history with women in the past who went on multiple dates with you that never got anywhere, leaving a bitter taste in your mouth and making you feel as though they had taken you for a ride.

    This is for women that you have met on dating sites and women that you have met in real life. That made you rethink how you go about dating and you decided to start using a litmus test.

    Date two would be your litmus test. If she doesn’t offer to pay for anything on the second date, you would take that as a sign of a woman who would never make a good partner. Do understand that some women are very traditional when it comes to dating.

    They let the man lead in the beginning. Yes, this means that the man pays for the first few dates. However, it doesn’t mean that this is how it will always be. Once she reaches a point where she feels comfortable in knowing that this guy is for real, she may start paying for some dates or even cook for you.

    Now, if you have found that using the second date as a litmus test has been working for you, do you. It does sound like you are no longer single. But, if you find yourself single at some point in the foreseeable future, it wouldn’t hurt to try a different approach in increasing the threshold of dates to a greater number.

    Giving it at least three dates before deciding to ditch her if she doesn’t offer to pay for anything could be a much better experience for you and may keep you from missing out on some really great potential relationship partners.

    If you are worried about the financial exposure, the dates don’t have to be expensive. There are lots of relatively inexpensive dates that you can go on with her from taking walks to meeting for coffee or a smoothie. This way, you can last for a few more dates without ditching the woman too prematurely.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Amy,

    Yes, you should reach out to this guy. When you cancelled on the date without giving him a reason, he could have easily thought that the issue was him. He may have thought that he did something to turn you off.

    The both of you were getting along before the cancellation. He even convinced you to keep texting him after you informed him that you weren’t comfortable with meeting a stranger from a dating app in the city. He clearly wanted to see where things would lead. The fact that you are thinking about reaching out to him shows that you clearly liked some or a lot of what you learned about him.

    It would be to your advantage to reach out instead of leaving this alone. The sooner you do, the better. The cancellation is still fresh and he may still be holding out hope to hear from you. If you wait too long to reach out, he could find someone else on the dating app that he connects with and you could lose any chance at getting him to give you another opportunity.

    The idea of inviting him to dinner to make up for the cancellation is a good one. It shows that you are truly remorseful and you are putting your money where your mouth is in trying to make it up to him. Don’t wait on this one. Message him now.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Ron,

    Yes, it can feel weird when you get the “I’m closing my account” message from a woman on a dating site. It isn’t always an excuse though. Some women do get fed up with online dating. If she hasn’t had a good time of it, she may really be looking to quit online dating altogether and close her account.

    It is not always about you or about giving an excuse. You are a lovely guy, but if she has experienced a bunch of rude, unattractive guys while online dating, she has reached her limit. You just so happened to show up a bit too late. She doesn’t want to try anymore.

    If you come back a few days later and notice that her dating profile is no longer anywhere to be found, she wasn’t kidding about closing her account.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Joshua,

    As an average guy, you make your dating profile stand out when you use quality pictures that show you participating in activities that you love. Have lots of them. Make sure that they tell a story.

    If you traveled somewhere interesting, post high quality pictures about that trip showing you participating in fun activities. This creates a picture in a girl’s mind of what your life and personality must be like and she could easily become taken by those pictures.

    Though average looking, those pictures make you become so much more attractive, especially if she also loves to travel or has been to the location that you are showing yourself pictured in.

    Don’t be too strict in your fear of posting shirtless pictures of yourself. As much as shirtless pictures get a bad rap, they can actually be highly effective in getting a girl’s attention.

    Studies have shown that women do pay extra attention to dating profiles that have shirtless men. Women are visual too. It’s just that men go overboard with their shirtless pictures, using them in a way that provides very little constructive context, besides the intent of showing off their physique.

    That is where they make the mistake. You can still post shirtless pictures as long as you are involved in something that makes sense while shirtless.

    A shirtless picture while snorkeling or scuba diving is a very effective way to use one. It shows you participating in a fun, physical activity. It makes sense that you would be shirtless doing an activity like this.

    By using shirtless pictures in this way, you come off as a guy with a lot more substance than if you were just standing around shirtless just posing for the camera.

    As an average guy, a shirtless picture is a good way to show off your physique. It gives her another dimension to you. If you are fit, a shirtless picture done right can go a long way in scoring you some extra points with her and making your dating profile stand out.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Paul,

    Yes, it can be really frustrating to feel as though you are the one who is constantly pushing a conversation forward with women that you meet on dating sites.

    Many of them have this kind of communication style so as not to get too emotionally invested in a guy too soon. Many women are talkers. They naturally love to socialize and chat. When they aren’t asking you questions, they are not comfortable enough with you to do so.

    They don’t want to get themselves sucked into a guy before they know that he is someone that they can be vulnerable with. If they were to ask you questions and learn information about you that easily makes them feel a stronger connection with you, they get emotionally attached sooner than they would like.

    They already feel like the guy should be the pursuer. They leave it to the guy to ask the questions. Again, these are girls who just want to avoid the possibility of getting emotionally attached to a guy too soon. They don’t want to come off as needy or desperate.

    It’s a good sign that they keep replying. It shows that they are interested. Take some solace in that. For the most part, a woman who isn’t interested in you wouldn’t keep replying. Don’t take too much time asking them questions, trying to push conversation forward on a dating site.

    Ask them out on a date in a timely fashion, normally within a week to two weeks of consistent conversation on a dating site. This helps to filter out the women who are just on a dating site for the attention and the ones who are truly looking to meet someone in person.

    When you meet them on dates, show them a good time. Make them laugh and keep up with the questions. Now that they have met you in person and you have shown them a good time, there is a good chance that their communication style with you starts changing.

    You may notice that all of a sudden, she has just asked you a question in one of the conversations you have had with her since that first date. The more dates that you go on, the more questions she starts asking in consequent conversations until you start losing your mind, in a good way, with all the questions she is asking.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Emma,

    A lack of conversation with matches is a big part of what can make online dating frustrating. There are a lot of guys on dating apps who swipe right on just about every dating profile they are presented with in an attempt to play the numbers game.

    They receive a certain amount of matches due to all that swiping and then are able to decide whether they want to start a conversation with the girl or not. They see your dating profile and decide to pass because you aren’t cute enough or whatever their reasoning is.

    They had never taken a true look at your dating profile beforehand. They were just swiping indiscriminately in the hopes of landing as many matches as possible.

    The few guys here and there that you are able to muster some kind of conversation with that quickly dies out, like the guy that you talked to for 6 days whose uncle died, had low level interest to begin with.

    They weren’t very interested. They just had a few conversations to keep their options open, but they were much more interested in other matches.

    You have the right idea in using these people’s bios to filter them out. Something that they all almost always have in common in their bios is a lack of detail and description. Lots of short sentences that never go into much detail or storytelling.

    These are the guys who hurriedly created their dating profile with no real thought about conveying who they truly are through elaborate descriptions of their life experiences, etc.

    Short and unfulfilling, like empty calories. That is what their bios feel like after reading them. Avoiding as many of these types of bios as possible saves you a lot of time and effort on guys who are time wasters. Focus on the bios that have a lot of substance and personality to them.

    Start conversations with these guys. Being proactive in online dating serves you a lot better than just waiting around in the hopes that your matches send you messages. The consistent practice of being proactive ultimately garners you great conversations with some great dating prospects.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Patricia,

    Although you are new to online dating, experiences like this are helpful in getting you to form the good habit of tempering your expectations so that you don’t get carried away with any one guy too prematurely.

    It is suspicious that he never let you know about Friday. You had to contact him after the fact to get an explanation. He didn’t even have the common courtesy to contact you to explain himself.

    If you hadn’t contacted him about not hearing from him on Friday and throughout the weekend, there is a chance that he wouldn’t have set up another date with you.

    When suspicious behavior like this happens, it’s normally because something better came along that he couldn’t pass up. It could have been another date that he was more interested in attending.

    He isn’t entirely sure just how well that date went and now he has made yet another tentative plan to meet up with you this week so as to keep his options open.

    A man who is truly interested in seeing you wouldn’t have forgotten about Friday.

    Although part of you still wants to meet him, be careful. You aren’t his first option. Make sure that you are also keeping your dating options open by going out on dates with other men that you are meeting on the dating site.

    This week, the onus is on him to make this date happen. You should avoid trying to reach out to keep him aware of the date. If he truly wants to meet you, he will remember and plan something out.

    Meanwhile, keep yourself open to meeting other dates this week. They should be your priority. If you aren’t this guy’s priority, he certainly shouldn’t be yours.

    in reply to: How to tell him that we aren’t a good match? #61935

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Mary,

    Not everyone is going to connect when they meet in real life. This is par for the course in online dating. Chemistry on a dating app doesn’t always translate to real life chemistry. You cannot force yourself to feel something that you don’t. Even though the conversation went well on the date, a lack of attraction makes the possibility of developing real life chemistry with someone that much harder. Just be honest and tell him that you didn’t feel a romantic connection on the date and that you wish him the best. Honesty is the best policy. The more clear you are, the easier it will be for him to understand and move on. It was a good match on paper but not in real life. He is an adult. He can handle it. Most men would much rather a woman be upfront and honest with them about how they really feel as opposed to sending an ambiguous message. Being straightforward helps them process quicker and they are able to move on.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi John,

    It is deceitful to only or mostly use filtered pictures. Yes, it does imitate what catfishes do online. Misrepresentation and deceit is a major part of the catfish’s playbook.

    Your frustration is duly noted.

    Many of these women aren’t confident in how they truly look in real life. They believe that using filters on their dating profile gives them the best chance of finding the best mate.

    You have now had enough experience in this that you should be able to tell what dating profiles are using filtered pictures.

    Use your knowledge of what filtered pictures look like to filter out these bad candidates, so that you don’t keep finding yourself going on date after date that result in disappointment.

    in reply to: My parents disapprove of my relationship what to do? #42363

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Ashley,

    Your parents feel that they know best. They don’t trust you to make the right decisions.

    Being that you lack experience in so much to do with life, including relationships, your parents feel as though they have to continue protecting you and making decisions for you.

    They might start thinking differently and beginning to trust you more if you were to show them a level of maturity and responsibility.

    This means that you may have to start trying to take on new responsibilities in your life.

    These responsibilities could vary.

    A few include; taking charge of some kind of project, working a part-time job, paying a good number of your own bills, finding your own place to live, fixing problems when they arise instead of always going to them, etc.

    In order to keep your relationship with this guy and also obey your parents, they need to get to the point where they feel like they can trust you and that you are capable of making the right decisions.

    Oftentimes, giving yourself a lot more responsibilities and consistently keeping yourself accountable for them without looking for their help can put you in that position.

    in reply to: Can i get him to come back #42357

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Angel,

    He may come back, as long as you don’t keep trying to initiate contact with him.

    If you just start living your life to the fullest and make it interesting, there’s a chance that he may get the sense that you were not as needy as he was fearing and this may make him come back.

    If he does come back, you should avoid doing what you did before in moving things too fast.

    Let him be the one to lead and ensure that you are not overeager in the way you respond to his moves.

    in reply to: Mixed signals close to cold #42350

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Saphira,

    In your five year long friendship with him, there may have been moments where he has been tempted to go further than friendship and possibly pursue something romantic with you.

    However, he has also been in a relationship for that length of time and there’s a good chance that he has conflicting emotions about his partner.

    When they are having fights or arguments or disagreements, those may be the times where you notice him getting closer to you.

    You may notice that the both of you hang out more all of a sudden or he’s coming over to your place to play cards and have drinks more often.

    These are probably the moments where he is having some relationship issues with his partner and is thinking about giving in to the possibility of pursuing something romantic with you.

    However, when he goes cold on you, it most likely happens because he has either made up with his partner and resolved the issue or he’s feeling a sense of guilt in getting too close to you.

    Hence, you are dealing with a guy who is having conflicting emotions about his relationship and his own feelings as far as both his girlfriend and you are concerned.

    However, being that he has been in this relationship with his girlfriend for years now, she’s most likely the one he has the strongest feelings for and the one he feels a greater sense of priority to.

    As long as his emotions remain conflicted, these mixed signals will probably continue.

    in reply to: Is she interested?? #42348

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Ty,

    There are no solid indicators that she is interested in you romantically.

    All of her helpfulness may simply be because you are the new guy at work.

    However, there is still a chance that she is open to getting to know you and seeing whether there’s any romantic spark.

    It may be best for you to start having longer conversations with her and get to know her better by asking her questions about herself.

    Through these conversations, you may discover if she’s actually single and available.

    You may also get some hints as to whether she is interested in you romantically.

    Now that there is a another new guy at your work, any window of romantic opportunity that you may have with her may be gradually closing.

    Hence, it’s best that you act now in engaging with her on a deeper level.

    in reply to: Does she likes me? #42347

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi William,

    She may be worried that if she were to like your posts on Instagram or check your stories, she may come off as too eager or too attached.

    She may not feel comfortable in doing this until the both of you have built up stronger rapport and she has a better understanding of your intentions.

    in reply to: Bromances #42343

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Josie,

    He may mean that he would prefer it if he was older than you.

    in reply to: Confused asf #42338

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Brandon,

    Yes, you are overthinking this to the point where you could mess things up.

    So far, she has been responsive to you.

    She responded when you hit her up on social media.

    She has regularly responded to your text messages and has even initiated a text message to you.

    The fact that she flirts with you also indicates that she is most likely attracted to you.

    You’re allowing your insecurities from past relationships to cloud your judgment. It’s really important that you let those past relationships go, so as not to mess things up with this girl.

    Remember that you are dealing with a totally new person and there’s a good chance that she may be different from what you have experienced in the past.

    Just allow this interaction to lead wherever it’s going to lead naturally without you overcomplicating things by making yourself believe that she’s not being real.

    Quarantine has really complicated things for people who want to meet up in real life on a date.

    You should take this into account when you worry about whether she is just messaging you because she’s bored.

    Due to the quarantine, most people at this time don’t really have much choice but to communicate through texts, video chats and phone calls, until they have an opportunity to finally meet each other.

    This being said, you should also avoid making this girl out to be more than what she really is.

    Remember that she is a human being with flaws like anybody else.

    Hence, don’t put her on a pedestal.

    As long as you’re able to remain grounded and avoid building her up to a level in your mind that is impossibly high, you’ll be able to approach your interaction with her with the right temperament and consequently avoid being too overly anxious or eager.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Christie,

    When a guy and girl get shy only around each other, it often means that they are attracted to each other but have insecurities about how to go about approaching each other.

    He has most likely been doing exactly what you have been doing, overthinking.

    He worries about being awkward in his approach or not being able to carry on an interesting conversation.

    The both of you are extroverts and probably have a lot of commonalities in how you both approach life and in the way you both think.

    Unfortunately, being that the both of you are so similar in a number of aspects, you’re both allowing yourselves to get too caught up in what the other person will think about them if they were to make a move.

    In order not to put yourselves in a position of possible embarrassment, you have both unconsciously chosen to put the onus on the other person to make the first move.

    That is why the both of you are currently stuck stealing glances at each other and nothing more.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Tomaiah,

    He may not have called or texted you because he isn’t ready to take his interaction with you to that level.

    For the past five months, he has been staring at you and sparking up conversation. However, you have been very shy and standoffish.

    During the course of those five months, he was most likely hoping that you would start flirting back with him.

    In other words, he wanted you to also spark up conversation with him and engage with him on a flirtatious level.

    However, because you are very shy and standoffish, you didn’t do any of that.

    When you sent him that birthday card and wrote that you like him and left your number, it was too much and too unnatural for him.

    There was no real buildup that led to what you wrote in that birthday card.

    He didn’t get to have a flirtatious back-and-forth with you over the course of those five months in order to determine whether the both of you truly had romantic chemistry.

    Thereby, what you wrote in that birthday card probably hit him like a deer in headlights.

    Calling or texting you without any romantic or flirtatious buildup would just feel too awkward to him. This is why he has most likely chosen not to call or text you.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Aqmell,

    Most of your interaction with her has been over text.

    Both of you haven’t really been out on any dates.

    As a result, she may be worried about completely opening herself up to you emotionally.

    Thereby, she’s being guarded with her feelings.

    Given how young and inexperienced she is, as well as the fact that she is from a conservative family, she doesn’t really have another relationship from her past that she can use to help figure out what her true emotions are for you or what they could become.

    Your best approach may be to continue taking a keen interest in getting to know her during this time.

    Communicate with her in other ways besides texting.

    Do video chats with her and call her on the phone.

    This will make your interaction with her more personal and will also give her a better understanding of your personality.

    When the current outbreak is over, ensure that you go out on frequent dates with her.

    The more that she’s around you physically, the more she’ll be able to determine whether she feels safe and secure around you.

    Knowing that she feels safe and secure around you will often give her more of an incentive to open herself up to you emotionally.

    Once she reaches a point where she’s comfortable opening herself up to you emotionally, she will have a better idea on whether you are truly someone she would want to marry at some point in the future.

    in reply to: Why is my dating life like this? Is this normal? #42308

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Madison,

    You know what you tend to be attracted to and if all the men that approach you in real life or online aren’t the kind that you would be physically attracted to, that doesn’t mean that you’re being picky.

    Your best option here may be to take a really good account of what your body language is like in real life and how well your dating profile represents your personality.

    You should look at these two areas first and foremost very closely.

    If you tend to walk around with body language that is closed off, there’s a good chance that you may not attract the kind of men that you would be attracted to.

    Instead, you may attract the kind of men who have nothing to lose by approaching you and those kind of men may not be physically attractive to you.

    So, try to do some work on your body language in making it more open.

    Yes, you would still have men that you’re not physically attracted to approaching you, however, you would also increase the chances of being approached by men that you are physically attracted to.

    Some effective ways to improve your body language when it comes to attracting the right kind of men would be to practice making more eye contact with people in general and smiling.

    This makes you look more approachable.

    As far as your dating profile, perhaps take some time to inject some of your personality into it, such as humor, silliness, sarcasm or intuitiveness.

    Just think about what your friends, family or coworkers tend to tell you about what your personality is like and try to inject that into your dating profile in both your bio and in the kinds of pictures that you post.

    There’s a good chance that if you pay this kind of attention to your dating profile, you will attract the right kind of men to you.

    You should also try not to be discouraged in the fact that you have made attempts to initiate contact with some of the men that you find attractive on dating apps and they have either taken forever to respond or have never responded.

    You should continue being proactive in initiating messages to men that you find attractive on these dating apps.

    Perhaps, you should start taking account of the kinds of messages that you have sent these men in the past.

    You may increase the chances of getting responses to your messages or getting them quicker if you send an open-ended question that relates to something compelling that the man included on his dating profile as opposed to just sending him a generic message such as “Hi,” or “Hey.”

    Putting in the work on your body language, your dating profile and the types of messages that you initiate to the men that you find attractive on dating apps could make a major difference in your dating life and change it for the better.

    in reply to: I blocked him did i make the right desicion ? #42305

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Lex,

    Yes, you made the right decision in blocking him.

    If a future is what you want as far as a committed relationship is concerned, this is a guy that’s not interested in giving you that.

    You haven’t met anyone close to him and you even had to ask to see a photo of his son.

    Those are usually signs of a guy who is not interested in letting you get closer to him and into his world.

    By suddenly choosing not to see you because he knew that your mom and son would be home, he was indicating that, all he was looking to do was hang out with you and you alone.

    Normally, this would indicate that he was just looking to have sex with you and enjoy your company.

    Again, he has shown repeatedly through his actions that he’s not looking to have anything serious with you as far as a long-term relationship is concerned.

    Being that a committed relationship is what you want, blocking him was probably your best option at this point.

    You’ve already asked him about the kind of future he sees with you and he made it clear that, he doesn’t know what the future holds.

    That means he doesn’t really see you in his future.

    If you were to wait around on him, you may end up wasting a lot of time and precious effort.

    Even though you may feel stuck right now, it is best to think about what is best for you and your son.

    So far, this particular guy that you’ve been seeing for the last six months has not shown to be the right person for the kind of relationship that would give both you and your son stability.

    in reply to: Why would he call me love? #42300

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jeka,

    He may have called you “love“ while chatting with you because he wanted to see how you would respond to that.

    Being that he asked you whether you love him a month ago and you told him that you did and then told him that you don’t know afterward, he’s not entirely certain about whether you love him.

    By calling you “love” when chatting to you the last two times, he most likely wanted to see if you would call him “love” back or if you would just tell him that you love him.

    In other words, he is fishing to see whether you do love him.

    Clearly, finding this out is important to him because he did ask you whether you loved him a month ago.

    He may have reached a point in his long-term relationship with you where he wants to see whether there’s an actual future with you as far as a committed relationship is concerned.

    Knowing this for certain could help him determine whether he should stay on in the relationship or not.

    in reply to: Wants to hook up then goes ghost? #42298

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Tianna,

    He’s just not all that interested.

    In the moments when he messages you and is talking about hooking up, he may actually be interested in doing just that.

    However, he constantly bails on you because by the time you’re supposed to meet him for the hookup, he may have already gotten another girl to agree to hook up with him.

    There’s a good chance that you are not the only one that he’s constantly messaging about hooking up.

    Hence, you are most likely not at the top of his priority list when it comes to hooking up and hanging out.

    He may only look at you as someone that could be a possible replacement if some other girl that he’s more interested in hooking up with doesn’t follow through.

    in reply to: When to disclose to a girl that I have autism? #42295

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Cody M,

    You should share that you are on the autism spectrum early on.

    This would be after you would have spent a decent amount of time getting to know her and showing her your personality.

    Thereby, when you reach the point in which you feel it is time to let her know about your autism, she would already have had some experiences with you as a person.

    Hence, she would have something to fall back on in terms of trying to figure out whether you’re someone she should keep going on with.

    So, give it a few dates and interactions before you reveal it. But, make sure you do reveal it fairly early on before deeper feelings start setting in for both parties.

    If you are looking for a long-term relationship, it is always best to be honest early on.

    If you aren’t, she will ultimately discover what it is that you have been hiding anyway. At that point, she may leave you more so due to the fact that you were not honest with her as opposed to whatever it was that you were hiding.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Malik,

    She most likely doesn’t want to make you feel bad.

    If she genuinely liked you and wanted to be in a relationship with you, she would have expressed the same sentiment and would have been truly excited about venturing into a possible romantic relationship with you.

    After a close year-long friendship with you, she should be very clear about how she feels about you in terms of friendship or romance.

    She may have told you that she is willing to explore more because she didn’t want to put herself in a position where she could possibly lose that friendship if she were to tell you that there was absolutely no romantic interest on her part.

    This being said, the prospect of romance may not be entirely unachievable.

    Your best determiner of whether she genuinely likes you and wants to be in a relationship will depend on how she starts behaving towards you from here on out.

    If she makes it easy for the both of you to get to know each other and hang out on a one on one basis and is receptive during those interactions to what are you doing and saying, then there’s a good chance that she truly does want to explore this and see where it leads.

    However, if she continues acting the way she has always acted as your platonic friend and doesn’t put that much effort to get to know you and hang out on a one on one basis, then she most likely doesn’t genuinely like you on a romantic level.

    in reply to: You meet someone when you stop looking #42279

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Sam,

    You did the right thing in asking out a girl that you like at work.

    If you hadn’t done that, you wouldn’t have known what she would say to that.

    Now that you know that she is seeing someone else, you can put that to rest.

    Clearly, you do want to date someone. Hence, it would work best in your favor to avoid developing the attitude that you should “stop looking.”

    When you are engaged in your hobbies and with work, it’s important to be observant of those around you.

    In other words, don’t get so caught up in those activities that you’re not paying attention to the people around you.

    Somewhere among those people could be someone who is compatible with you and would date you.

    So, live your life to the fullest but also be observant of those within your environment and interact with those that pique your interest.

    If you make a habit of doing this, there’s a good chance that you will not be single for much longer.

    in reply to: Has he truly moved on? #42276

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jhane,

    He still gets upset even though he has a girlfriend now because there’s a good chance that she was his second choice.

    He most likely wanted to date you first and foremost and being that you turned him down, he had to make do with a secondary replacement.

    He took that personally.

    Whenever he sees you or hears about you, it just reminds him of the fact that he’s dating someone that was his second choice and that you turned him down.

    That upsets him.

    He doesn’t want to be reminded of that.

    Yes, this most likely means that he hasn’t truly moved on.

    There are still unresolved feelings for you that he tries to forget about but whenever he hears about you or sees you, those feelings come right back up.

    He then realizes that he still hasn’t gotten over you and that you still have this kind of effect on him and that annoys him even more.

    in reply to: Everything was fine and now he’s ghosting me #42274

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Iyoni,

    The fact that he kept asking you for nude pictures would indicate that he may have only cared about pursuing something casual with you.

    He probably hasn’t texted you in a week because you kept saying no to the nude pictures and doing a FaceTime in your underwear wasn’t enough to appease him.

    If you’re looking for a serious relationship, this guy may not be the right candidate for you.

    It would be best to let him go.

    in reply to: Rushing #42268

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Kal,

    She may have had a history of dating guys who gave her the impression that they wanted to ultimately get married, only to leave her after a period of time in which she invested a lot of time and energy in getting to know them and date them.

    This particular girl may be rushing through the talking stage and giving you signals of marriage because she doesn’t want to put herself through the process of getting to know a guy over a sustained period of time and developing feelings for him, under the understanding that he is looking for a serious long-term relationship, only to have him leave her yet again.

    She may be willing to take a chance on turning you off in giving signals of marriage this soon and possibly losing you as a result, than to put in the time on getting to know you and dating you, only to be disappointed in the end.

    in reply to: Initiating a Conversation #42266

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Muhammad Khan,

    In the early stages of getting to know a guy or even dating a guy, some girls won’t text first.

    It doesn’t mean that they aren’t interested in the guy.

    They often do it in order to ensure that they don’t come off as too needy in the early stages and to also determine whether the guy is truly serious about her.

    Prior to stopping your texts to her for two weeks, the both of you communicated every two days.

    Hence, she was responding to your texts on a regular basis and quickly. This tends to be a good sign.

    If she was taking several days or even a week to respond to your texts, then you may be dealing with a girl who truly isn’t interested in you and only told you that she liked you so as to get some attention from you.

    Being that she was responding quickly to your texts, it may best to continue initiating texts to her.

    Yes, it can get frustrating when the girl isn’t initiating texts. However, you could dealing with the kind of girl that I described earlier.

    Keep at it for a while and you could reach a point where she feels comfortable and secure enough with you to initiate a text.

    in reply to: losing interest #42263

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Titus,

    If a girl is losing interest, it would work in your favor to try having a different kind of conversation with her.

    Introduce flirtation into your conversations and tease her.

    This may be what she has been waiting for and you have yet to deliver on it.

    Flirtation and teasing are often very effective in getting a girl to feel more engaged with a guy that she is talking to.

    It lets her know that the guy is interested and it also makes her feel as though the both of you are connecting on a more intimate level.

    So, yes, it is best to act and initiate these kinds of conversations as opposed to merely backing off and acting as if you have lost interest as well.

    If you were to act as though you have lost interest in her as well, you could end up losing her interest entirely because she would feel as though you didn’t value the relationship enough to try to save it or keep it going.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Rui,

    Yes, it is possible to establish deep feelings for someone just by talking on the phone.

    It happens quite often. If the conversation is good and consistent, it tends to establish a bond between both parties.

    The fact that the both of you matched twice on the dating app isn’t necessarily a sign that the both of you are supposed to meet each other.

    People get matched up on dating apps with the same person quite often.

    It is typically based on the dating app’s matchmaking algorithm.

    If it was able to match the both of you once, it can do it again and so on.

    So, try not to read too much into the fact that the dating app has matched you both up twice.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    It seems like you have had a series of coincidences.

    Though it may feel strange to keep bumping into him at different stores, it is still possible to have this experience.

    Being that you like him, it can be easy to read too much into everything.

    If you keep going to these stores at times that he would be free, there is a good chance that you will bump into him.He is a store clerk. Hence, it is the more likely that he would visit other stores.

    You just so happen to bump into him a few times being that you work as an Instacart employee.

    Try not to read too much into the fact that you have bumped into him a few times at stores.

    You can try starting up a conversation with him and see how he responds. Doing this will give you a much better idea as to whether this guy truly likes you or not.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    It would be best to just ask her out.

    She may have started losing interest of recent because you haven’t acted in asking her out.

    It would be best to take this more direct route as opposed to trying to make her jealous by telling your teacher that you hung out with a girl on Saturday.

    By asking her out without any further delay, you will be able to get a proper read on whether she likes you or not.

    in reply to: He isn't talking #42254

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Riri,

    It would be best to have a conversation with him about his behavior.

    If he is your boyfriend, he shouldn’t be avoiding talking to you for a week nor should he be ignoring your texts and phone calls.

    Try to have a conversation with him about his behavior.

    If he cares about you and the relationship, he will be honest about his feelings and be willing to make changes.

    If he doesn’t care about you and the relationship, he may give excuses or try to avoid the topic entirely.

    If he does this, it would be best to leave him.

    in reply to: gf is distant lately #42250

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jakob,

    A drastic change in behavior such as this requires that the both of you have a conversation.

    It is not helpful to assume that she has been less affectionate of recent due to a big entry exam and personal stuff.

    Indeed, the stress of all that, including the current quarantine situation can cause a change in behavior.

    However, it is important that you don’t simply make that assumption.

    You should have a conversation with her about what you have observed and try to get her to be open with you as far as what may be bothering her.

    The sooner you know what the actual issue is, the sooner you will know whether she is willing to work on the issue with you.

    If she is, then she is still interested and values the relationship.

    If she is unwilling to work on it or does so lackadaisically, then she has most likely lost interest in the relationship and it will be only a matter of time before she ends it.

    in reply to: Ignoring me #42249

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi George,

    She may have taken more than 24 hours to reply back to your text because she was trying to get back at you for having the tendency to take hours to reply to her messages.

    Now that she has followed that up by taking three days to reply back to your text message and only saying “hahahah” when she did, it may be best to try sending her a more engaging text message that encourages conversation such as an open-ended question.

    You may get a quicker and better response with these types of text messages.

    in reply to: Friendship #42244

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Emil,

    You have already been in the friend zone for too long.

    Seven months is more than enough time for her to have figured out whether she likes you as a friend or something more.

    Her actions have clearly shown that she only considers you as a friend.

    You should move on. There is no chance of romance here.

    The more you try to do things like posting pictures of her on social media so as to drop hints, the more desperate and eager you will appear to her and this will only make her that much more unwilling to make you more than a friend.

    As a general rule, if you already know that you are interested in a girl, it is best to approach her with that intention from the start and act accordingly, as opposed to getting into a friendship with her in the hopes that she comes around to liking you romantically at some point.

    in reply to: needy? #42240

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi TuckerIlkin,

    You weren’t acting needy in sending that text message.

    No, you didn’t need to wait for a couple of days before sending it.

    She has already complained to you about how you take a while to answer her text messages. If anything, she would have hoped to have received more initial text messages from you by now.

    She may have left your last message on “open” because she was worried that if she were to read it and reply, you would take a while to respond to her message yet again.

    It is not needy to communicate regularly.

    You only have to worry about neediness if you send her multiple text messages in quick succession because you are so eager for her to respond.

    You haven’t done that so far.

    Yes, there is a good chance that when she got sad over the fact that you take a while to reply to her text messages, she was indicating romantic interest.

    Oftentimes, a girl wouldn’t really care about your response time to her text messages if she has no interest in you, unless you are a good friend of hers or her boyfriend.

    You aren’t a close friend to her. Hence, there is a chance that her sadness was due to romantic interest, as she may see you as a prospective boyfriend.

    in reply to: Am I overreacting or forcing things #42235

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Tess,

    You may have to get clear on what kind of relationship he wants.

    Firstly, he wasn’t communicating right.

    This caused you to address it and he consequently improved.

    However, now, he hasn’t come through in meeting up with you.

    He may have mentioned tight meetings but that really wasn’t an excuse not to give you a heads up on the fact that he just wouldn’t be able to make the date with you.

    He could have sent you a quick text to let you know about the situation but he didn’t.

    He also didn’t answer your call or text.

    It is not so much that you are forcing things or overreacting, it is more so that you may both be in totally different relationships.

    In other words, you may think that you are in a particular type of relationship while he is thinking the complete opposite.

    This is why it is important for you to have a conversation with him about the kind of relationship that you are both in and what his expectations are.

    The sooner you do this, the sooner you will find out whether you are both of the same mind.

    in reply to: Ghosted after 4 months but .. #42233

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi MJ,

    He may have started liking your posts on Instagram in September until mid November because during that time, he may not have had any good dating prospects.

    The reason why he ghosted you in the first place after having gone out on dates with you for four months may have been because someone better came along.

    Being that you both matched on Tinder, there is a strong likelihood that he ultimately matched with someone else that he preferred over you.

    His time with that person didn’t last long and he got back in the hunt.

    This was the period that he most likely started liking your posts on Instagram.

    He wasn’t ready to take a big step in actually contacting you because he wanted to see how you would respond to his likes on your Instagram.

    He was most likely trying to get a read on whether you still liked him.

    He has since stopped liking anything that you post because he has most likely matched with other girls, most likely on Tinder, that he wants to pursue.

    Hence, you are not a priority to him.

    If his experiences with those new matches don’t work out, he may end up on your Instagram once again, liking your posts.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi John,

    You could try sparking her interest by engaging with other mutual friends or coworkers that the both of you have.

    Due to the COVID-19 situation, a lot of people are doing group video chats.

    She may also be participating in these.

    Try to get in on these group video chats with mutual friends or coworkers that you may both have.

    When you do, let your personality shine through and be as talkative as possible.

    This will give her a better opportunity to pick up on what your personality is like.

    You may even make her laugh as you crack jokes or tell funny stories to the group.

    She seems to be really shy and hence why she would avoid looking at you at work and would avoid talking about you whenever you were around.

    A shy girl often needs to get comfortable with a guy before she is willing to open up.

    Again, being that we are in unusual circumstances with COVID-19 and you are unable to let her get a good idea of your personality in person at this time, your best option may be in getting on these group video chats with mutual friends and coworkers.

    Seeing more and more of your personality may cause there to be a spark in interest on her part and thereby, you may still be able to attract her.

    in reply to: He’s acting weird #42230

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Lex,

    He may have started acting weird because you didn’t turn out to be what he was hoping for.

    He may have initially showed a lot more effort in trying to get to know you because he already had preconceived notions about the kind of person you were and that may have drawn him to you.

    However, as the both of you texted each other, he may have come to realize that you don’t match the kind of person that he was hoping for.

    Hence, he started replying with shorter messages and has now ignored your last text message entirely.

    in reply to: How long should I wait? #42196

    Luke
    Keymaster

    You are welcome.

    You should try to initiate a text conversation with her at least twice a week.

    If she responds well, you should even increase this number naturally over time.

    You need to keep yourself on her radar during this quarantine so that she is continuously reminded about your personality and hopefully entertained by it.

    By initiating a text conversation with her at least twice a week to start, you would be giving yourself the best chance of preventing her from forgetting about you during this quarantine.

    As long as she is actively engaged in communicating with you, it is best to continue maintaining a consistency in how often the both of you communicate.

    in reply to: How long should I wait? #42189

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi JasonArk,

    You shouldn’t keep waiting on her to initiate another text conversation, you should text her.

    After the last time that she initiated a text conversation with you, she may have been hoping that you would follow that up by initiating a text conversation with her the next time around.

    So far, you haven’t done that and it is unlikely that she will try to initiate another text conversation with you.

    You don’t really know how long school will remain closed.

    It is best to keep in touch with her as often as you can while the both of you are currently under quarantine and having to study online.

    This way, you can build rapport and momentum with her.

    This could then lead to the both of you mutually wanting to go out on an official date when the quarantine is over.

    in reply to: Work crush #42174

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Oskar,

    Since you appear to want something more with this work crush and she tends to avoid you when you go to lunch break, it may be best to get closer to her work friends and give them an opportunity to get to know you.

    This may lead to them inviting you to engage with them on breaks and she will be with them in some of those moments.

    These moments will give you a better opportunity to provide her with a substantive impression of what your personality is like as you talk to her work friends.

    This impression may cause her to start feeling less stressed whenever you are around and this could lead to the both of you beginning to have pleasant short greetings or conversations when you see each other one on one.

    From here, you may be able to build enough rapport with her that she starts considering the possibility of giving a workplace romance a chance.

    in reply to: Long distance dating #42161

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Stephanie,

    To improve the chances that the guy you have been dating doesn’t forget about you during quarantine, make sure that the both of you communicate consistently.

    Mix it up.

    Among talking on the phone and texting each other, make sure that you do video chatting as well so that the both of you can see each other.

    That helps to maintain the attraction.

    Do virtual hangouts where the both of you get to watch TV shows or movies at the same time.

    Play games together online.

    If you are both into exercising, workout together through online video and keep each other company.

    in reply to: Leaving me on read #42152

    Luke
    Keymaster

    You are welcome Yani.

    You did the right thing in completely ignoring his response to your biblical quote.

    That is what you should keep doing.

    Remember to live your life fully and document that through your social media stories without making any references to him.

    In time, he may start feeling neglected and reach out to you in a proper fashion while understanding that his ability to control the exchange and anticipate your actions is mute.

    If and when that happens, you should keep on living your life to the fullest so that he realizes that you aren’t at all bothered that he is playing these games, thereby weakening his sense of control.

    in reply to: Ignores compliment #42148

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Andrew,

    By ignoring your compliment not once but twice, even after you joked about her not responding to it, she may be trying to send the message that she doesn’t look at you in the same way.

    She may have been worried that if she responded to that compliment in a way that was appreciative, you would get the impression that she liked receiving it and that she may feel the same way about you too.

    More than likely, she doesn’t want to give you that impression.

    She didn’t respond to your second attempt at complimenting her and it was as though she didn’t even read it because she was just hoping that you would stop complimenting her.

    There was no change to her mood and she remained in a good mood because she does enjoy talking to you and would like to keep that going.

    However, she doesn’t want you to misconstrue her wanting to talk to you as a sign of romantic interest.

    It doesn’t appear that she is into you romantically.

    It may be best to either just come right out and tell her how you feel about her or accept that all she wants to be is your friend.

    in reply to: What to do when she says she doesn’t want to hurt you? #42145

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Dave,

    When she says that she doesn’t want to hurt you or doesn’t want to get hurt because she got hurt in the past, she is showing that there are still emotional issues from a previous relationship that she hasn’t gotten over.

    This often means that she isn’t emotionally available to you.

    She went on those three dates with you in the hopes that they would be able to help her get past her emotional hurdles as far as her past relationship is concerned.

    However, if anything, those three dates may have caused even more emotional strife. She now knows that she is simply not feeling enough with you to put out the effort to see where all of this leads.

    She told you that she is thinking that maybe it’s best to cut things off here so that it doesn’t hurt as much as it would later on because she already knows that she is simply not going to be able to go the distance.

    She gave it three dates because she may have been telling herself that each consequent date will be better and she will be able to open herself up to you and move on from her past relationship.

    Unfortunately, that didn’t happen.

    It is never wise to continue trying to date someone who isn’t emotionally available to you.

    You could easily wind up developing strong feelings for the person that aren’t reciprocated.

    You have already been on three dates with her.

    Going on more dates won’t make a difference. She already knows where she stands.

    It would be best to let her go and move forward with your life.

    Her emotional issues as a result of that past relationship run deep and she needs to have the time and space to deal with them.

    in reply to: Am I overthinking with this guy? #42140

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Leah,

    You may be overthinking it.

    Indeed, the COVID-19 situation has caused difficulties when it comes to meeting up with someone that you may or may not have romantic potential with.

    However, if you are enjoying long-lasting conversations when video chatting, there may be good reason to believe that there will be a romantic connection should the both of you eventually meet up.

    If you are worried that you would only be wasting your time if you were to speak to him for an extended period of time, you may end up letting go of someone who had romantic potential.

    If the conversation fizzles out in a week or so, then the romantic spark wasn’t there.

    However, if it persists and does so effortlessly, there is a higher likelihood that there will be a romantic connection.

    Try not to be pessimistic and impatient.

    Make sure that the time you spend chatting with this person is balanced proportionately with the time you spend engaging with others.

    This way, you don’t overdo it.

    Manage your time wisely.

    Use this time to start new hobbies, connect with people that you may have lost touch with, finish a project or task that you had been procrastinating on, etc.

    Again, a healthy balance of priorities.

    If you do this, while maintaining a decent amount of interaction with this guy without overdoing it, you may soon come out of this COVID-19 situation sooner than you realize.

    Once you get to this point, even if you were to meet this guy and feel no romantic connection, it wouldn’t feel like such a waste of time because you had taken advantage of your time in quarantine and got a lot more accomplished than you ever thought you could.

    in reply to: Leaving me on read #42139

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Yani,

    Yes, it is true that some men will leave your message on read just to get you to constantly think about them.

    It puts them in the power seat because they are then able to manipulate your emotions and have you constantly questioning whether they like you.

    Your crush keeps leaving you on read because he knows that he is able to control his interaction with you and what you are thinking.

    He is able to anticipate your actions.

    If you want this to stop, you will have to give him the impression that he is not in control and thereby cannot anticipate your actions.

    An effective way to do this is to stop reading his messages for a while. As tempting as it may be to do so, if you want to gain some control and have more of a balance of power in this interaction, you should avoid reading his messages.

    Instead, engage in really fun activities with friends and new friends and post those experiences on your social media.

    As he sees all the fun that you are having and the fact that you aren’t reading his messages, he will panic and start wondering if he is losing control.

    This will most likely lead to him becoming a lot more attentive towards you and he will feel the need to prove that you are important to him by making sure that he not only reads your future messages to him but promptly responds.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Yes, there is a good chance that you are partly feeling this way because of the quarantine.

    It’s perhaps a combination of the isolation that you are currently experiencing in general and how the semester has been prematurely interrupted.

    It was easier for you not to miss him like this over the winter vacation because you were already mentally prepared for the semester to end.

    This made it easier for you to cope with not seeing him for months.

    With the premature break from the semester that has been caused by the quarantine, you didn’t really have the time to prepare yourself mentally to not see him again for a period of time.

    On top of this, there is uncertainty on when the college will reopen, if it does at all for the remainder of the semester.

    This uncertainty adds even more anxiety as you don’t even know when you will see him again.

    So yes, the quarantine has most likely had a big hand in making you feel this way.

    As far as his relationship history, perhaps his three year relationship didn’t end well.

    He may even still have emotional issues caused by that relationship that he hasn’t resolved.

    Whatever the case, he simply doesn’t seem to be fully open emotionally.

    That would have to explain some of his erratic behavior when it comes to you. One moment he mentions that he just wants to be your friend and the next moment he can’t stop staring at you.

    His erratic behavior would indicate conflicting emotions that are being allowed to dictate how he behaves.

    You are more so bothered by guys that you are interested in who don’t approach you than by guys in general who don’t approach you.

    That makes things clearer.

    Developing strong feelings quickly for someone that you like also makes this whole situation with guys that you like who don’t approach you that much harder to overcome.

    Try to develop the mindset of making the guy earn those feelings.

    You are giving these guys that you like too much benefit of the doubt. You create a story about them and what they must be like in your mind before they have earned it through the process of interacting with you.

    If you make it a habit to tell yourself that you don’t really know this guy, regardless of how popular or cool he may seem, it will make it easier for you to stop developing feelings so quickly.

    When you develop feelings so quickly, you make it that much harder for a guy that you like to approach you because your body language is now tensed up.

    You have built that guy up to such a level in your mind that you can’t imagine matching him and as a result, your body language around him becomes taut and closed off.

    Again, if you can avoid building these guys up in your mind and always tell yourself that they have to earn those feelings in getting to know you first and vice versa, you may have a much more relaxed body language around guys that you like.

    This may ultimately make them feel comfortable enough to approach you.

    in reply to: Is it love or infatuation? #42120

    Luke
    Keymaster

    The passage of time is often the best indicator of whether someone is experiencing infatuation or love.

    At first, the person may not really know which one they are truly experiencing as both can be very similar in the kind of emotions that they cause.

    However, again, the passage of time is often how you will be able to tell whether she is infatuated or in love.

    Infatuation often causes incredibly intense feelings for someone else at first but it is often short-lived and fizzles out.

    It is more so based on raw emotion than a solid foundation of trust and understanding that has built up with that partner over time.

    This is why it is often short-lived.

    A typical period of infatuation can last a few weeks to a few months but rarely goes beyond six months.

    Once the breakup happens, there is a good chance that she would go back to her toxic ex boyfriend because that is where her strongest emotions lie and the infatuation was merely a brief moment of intense feelings.

    However, if she is in love, there is a higher likelihood that this relationship will last longer.

    She is not going to want to go back to her toxic ex boyfriend and will do everything in her power to keep him from contacting her or reaching out to her.

    It would be as though she has started a whole new life and the energy that she gives off as she goes about her daily life will reflect that.

    in reply to: Why wont girls talk to me #42110

    Luke
    Keymaster

    If you don’t have any substantive information about them on snapchat to go on, you could send them an ice breaker question.

    An effective ice breaker question normally provides insight into how this person thinks, who they are as a person and what they like.

    Since you have no substantive information on this person, it would have to be more of a general ice breaker, but it could still relate to an activity that you love.

    Think about the kinds of activities that you would want a potential girlfriend to engage in with you. Then come up with a fun ice breaker question in reference to it.

    For example, you may love listening to music.

    You can come up with a fun ice breaker in reference to this such as:

    “What song is completely stuck in your head right now?”

    This is a much more intriguing way to open up a conversation with a girl as opposed to saying, “Hi, how’s it going?”

    By using a good ice breaker as your starting point, you increase the chances of grabbing her attention and giving her a reason to respond.

    Using the activities that you enjoy or what you may think about often as a reference point, you can come up with a bunch of different ice breaker questions that you can try on different girls.

    If you practice this diligently and test a variety of these types of questions, you will start getting better responses from girls that you meet on snapchat.

    in reply to: Why wont girls talk to me #42099

    Luke
    Keymaster

    You are welcome llan.

    It’s great that you have a couple of girls who are your friends.

    Keep working on expanding that number.

    There is a good chance that in the process of doing this, you may either become friends with a girl that comes to like you romantically or she may be willing to introduce you to a friend of hers who would be interested in you.

    Yes, bad actors in online dating hasn’t made it easy for guys who have good intentions.

    However, the quality of the messages that you send when online dating are very important.

    They can set you apart from other guys, especially the bad actors.

    The next time that you send a message to a girl, avoid sending the kind of generic message that you have done in the past in saying, “Hi, how’s it going?”

    This is not conducive to opening conversation.

    This is the kind of message that many guys copy and paste to numerous girls on an online dating site thereby making these girls very unhappy to read them.

    It is this unhappiness that causes them to build the defensive barriers that you have experienced.

    Make your messages more substantive.

    Ask them an open-ended question about something that they wrote about with passion or in great detail on their online dating profile.

    This will give you a much better shot at getting a reply from her that is a lot more friendly and a lot less defensive.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    You aren’t supposed to do something about the confession.

    If it was him that posted it, he didn’t do it expecting that you would respond.

    He did it to make himself feel better about he fact that he can’t find it in himself to ask you out directly or face to face.

    It was a way for him to relieve the stress or pressure that he may often feel whenever he thinks about the prospect of asking you out in real life.

    His insecurities may stem from failed relationships from his past.

    You may remind him of those relationships to some extent and he may worry that trying to make a move on you would only lead to a repetition of those failures.

    If he has a history of short-lived and consistently botched relationships that have created doubt and anxiety in him, he can easily carry those insecurities into any future relationship that he has.

    He worries about unwittingly making the same mistakes or brand new ones that he just can’t help.

    A confident guy who is capable of talking to other girls can still get nervous and shy around a girl that he is romantically interested in.

    In the same way that you get nervous and shy around him because you have developed feelings for him and feel like he is out of your league, he may also have the same sentiment.

    He may have allowed himself to overthink the prospect of asking you out to the point where he has created stories in his mind about the person that you are.

    This could lead to a development of complicated feelings that he doesn’t quite understand and is unable to get a handle on.

    To add to that, he may see you as an attractive girl who is also out of his league.

    Though he is capable of talking to other girls, he may not find them anywhere near as attractive as you. Hence, he may think of you as being out of his league and this makes him hesitant to make a move on you.

    If you rarely get interested in anyone, it can easily translate into negative body language around guys.

    Being that you are of this mindset, one would think that you would welcome the fact that guys never approach you.

    However, you seemed bothered by this.

    Wouldn’t the fact that guys don’t approach you be welcoming to you being that you rarely get interested in anyone?

    in reply to: Why wont girls talk to me #42087

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi llan,

    Most women aren’t going to initiate conversation with you.

    Try not to expect that simply because you see them talking to other guys.

    In many of those cases, the guys were the ones who initiated conversation and the girls have now gotten comfortable talking to them over time.

    Try getting into the habit of just talking to girls. It doesn’t have to be about trying to seduce her.

    Just make general conversation. The kind of conversation that you would have with your friends. Of course, stay away from vulgar conversation.

    If you just make the effort to talk to more girls, you will notice that some of them will start initiating conversations with you as time goes on and they become more comfortable with you.

    If they talk to you, just be yourself and respond to what they are saying naturally.

    Use humor to infuse some fun and lightheartedness to your conversations.

    Just keep it simple.

    Be true to your character and there will be girls that you interact with who will ultimately like you and want to date you.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    You are welcome Aminu.

    You have a girl who is straight up with you and honest.

    That is a personality trait that you should cherish and even continue to encourage.

    One of the reasons so many relationships fail is because both partners are unwilling to be straight with each other and say what is on their mind.

    By the time one or both of the partners get around to it, it may be too late and the relationship simply can’t be saved.

    You know what you have in this girl and it is something special.

    Choosing to stay on and move forward is a wise decision.

    Stay true to each other and communicate, communicate, communicate.

    All the best.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    The confession on your department’s confession page on Instagram could have indeed been from him.

    Especially, given how specific to your personality those personality traits resembled.

    Also, asking the girl out on a date through a confession page would correlate with how shy this guy has been acting around you.

    Being that you were the one who initiated conversation, it’s unlikely that your shyness is the reason why he has been acting this way towards you.

    He has had ample opportunity to get to know you, thanks to your mutual friend, but hasn’t taken advantage of that.

    It would seem that his behavior is more a result of his own personal insecurities as opposed to any adverse effects caused by your shyness.

    This actually happens to be one of those rare cases where your shyness is not what is keeping this guy from interacting with you and pursuing the possibility of romance.

    It’s more so his insecurities than anything else.

    Your best friend’s assessment of how most guys react to an attractive woman is very astute.

    Indeed, your attractiveness can be an impediment to getting approached.

    Being attractive often means that you have to work even harder to be inviting with your body language if you want guys to approach you.

    Do you know why your body language is negative towards guys?

    Is it just your shyness or is there something else?

    in reply to: Why did things go sour with this guy? #42069

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Erratic behavior and defensiveness is often an indicator that a guy is unsure of what he wants.

    A guy who is unsure of what he wants will often second-guess himself.

    He will push and pull.

    Initially, he was texting you consistently and then he stopped being as consistent after he asked you whether you enjoyed cuddling while watching a movie.

    He also became defensive, telling you that it was just a general statement as the both of you barely know each other.

    He has also kept you waiting for several hours to play with him online and has done the same when it came to responding to a recent message that you sent him.

    He has gone from being consistently flirty with you to being guarded and aloof.

    Again, this kind of erratic behavior and defensiveness is often an indicator that a guy is unsure of what he wants.

    As far as being into you or not, he has shown that he is into you enough to flirt with you but he hasn’t been consistent in his behavior.

    Meaning that he has moments where he wants to just let himself go and be expressive, this is when he is flirty with you.

    But, he has other moments where he just wants to be left alone, this is when he has taken hours to play with you online or respond to a message that you sent.

    This is where he is demonstrating his uncertainty about making you a priority in his life or not.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    You are welcome.

    What’s the point of discussing it?

    Do you want her to suddenly change her story just to make you feel good and stroke your ego?

    You’ve got one of two choices here.

    You can either accept it and keep moving forward with your relationship or you can whine about it and jeopardize your relationship.

    It’s up to you.

    in reply to: Why did things go sour with this guy? #42065

    Luke
    Keymaster

    It doesn’t sound like he is toying with you.

    However, to some extent, he may not know what he wants at this time.

    He knows that he likes you.

    He just doesn’t know whether he likes you enough to make sacrifices with his time, hobbies and other responsibilities.

    In other words, he doesn’t know whether he likes you enough to make you a priority.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Aminu,

    You should stay in the relationship.

    You were the one who asked her to describe what she likes about you and she decided to go even further than that in letting you know what she doesn’t like.

    Not everyone gets into a relationship with another person primarily due to looks.

    There are some people who will put certain qualities above others.

    In her case, she puts your personality above looks.

    If you have a healthy sex life with her and she doesn’t shy away from showing you physical affection, she is clearly attracted to you.

    Her liking you more for your personality than your looks may actually work in your favor.

    Looks do fade with time but personality can get even stronger with time as you learn and mature as a person.

    You may be coming at this from your own way of thinking. Perhaps you cannot imagine being in a relationship with someone whose looks weren’t up to par.

    However, she is not you. So try not to think for her.

    Now, if you can’t get over the fact that she doesn’t believe that you match her ideal dream guy in terms of physical attributes, it may be best for you to leave this relationship.

    If you were to stay, you would keep feeling insecure in the relationship and acting accordingly.

    This would affect your relationship tremendously because she will sense this change in behavior and that will start making her wonder whether there is something wrong with her.

    However, if you are able to accept her reasoning and understand that she is a person who is able to put personality above looks, you should stay on.

    in reply to: I am confused. He loves somebody else ? #42040

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Dhar,

    Those icons that were next to her name may or may not indicate that he loves her.

    It just depends on the manner in which they interact.

    If they tend to flirt a lot, then there is a chance that he loves her or at least, has feelings for her.

    If they normally talk in more of a platonic way, then those icons could simply indicate an affection for one another that has nothing to do with romantic interest.

    in reply to: Why did things go sour with this guy? #42031

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Amanda,

    He may have started getting defensive because he was worried about giving off the impression that he liked you too soon.

    He wanted to play it cool but in the process ended up coming off as defensive.

    He messaged you last night because he wanted to come clean about liking you.

    However, you are dealing with a guy who has some insecurities when it comes to expressing his feelings and being open with them.

    This means that his behavior could become more and more erratic as time goes on as he tries to keep himself in check when he should be allowing the process of interacting with you flow naturally.

    in reply to: Talking but not in a relationship #42028

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Stephanie,

    You shouldn’t keep talking to him. Your feelings for him would only get deeper if you do.

    You could easily tell yourself that he will eventually come around to having feelings for you if you just stuck it out, but that is unlikely.

    He has told you that he talks to other girls. This means that he may be doing exactly what he is doing with you, with them.

    In essence, he is calling them everyday and hanging out or going on dates multiple times a week.

    Some may also sleep over at his house.

    He has his attention on several girls which leaves little room for him to develop feelings for you specifically.

    It is best to get yourself out of this situation before your feelings for him become so intense that you find it impossible to get yourself out.

    in reply to: Asking the girl out #42013

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Marko,

    She probably texted you because she misses the attention that you used to give her when you would text her. This doesn’t mean that she now wants to go out with you though. All she is really looking for is your attention.

    in reply to: Ghosted…kinda #42010

    Luke
    Keymaster

    You are welcome.

    You shouldn’t hang out with him.

    As long as he is still in this uncertain state of mind, he would only be hanging out with you in order to have fun as friends and kill time.

    Thereby, if you were to hang out with him, you could start thinking that perhaps this is all leading somewhere, when it really isn’t.

    in reply to: Ghosted…kinda #42004

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Don’t respond if he reaches out.

    If you happen to be with mutual friends and see him in person, be polite in your exchange, but avoid getting into extended conversations with him.

    Keep those interactions short.

    If you let them last too long, you could find yourself beginning to develop feelings for him again and this will only set you back.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Perhaps if you would have reciprocated when he was showing a lot of interest in you, the both of you could be dating right now.

    You didn’t reciprocate because you are shy. However, to him, he may have actually taken that as a form of rejection.

    Most guys, even the popular ones, take rejection quite personally. This may be why he has been unable to talk to you ever since.

    He kept his distance when you were hanging out with your mutual friend and best friend, even when your mutual friend was talking to him.

    There may be a sense of failure that arises in him whenever he sees you that often gives way to a feeling of intimidation.

    As far as your body language with guys in general, you are right in that they can find your lack of eye contact or smiling as a source of intimidation.

    Add the fact that you sometimes have a bored and serious look on your face and that is a recipe for most guys to keep away from you.

    Your uninviting body language is the issue. It’s the reason why guys don’t approach you.

    in reply to: Ghosted…kinda #41990

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Hope,

    Thank you and I am glad that the videos have helped you.

    If you are looking for a serious relationship, you should drop him and stop waiting for him to be ready.

    Getting kinda ghosted is just as bad as getting all out ghosted. If anything, it could be worse because it could leave you latching on to the bare minimum in terms of what he gives you as you desperately hope for more in the future.

    You don’t really know what he is doing, if anything, to make himself ready to date someone seriously.

    If you wait, you could fall into the trap of constantly telling yourself that you are getting closer, when in fact, you aren’t.

    If he only texts you when you text him first and often after a week has gone by, he is showing a strong lack of interest in getting to know you and interacting with you.

    He may have been a lot more communicative when he was physically around you, but since he returned to school after the Christmas break, his behavior has changed.

    His lackluster effort in communicating would indicate that he is a lot more involved in what is happening around him and a lot less willing to maintain a long distance correspondence.

    With all of this behavior, waiting on him to be ready would be to your detriment. The long distance makes it that much harder for you to determine whether he is truly working on himself or he is just doing nothing.

    It wouldn’t be worth it to take a chance on him, knowing that he may never come around.

    in reply to: How to be okay with being vulnerable? #41986

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Maria,

    You may have emotional defenses up due to a past relationship that failed.

    To be okay with being vulnerable, you need to look at this guy as someone completely new and not connected to anyone that you have dated in the past.

    A tangible way to do this is to avoid going to the same places or engaging in the exact same activities with this guy as you did with your ex or exes.

    This helps to keep you from being constantly reminded of your past exes and those failed relationships.

    Instead, be open to trying new activities and adventures with him.

    This will help to create a distance between him and your exes, both in activity and personality.

    As time goes on, you will start learning to let go of those defenses and trust this guy.

    That is how you will ultimately get to the point where you will be okay with being vulnerable.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    You can be very outgoing and jovial but if you don’t make eye contact with guys and smile, many won’t approach you.

    Most guys overthink.

    They worry about rejection immensely.

    As a result, most of them require strong signs of interest in order for them to even think of taking a chance on approaching a girl.

    Something else you could do is look to your girlfriends.

    If you have girlfriends that tend to get approached by guys, it may be to your benefit to ask them about what they do or even emulate some of their body language, if it fits your personality.

    There may be something that is missing in how these guys read your body language that they need in order to approach you.

    Your mutual friend may have indeed put him on the spot when she asked him if he wanted a relationship with you.

    Instead of giving him a pep talk, she may have actually dissuaded him from making any moves on you.

    That being said, she could have been an opportunity for him to connect with you as the middle person and he didn’t take advantage of that.

    Thereby, in that instance, it may have been a combination of being put on the spot as well as not having a strong enough desire to take advantage of the fact that your mutual friend could have been used as a way to connect with you.

    Your college closing due to the coronavirus scare was bound to happen.

    Perhaps this time away will help him get more clear on his emotions and enable him to develop a plan of action to approach you when college reopens.

    One can only hope.

    in reply to: Confused with her actions #41966

    Luke
    Keymaster

    You are still caught up on a girl who strung you along.

    It is best to let this go and move on.

    If she truly likes you, she knows where to find you and what she has to do.

    in reply to: Confusion in dating game #41962

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Urpal,

    You should hold off on asking her out for now. The corona virus pandemic has everyone uneasy right now.

    If you were to go out with her at this point in time, she may not be particularly comfortable, given the anxious climate that this pandemic has caused.

    Given the number of weeks that have gone by without any interaction with you, there is a possibility that she could have lost attraction for you.

    However, you would be able to find that out for certain by contacting her and beginning to make conversation.

    If she is receptive to you and actively engages in these conversations, there is still a chance that she is attracted to you.

    You could start off with asking her about what she did on her trip out of town and just let the conversation progress naturally from there.

    The right time to contact her and start making conversation would be now. If you keep waiting, any attraction that she may still have for you could completely vanish.

    You could use this time to build some rapport with her through conversation until this corona virus pandemic passes and you can then ask her out on a date.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Perhaps, being that you are shy, you may not be demonstrating the kind of body language that would make these guys who find you attractive feel comfortable or confident enough to approach you or ask you out.

    For future reference, you could look into making positive changes in your body language and see if that makes a difference.

    Having your best friend or the mutual friend talk to him will probably only make him feel that much more uncomfortable or intimidated to talk to you.

    He may feel like the pressure is on and that expectations are now at a heightened state.

    Your better option at the moment may be to use the group of friends strategy and hope that he ultimately gets comfortable enough within the group to start talking to you.

    The different time tables will be a challenge but you may not need that many interactions between both groups to have the desired effect of getting him comfortable enough to talk to you.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    If they are making each other jealous, they could be experiencing a connection that doesn’t require the both of them to be together, be friends or talk on a regular basis.

    There are people who can develop an emotional connection with someone that they don’t know at all based on attraction and the stories that they have allowed themselves to make up in their minds about what that person must be like.

    The stronger the attraction, the stronger the stories. This is often where the feeling of possessiveness comes in.

    By this point, they have made up this other person’s persona, lifestyle, passions, dreams, history, etc.

    In essence, they have created a surrogate version of this real life person in their minds. They become possessive of the persona that they have created.

    Once they see this person talking or getting too friendly with a member of the opposite sex in real life, it goes against the fantasy that they have made themselves believe about who this person is and the connection that they both share.

    This is often what will cause them to become jealous.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Angela,

    When two people get jealous after seeing the other talking or getting too friendly with a member of the opposite sex, it often means that they both feel possessive of each other.

    In other words, both of them want to be at the receiving end of attention from the other with no one else getting in the way.

    Even though they haven’t confessed any feelings for each other and they are not friends, there is a part of both of them that hopes that through some fortunate circumstance, they will be able to become acquainted.

    However, neither one of them is willing to make that first move because they would much rather have the other risk the possibility of rejection.

    in reply to: Confused with her actions #41945

    Luke
    Keymaster

    The chaperoning definitely didn’t help matters.

    Indeed, making your move earlier may have led to a different result but it really isn’t beneficial to dwell on that.

    You weren’t too harsh.

    Yes, you did stand up for yourself and that was what you had to do.

    You know what you want.

    There is no point in putting out the effort to court someone while bearing the inconveniences of having a chaperone tag along, if the person in question doesn’t share the same romantic interest.

    You aren’t looking for friendship after all.

    You have left the door open to her, if she were to change her mind.

    As of now, your task is to move forward.

    in reply to: So confused…I don't understand guys! #41939

    Luke
    Keymaster

    You are welcome.

    Yes, his true feelings could come out as he heals.

    As the healing process advances, he will become more and more clearheaded.

    This will allow him to let his guard down and avoid being so defensive when it comes to you.

    Being unburdened from the emotional weight that he has been carrying around can help him find peace.

    When his mind is in this state of peace, there will no longer be much of anything hampering his true feelings from coming out.

    in reply to: Do ghosters come back that showed you interest ? #41935

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Tristinav,

    Yes, ghosters do come back.

    Unfortunately, when they do, it is often because other dating opportunities for them have dried up. You simply become their last option for the meantime until something better comes along.

    Once someone has ghosted you in the fashion that this guy did, it is best not to go out with them again, even if they come back. You don’t want to be someone’s last option.

    Try not to get so caught up in how much interest this guy showed you at first. A guy with genuine interest in you would keep up that energy. He wouldn’t just suddenly stop texting and avoiding dates.

    If anything, a guy who is genuinely interested in you would become even more energized as time goes on because he is getting to know you better as a person and is finding more aspects to your life and personality that he is connecting to.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    He is a leader, popular, cool and a bad boy. All very attractive qualities that can be incredibly irresistible and appealing.

    It’s unsurprising that you would feel this kind of attraction towards him, despite the fact that he has habits in smoking, drugs and drinking that you would normally despise.

    You may keep thinking that he is still involved with his ex girlfriend because that would make it easier for you to understand why he keeps holding back when it comes to his interest in you.

    You’ve probably never encountered a guy who shows this much interest and yet, is unable to talk to you.

    Perhaps, you could try having some of your friends tag along with you into the hallway when you know that he will be around with his group.

    Have your friends engage in conversation with him and his group of friends.

    This kind of social setting may embolden him to talk to you through using the entire group as his cover.

    In essence, he could ask a general question and go from one friend to the next getting his answer until he arrives on you.

    This may be a way to get him to finally talk to you, albeit in a group setting.

    If you use this group strategy a few times, he may ultimately reach the point where he feels comfortable enough to start initiating one on one conversations with you.

    Thank you for your kind words in relation to my videos and advice. By all means keep me updated on your progress.

    All the best.

    in reply to: So confused…I don't understand guys! #41913

    Luke
    Keymaster

    In order for him not to get mad at hearing or seeing you, if you ever run into each other again, be polite in greeting him but keep the interaction as brief as possible.

    The less time you spend around him, the less likely he will get mad.

    Avoid getting into full-fledged conversations with him. Create space between the both of you soon after greeting him briefly.

    He needs time to heal from his unresolved emotions. Right now, the bitterness is too poignant.

    With time, he may heal. That will allow him to be more clear-headed and less emotional when it comes to you.

    At this point, he may no longer have a problem with you.

    in reply to: Why is he playing games? #41903

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Aliya,

    He may be doing this because he is responding to the nasty messages that you sent him on Instagram.

    Given that he made his Instagram public the next day, after you had sent him those nasty messages, it was most likely a calculated move.

    It wasn’t initially a power game with him. The first date that he went on with you that lasted all day seemed genuine enough.

    However, you may not have heard from him after that date because he may have not been entirely happy with the chemistry that you both shared.

    Though you believe that you both shared great chemistry, there may have still been something missing to him that you just didn’t quite have.

    That alone may have been the deal breaker. He may have thought to leave it at that and move on. However, now that you have sent him nasty messages on Instagram, the power game may have ignited in earnest.

    As of now, neither one of you has the power. However, he hopes to be the one to possess it.

    This would mean that he has the upper hand on you.

    He is hoping to do that through suddenly going public with his Instagram and posting stories.

    He may be hoping that he is able to make you jealous in the process. This would give him a greater sense of power and satisfaction.

    in reply to: So confused…I don't understand guys! #41885

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Mariah,

    He may still be getting upset even though you both had a “closure” conversation because every time he hears about you or sees you, he gets a reminder of how complicated the relationship between the both of you was for years.

    He is also reminded of how it all ultimately ended in you turning him down when he was most likely finally ready to get into a relationship with you.

    Though he may currently have a girlfriend, those facts still sting. They sting of failure and shattered hope.

    The “closure” conversation didn’t automatically wipe out the history that he has had with you.

    There is a good chance that the only reason why he got into a relationship with his current girlfriend is because he was never able to get into a relationship with you.

    That means that there is most likely still some emotional baggage that he has yet to reconcile with.

    He may try to make himself believe that he has moved on and his new girlfriend may have been a welcome distraction to that effect.

    However, whenever your presence becomes a factor in his life again, all that history comes back and he finds it hard to cope, hence why he gets upset.

    in reply to: Is this guy no longer interested? #41874

    Luke
    Keymaster

    A guy who is truly interested wouldn’t forget to follow up.

    Telling him that you were no longer interested in speaking with him was the right move.

    in reply to: Confused with her actions #41872

    Luke
    Keymaster

    You are welcome.

    This is why it is always good to make your move sooner rather than later.

    However, you did eventually make your move and kudos to you.

    It’s alright.

    At least, you have saved yourself from going on for months, giving her the attention that she enjoys, only to ultimately reach the same result.

    in reply to: Is this guy no longer interested? #41842

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Joanna,

    He didn’t try to finalize the dinner date for Sunday. A guy who doesn’t finalize a date is often showing signs of disinterest or waning interest.

    Being that the first date that you had with him earlier this week went well, he may make another attempt to set up a date with you fairly soon.

    If he sets those date plans up but doesn’t follow through with the date, that would be your indication that he has definitively lost interest.

    in reply to: Confused with her actions #41841

    Luke
    Keymaster

    If you are feeling it, just go for the kiss. She is probably waiting for it. If you keep overthinking it, you will always find an excuse not to do it.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    If he is still with his girlfriend, there is a good chance that your mutual friend would have found that out by now.

    Being that she often hangs out with him and his friends, that bit of information would have most likely come out by now.

    It would be difficult for every single one of his friends to stay quiet about that.

    At some point, someone would have said something in reference to that, if not deliberately, then by accident.

    So yes, someone would have let it slip by now.

    If they all got quiet when you passed his group in the hallway, there is a good chance that his friends are all aware of his complicated emotions towards you, at least to a degree.

    If he is the leader of the group, they are going to follow his lead when he gets quiet and do the same.

    in reply to: Female co worker #41674

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Brian,

    Yes, if she does it again, you can tell her that.

    Be sure to be civil and professional if this conversation becomes necessary.

    Doing whatever it takes to ensure that you don’t put yourself in a weakened position where you can be easily manipulated is the prudent thing to do in your situation, especially when you also have to focus on doing your job to the best of your ability.

    in reply to: Confused with her actions #41671

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Letting her come to you at her own pace could mean an indefinite amount of time waiting.

    If you want to speed things up with her, it may be best to cut contact.

    If she cares enough about the interaction, this could force her to get out of her comfort zone and try seeing you on a one on one basis.

    She may be cold when you reach out to her because she is being guarded.

    She may be partly worried that you are only reaching out so as to ask her out and she may not welcome this given the protectiveness of her household.

    She may not be cold when she reaches out to you because the side of her that just wants your attention may be the most prevalent emotion she is experiencing at that moment.

    That emotion may trump her anxiety that you may use this opportunity to try asking her out or asking her to hang out.

    in reply to: Confused with her actions #41478

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Everything may seem like it is going well and then goes the opposite way because she does want to take her time with this interaction.

    She is not in any rush.

    She does enjoy going out on dates with you. That is why she was touchy and flirty with you on the date on Tuesday.

    However, she also knows that the chaperone is there and to an extent she may like that. She knows that with the chaperone there, things won’t get out of hand. She doesn’t want things to move too fast.

    Whenever she senses that things may be moving a bit too fast for her liking or comfort, she pulls back.

    That was why she told you that she would just stay home when you asked her if she still wanted to hang out after you found out that every possible date venue was shut down until the 3rd of April.

    It is unlikely that she was scared of the corona virus.

    She is just in no hurry when it comes to the dates. As long as she is able to text you, she is quite happy with that. To some extent, she may even prefer texting over going out on dates with you.

    This may be partly the reason why she asked you about why you take forever to answer her texts.

    in reply to: Should I let this guy go? #41472

    Luke
    Keymaster

    That is really up to you. You are the only one who knows how you feel about that.

    In his eyes, he may see it as fair. He paid for the first date and thereby he may believe that you should pay for the next.

    You have had a particular experience in dating where guys have normally paid for the first few dates before you pitch in.

    You have now met a guy who is not like that.

    It is up to you to determine whether you are okay with that or not.

    If he is taking a while to respond to messages, it may be due to what he told you about his fear of being too overbearing.

    He did tell you that he has been told by girls in the past that he is too attentive.

    Even though he has now been out on a date with you, he may still be exercising a measure of caution when it comes to communication, so as to avoid repeating past mistakes.

    in reply to: Should I let this guy go? #41452

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Sheryl,

    He may not believe that he is doing anything wrong in having you pay for the next meet up.

    He also asked you to pick the next place for that second meet up.

    This kind of behavior would seemingly indicate that he wants to have you be more proactive during the early stages of dating.

    This may be because he has had some bad experiences in the past where he tried too hard with a romantic prospect and ended up empty-handed.

    He did tell you that he has been told that he is too attentive and hence why he would take a while before responding to your messages when the both of you first started talking.

    He seems to want to protect himself first and foremost.

    When a guy is this concerned about having an equal division of financial responsibility and planning of dates, he is approaching the early stages of dating in a much more militaristic and rigid way.

    This will most likely make it difficult for him to open up or be spontaneous because he will always want to be one step ahead of you.

    If you don’t want to put yourself through this process, it may be best to let this guy go.

    in reply to: Does he guy still sound interested? #41449

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Ernesta,

    He doesn’t sound interested.

    He has shown a continuous lack of energy and effort to make something happen between the both of you.

    From the start, he has shown an unwillingness to follow through on meeting up. He has left it to you to make plans to meet.

    A guy who is unwilling to step up and make plans to meet a girl is often a guy who is just not interested enough in the girl.

    Since the both of you matched and consequently reconnected on Tinder last week, he has shown the same lackadaisical behavior when it comes to meeting up. For one thing, you were the one who asked to meet up.

    Again, this shows a lack of strong interest on his part. To make things worse, after the date was set for Monday, he rescheduled for Tuesday.

    He has repeatedly shown in his behavior that he lacks any real interest to see where this could lead.

    If he is on Tinder, there is a good chance that there are other girls that he may be meeting or talking to that have a lot more priority to him than you do.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Ignoring him may or may not make him step up. The likelihood of him stepping up may depend on just how much of an emotional boost he requires.

    If he is able to get by, he may not step up. But, if he finds that he is obsessing over you, he may feel the need to step up because merely staring at you is simply not enough of an emotional boost to him.

    Things wouldn’t necessarily be different if he was the one to approach you. He would be just as unsure of himself, as in his feelings, if he were to approach you as he would be if you were the one who approached him.

    He really doesn’t get that far in his mind when it comes to how he would go about dating you given that he doesn’t even talk to you in the first place. He skips the talking part in his mind and just imagines being with you.

    Again, this is something that he may conjure up from time to time. It has never been intense enough to inspire or compel him to step up and talk to you.

    If he was in a serious relationship that ended last year, that breakup could be contributing to the chaotic manner in which his emotions govern him.

    There may still be a part of him that misses certain elements of that relationship.

    In terms of what your friend said about him wanting to be friends with benefits, he may indeed fantasize about being with you intimately from time to time.

    However, it is unlikely that he would want to be friends with benefits. He may worry that a relationship like that would only lead to further chaos in terms of his own emotions.

    Making him feel a way that other girl’s don’t can mean something in the sense that, if he was looking to date someone, you may be at the top of his list.

    However, even with this kind of priority, he simply lacks motivation to do anything about it. This is often due to a lack of emotional investment and fear.

    He would much rather experience a boost to his energy than give much of any of his in return. Giving his energy back in return would only cause him to worry about how that can further complicate his own emotions.

    Figuring out if you have strong feelings for him or just infatuation will help to give you clarity. In your particular case, it may be a healthy combination of the two.

    You may feel this way about him even though he is not the kind of guy that you are normally attracted to because of just that, he is not the kind of guy that you typically date.

    This could be a case of an opposite causing attraction. You want to unravel the mystery behind this strangely shy, yet popular guy. The deeper you dig into trying to figure him out, the more emotionally invested you become.

    This is often what leads to you developing feelings for him.

    If he has become obsessive and stalkerish in his behavior, he may be getting more desperate to figure himself and this situation out before he has to graduate.

    By being more shy and nervous around you, he may be indicating that despite the temptation to talk to you, his complicated emotions just keep getting in the way.

    in reply to: Meeting women to date #41436

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Mike,

    Not talking to women at all is very detrimental to getting a girlfriend.

    Women like interacting with guys who talk to them and can make conversation.

    Many of the guys that you often see with girlfriends either have good to really good social skills or they just constantly put themselves in social environments where they will be seen by girls.

    Regardless of whether you are good looking or not, if you don’t try talking to girls or put yourself in social environments, it will be very difficult for you to get a girlfriend.

    You may not see many guys who approach women completely cold in an everyday environment, however, there are guys who do. Indeed, these types of guys are normally in the minority.

    The majority of guys will normally approach women in comfortable social environments as opposed to the environments that you may frequent as you go about your day to day activities such as on the street, a store, eatery, etc.

    A lack of effort is often the difference between the guys who have girlfriends and the guys who don’t.

    The guys who have girlfriends often put out the effort to get one and are willing to brave rejection.

    The guys who don’t have girlfriends are often unwilling to take a risk to talk to a girl or ask her out due to the fear of rejection. This often means that they will find it difficult to get a girlfriend.

    in reply to: He doesnt try to talk #41427

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Myra,

    Good job on mustering the courage to talk to him.

    He most likely only says hi and doesn’t try to talk to you because he is still that shy guy and he can’t help his nature.

    One conversation with you in his office is unfortunately not going to change that.

    He is worried that you may be expecting him to return the favor in initiating a conversation with you and this alone may make him so uncomfortable that he is now not even trying to talk to you.

    in reply to: Crush not interested #41426

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Sara,

    He may not want to lose your attention.

    Even though he told you that he wasn’t interested, he may still love the attention that he is used to getting from you and may not want to lose that.

    By continuing to make lots of eye contact, flirt and show deep interest in your life, he is hoping to stay relevant in your life so that you don’t start losing feelings for him.

    Though he may not want to be in a relationship with you, he still wants to experience the emotional satisfaction of being desired by you.

    in reply to: Confused with her actions #41420

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Cuma eksen,

    In cancelling the date without rescheduling, her sister continues to be an impediment to you being able to properly date this girl.

    Again, you may have to set a time limit for this interaction and be careful that you don’t allow yourself to become so caught up in this girl that you find it impossible to disconnect, if indeed things come to that.

    It doesn’t seem that she would be the type who would even be aware that she is playing hard to get.

    Thereby, the moments that she has flirted with you and the other moments that she has blocked it may simply be reflective of her inexperience when it comes to dating and relationships.

    Being that she is very sheltered, she may worry that too much flirting will only lead to a desire to do something with you that she shouldn’t.

    This kind of caution may have been something that her parents and family members imbued in her during her upbringing.

    She may even develop a conscience that makes her believe that she is doing something that she shouldn’t be if she were to always allow herself to flirt with you.

    This may be why she has those moments where she blocks you from flirting with her.

    Again, a girl with her lack of experience may have no idea that what she is doing could be interpreted as playing hard to get.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    If he hadn’t stopped talking to the girl when he became interested in you again, he was most likely not getting what he needed out of her.

    Thereby, whatever attention he was getting from her wasn’t giving him the emotional boost that he needed.

    Given that he was showing you a lot of interest at the same time, this girl was most likely just a filler.

    It isn’t surprising that she would be interested in him given his nature.

    She may have truly believed that something more would come out of the interaction.

    However, he probably always knew that she would not be enough of an emotional boost. He needed something more. He needed the kind of emotional boost that only you could provide when giving him attention.

    If you believe that ignoring him will not encourage him to step up and ask you out, then you may have to consider stepping up and talking to him.

    If your feelings for him are this strong and you already know that he is soon to graduate and you will probably never see him again, you may not have all that much to lose in taking a chance on talking to him again.

    As long as you are okay with the strong likelihood that he would only want to engage in playful and flirtatious conversation with you and nothing more.

    Thereby, it’s important that if you do choose to talk to him that you keep your expectations of romance with him tempered.

    He told your mutual friend that he just wants to be friends and he still means it.

    He may flirt with the idea of dating you from time to time, but so far, that impulse has never been strong enough to force him to act on it.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    If the time that your semester was about to end coincided with when he stopped talking to the other girl, that may explain his renewed interest.

    He now knew that this other girl was unable to give him the kind of emotional boost that he would normally get whenever he was around you.

    Since he has shown an ability to talk to other girls and is called a flirt by his classmates, he may have some player mannerisms or attributes. However, he doesn’t seem to be an all out player.

    An all out player wouldn’t get as shy, nervous and incapable of talking as he does whenever he is around you.

    He may be the type that finds it easier to talk to just about anyone with ease, unless it is someone that he either has feelings for or has complicated feelings for.

    In your case, it may be more so complicated feelings than regular ones. Those complicated feelings may be defined by a side of him that would like to talk to you sincerely and another side that just craves your attention.

    He may frequently flirt with the idea of talking to you.

    However, there may be a certain level of vulnerability that he is worried about experiencing if he were to make a move to talk to you.

    He may be putting out this kind of effort on you even though he graduates in 2 months because he is the type who gets even more motivated by a deadline.

    If he is able to get the attention that he seeks from you before graduation, he wins.

    Though he knows that this attention will be short-lived, it is still worth it to him. It gives him the kind of emotional boost he needs without having to take a chance on talking to you to get it.

    Trying with some other girl who would actually give him something in return would pale in comparison to getting your attention.

    That would be too easy for him and he wouldn’t experience the kind of emotional boost that someone who was more of a challenge would provide.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Nadia,

    He keeps pursuing you after making it clear that he doesn’t want to date because he wants your attention.

    His interest in you only renewed after you started ignoring him not so long after he told a mutual friend that he just wants to be friends with you and nothing more.

    He misses the attention that he used to get from you.

    If you were to give in and start communicating with him again, he will most likely enjoy the attention for a little while until the effect wears off.

    At that point, he may start talking to some other girl. He has done this in the past.

    Thereby, the cycle of this kind of behavior would just continue.

    Unless he comes right out and asks you out on a proper date, it may be best to keep ignoring him.

    in reply to: How to show him that I am interested in going out? #41353

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Karla,

    To show him that you are interested in going out, you could try baiting him with some goodies at work to get him to start a conversation with you.

    For example, you could bring some kind of snack or beverage to share with your coworkers one work day and in the process of offering him a share of it, he may use that opportunity to start a conversation with you.

    As long as you are receptive to the conversation, there is a good chance that he may either use that opportunity to ask you out or get your contact information.

    in reply to: Female co worker #41341

    Luke
    Keymaster

    It isn’t childish if you just want to maintain a professional relationship with her from this point on.

    Talking to her about more personal topics would only start you on the path to wanting more and as a result, you may find yourself being strung along yet again.

    In order not to go back to that, keeping your relationship with her as professional as possible by only talking about work-related topics may be your best option.

    in reply to: WHY HE NOT CONTACTING ME AFTER A GREAT 1ST DATE #41339

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Soniya,

    He didn’t contact you after a great first date because he was only intent on being intimate with you.

    He did tell you before driving the 6 hours from London to your house that he didn’t want a relationship but only wanted fun and sex.

    When he stayed with you for those 2 days, he got what he wanted.

    You may have felt as though the both of you were really connecting because you both talked nonstop and he opened up to you.

    However, he was just allowing himself to be in the moment.

    In the back of his mind, he most likely knew that he wouldn’t be seeing you again. Thereby, it was easier for him to just open up to you because he figured that he didn’t have much to lose.

    Besides, talking about how insecure and needy his ex girlfriend was may have been something that he wanted to get off his chest and just talk to someone about.

    Being that he never bothered to contact you after that first date, even after telling you that he would contact you once he got back to London, it is unlikely that he has deep feelings for you.

    You shouldn’t keep waiting on him to message you nor contact him.

    13 days after his meeting with you, he has met more girls from dating apps and has added more girls to Instagram.

    These are all strong signs that he isn’t looking to get serious with any girl at this time, including you.

    It would be best to move on.

    in reply to: Can i make the first approach by text ? #41308

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Javier,

    It would be best to approach her in person rather than by text.

    Being that she doesn’t know you, approaching her in person makes you come off as confident. This is a quality that will instantly elicit a good first impression on her.

    The next time that you see her, approach her and start a conversation.

    Being that you are both in university, you both already have something in common. You could start with asking her about what she is studying.

    Show interest in what she tells you, try to relate to it in a relevant way and ask follow-up questions.

    If she likes you, she will want to keep the conversation going and may start asking you questions about yourself as well.

    in reply to: Female co worker #41304

    Luke
    Keymaster

    You are welcome Brian.

    She has started ignoring you because she has lost control of the situation.

    You haven’t been receptive to her attempts to soften you up with conversation and snacks and that may be frustrating her.

    She is now ignoring you to see whether you get worried enough about the prospect of losing her as a potential romantic mate that you start paying her attention again.

    in reply to: Female co worker #41298

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Brian,

    Thank you and I am glad that the videos have been helpful to you.

    Your female coworker may want to determine whether you are someone that can be of financial benefit to her.

    She did tell you that she is in a situation for financial reasons.

    Also, you did buy her dinner on the first date and drinks at a later date. This may be a situation where she wants to gauge how financially solvent you are and how much of a provider you could be.

    In not kissing you, she may have been trying to keep you working to gain her favor. Her refusal was most likely not due to moral reasons even though she told you that she doesn’t kiss or sleep with men that she isn’t in a relationship with.

    If she held herself to such high morals, she wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone just for financial reasons nor would she have gone out with a coworker multiple times behind her partner’s back.

    It would appear more so that she wants to determine your financial solvency. By not kissing you, she is most likely hoping that you will continue to chase her in order to win her over.

    She wants to determine whether you are someone that could conceivably replace her current partner at some point, if you are able to prove your financial solvency to her over time.

    in reply to: Confused with her actions #41295

    Luke
    Keymaster

    If you decide to give this a time limit, then you can text her until that time limit is up. It would be best to text her often and avoid having her do all the texting.

    If you want this girl to go out with you on a one on one basis, building a stronger rapport with her over text and even phone calls would work to your benefit.

    Keeping this in mind, if she were to text you, make it a meaningful conversation that is full of substance and laughs instead of keeping it quick.

    If you can get her to trust you over time by building this kind of rapport with her, she may eventually be willing to venture out with you on a one on one basis.

    in reply to: Confused with her actions #41282

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Cuma eksen,

    You may have to ask yourself about how long you think you can handle not being able to go out with her on a one on one basis.

    Perhaps give yourself a time limit and set your mind to that.

    If she is still unwilling to go out with you on a one on one basis by the end of that time limit, this may be your license to let this go.

    As you stated, dating is time consuming.

    You don’t want to continuously waste that precious time on someone who won’t go out with you on a one on one basis. Your energy and time can be better spent elsewhere.

    in reply to: Single my entire life #41275

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Mike,

    You may have been single for this long because you may not be consistently putting yourself in environments where you can meet women.

    If you ask the majority of these men that you have noticed seemingly dating women with ease about how they do it, the majority will tell you that they met the woman in some kind of interactive setting.

    You don’t have to be single forever if you don’t want to be. It really starts with looking at what you have been doing through the years.

    Ask yourself about whether you have tried to get out of your comfort zone and do something different when it comes to meeting women.

    If you have repeatedly remained in your comfort zone your entire life and haven’t dated anyone, it may be time to make a change.

    Start going to social venues that you never go to. Start interacting with new people outside of your current social circle either through interest groups or just people that you meet during the course of your day.

    Build your confidence by making it a must to try something new each week, whether it be a social event or some kind of activity.

    These changes put you in environments and situations where you can meet women who could ultimately date you.

    There is so much you can do to ensure that you don’t remain single for your entire life.

    The question is: Are you willing to make the changes necessary and take action?

    in reply to: Confused with her actions #41248

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Cuma eksen,

    It depends on how much of her sister coming along to these dates you can tolerate.

    You should probably try to find out from this girl about whether her sister will stop coming to these dates at a certain number of dates.

    If you find out that she will, perhaps, you can hold out until then.

    However, if there is no seeming end to her sister coming to the dates, it may not be worth it to keep talking to this girl.

    She may have called you her BFF, but that doesn’t mean that she only sees you as her best friend.

    She does like you romantically.

    After the first date, she texted you and let you know that she had a great time and wanted to know when she would see you again.

    She has made good eye contact with you even though she is shy and tends to look away relatively quickly before bringing it back.

    She laughs at every joke that you make, even the ones that you believe are stupid.

    These are all strong signs of romantic interest.

    Calling you her BFF may just be an indication of her inexperience when it comes to dating.

    Being that she has been raised in a strict catholic family, she may have been taught that she has to be able to like and trust a guy as her friend first before considering him as a romantic prospect.

    in reply to: Not feeling it Anymore #41239

    Luke
    Keymaster

    The thrill of the chase may be gone for her after having hooked up with you last weekend.

    In so doing, there is no more mystery for her to uncover.

    Oftentimes, this can kill excitement in people and lead them to looking elsewhere for new thrills.

    Also, the text conversations that you had with her during the course of the week may have made her realize that the both of you wouldn’t be a good match for future hookups or a long-term relationship.

    She may not be necessarily looking for a long-term relationship at this time, even though she told you that she was.

    She may have only told you that so as to use the easiest or most convenient way to go about ending her interaction with you.

    Being that she already knew that you didn’t want to be tied down, she may have figured that you would have easily accepted her reasoning and let her go.

    When you came back with letting her know that you were not against a relationship, she told you that she was not feeling the relationship anymore because that was all she could think to say at the time.

    She wasn’t expecting you to come back at her with that.

    Again, she is probably not even looking for a long-term relationship at this time.

    Her real issue is most likely that she is just not turned on anymore and she may feel the need to go elsewhere to get her thrills.

    in reply to: How to approach woman #41235

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Miguel,

    The best timing to talk to her and ask her out is when she isn’t busy with customers.

    Approach the barista at this time and keep it very simple.

    It doesn’t matter if there are coworkers around. They will mind their own business.

    Avoid trying to talk her up before asking her out. Keep the conversation brief. Exchange a few pleasantries and get right to it. If she likes you, she will give you her number.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    You are welcome.

    All the best.

    in reply to: Girl I’ve been seeing always text first but now flakes on me #41216

    Luke
    Keymaster

    It is rarely a good sign when, in reference to setting up a date, a girl tells you that she has a busy week and will let you know.

    We already suspected that she was having doubts about this relationship and was merely buying time with you.

    It may be ending like this even if you gave her a chance to tell you the truth about why she’s acting different and even gave her the opportunity to take a break from the relationship because she may not be particularly good at ending relationships the right way.

    There is a good chance that she still kept several of her ex friends with benefits around for a while after those relationships were over as well.

    She likes the attention that she gets when she is still able to text the guy.

    Hence, she may keep him around until the next guy comes along that she is interested in, who is also capable of giving her the right kind of attention.

    Once that happens, she is able to disappear from the ex’s life.

    She will often do this without closure because the only reason why she kept the guy around in the first place, once the sexual part of the relationship was over, was for the attention.

    in reply to: What should I do to move things along? #41207

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Samantha,

    It may be easier for the both of you to talk to each other over an extended period of time if you were both not at work.

    Oftentimes, workers hang out after work to unwind. Find out if he has a crew that he hangs out with from time to time after work.

    If he does, find out the next time that they are all going to be hanging out after work and get your own crew of work friends to accompany you to wherever it is that they will be meeting up.

    Meeting each other outside of work may help to move things along. It puts the both of you in an environment where you can both relax and ultimately talk in a much more elaborate and free manner.

    in reply to: How can an antisocial person get into a relationship? #41000

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Sith,

    It may be best to work on developing your social skills first. This way, you would not only improve the chances of getting into a relationship, but you would also improve the chances of having a lasting relationship.

    If you are open to developing your social skills, a good start would be to join interest groups around your passions or hobbies.

    This would be a fun environment where you would be able to be around people who share the same passion for said interest as you do.

    This tends to make it easier for you to make conversation with them and develop friendly relationships.

    If you have no interest in developing your social skills so as to improve the chances of not only getting into a relationship but maintaining it, you could try to find people like yourself online.

    There are various online outlets where you may be able to find other people who have the same issue with antisocial behavior.

    Facebook groups for example are quite popular. There is most likely a Facebook group around antisocial behavior.

    Being that you are antisocial, interacting with people online would probably be a lot easier for you to do than interacting with people in real life.

    You may be able to connect with several people that you meet in your online group. Ultimately, one of those people could end up becoming a romantic partner.

    in reply to: Girl I’ve been seeing always text first but now flakes on me #40772

    Luke
    Keymaster

    To limit stress with women, make sure that you don’t make your life revolve around them.

    Many guys make the mistake of becoming too wrapped up in the lives of women that they are into.

    They forget to have hobbies, interests, goals and a life outside of what they share with the woman.

    If you stay active with your own life and make sure that you are habitually engaging in other interests that are your own, you will not get caught up with any one woman and this will help to limit stress.

    in reply to: Does this guy sound interested in me? #40771

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jocelyn,

    He may be following up again because he wants to observe your behavior in order to determine whether there is any romantic interest for him on your part.

    When he spoke to you on Valentine’s day and asked you about how your day was going, he was most likely trying to get your attention and make himself known to you once more.

    Being that he is socially awkward, he finds it hard to truly express himself or be more extemporaneous whenever he is talking to you.

    That is one of the reasons why your conversations with him tend to be dull and awkward.

    On the one hand, he is interested in you and would like to go out with you again but on the other hand, he is very inexperienced and uncomfortable when it comes to courting a girl.

    in reply to: Is he interested in me? #40768

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Sug,

    He may not be entirely happy in his current relationship with his girlfriend, but may have reached a point where he just feels that it is safer to stay with her and not rock the boat.

    Both he and his girlfriend may have lost the initial spark for one another that they once had. They may have basically settled into a monotonous routine with their relationship that has left him feeling very uninspired and bored.

    Whenever he is around you at work, he most likely feels the spark that he craves and so deeply desires.

    The way the both of you talk and stare at each other probably makes him feel a lot more alive than he normally is whenever he is with his girlfriend.

    He enjoys talking to you and often doesn’t want those moments to end. That is why he was glaring at your friend when she took you away from him during one of your conversations.

    So yes, he is most likely interested in you. However, his situation is complicated.

    He is tempted to take his interaction with you further but he is holding himself back. A big part of that is the fear of losing a relationship that is already established with his girlfriend.

    But also, he may be fearful about work relationships. He has told you about how the work relationship of a friend of his died.

    Hence, he may be fearful that if he were to take the risk of leaving his girlfriend in order to pursue a relationship with you, he may end up regretting it if the relationship were to end badly.

    So basically, he may be unsure of what to do at this point. Until he figures that out, he may try to keep talking to you whenever he can in the hopes that he can learn more about you.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    If there are no issues from the situation and she doesn’t need a temporary break either, ask for her availability to see you and set a date.

    The conversation that you have just had with her in an attempt to make things right may be enough to compel her to finally show up.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    That particular situation that happened between the both of you may have been what initially planted the seed of doubt in her mind about her relationship with you and the prospect of becoming exclusive.

    Prior to the week in which the both of you didn’t speak, you felt as though she had been showing signs of wanting to be in an exclusive relationship.

    Perhaps, the situation that later occurred punctured whatever fantasy she may have concocted about what life with you as an exclusive boyfriend would be like.

    After the night that the both of you made up, she may have spent more alone time thinking about the situation that occurred. This may have actually been what put her in a bad mood, leading her to seek solace from friends to no avail.

    It may be helpful to ask her if she still has issues about that situation and if so, what they may be. Perhaps try doing this before suggesting a temporary break.

    If indeed the source of her continuous flaking stems from this situation, clearing it up further with her may help to mend the rift that has developed between the both of you.

    However, if she tells you that she has no lingering issues in reference to the situation, you can then go ahead and ask her if she would like to take a temporary break from the friends with benefits relationship.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    If she wasn’t in a bad mood prior to you asking her about becoming exclusive, there is a good chance that your request to become exclusive with her is the source of her bad mood.

    She is still not willing to admit that to you because she is not sure about what to do with this relationship at this point.

    Basically, she is still trying to buy time. Until she figures out what to do with this relationship, she will most likely want to continue texting you.

    However, it may not be to your benefit to just hang around in the hopes that she figures out what she wants to do with you.

    You could respond to her message by asking her if she would like to take a temporary break from the friends with benefits relationship in order for her to clear her head.

    The thought that you may spend that break possibly hooking up with other girls may plant a sense of urgency in her head that could make her feel the need to figure out where to take her relationship with you a lot quicker.

    in reply to: How to act towards her? #40505

    Luke
    Keymaster

    If you feel comfortable asking her out now, you can do that.

    It isn’t necessarily too early as you are both already fairly acquainted.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Give me the context of this message.

    Was it after having had the conversation about why she has been flaking on you or is this some other conversation?


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Noah,

    She may still be unsure of what to do with this relationship.

    When you texted her last week saying that you weren’t feeling the relationship anymore, you caught her off guard.

    As long as she is unsure of what to do with this relationship, she is not going to want it to end prematurely.

    In other words, if there is going to be a breakup, she wants to be the one that does it after a period of deliberation.

    If it ends, she would want to end it on her own terms. At this time, she isn’t quite sure about what she wants to do.

    When you called and told her that you thought that you spooked her after asking about being exclusive, she told you that you didn’t and that nothing was wrong.

    However, her actions since that phone call have demonstrated the complete opposite. She has flaked on coming over three times in a row.

    This is something that is uncharacteristic of her, which means that something is indeed wrong.

    The sooner you have an open and honest conversation with her about why she has been flaking on you, the sooner you will discover whether this is a situation that you can salvage.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Noah,

    She may keep coming up with an excuse whenever you ask her to come over because she is worried that the dynamics of the relationship has changed.

    In asking her to become exclusive, she may feel that you have developed feelings for her that she is unable to reciprocate.

    Even though you felt as though she was giving off a vibe that indicated that she wanted a relationship, she may have simply been caught up in the idea of it all.

    In other words, she would just get a little lost in thought whenever she would hang out with you.

    However, it is typically best, especially in a scenario such as yours in which the both of you were sleeping together without commitment, to let the woman be the one to strongly suggest getting into an exclusive relationship.

    This way, you never run the risk of being too presumptuous with her and consequently ruin the casual relationship as a result.

    As of now, this particular girl continues to text you first because she still likes the attention. However, she is worried that if she comes over and sleeps with you, your feelings for her will become even stronger.

    The next time that you both chat, start a polite, open and honest conversation with her about why she is flaking on you.

    Once you know her reasoning, you may be able to assuage whatever fears or doubts she may have and that may be enough to get her to start coming over again.

    in reply to: How to act towards her? #40471

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Yes, if she is interested in you, she could change her mind and decide to have a relationship.

    Since you like her, it may be best to take some action before thinking about giving up.

    Start instigating get-to-know-you conversations with her.

    Try doing this first and see how she responds.

    in reply to: How to act towards her? #40464

    Luke
    Keymaster

    She may want you to be more assertive whenever she is sitting next to you in terms of starting and maintaining a compelling conversation.

    If you rarely instigate conversation, you essentially make her feel that she has to be the aggressor when it comes to interaction.

    This may be why she picks and chooses the occasions that she will talk to you.

    Your passive behavior may also be why she feels emboldened to tease and mock you almost every time that the both of you talk.

    If you don’t take charge of the moments that you are sitting next to her, she will feel empowered to do so in whatever manner she chooses.

    in reply to: How to act towards her? #40457

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Dani,

    So far, her behavior towards you isn’t definitively indicating interest in you or a lack thereof.

    If she tends to laugh at almost everything that you say and will sometimes hang with you, she may be indicating that she is open to the possibilities.

    It is best to act like you are interested in getting to know her. Constantly ask her questions about herself and show interests in her interests.

    If you do this over time, there is a good chance that you will eventually be able to tell whether she is interested in you or not based on changes in her body language and what you may be hearing from mutual classmates.

    in reply to: Not sure what to do about this guy who is showing interest? #40445

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Nami,

    He may have told his friends to approach you because he wanted them to report back to him about what they thought of your personality.

    He may be the kind of guy who finds it easy to flirt and make sexual jokes with many women when there are no romantic intentions involved.

    In essence, he can be himself around them because there are really no stakes.

    However, when there is a woman that he is actually interested in romantically and has invested some time thinking about, he could second-guess himself.

    As a result, he won’t approach her and may choose to send his friends instead to help him figure the girl out.

    You could be that girl to him.

    Flirting with every woman around you, making a lot of sexual jokes, making fun of some women in a joking way, talking about sex a lot, showing off, bragging about the women that are in his huge social life, drinking and using drugs are all indicators of how he would behave if he were to become a significant other to you or anyone else.

    You are the only one who can judge if these are behaviors that you are able to tolerate or not.

    If you don’t feel that you would be able to tolerate them, it may be best to look at them as red flags and avoid giving him a shot.

    Try not to make the mistake of thinking that you can change this guy if you were to give him a shot.

    The likelihood of that happening is incredibly slim and only tends to happen when you get a guy to a point where the value of his relationship with you is much greater than everything else.

    Getting a guy with this much social clout and influence to that point is incredibly difficult and typically comes with a heavy emotional toll.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jacoby,

    Yes, women who have parents who are still together are typically great candidates for long-term relationships. Women like this will often want to emulate their parents.

    An effective way to filter out a woman who won’t make a good wife or mother is to observe the people that she keeps as friends and acquaintances.

    If she typically associates herself with people who tend to have bad relationships with their romantic partners and children, there is a good chance that she will do the same if she were to become a wife or mother.

    in reply to: Instagram Story: See Once & Ignore Once #40439

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Serena,

    He may keep alternating his viewing of your Instagram stories to every other post because he doesn’t want to be too obvious about the fact that he may be intrigued by you.

    In essence, he may not want to come off as too eager to know what you are doing in your life. He may be worried that this could make him appear as though he doesn’t have a life of his own and thereby desperate.

    It was easier for him to look at your Instagram stories before the college semester started because he knew that he wouldn’t bump into you during the course of his day.

    However, now that the semester has started, he knows that he will probably see you a lot more around campus and may be worried that you would think him desperate if he continues to look at your Instagram stories with the frequency that he once did.

    This perception could make him feel very self-conscious. To an extent, he may already be feeling some of that emotion right now.

    This may be why he would only look at you from the sides of his eyes while keeping his head straight when you said hi to him in class.

    He may already be questioning whether seeing every other Instagram post of yours is even still too much.

    in reply to: Will he come back? #39863

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Kim,

    Given how passionately the both of you kissed and how he followed that up by being the first person to watch your Instagram stories, there is a good chance that he wasn’t being fake.

    He may have liked you initially.

    However, when he stopped watching your Instagram stories two days before the both of you were supposed to meet. there may have been something that he discovered or experienced in those stories that turned him off.

    This may have been why he told you that he wasn’t interested in you when you both met up again.

    It is unlikely that he will like you like that again because whatever turned him off will continue being an impediment unless he chooses to talk to you about it at some point, perhaps during one of the filming sessions at your apartment.

    However, as long as he is unwilling to talk about it, there is a good chance that he will not come back to the passion that he once shared with you.

    in reply to: She rejected me months ago , now flirts with me i think #39862

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Blue,

    She seems to enjoy the attention.

    When she isn’t getting it from you, she tends to respond by ignoring you as well. However, when you give her attention, she tends to enjoy it.

    It may only be about the attention though.

    She hasn’t really gone out of her way to show you that she has had a change of heart and would like to go out with you.

    You have already asked her out in the past and she rejected you.

    Hence, it may not be a good idea to ask her out again. If she truly likes you, the onus is on her to make a move, not on you.

    in reply to: Said "Hi" then Completely Ignored Me #39845

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Diana,

    He most likely wasn’t expecting to see you.

    He probably said “Hi” and proceeded to completely ignore you because he was taken by surprise and felt awkward.

    There is a good chance that he is fully aware that you are beautiful and considered as such by many guys. This perception may actually be somewhat intimidating to him.

    There are many guys who can get intimidated by a woman’s beauty.

    This may be why he gave you such a quick smile and immediately returned to looking at his phone and listening to his music.

    He left when the bus stopped because he had most likely reached his stop and trying to acknowledge you in any way at that moment would have just made him feel even more awkward.

    in reply to: Dating a coworker? #39833

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Robin,

    Try not to get carried away with her at this time. It is best not to make assumptions of who she is without having gone through the process of getting to know her first.

    Dating a coworker isn’t always doomed to fail. Many people have had successful romantic relationships with significant others that they initially met at work.

    As long as you both understand the necessity to habitually separate your work lives from your private lives, a coworker relationship may work out for you as well.

    With an acceptance of this necessity, you should follow your instincts and ask her out.

    If you keep procrastinating, you could reach a point where you have made her out to be so amazing in your mind that you become absolutely terrified to ask her out. You would be afraid that if she were to turn you down, all of your amazing dreams about her would come crashing down.

    In other words, it will get harder to ask her out the longer that you wait, especially with how smitten you are with her.

    in reply to: What's the next move #39825

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Kyle,

    You walked up to her for a reason. You were clearly drawn to her. You may not know her, but that is what chatting with each other over the phone is for.

    Despite what your friends told you, if the prospect of going out with a stranger was creepy to this particular girl, she wouldn’t have given you her number to begin with. She was interested in getting to know you as well.

    Your next move should be to use her number to contact her and engage in conversation. If you like what you hear, you could then proceed to ask her out.

    You may be a little bit different from your friends in that you were able to walk up to this girl and ask for her number.

    Your friends most likely never do that. They would much rather play it safe and stick to talking to girls that they know.

    If this isn’t who you are, this may be an occasion to listen to your instincts as opposed to listening to your friends.

    All relationships start from a point of not knowing each other at first. You made a move on this girl for a reason. It would be best to follow it through and see where it all leads.

    in reply to: Men behavior #39822

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Fanta,

    You can get him to stop without being rude by sarcastically joking with him in saying something like, “The next time you tell me to smile again, I am filing a complaint with HR.”

    Give it a moment to see his reaction. It will most likely be stunned silence. Then just start laughing, wave your hand and say, “Just joking.”

    Though you were joking with him, that will plant a seed of caution in his mind. You will most likely not hear him asking you that question from that point forward.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi T,

    Ask some of your old coworkers about where they all tend to hang out after work.

    If they let you know that they will be meeting up at a particular location after work on a specific day and R is also going to be joining them, you can go to the location before they arrive and find a spot.

    It may be best to go there with one of your friends so that you don’t feel so nervous and for some support. When your old coworkers show up, you could easily start talking to them.

    R may notice you soon after and may start talking to you in an attempt to catch up. This is where the both of you can engage in extended conversation and see whether there is any chemistry.

    in reply to: Did He Lose Interest? Or Is He More Interested? #39292

    Luke
    Keymaster

    You are welcome Sara.

    in reply to: Two different girls like me I dated them both before #39290

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Spencer,

    Figure out what qualities that you most desire in a mate.

    Look at both girls and what each one brings in terms of what matters most to you.

    If you do this thoughtfully, you will most likely notice that one of these girls has more of what you desire than the other.

    Choose the girl that has more of what you desire.

    in reply to: Is she too young for me? #39289

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jeremy,

    The friends first approach when you actually already know that you would rather be with her romantically could lead to you playing it very safe with her because you want so badly for her to eventually like you romantically.

    Doing this could lead to her becoming so comfortable with you that she just can’t imagine you as anything other than a good friend.

    That mindset is often what kills any chance at romance with her.

    in reply to: Is she too young for me? #39286

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jeremy,

    Yes, women are open to dating guys within this age range.

    Women in their early 20s in particular may be attracted to men who are relatively older because they have only recently come out of their teenage years where they most likely dated guys who didn’t measure up to them in terms of maturity or even direction.

    Keeping this in mind, it is not uncommon for women in their 20s to choose to date guys who are 5-7 years older than them.

    Yes, it is true that a woman can break her own rules if she is really into someone. This often happens because of life experience.

    As a woman matures, the same rules she once had and has tried to hold onto may start wilting as she is exposed to more and more different kinds of people.

    in reply to: Did He Lose Interest? Or Is He More Interested? #39284

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Sara,

    You may be able to regain his interest by starting conversations with him around topics that he really enjoys.

    This could help you to build rapport with him over time.

    Once that rapport is established, he will let his guard down.

    Once he reaches this point, there is a chance that he will open himself up to considering you as someone with romantic potential once again.

    in reply to: Is she too young for me? #39282

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jeremy,

    You are the only one who can determine whether a 7 year age difference is too young for you.

    You are the only one who gets to physically and psychologically experience what it is like when you are around her.

    If you are normally overwhelmed with a sense of discomfort due to the age difference, this is something that you have to take into considerable account.

    If the common interests and core values that you both share are suddenly forgotten in these moments, this 7 year age difference may be a major problem for you and something that could truly impede you from being yourself whenever you are interacting with her.

    If you try to build a sort of friendship with her in the hopes that you can make a move on her after she finishes college and is a little bit older, you may end up becoming a friend to her and nothing more.

    If you actually want her, you should go for her wholeheartedly. If you don’t, someone else will and you will lose your opportunity.

    in reply to: Does she likes me? #39280

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi William,

    Being that she knows that you like her, she may nervously walk around you because she is unsure about whether you will try to make a move on her when she is near you.

    The fact that she tends to look away really quickly when you stare at her may indicate that she is shy. She may not be confident enough to look at you in the eye.

    This may also be why she tends to avoid initiating eye contact altogether.

    This kind of shy behavior could indicate that she is a girl that likes you.

    However, if her behavior isn’t caused by shyness but more so disdain, she may not like you at all. If this is the case, all of this behavior may be a reflection of unease.

    That unease could be caused by a worry that you may try to approach her and she may not want that.

    Since this particular situation could go either way, the only way to know for sure that she likes you may require that you talk to her.

    Stop trying to look for signs from her that encourage you to approach her.

    Just approach her and start a conversation. You will learn very soon after that whether there is truly any romantic potential between the both of you.

    in reply to: A manager at my office keeps staring intensely at me #39279

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Olivia,

    There may be some concern on his part about the fact that he is a Manager when it comes to the likelihood of approaching you.

    However, that may not be the main reason why he hasn’t approached you.

    Also, if he is taken, he is most likely not all that into his partner if he is capable of stopping while he is in the middle of opening a door just to stare at you right in the eyes as you walked past.

    The root cause of his intense stares may have a lot to do with him trying to figure you out. That may be why he never smiles. He could be contemplating you and what you are all about.

    Until he has figured you out, he may continue staring at you intensely for some time. However, when he does figure you out, he may either choose to approach you or decide against it if he feels that he wouldn’t be compatible with you.

    in reply to: Did He Lose Interest? Or Is He More Interested? #39257

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Sara,

    He may have lost interest.

    He has looked and smiled at you in the past without any reaction from you.

    Indeed, he may be frustrated with your body language. In not looking at him because you are shy, he may have gotten the impression that you don’t like him.

    Asking him a question about the course activity was not enough to convince him that you like him. After all, you could ask anyone that question.

    That was most likely the reason why he did not reply to your question and went off in some other direction.

    As of now, it appears that he has lost interest.

    in reply to: Dating my crush #39247

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Arjun,

    You have probably had this crush for your friend over a good chunk of your two year friendship with her.

    Given that length of time investment that you have put into getting to know her, it would be worth it to go for her.

    She may have a crush on some other guy but that doesn’t mean that she isn’t open to dating you. As long as she is single and available, she is fair game.

    It is best to go for it now and find out for sure whether a romance can happen than to do nothing and ultimately live to regret it.

    in reply to: He keeps looking at me? #39246

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Shreyaa,

    If you have caught him looking at you in class several times, there is a good chance that he likes you.

    When he got a little embarrassed because you caught him looking at you that one time, it may have been because he is more of a shy guy.

    He may want to talk to you but is very nervous about how to go about doing it.

    in reply to: She just went cold #39239

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Adam,

    If she has gone cold on you before, she will most likely do it again even if you were to keep using the strategy of waiting until she texts you on Snapchat.

    It may be best to just ask her out. This way, you don’t keep expending energy on someone who may just be in this for the attention but has no romantic interest in you.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Zach,

    It has only been 3 days. Try not to panic quite yet.

    She may have gotten so used to the fact that you are usually the one who initiates conversations on messenger that she is waiting on you to do so again.

    Give it another day or two to see if she initiates. If she doesn’t, it may be best for you to start a new conversation with her and ask her if she has a boyfriend or someone else that she is seriously talking to with strong romantic potential.

    If your ultimate goal is to become romantic with her, you need to make sure that she is available to you for that.

    Otherwise, you could spend another 2 weeks or more initiating the majority of conversations with her with nonstop texts and be simply wasting your time.

    in reply to: Attraction #39221

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Marquita,

    Thank you and I am glad that the videos have been helpful.

    The very first time that you saw him and he gave you that intense look as if he could see inside of you would indicate that he felt a strong sexual attraction towards you.

    He keeps asking you these random questions because he may be trying to figure out whether the both of you are sexually compatible.

    He is not necessarily looking for verbal answers to these questions per se. He is more so interested in how your body and voice responds to the questions.

    Again, he may be trying to figure out whether there is any real sexual chemistry. He knows that simply finding you to be attractive doesn’t necessarily mean that the both of you would be sexually compatible.

    In observing your body language and listening to the tone of your voice whenever he asks these random questions, he is hoping that he will be able to get a better understanding about the chemistry that may or may not be there.

    So, there is interest on his part in terms of trying to figure this out. He may not have reached the point where he actually likes you wholeheartedly. He is still fishing for sexual chemistry.

    It may be best to avoid approaching or giving him your number at this point in time.

    If he isn’t feeling the right kind of chemistry with you, it is unlikely he will use the number even if you were to give it to him.

    Instead, be as open with your body language as you can without being too overzealous in showing him that you are attracted to him as well.

    Try getting close to him when the both of you chat. Lean into him. Brush against him as you walk past. Look him up and down from time to time. Open your lips slightly when you chat with him. Lick them every so often as you chat with him.

    These are all very strong body language signs of interest without being too overbearing about it. This is the kind of body language that would stimulate him.

    It is most likely what he is looking for, thereby why he keeps asking you these random questions that don’t really seem to go anywhere.

    Again, he is looking for sexual chemistry.

    From the first moment that he laid eyes on you with that intense look that felt as if he could see inside of you, he was setting the tone for this interaction.

    It is sexual in nature.

    Don’t worry too much about what you should say to him. He just wants you to react to what he is saying more so than to have you engage in long-winded conversations with him.

    Stay upbeat and just let him lead the conversations. Again, the idea here is not to come off as too overzealous.

    If you were to prematurely read too much into how he has been behaving towards you and assume that you now have license to blabber on whenever he is around, you could ruin the momentum and take away his interest.

    He wants to be in control of how this interplay is initiated and it would be wise to leave that to him. Simply focus on how you respond and your body language.

    Try not to get carried away with expectations.

    He is still feeling you out for sexual chemistry. He may or may not ultimately decide that there is compatibility.

    Hence, it is best not to get your hopes up regardless of how attractive he is. So, let things play out naturally without trying to force things to happen.

    You are not missing anything here as far as his attraction towards you. Feeling his eyes on you the moment you walk out your door would indicate that there is a lot of sexual tension in his end.

    Just play along. That is all you should be doing.

    Based on how you respond to him, he may ultimately reach the point where he feels that there is either compatibility or a lack thereof. If he feels that there is compatibility, he may choose to further this interaction by either asking for your number or asking you out.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Cally,

    He may have told you that he likes you but he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship because he may not have a particularly good track record when it comes to romantic relationships.

    In other words, he may have a history of short-lived romantic relationships that may not have ended well.

    Hence, he knows that if he were to pursue a romantic relationship with you, not only will it be short-lived but it may end badly as well.

    If it ends badly with you, not only would he have lost a short-lived girlfriend but he would also lose a friendship.

    Hence, he may believe that it would be best not to pursue you as someone with romantic potential due to his past experiences.

    in reply to: He’s done a complete 360 and acting strange #39212

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Noemi,

    You should let him contact you first and then move forward from there.

    If he wants to work on the relationship and you feel the same way, then the both of you need to get reacquainted and start spending some quality time getting to know each other better.

    If he doesn’t want to work on the relationship, then you should accept that and avoid trying to force anything.

    You may be able to win him over if you were to try forcing the relationship to work, but then, the relationship would be imbalanced when it comes to who holds the power.

    This means that it would only be a matter of time before the relationship would suffer again from a lack of continuity and emotional investment.

    You shouldn’t ask him why he unfollowed you on social media.

    Trying to get an explanation out of him isn’t going to help your situation. If anything, you would only give attention to the fact that he has issues with you and this relationship.

    in reply to: He’s done a complete 360 and acting strange #39201

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Noemi,

    It’s best not to keep trying so hard. All that does with most guys is push them away.

    Going home to Canada may have affected how he looked at his relationship with you.

    Perhaps in having that time away from you as well as possibly other influences, he came to the conclusion that he wasn’t ready to follow through on so much that he had promised before leaving for Canada.

    He has unfriended you on Facebook and Instagram because he has noticed how hard you have been trying to maintain what the both of you had before he left for Canada.

    Again, over pursuing in this way with a guy will often turn the guy off.

    You shouldn’t text him when he gets back asking if he is free. You would be trying too hard and this only leads to pushing the guy even further away.

    Even though you think that you both need to talk, let him be the one to reach out to you first.

    If this was a temporary change of heart due in some capacity to something that he experienced in Canada, that may reverse when he returns.

    However, you have to let him reach out to you first in order to increase the likelihood that this relationship can be salvaged.

    in reply to: Was she leading me on? #39193

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jeremy,

    Her walking up to you to fix your shirt and tie doesn’t necessarily indicate interest.

    At that point in time, she was familiar enough with you to do something like that.

    After all, the both of you had already talked about graduation and life after university in previous conversations. It would be reasonable to think that she would want you to look your best on the big day.

    in reply to: Was she leading me on? #39187

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jeremy,

    It’s unlikely that she was leading you on.

    The eye contact that you experienced with this girl seems to have been more coincidental than intentional. In other words, she never seemed to go out of her way to look for you and stare.

    You would both happen to be facing each other in the same class or run into each other as you were headed to class or in a parking lot and eye contact and a smile would follow. However, she never seemed to go out of her way to look in your direction.

    There is a good chance that being that you liked this girl, you may have read more into the occasional moments of eye contact than was really there.

    To be sure about how she really felt about you, you needed to make an aggressive move on her in either asking her out or at least telling her how you felt about her.

    You never did this.

    When you messaged her on social media about how she never talked to you in class, she responded by telling you that you never talked to her either.

    That was a probable indication that she is the kind of girl who expects the guy to step up and go after what he wants.

    You may have received delayed replies to your messages to her social media because your messages weren’t particularly fun to read. You would say hi and then proceed to talk about plans for life after university.

    These conversations were just too bland. It is no wonder that her response rate would become increasingly belated with each new message that you would send.

    All in all, it just appears as though you never really made an aggressive move on her and being that she is the kind of girl that would expect a guy to be more aggressive when he is interested in her, she didn’t take you seriously.

    in reply to: Online Dating #39182

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Cutiepie,

    Don’t pursue him outright.

    The danger of outright pursuing a guy, especially when online dating, is in the laziness that it can cause in a guy. As a result, you may find yourself putting out all of the effort to make things happen. You shouldn’t put yourself in that position.

    Instead, contact him and let him know what your availability is. This puts the ball in his court in terms of meeting up.

    If he chooses not to take advantage of this and organize a time that he can meet up with you, it is best to let him go and move on.

    in reply to: Dating a girl with bad communication. #39157

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Joe,

    You may be losing feelings for your girlfriend because she is not fulfilling your emotional needs.

    For one, she still continues to maintain bad communication even after you became her boyfriend.

    Meanwhile, this second girl that you used to live with for a year makes you feel at home. You probably find it easier to communicate with her and may have even hung out more with her in the last two months than you have your girlfriend.

    There are some very important elements to a relationship that you are missing out with your current girlfriend.

    The elements of communication, fun, trust, openness, safety and comfort are just some of them. You are finding all these elements in the second girl.

    It is not so much that this second girl is a better fit, it is that your current girlfriend isn’t providing you with these key missing elements.

    Just because you find these elements with this second girl doesn’t necessarily mean that she is looking at you as someone of romantic potential. So, it is important that you don’t assume that this second girl feels the same way about you.

    Being that you have only been in a relationship with your girlfriend for 2 months, it may be best to talk to her about what you believe is missing in the relationship.

    If she truly cares about you, she may try to work on those elements. If she does, it will take time for things to change. So, don’t expect your relationship to become perfect overnight.

    Being that you were pining over this girl for a year before she became your girlfriend, it would be worth it to at least try to see whether your relationship with her can be salvaged. This way, you don’t risk having regrets.

    There is always a chance that in college, you could miss out on an extremely compatible girl because you hesitate.

    However, it is best to first know the elements that are absolutely essential for you to feel fulfilled in a relationship.

    Once you know what they are, you will be in a much better position to date an extremely compatible girl to you because you would know what to look for.

    This way, you never waste too much time with someone who doesn’t fulfill them.

    It is always important to be yourself. Thereby, you shouldn’t act more ‘masculine’ for the sake of capturing a girl’s attention if that truly isn’t who you are. The most compatible girl for you will like you for who you are.

    However, most girls prefer that the guy initiate conversation or interest.

    Hence, you should always be prepared to be more ‘masculine’ in this sense. This way, you never miss out on an opportunity to get the most compatible girl for you.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Kanishka,

    She may have preferred that you talked to her and tried to get to know her earlier, before the Christmas holidays.

    Being that you didn’t do this, there was no rapport established between the both of you. In essence, she doesn’t know you, at least not well enough.

    She may not feel comfortable following someone on Instagram that she doesn’t know. This may also be why she didn’t accept your friend request on Snapchat.

    You may have to talk to her in person when the Christmas holidays are over and work on building a rapport with her over time. This may be the only chance that you have to get her to consider you as someone with romantic potential.

    in reply to: Did I get rejected? #39147

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jacque,

    It may not even be that she has really high standards.

    She may just not be the kind that likes to be in relationships all that much.

    If she hasn’t had a boyfriend in many years, she may be quite content being single.

    in reply to: Did I get rejected? #39145

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jacque,

    She was staring at you through the corner of her eye in class and had her head sort of down when she held the door open for you.

    These are indications that she is most likely shy.

    A shy girl will often find it hard to be direct with how she feels with a guy she doesn’t know.

    Telling you that she “kinda” has a boyfriend indicates that she didn’t want to let you down hard.

    This is typical behavior of a shy girl. It can be hard for them to give a person a direct rejection.

    Hence, they will flirt around it by using kinder words.

    What she said had nothing to do with whether you came off as a “creep” or not.

    This is how she would reject just about anyone who approached her that she wasn’t romantically interested in.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    You are welcome Lou.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Lou,

    Yes, it’s a good time to give up on this.

    She likes attention up until the point when a guy seems to be getting serious about her and then she bails.

    She may have stopped watching your Instagram stories as fast as she used to, if at all, because she doesn’t want to expose herself to the possibility that you could make another attempt to get her to go out with you.

    In other words, now that she knows that you are serious about her, she has bailed.

    She may have showed up to that lunch date with the coworker because she knew that it was all about friendship and nothing more.

    Thereby, she could handle that.

    If her ex cheated on her, she may also be dealing with trust issues when it comes to relationships.

    If that ex is now trying to come back to her, she may also be debating whether he is worth it.

    All in all, she doesn’t appear to be someone who is seriously looking for a relationship with anyone at this time.

    The attention that she receives from men is enough.

    in reply to: He keeps showing up? #39132

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Sam,

    You are welcome and I am glad that the advice helped you.

    This stranger keeps conveniently appearing whenever you so happen to be around which would indicate that these appearances aren’t coincidental.

    He seems to be trying to get you to notice him.

    However, he may also be really shy.

    This may be why he keeps checking his wallet or taking his phone out whenever he is about to walk past you.

    The fact that he took the initiative to say “hey” the last time that you came across him as you were walking home may indicate that he is beginning to feel a little bit more comfortable with you.

    It may be because you took the initiative to say “hey” to him the time before.

    So yes, this is a good sign.

    Keep showing positive body language whenever he is around.

    Try making eye contact for a sustained period of time and smiling.

    If he is a shy guy, he will need a lot of encouragement before becoming emboldened to approach you in the proper way.

    Oftentimes, consistent eye contact coupled with smiling will give a shy guy the kind of encouragement he needs to make that approach.

    Try doing this as often as you can.

    Avoid having expectations, as these may cause you to overthink and consequently try to force a desired outcome.

    Just be natural. Make sustained eye contact and smile.

    If he truly likes you, he will most likely make some kind of move once he realizes that all of this eye contact and smiling is always directed at him.

    in reply to: Dating with speech problem #39126

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Kristiyan,

    Your speech problem wouldn’t really be an issue if you focus on building relationships with girls first.

    When they get to know you as a person and like you, your stuttering problem will only be a part of who you are, not all that you are.

    At this point, they know you as a person and may have connected with you on a number of mutual interests.

    Hence, your stuttering problem wouldn’t be something that is unattractive and annoying.

    They would consider dating you based on the person that they have gotten to know, as opposed to a person who stutters.

    They know so much more about you as a person now.

    Your stuttering problem would only be a small part to a person that they now know as dynamic and multifaceted.

    If anything, at this stage, some of them may even look at your stuttering problem as endearing.

    in reply to: Getting over an ex/possibly getting her back #38077

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Xavier,

    It can be rough to experience a breakup with someone that you love.

    It is natural to then want to get that ex back. However, in your situation, it would be best to avoid trying to do that.

    She broke up with you.

    Being that you had good chemistry with her and the relationship was flowing smoothly, she most likely didn’t make the decision to break up based on emotion.

    She actually took some time to think it through.

    Thereby, the likelihood of getting her back is very slim and wouldn’t be worth your time to pursue.

    To get over this, first and foremost, acknowledge the time that you had with her and be grateful for that experience.

    Then proceed to making your life as full and fun as you can.

    In other words, get busy with activities that fulfill you.

    This will not only help to enrich your life but it will also keep you from being idle.

    If you are constantly idle, you will be susceptible to constantly thinking about her.

    This would only make it that much more difficult for you to get over her.

    Hang out with your friends and have fun.

    Avoid talking about her when you do.

    Accept that your girlfriend is truly gone and ensure that you don’t put yourself in situations where you will be reminded of her.

    As long as you do this consistently, you will get over her.

    in reply to: Boyfriend stops talking to me for days when i get jealous #38023

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Flower,

    Trying to turn things around would only bring you right back to where you are now.

    He has demonstrated some personality traits often attributed to sociopaths.

    He lacks remorse, guilt or empathy.

    He is manipulative and unabashedly disrespectful.

    He would need to put in a lot of work on himself to become a person worth dating.

    He has shown no signs that he even believes that he has a problem.

    It is a lot easier for him to believe that you are the one with the problem and not him.

    As long as he holds on to this belief, he will never make any effort to work on himself.

    It wouldn’t be worth it to put in the effort to turn things around when you are involved with someone who will never put in the work to change themselves for the better.

    You will only end up going around in circles and emotionally depleted.

    in reply to: Staring #38020

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Tay,

    He is not the kind of guy that is able to handle being turned down all that well.

    There is a part of him that wants to get back at you.

    This was the part that blocked you on FB after you blocked him on your end.

    However, he was unable to maintain that anger for long because there is a part of him that still wants you and hopes that in some way he still has a chance to get what he whats from you.

    He has been staring at you without saying anything because he wants you to notice him and make an attempt to talk to him.

    At first, he was using this strategy because he didn’t want to be too obvious that he still wants to engage in sexual activities with you.

    However, that strategy wasn’t enticing you to come and talk to him.

    That is why he decided to smile at you the last time around.

    He was hoping that this would be enough to get you to talk to him again and thereby open up the possibility that he may be able to hook up with you at some point.

    You may not have smiled back at him because you didn’t want to give out any signals that you may be interested in him.

    It was probably a subconscious reaction.

    There is a part of you that may believe that this is a guy that you should just stay away from and not allow back into your life.

    However, there may be another side that is still interested in him in some capacity.

    Your subconscious mind will often try to protect you in scenarios like this by making you avoid getting caught up in feelings for the other person.

    In essence, it encourages you to be more closed off so as to protect yourself from being taken advantage of.

    in reply to: Boyfriend stops talking to me for days when i get jealous #38011

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Flower,

    Your boyfriend is aware that he has a lot of control over your emotions.

    When you get jealous and he consequently stops talking to you for days, he is exercising this control.

    He knows that he can talk to all these girls that he meets on social media and meet them for coffee without having to worry about the consequences.

    He doesn’t value his relationship with you.

    That is why it is so easy for him to break up with you for no good reason.

    He demonstrated this when he split up with you because you didn’t help him kill a mosquito.

    He may be treating you this badly because he doesn’t believe that you measure up to his ex.

    He just started talking to her after a ten year split and they talk almost every day.

    The more he talks to her, the more convinced he may become in believing that you are just not as good as his ex.

    This kind of sentiment may be the reason why he chooses to continue disrespecting you by talking to this ex as well as other female “friends” that he adds on social media.

    He just doesn’t believe that you are good enough for him.

    As long as he feels this way, he will continue being insensitive towards you.

    in reply to: Girl #38002

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Afonso,

    If she is super shy, it would be best to put some time into making her feel more comfortable and safe whenever she is with you.

    Just start by getting closer to her when the both of you are on dates.

    Hold her hand from time to time.

    Guide her into a room first by occasionally touching the small of her back.

    Be protective of her when walking on sidewalks by being the one who walks on the side that is adjacent to the street.

    Touch her face gently as the both of you talk from time to time.

    The more you do this, the safer you will make her feel.

    Eventually, if she truly likes you, she will become comfortable enough to start showing you more affection.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Jessalyn,

    The sentiment that his feelings haven’t changed in 4 months of dating and the consequent desire to break up due to this doesn’t constitute a particularly worthy reason.

    Your ex boyfriend is making it sound as though he is desperate to fall in love.

    If he never truly showed you that he was the hopelessly romantic type during your relationship with him, there is a good chance that he was not being entirely honest when he told you that he is breaking up with you because his feelings haven’t changed.

    There may be someone else that he has taken an interest in and now wants to pursue.

    In other words, he may have just gotten bored with you and wants to try something new.

    However, don’t be surprised if he suddenly starts trying to get your attention at some point in the foreseeable future.

    Guys who leave a relationship for facetious reasons tend to come back when they realize that they are not getting emotionally fulfilled by whoever it is that they left their ex girlfriend for in the first place.

    in reply to: How start conversation to your crush #37983

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Shen,

    To improve the chances that he could make a definitive move on you, you could start things off by opening conversation with him.

    Being that he works at the Supermarket, you could start a conversation with him next Friday by using the Supermarket as an opening topic.

    Using your environment or location is often an easy way to open up conversation with someone that you don’t know.

    Ask him a question in relation to the Supermarket.

    Observe his body language as the both of you converse.

    He may give away the fact that he either likes you or doesn’t while he is talking to you.

    If he likes you, look for a lot of sustained eye contact and smiling.

    Observe whether he tries to check you out sneakily by quickly looking you up and down from time to time.

    Observe whether he gets really fidgety with stuff by either playing with his hair or clothing a lot, or even fidgeting around with the trolleys.

    It’s best to go to the Supermarket next Friday and do this.

    If you choose not to go there for a while, you run the risk of never trying to do something.

    You will just come back after a while, hoping that he somehow magically notices or remembers you and makes a move.

    However, that is unlikely to happen.

    His possible recollection that you have stared at him in the past may fizzle out over this period of time and any window of opportunity you may or may not have had with him may pass you by.

    At this time, he may or may not be interested.

    By making this move next Friday to open a conversation with him at the Supermarket, you will be able to get a better idea on whether he is interested in you or not by observing his body language.

    It is best to try doing this first before moving on.

    This way, you don’t leave anything to chance.

    in reply to: Dating #37981

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Briyanna,

    It most likely means that your boyfriend doesn’t feel that you are worth the effort to take out or hang out with outside of school.

    You may be his girlfriend at school because he wants the social benefits that come with that, but he may not care all that much about you outside of the school environment.

    If you have noticed that he still hangs out with his friends, even though he keeps telling you that he is too busy or too stressed to take you out, he is showing that he prefers the company of his friends over yours.

    Being that he has persisted with this type of behavior over the course of two months, all you may be to him is someone who helps to elevate his social status at school.

    This may be all he cares about.

    You should break up with him.

    If he truly cares about you, the idea of losing you may be the jolt he needs to start taking you seriously.

    If breaking up with him doesn’t cause any changes in his behavior, then you are better off.

    It is best to be free of him than to be used.

    in reply to: Confused #37979

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Monique,

    You are being played in the sense that he wants to have someone at home that he knows is waiting for him.

    However, he is more concerned with his career and other aspects of his life than he is with you.

    You have already told him about how you feel and he circumvented the question by saying, “emotions are being thrown around.”

    He responded in this way because he is essentially trying to buy time with you and avoid commitment in the process.

    Again, he likes the fact that he has someone waiting for him whenever he gets back into town for intimate company and he wants to keep it this way.

    If you are looking for a committed relationship, you should walk away.

    Staying in this situation will only make you become more and more emotionally attached as time goes on, to no avail.

    It is unlikely that he is feeling emotionally attached but is just unable to explain it.

    If this was the case, he would have shown some emotional vulnerability to you when you let him know how you felt.

    However, he seemed to circumvent the topic in a way that showed that he lacked emotion and empathy.

    in reply to: What can I do about him? #37971

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Alexandra,

    In this situation, it may be best to just come right out and ask him to hang out on a specific day.

    He is very passive aggressive with you.

    He may have conversations with you on Instagram, but he hasn’t initiated any of it.

    He may like your pictures on Instagram, but he doesn’t follow that up with making conversation or flirting.

    If you don’t make a truly aggressive move soon, you may end up being that online friend that he chats with from time to time and likes their pictures.

    He seems to have some interest in you but it is fairly weak.

    Asking him out directly may or may not ignite that interest and thereby compel him to become more aggressive with you.

    However, doing so will at least give you an opportunity to either move this interaction forward romantically or have good reason to let it go.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Yes, she most likely kept asking why you were acting different or hated her because she was just looking for attention.

    in reply to: Confused ! Should i ask her again ? #37951

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Santi,

    You shouldn’t ask her out again at this time.

    Even though you have twice noticed her staring at you on the bus, you should not let this make you become too hopeful or overzealous.

    Talking to her again at this time may only result in the same outcome.

    Instead, get engaged in conversations with people around you.

    Make them laugh and get them to like you.

    There is a good chance that if she keeps witnessing this, she could reach a point where she feels compelled to either say something to you or get closer to you in some way.

    Making an effort to make people around you comfortable with you can have the added benefit of making her feel more comfortable with you.

    Perhaps it is this sense of comfort with a guy that allows her to open up or become more receptive to a guy.

    Work on making the people around you like you.

    This could get her to start liking you unconsciously and that is where a more profound opportunity may open up with her.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Lou,

    Yes, it does sound like she was never into it.

    Flaking on lunch at the last minute was not a good sign.

    Even her follow-up statement, “I might have to do dinner please,” wasn’t all that strong of a request to reschedule to a dinner date that night.

    The signs were already there that she was never truly interested in pursuing anything romantic with you.

    The first three times that she was in town, she never told you that she was.

    You had to text her, “Are you alive? Just checking on you,” after the third time that she ignored telling you that she had been in town.

    Again, these were already very strong signs that she wasn’t really interested in seeing you.

    The last time she is in town, which was last week, the both of you make plans to have lunch.

    However, it takes her hours to let you know that she wouldn’t be able to make it to lunch and that she might be able to do dinner instead.

    When you replied by telling her that you have things you have to do that night, she didn’t bother responding.

    Again, this would indicate that she really didn’t care to meet you all that much.

    She is used to getting attention from guys and may have enjoyed the attention that she was getting from you for a while.

    However, her actions have shown that she may have no further interest in you than that.

    in reply to: How start conversation to your crush #37942

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi William,

    To start conversation with your crush, you could ask her about something that relates to school.

    If you don’t speak English well, just keep it simple.

    You could let her know beforehand that you don’t speak English all that well and then proceed to ask her a simple question about school.

    It could be about a class, an upcoming school event or even an extracurricular school activity.

    Using a topic that relates to the high school will help to make you less nervous when you approach her because you would be using a topic that relates to the both of you.

    in reply to: Early dating stage #37936

    Luke
    Keymaster

    You are welcome Cor.

    Thankfully, you experienced all of this relatively early and before deeper feelings had set in.

    This will make it easier for you to let this go and move on.

    All the best.

    in reply to: Early dating stage #37932

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Cor,

    Yes, by telling you, “You just have to hit me up,” he was implying that you need to reach out to him first to hear from him or hang out with him.

    Unfortunately, as suspected, he is just not all that interested.

    He will be game to hang out with you on occasion.

    However, he isn’t invested in getting to know you and developing a deeper emotional bond.

    You should not allow yourself to do all the work.

    If a guy is not willing to put in the work to court you, you are just not that important to him.

    If you fall into the trap of hitting him up all the time or most of the time, he will not have any real investment in the interaction.

    This will make it too easy for him to be very hot and cold throughout the interaction until he starts ignoring you entirely due to boredom or complacency.

    This kind of effort just wouldn’t be worth your time.

    in reply to: Texting #37929

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Max,

    She may have stopped sending you flirtatious texts because she feels that she has given you more than enough indication that she likes you.

    Hence, she may feel that she would come off as desperate if she were to just keep on initiating flirtatious texts to you.

    Even if she may know that you like her, she would still want you to make the ultimate move in asking her out.

    This may be what she is waiting for now.

    You should ask her out as soon as you can.

    in reply to: Staring #37928

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Philippa,

    A man may stare into your eyes in this manner when he feels really drawn to you.

    It may be a combination of your intellect and physical appearance that causes this.

    If he has shown other recurrent behavior that indicates attraction, he may be hoping to get some kind of mutual response from you.

    In other words, he may be waiting for a significant sign that you are attracted to him as well.

    in reply to: "What should i do next?" Update + new question #37922

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Marc,

    Yes, I remember your situation.

    Good job on starting a conversation with her at school.

    Now, she did tell you that she doesn’t like funfairs. But, you went ahead and suggested going to a funfair next week.

    It isn’t a surprise that she didn’t take you up on your offer.

    Yes, you should go on the offensive, but try not to go overboard with telling her about how much you like her.

    Instead, focus more so on asking her out the right way.

    If you are unsure of what to do, keep it simple. Ask her to coffee, lunch, or dinner and a movie.

    Until you ask her out on a proper date, you will not really be able to determine whether she is open to going out with you in a romantic capacity or not.

    in reply to: Study date #37917

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Kazo_realy,

    Asking you about when next you would be able to have a study date with her may indicate that she wants to see you on a more one on one basis.

    If the both of you are constantly flirting whenever you see each other, there may be a degree of mutual attraction between the both of you.

    Now, all of this doesn’t necessarily mean that she likes you.

    She may not entirely know how she feels about you right now.

    On the one hand, she values having you as a study date so that you can teach her because she thinks you are smart.

    On the other hand, she may feel a degree of attraction towards you.

    She may actually not be entirely certain about whether she likes you romantically or not.

    When a girl is at a stage where she isn’t entirely sure whether she likes a guy romantically or more as a friend, you shouldn’t allow too much time to elapse without taking any decisive action to win her over to you in a romantic sense.

    This is why it would be best to ask her out on a real date as soon as you can.

    If you keep going on study dates with her, you could risk falling into the friend zone with her over time.

    This is not a good place to be if you like this girl romantically.

    You don’t want her to get so comfortable with you that she only starts seeing you as her smart friend and nothing more.

    If you ask her out on a real date, you will give her the opportunity to figure out whether she likes you enough to entertain the possibility of dating you or being in a romantic relationship with you.

    The sooner she figures this out, the better for the both of you.

    in reply to: Asking him out #37915

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Emily,

    Now that he is home, contact him and start a normal conversation.

    You can talk about his trip, how he is settling in, etc.

    There is a good chance that during the course of the conversation, he will ask about the date.

    If he doesn’t, you should bring it up towards the end of the conversation.

    It is best not to appear overzealous.

    So, just wait it out until towards the end of the conversation to remind him about the plans for a date, if he hasn’t brought it up already.

    Being that you are the one who asked him out first and initiated everything, it wouldn’t be inappropriate to do this.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi HM,

    Even though it has been 2 weeks since you heard anything from him, there is a chance that he hasn’t forgotten you and will still contact you.

    Indeed, he may be comfortable with being alone at this time.

    However, at some point, he will want company.

    This is most likely the time that he will reach out to you.

    Thereby, it is best to maintain no contact.

    You already know that his behavior towards you needs to change.

    If you give in now and contact him because you miss him, he will get the impression that it is okay to keep acting the way he has.

    Avoid posting pics on your social media just so that you can get his attention.

    Just live your life to the fullest at this time as though you have moved on from him.

    If he was truly fond of you, there is a chance that he will contact you at a point where he realizes that you are not giving in and that he also misses you.

    in reply to: She rejected me but I think she is still interested #37904

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Mengot,

    Her contradictory behavior may be an indication that she is trying to play hard to get.

    The first sign of this was when she rejected your initial request for her number, only to give it to you the next day.

    Then you write her about how you feel about her and she tells you that she just want to be friends. But, the next morning, she was still staring at you and continues to do so.

    One of the most effective ways to get a girl to stop playing hard to get is to take control over the situation.

    This starts with ignoring her in class.

    Focus on talking to other girls in class.

    Make them laugh and give them compliments.

    If indeed, she has been trying to play hard to get with you, this type of behavior on your part will make her panic as she realizes that she isn’t the only prize in the class.

    If she is truly interested in you, she will start trying really hard to get your attention and may even try to start conversations with you.

    In essence, she may suddenly find herself chasing you.

    in reply to: Early dating stage #37898

    Luke
    Keymaster

    You are welcome Cor.

    All the best.

    in reply to: Early dating stage #37894

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Coree,

    It’s unlikely that he just wants space.

    He has been a musician throughout your interaction with him.

    Yet, he was still going out on at least one date with you a week and spending the whole day with you.

    He was clearly able to make time for those dates.

    If he truly wanted to, he could focus on music while still finding the time to go out on dates with you.

    Let him message you first.

    Guys who are truly interested will make the effort to reach out to the girl, especially in the early stages of dating.

    If he is not willing to make more of an effort to pursue you this early on in your interaction with him, that would indicate that he doesn’t care all that much about the interaction.

    The sooner you discover this, the better.

    in reply to: Early dating stage #37890

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Cor,

    The early stage of dating is often the time that there should be a lot of energy coming from a guy.

    He should be excited to talk to you as often as he can.

    He should be making himself available and setting up dates.

    If he hasn’t reached out nor hung out with you in two weeks, there is a good chance that he is not as excited about you as he should be.

    He is treating this more like a casual interaction.

    For now, let him reach out to you first.

    However, if you don’t want to just casually date, you should let him know this the next time he does reach out.

    Even though it has been two weeks, he will most likely still reach out to you.

    He could have spent the last two weeks going out with other women for all you know.

    This is why it is best to be clear about what you are looking for upon your next conversation with him.

    This way, you don’t end up wasting a lot of time and energy on someone who doesn’t want the same kind of relationship that you are looking for.

    in reply to: Help :( #37886

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi HM,

    Yes, it is best to take a step back now.

    Constant fighting is never healthy for any kind of relationship.

    Thanks for following up on this question.


    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Ali,

    Yes, it would be best to wait until you see your crush again on Monday in order to determine whether he is going to keep ignoring you.

    He has shown signs of liking you through sustained eye contact in the past.

    However, you don’t really know what is going on in his personal life.

    There may be a current or ex girlfriend in the picture.

    He may even be at a point in his life where he wants to focus on his studies.

    Before drawing any conclusions, wait to see how he treats you on Monday.

    If he keeps ignoring, he may be indicating that he wants to focus on other areas of importance in his life.

    In which case, the signs of interest that he had been showing you may have simply been out of curiosity and nothing more.

    in reply to: Why is he friendly in text but unfriendly in real life? #37869

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Sarah,

    When he was acting really friendly, eager and outgoing on text, he may not have been showing his true personality.

    He may have felt the need to impress you over text in the hopes that he would ultimately be able to get you to meet up with him when you returned from studying overseas.

    His serious nature and the fact that the meet up felt like an interview session would indicate that he no longer felt the need to pretend now that he had gotten you to meet him in real life.

    During the meet up, he had a tendency of repeating a complaint because he may have narcissistic tendencies.

    All of those complaints were typically focused on something that was affecting him.

    He complained about his phone getting wet and his dry contacts and more.

    Again, all those complaints were focused on something to do with him.

    Normally, this type of behavior indicates some narcissistic tendencies or at least a personality that is somewhat self-centered.

    These tendencies were also displayed in how he went about treating his meet up with you like an interview session.

    Typically when a company interviews you, they are looking for how you can serve them.

    The company is thinking about themselves