Luke

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  • in reply to: Why did things go sour with this guy? #42031

    Luke
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    Hi Amanda,

    He may have started getting defensive because he was worried about giving off the impression that he liked you too soon.

    He wanted to play it cool but in the process ended up coming off as defensive.

    He messaged you last night because he wanted to come clean about liking you.

    However, you are dealing with a guy who has some insecurities when it comes to expressing his feelings and being open with them.

    This means that his behavior could become more and more erratic as time goes on as he tries to keep himself in check when he should be allowing the process of interacting with you flow naturally.

    in reply to: Talking but not in a relationship #42028

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    Hi Stephanie,

    You shouldn’t keep talking to him. Your feelings for him would only get deeper if you do.

    You could easily tell yourself that he will eventually come around to having feelings for you if you just stuck it out, but that is unlikely.

    He has told you that he talks to other girls. This means that he may be doing exactly what he is doing with you, with them.

    In essence, he is calling them everyday and hanging out or going on dates multiple times a week.

    Some may also sleep over at his house.

    He has his attention on several girls which leaves little room for him to develop feelings for you specifically.

    It is best to get yourself out of this situation before your feelings for him become so intense that you find it impossible to get yourself out.

    in reply to: Asking the girl out #42013

    Luke
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    Hi Marko,

    She probably texted you because she misses the attention that you used to give her when you would text her. This doesn’t mean that she now wants to go out with you though. All she is really looking for is your attention.

    in reply to: Ghosted…kinda #42010

    Luke
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    You are welcome.

    You shouldn’t hang out with him.

    As long as he is still in this uncertain state of mind, he would only be hanging out with you in order to have fun as friends and kill time.

    Thereby, if you were to hang out with him, you could start thinking that perhaps this is all leading somewhere, when it really isn’t.

    in reply to: Ghosted…kinda #42004

    Luke
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    Don’t respond if he reaches out.

    If you happen to be with mutual friends and see him in person, be polite in your exchange, but avoid getting into extended conversations with him.

    Keep those interactions short.

    If you let them last too long, you could find yourself beginning to develop feelings for him again and this will only set you back.


    Luke
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    Perhaps if you would have reciprocated when he was showing a lot of interest in you, the both of you could be dating right now.

    You didn’t reciprocate because you are shy. However, to him, he may have actually taken that as a form of rejection.

    Most guys, even the popular ones, take rejection quite personally. This may be why he has been unable to talk to you ever since.

    He kept his distance when you were hanging out with your mutual friend and best friend, even when your mutual friend was talking to him.

    There may be a sense of failure that arises in him whenever he sees you that often gives way to a feeling of intimidation.

    As far as your body language with guys in general, you are right in that they can find your lack of eye contact or smiling as a source of intimidation.

    Add the fact that you sometimes have a bored and serious look on your face and that is a recipe for most guys to keep away from you.

    Your uninviting body language is the issue. It’s the reason why guys don’t approach you.

    in reply to: Ghosted…kinda #41990

    Luke
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    Hi Hope,

    Thank you and I am glad that the videos have helped you.

    If you are looking for a serious relationship, you should drop him and stop waiting for him to be ready.

    Getting kinda ghosted is just as bad as getting all out ghosted. If anything, it could be worse because it could leave you latching on to the bare minimum in terms of what he gives you as you desperately hope for more in the future.

    You don’t really know what he is doing, if anything, to make himself ready to date someone seriously.

    If you wait, you could fall into the trap of constantly telling yourself that you are getting closer, when in fact, you aren’t.

    If he only texts you when you text him first and often after a week has gone by, he is showing a strong lack of interest in getting to know you and interacting with you.

    He may have been a lot more communicative when he was physically around you, but since he returned to school after the Christmas break, his behavior has changed.

    His lackluster effort in communicating would indicate that he is a lot more involved in what is happening around him and a lot less willing to maintain a long distance correspondence.

    With all of this behavior, waiting on him to be ready would be to your detriment. The long distance makes it that much harder for you to determine whether he is truly working on himself or he is just doing nothing.

    It wouldn’t be worth it to take a chance on him, knowing that he may never come around.

    in reply to: How to be okay with being vulnerable? #41986

    Luke
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    Hi Maria,

    You may have emotional defenses up due to a past relationship that failed.

    To be okay with being vulnerable, you need to look at this guy as someone completely new and not connected to anyone that you have dated in the past.

    A tangible way to do this is to avoid going to the same places or engaging in the exact same activities with this guy as you did with your ex or exes.

    This helps to keep you from being constantly reminded of your past exes and those failed relationships.

    Instead, be open to trying new activities and adventures with him.

    This will help to create a distance between him and your exes, both in activity and personality.

    As time goes on, you will start learning to let go of those defenses and trust this guy.

    That is how you will ultimately get to the point where you will be okay with being vulnerable.


    Luke
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    You can be very outgoing and jovial but if you don’t make eye contact with guys and smile, many won’t approach you.

    Most guys overthink.

    They worry about rejection immensely.

    As a result, most of them require strong signs of interest in order for them to even think of taking a chance on approaching a girl.

    Something else you could do is look to your girlfriends.

    If you have girlfriends that tend to get approached by guys, it may be to your benefit to ask them about what they do or even emulate some of their body language, if it fits your personality.

    There may be something that is missing in how these guys read your body language that they need in order to approach you.

    Your mutual friend may have indeed put him on the spot when she asked him if he wanted a relationship with you.

    Instead of giving him a pep talk, she may have actually dissuaded him from making any moves on you.

    That being said, she could have been an opportunity for him to connect with you as the middle person and he didn’t take advantage of that.

    Thereby, in that instance, it may have been a combination of being put on the spot as well as not having a strong enough desire to take advantage of the fact that your mutual friend could have been used as a way to connect with you.

    Your college closing due to the coronavirus scare was bound to happen.

    Perhaps this time away will help him get more clear on his emotions and enable him to develop a plan of action to approach you when college reopens.

    One can only hope.

    in reply to: Confused with her actions #41966

    Luke
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    You are still caught up on a girl who strung you along.

    It is best to let this go and move on.

    If she truly likes you, she knows where to find you and what she has to do.

    in reply to: Confusion in dating game #41962

    Luke
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    Hi Urpal,

    You should hold off on asking her out for now. The corona virus pandemic has everyone uneasy right now.

    If you were to go out with her at this point in time, she may not be particularly comfortable, given the anxious climate that this pandemic has caused.

    Given the number of weeks that have gone by without any interaction with you, there is a possibility that she could have lost attraction for you.

    However, you would be able to find that out for certain by contacting her and beginning to make conversation.

    If she is receptive to you and actively engages in these conversations, there is still a chance that she is attracted to you.

    You could start off with asking her about what she did on her trip out of town and just let the conversation progress naturally from there.

    The right time to contact her and start making conversation would be now. If you keep waiting, any attraction that she may still have for you could completely vanish.

    You could use this time to build some rapport with her through conversation until this corona virus pandemic passes and you can then ask her out on a date.


    Luke
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    Perhaps, being that you are shy, you may not be demonstrating the kind of body language that would make these guys who find you attractive feel comfortable or confident enough to approach you or ask you out.

    For future reference, you could look into making positive changes in your body language and see if that makes a difference.

    Having your best friend or the mutual friend talk to him will probably only make him feel that much more uncomfortable or intimidated to talk to you.

    He may feel like the pressure is on and that expectations are now at a heightened state.

    Your better option at the moment may be to use the group of friends strategy and hope that he ultimately gets comfortable enough within the group to start talking to you.

    The different time tables will be a challenge but you may not need that many interactions between both groups to have the desired effect of getting him comfortable enough to talk to you.


    Luke
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    If they are making each other jealous, they could be experiencing a connection that doesn’t require the both of them to be together, be friends or talk on a regular basis.

    There are people who can develop an emotional connection with someone that they don’t know at all based on attraction and the stories that they have allowed themselves to make up in their minds about what that person must be like.

    The stronger the attraction, the stronger the stories. This is often where the feeling of possessiveness comes in.

    By this point, they have made up this other person’s persona, lifestyle, passions, dreams, history, etc.

    In essence, they have created a surrogate version of this real life person in their minds. They become possessive of the persona that they have created.

    Once they see this person talking or getting too friendly with a member of the opposite sex in real life, it goes against the fantasy that they have made themselves believe about who this person is and the connection that they both share.

    This is often what will cause them to become jealous.


    Luke
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    Hi Angela,

    When two people get jealous after seeing the other talking or getting too friendly with a member of the opposite sex, it often means that they both feel possessive of each other.

    In other words, both of them want to be at the receiving end of attention from the other with no one else getting in the way.

    Even though they haven’t confessed any feelings for each other and they are not friends, there is a part of both of them that hopes that through some fortunate circumstance, they will be able to become acquainted.

    However, neither one of them is willing to make that first move because they would much rather have the other risk the possibility of rejection.

    in reply to: Confused with her actions #41945

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    The chaperoning definitely didn’t help matters.

    Indeed, making your move earlier may have led to a different result but it really isn’t beneficial to dwell on that.

    You weren’t too harsh.

    Yes, you did stand up for yourself and that was what you had to do.

    You know what you want.

    There is no point in putting out the effort to court someone while bearing the inconveniences of having a chaperone tag along, if the person in question doesn’t share the same romantic interest.

    You aren’t looking for friendship after all.

    You have left the door open to her, if she were to change her mind.

    As of now, your task is to move forward.

    in reply to: So confused…I don't understand guys! #41939

    Luke
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    You are welcome.

    Yes, his true feelings could come out as he heals.

    As the healing process advances, he will become more and more clearheaded.

    This will allow him to let his guard down and avoid being so defensive when it comes to you.

    Being unburdened from the emotional weight that he has been carrying around can help him find peace.

    When his mind is in this state of peace, there will no longer be much of anything hampering his true feelings from coming out.

    in reply to: Do ghosters come back that showed you interest ? #41935

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    Hi Tristinav,

    Yes, ghosters do come back.

    Unfortunately, when they do, it is often because other dating opportunities for them have dried up. You simply become their last option for the meantime until something better comes along.

    Once someone has ghosted you in the fashion that this guy did, it is best not to go out with them again, even if they come back. You don’t want to be someone’s last option.

    Try not to get so caught up in how much interest this guy showed you at first. A guy with genuine interest in you would keep up that energy. He wouldn’t just suddenly stop texting and avoiding dates.

    If anything, a guy who is genuinely interested in you would become even more energized as time goes on because he is getting to know you better as a person and is finding more aspects to your life and personality that he is connecting to.


    Luke
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    He is a leader, popular, cool and a bad boy. All very attractive qualities that can be incredibly irresistible and appealing.

    It’s unsurprising that you would feel this kind of attraction towards him, despite the fact that he has habits in smoking, drugs and drinking that you would normally despise.

    You may keep thinking that he is still involved with his ex girlfriend because that would make it easier for you to understand why he keeps holding back when it comes to his interest in you.

    You’ve probably never encountered a guy who shows this much interest and yet, is unable to talk to you.

    Perhaps, you could try having some of your friends tag along with you into the hallway when you know that he will be around with his group.

    Have your friends engage in conversation with him and his group of friends.

    This kind of social setting may embolden him to talk to you through using the entire group as his cover.

    In essence, he could ask a general question and go from one friend to the next getting his answer until he arrives on you.

    This may be a way to get him to finally talk to you, albeit in a group setting.

    If you use this group strategy a few times, he may ultimately reach the point where he feels comfortable enough to start initiating one on one conversations with you.

    Thank you for your kind words in relation to my videos and advice. By all means keep me updated on your progress.

    All the best.

    in reply to: So confused…I don't understand guys! #41913

    Luke
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    In order for him not to get mad at hearing or seeing you, if you ever run into each other again, be polite in greeting him but keep the interaction as brief as possible.

    The less time you spend around him, the less likely he will get mad.

    Avoid getting into full-fledged conversations with him. Create space between the both of you soon after greeting him briefly.

    He needs time to heal from his unresolved emotions. Right now, the bitterness is too poignant.

    With time, he may heal. That will allow him to be more clear-headed and less emotional when it comes to you.

    At this point, he may no longer have a problem with you.

    in reply to: Why is he playing games? #41903

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    Hi Aliya,

    He may be doing this because he is responding to the nasty messages that you sent him on Instagram.

    Given that he made his Instagram public the next day, after you had sent him those nasty messages, it was most likely a calculated move.

    It wasn’t initially a power game with him. The first date that he went on with you that lasted all day seemed genuine enough.

    However, you may not have heard from him after that date because he may have not been entirely happy with the chemistry that you both shared.

    Though you believe that you both shared great chemistry, there may have still been something missing to him that you just didn’t quite have.

    That alone may have been the deal breaker. He may have thought to leave it at that and move on. However, now that you have sent him nasty messages on Instagram, the power game may have ignited in earnest.

    As of now, neither one of you has the power. However, he hopes to be the one to possess it.

    This would mean that he has the upper hand on you.

    He is hoping to do that through suddenly going public with his Instagram and posting stories.

    He may be hoping that he is able to make you jealous in the process. This would give him a greater sense of power and satisfaction.

    in reply to: So confused…I don't understand guys! #41885

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    Hi Mariah,

    He may still be getting upset even though you both had a “closure” conversation because every time he hears about you or sees you, he gets a reminder of how complicated the relationship between the both of you was for years.

    He is also reminded of how it all ultimately ended in you turning him down when he was most likely finally ready to get into a relationship with you.

    Though he may currently have a girlfriend, those facts still sting. They sting of failure and shattered hope.

    The “closure” conversation didn’t automatically wipe out the history that he has had with you.

    There is a good chance that the only reason why he got into a relationship with his current girlfriend is because he was never able to get into a relationship with you.

    That means that there is most likely still some emotional baggage that he has yet to reconcile with.

    He may try to make himself believe that he has moved on and his new girlfriend may have been a welcome distraction to that effect.

    However, whenever your presence becomes a factor in his life again, all that history comes back and he finds it hard to cope, hence why he gets upset.

    in reply to: Is this guy no longer interested? #41874

    Luke
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    A guy who is truly interested wouldn’t forget to follow up.

    Telling him that you were no longer interested in speaking with him was the right move.

    in reply to: Confused with her actions #41872

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    You are welcome.

    This is why it is always good to make your move sooner rather than later.

    However, you did eventually make your move and kudos to you.

    It’s alright.

    At least, you have saved yourself from going on for months, giving her the attention that she enjoys, only to ultimately reach the same result.

    in reply to: Is this guy no longer interested? #41842

    Luke
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    Hi Joanna,

    He didn’t try to finalize the dinner date for Sunday. A guy who doesn’t finalize a date is often showing signs of disinterest or waning interest.

    Being that the first date that you had with him earlier this week went well, he may make another attempt to set up a date with you fairly soon.

    If he sets those date plans up but doesn’t follow through with the date, that would be your indication that he has definitively lost interest.

    in reply to: Confused with her actions #41841

    Luke
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    If you are feeling it, just go for the kiss. She is probably waiting for it. If you keep overthinking it, you will always find an excuse not to do it.


    Luke
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    If he is still with his girlfriend, there is a good chance that your mutual friend would have found that out by now.

    Being that she often hangs out with him and his friends, that bit of information would have most likely come out by now.

    It would be difficult for every single one of his friends to stay quiet about that.

    At some point, someone would have said something in reference to that, if not deliberately, then by accident.

    So yes, someone would have let it slip by now.

    If they all got quiet when you passed his group in the hallway, there is a good chance that his friends are all aware of his complicated emotions towards you, at least to a degree.

    If he is the leader of the group, they are going to follow his lead when he gets quiet and do the same.

    in reply to: Female co worker #41674

    Luke
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    Hi Brian,

    Yes, if she does it again, you can tell her that.

    Be sure to be civil and professional if this conversation becomes necessary.

    Doing whatever it takes to ensure that you don’t put yourself in a weakened position where you can be easily manipulated is the prudent thing to do in your situation, especially when you also have to focus on doing your job to the best of your ability.

    in reply to: Confused with her actions #41671

    Luke
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    Letting her come to you at her own pace could mean an indefinite amount of time waiting.

    If you want to speed things up with her, it may be best to cut contact.

    If she cares enough about the interaction, this could force her to get out of her comfort zone and try seeing you on a one on one basis.

    She may be cold when you reach out to her because she is being guarded.

    She may be partly worried that you are only reaching out so as to ask her out and she may not welcome this given the protectiveness of her household.

    She may not be cold when she reaches out to you because the side of her that just wants your attention may be the most prevalent emotion she is experiencing at that moment.

    That emotion may trump her anxiety that you may use this opportunity to try asking her out or asking her to hang out.

    in reply to: Confused with her actions #41478

    Luke
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    Everything may seem like it is going well and then goes the opposite way because she does want to take her time with this interaction.

    She is not in any rush.

    She does enjoy going out on dates with you. That is why she was touchy and flirty with you on the date on Tuesday.

    However, she also knows that the chaperone is there and to an extent she may like that. She knows that with the chaperone there, things won’t get out of hand. She doesn’t want things to move too fast.

    Whenever she senses that things may be moving a bit too fast for her liking or comfort, she pulls back.

    That was why she told you that she would just stay home when you asked her if she still wanted to hang out after you found out that every possible date venue was shut down until the 3rd of April.

    It is unlikely that she was scared of the corona virus.

    She is just in no hurry when it comes to the dates. As long as she is able to text you, she is quite happy with that. To some extent, she may even prefer texting over going out on dates with you.

    This may be partly the reason why she asked you about why you take forever to answer her texts.

    in reply to: Should I let this guy go? #41472

    Luke
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    That is really up to you. You are the only one who knows how you feel about that.

    In his eyes, he may see it as fair. He paid for the first date and thereby he may believe that you should pay for the next.

    You have had a particular experience in dating where guys have normally paid for the first few dates before you pitch in.

    You have now met a guy who is not like that.

    It is up to you to determine whether you are okay with that or not.

    If he is taking a while to respond to messages, it may be due to what he told you about his fear of being too overbearing.

    He did tell you that he has been told by girls in the past that he is too attentive.

    Even though he has now been out on a date with you, he may still be exercising a measure of caution when it comes to communication, so as to avoid repeating past mistakes.

    in reply to: Should I let this guy go? #41452

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    Hi Sheryl,

    He may not believe that he is doing anything wrong in having you pay for the next meet up.

    He also asked you to pick the next place for that second meet up.

    This kind of behavior would seemingly indicate that he wants to have you be more proactive during the early stages of dating.

    This may be because he has had some bad experiences in the past where he tried too hard with a romantic prospect and ended up empty-handed.

    He did tell you that he has been told that he is too attentive and hence why he would take a while before responding to your messages when the both of you first started talking.

    He seems to want to protect himself first and foremost.

    When a guy is this concerned about having an equal division of financial responsibility and planning of dates, he is approaching the early stages of dating in a much more militaristic and rigid way.

    This will most likely make it difficult for him to open up or be spontaneous because he will always want to be one step ahead of you.

    If you don’t want to put yourself through this process, it may be best to let this guy go.

    in reply to: Does he guy still sound interested? #41449

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    Hi Ernesta,

    He doesn’t sound interested.

    He has shown a continuous lack of energy and effort to make something happen between the both of you.

    From the start, he has shown an unwillingness to follow through on meeting up. He has left it to you to make plans to meet.

    A guy who is unwilling to step up and make plans to meet a girl is often a guy who is just not interested enough in the girl.

    Since the both of you matched and consequently reconnected on Tinder last week, he has shown the same lackadaisical behavior when it comes to meeting up. For one thing, you were the one who asked to meet up.

    Again, this shows a lack of strong interest on his part. To make things worse, after the date was set for Monday, he rescheduled for Tuesday.

    He has repeatedly shown in his behavior that he lacks any real interest to see where this could lead.

    If he is on Tinder, there is a good chance that there are other girls that he may be meeting or talking to that have a lot more priority to him than you do.


    Luke
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    Ignoring him may or may not make him step up. The likelihood of him stepping up may depend on just how much of an emotional boost he requires.

    If he is able to get by, he may not step up. But, if he finds that he is obsessing over you, he may feel the need to step up because merely staring at you is simply not enough of an emotional boost to him.

    Things wouldn’t necessarily be different if he was the one to approach you. He would be just as unsure of himself, as in his feelings, if he were to approach you as he would be if you were the one who approached him.

    He really doesn’t get that far in his mind when it comes to how he would go about dating you given that he doesn’t even talk to you in the first place. He skips the talking part in his mind and just imagines being with you.

    Again, this is something that he may conjure up from time to time. It has never been intense enough to inspire or compel him to step up and talk to you.

    If he was in a serious relationship that ended last year, that breakup could be contributing to the chaotic manner in which his emotions govern him.

    There may still be a part of him that misses certain elements of that relationship.

    In terms of what your friend said about him wanting to be friends with benefits, he may indeed fantasize about being with you intimately from time to time.

    However, it is unlikely that he would want to be friends with benefits. He may worry that a relationship like that would only lead to further chaos in terms of his own emotions.

    Making him feel a way that other girl’s don’t can mean something in the sense that, if he was looking to date someone, you may be at the top of his list.

    However, even with this kind of priority, he simply lacks motivation to do anything about it. This is often due to a lack of emotional investment and fear.

    He would much rather experience a boost to his energy than give much of any of his in return. Giving his energy back in return would only cause him to worry about how that can further complicate his own emotions.

    Figuring out if you have strong feelings for him or just infatuation will help to give you clarity. In your particular case, it may be a healthy combination of the two.

    You may feel this way about him even though he is not the kind of guy that you are normally attracted to because of just that, he is not the kind of guy that you typically date.

    This could be a case of an opposite causing attraction. You want to unravel the mystery behind this strangely shy, yet popular guy. The deeper you dig into trying to figure him out, the more emotionally invested you become.

    This is often what leads to you developing feelings for him.

    If he has become obsessive and stalkerish in his behavior, he may be getting more desperate to figure himself and this situation out before he has to graduate.

    By being more shy and nervous around you, he may be indicating that despite the temptation to talk to you, his complicated emotions just keep getting in the way.

    in reply to: Meeting women to date #41436

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    Hi Mike,

    Not talking to women at all is very detrimental to getting a girlfriend.

    Women like interacting with guys who talk to them and can make conversation.

    Many of the guys that you often see with girlfriends either have good to really good social skills or they just constantly put themselves in social environments where they will be seen by girls.

    Regardless of whether you are good looking or not, if you don’t try talking to girls or put yourself in social environments, it will be very difficult for you to get a girlfriend.

    You may not see many guys who approach women completely cold in an everyday environment, however, there are guys who do. Indeed, these types of guys are normally in the minority.

    The majority of guys will normally approach women in comfortable social environments as opposed to the environments that you may frequent as you go about your day to day activities such as on the street, a store, eatery, etc.

    A lack of effort is often the difference between the guys who have girlfriends and the guys who don’t.

    The guys who have girlfriends often put out the effort to get one and are willing to brave rejection.

    The guys who don’t have girlfriends are often unwilling to take a risk to talk to a girl or ask her out due to the fear of rejection. This often means that they will find it difficult to get a girlfriend.

    in reply to: He doesnt try to talk #41427

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    Hi Myra,

    Good job on mustering the courage to talk to him.

    He most likely only says hi and doesn’t try to talk to you because he is still that shy guy and he can’t help his nature.

    One conversation with you in his office is unfortunately not going to change that.

    He is worried that you may be expecting him to return the favor in initiating a conversation with you and this alone may make him so uncomfortable that he is now not even trying to talk to you.

    in reply to: Crush not interested #41426

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    Hi Sara,

    He may not want to lose your attention.

    Even though he told you that he wasn’t interested, he may still love the attention that he is used to getting from you and may not want to lose that.

    By continuing to make lots of eye contact, flirt and show deep interest in your life, he is hoping to stay relevant in your life so that you don’t start losing feelings for him.

    Though he may not want to be in a relationship with you, he still wants to experience the emotional satisfaction of being desired by you.

    in reply to: Confused with her actions #41420

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    Hi Cuma eksen,

    In cancelling the date without rescheduling, her sister continues to be an impediment to you being able to properly date this girl.

    Again, you may have to set a time limit for this interaction and be careful that you don’t allow yourself to become so caught up in this girl that you find it impossible to disconnect, if indeed things come to that.

    It doesn’t seem that she would be the type who would even be aware that she is playing hard to get.

    Thereby, the moments that she has flirted with you and the other moments that she has blocked it may simply be reflective of her inexperience when it comes to dating and relationships.

    Being that she is very sheltered, she may worry that too much flirting will only lead to a desire to do something with you that she shouldn’t.

    This kind of caution may have been something that her parents and family members imbued in her during her upbringing.

    She may even develop a conscience that makes her believe that she is doing something that she shouldn’t be if she were to always allow herself to flirt with you.

    This may be why she has those moments where she blocks you from flirting with her.

    Again, a girl with her lack of experience may have no idea that what she is doing could be interpreted as playing hard to get.


    Luke
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    If he hadn’t stopped talking to the girl when he became interested in you again, he was most likely not getting what he needed out of her.

    Thereby, whatever attention he was getting from her wasn’t giving him the emotional boost that he needed.

    Given that he was showing you a lot of interest at the same time, this girl was most likely just a filler.

    It isn’t surprising that she would be interested in him given his nature.

    She may have truly believed that something more would come out of the interaction.

    However, he probably always knew that she would not be enough of an emotional boost. He needed something more. He needed the kind of emotional boost that only you could provide when giving him attention.

    If you believe that ignoring him will not encourage him to step up and ask you out, then you may have to consider stepping up and talking to him.

    If your feelings for him are this strong and you already know that he is soon to graduate and you will probably never see him again, you may not have all that much to lose in taking a chance on talking to him again.

    As long as you are okay with the strong likelihood that he would only want to engage in playful and flirtatious conversation with you and nothing more.

    Thereby, it’s important that if you do choose to talk to him that you keep your expectations of romance with him tempered.

    He told your mutual friend that he just wants to be friends and he still means it.

    He may flirt with the idea of dating you from time to time, but so far, that impulse has never been strong enough to force him to act on it.


    Luke
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    If the time that your semester was about to end coincided with when he stopped talking to the other girl, that may explain his renewed interest.

    He now knew that this other girl was unable to give him the kind of emotional boost that he would normally get whenever he was around you.

    Since he has shown an ability to talk to other girls and is called a flirt by his classmates, he may have some player mannerisms or attributes. However, he doesn’t seem to be an all out player.

    An all out player wouldn’t get as shy, nervous and incapable of talking as he does whenever he is around you.

    He may be the type that finds it easier to talk to just about anyone with ease, unless it is someone that he either has feelings for or has complicated feelings for.

    In your case, it may be more so complicated feelings than regular ones. Those complicated feelings may be defined by a side of him that would like to talk to you sincerely and another side that just craves your attention.

    He may frequently flirt with the idea of talking to you.

    However, there may be a certain level of vulnerability that he is worried about experiencing if he were to make a move to talk to you.

    He may be putting out this kind of effort on you even though he graduates in 2 months because he is the type who gets even more motivated by a deadline.

    If he is able to get the attention that he seeks from you before graduation, he wins.

    Though he knows that this attention will be short-lived, it is still worth it to him. It gives him the kind of emotional boost he needs without having to take a chance on talking to you to get it.

    Trying with some other girl who would actually give him something in return would pale in comparison to getting your attention.

    That would be too easy for him and he wouldn’t experience the kind of emotional boost that someone who was more of a challenge would provide.


    Luke
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    Hi Nadia,

    He keeps pursuing you after making it clear that he doesn’t want to date because he wants your attention.

    His interest in you only renewed after you started ignoring him not so long after he told a mutual friend that he just wants to be friends with you and nothing more.

    He misses the attention that he used to get from you.

    If you were to give in and start communicating with him again, he will most likely enjoy the attention for a little while until the effect wears off.

    At that point, he may start talking to some other girl. He has done this in the past.

    Thereby, the cycle of this kind of behavior would just continue.

    Unless he comes right out and asks you out on a proper date, it may be best to keep ignoring him.

    in reply to: How to show him that I am interested in going out? #41353

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    Hi Karla,

    To show him that you are interested in going out, you could try baiting him with some goodies at work to get him to start a conversation with you.

    For example, you could bring some kind of snack or beverage to share with your coworkers one work day and in the process of offering him a share of it, he may use that opportunity to start a conversation with you.

    As long as you are receptive to the conversation, there is a good chance that he may either use that opportunity to ask you out or get your contact information.

    in reply to: Female co worker #41341

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    It isn’t childish if you just want to maintain a professional relationship with her from this point on.

    Talking to her about more personal topics would only start you on the path to wanting more and as a result, you may find yourself being strung along yet again.

    In order not to go back to that, keeping your relationship with her as professional as possible by only talking about work-related topics may be your best option.

    in reply to: WHY HE NOT CONTACTING ME AFTER A GREAT 1ST DATE #41339

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    Hi Soniya,

    He didn’t contact you after a great first date because he was only intent on being intimate with you.

    He did tell you before driving the 6 hours from London to your house that he didn’t want a relationship but only wanted fun and sex.

    When he stayed with you for those 2 days, he got what he wanted.

    You may have felt as though the both of you were really connecting because you both talked nonstop and he opened up to you.

    However, he was just allowing himself to be in the moment.

    In the back of his mind, he most likely knew that he wouldn’t be seeing you again. Thereby, it was easier for him to just open up to you because he figured that he didn’t have much to lose.

    Besides, talking about how insecure and needy his ex girlfriend was may have been something that he wanted to get off his chest and just talk to someone about.

    Being that he never bothered to contact you after that first date, even after telling you that he would contact you once he got back to London, it is unlikely that he has deep feelings for you.

    You shouldn’t keep waiting on him to message you nor contact him.

    13 days after his meeting with you, he has met more girls from dating apps and has added more girls to Instagram.

    These are all strong signs that he isn’t looking to get serious with any girl at this time, including you.

    It would be best to move on.

    in reply to: Can i make the first approach by text ? #41308

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    Hi Javier,

    It would be best to approach her in person rather than by text.

    Being that she doesn’t know you, approaching her in person makes you come off as confident. This is a quality that will instantly elicit a good first impression on her.

    The next time that you see her, approach her and start a conversation.

    Being that you are both in university, you both already have something in common. You could start with asking her about what she is studying.

    Show interest in what she tells you, try to relate to it in a relevant way and ask follow-up questions.

    If she likes you, she will want to keep the conversation going and may start asking you questions about yourself as well.

    in reply to: Female co worker #41304

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    You are welcome Brian.

    She has started ignoring you because she has lost control of the situation.

    You haven’t been receptive to her attempts to soften you up with conversation and snacks and that may be frustrating her.

    She is now ignoring you to see whether you get worried enough about the prospect of losing her as a potential romantic mate that you start paying her attention again.

    in reply to: Female co worker #41298

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    Hi Brian,

    Thank you and I am glad that the videos have been helpful to you.

    Your female coworker may want to determine whether you are someone that can be of financial benefit to her.

    She did tell you that she is in a situation for financial reasons.

    Also, you did buy her dinner on the first date and drinks at a later date. This may be a situation where she wants to gauge how financially solvent you are and how much of a provider you could be.

    In not kissing you, she may have been trying to keep you working to gain her favor. Her refusal was most likely not due to moral reasons even though she told you that she doesn’t kiss or sleep with men that she isn’t in a relationship with.

    If she held herself to such high morals, she wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone just for financial reasons nor would she have gone out with a coworker multiple times behind her partner’s back.

    It would appear more so that she wants to determine your financial solvency. By not kissing you, she is most likely hoping that you will continue to chase her in order to win her over.

    She wants to determine whether you are someone that could conceivably replace her current partner at some point, if you are able to prove your financial solvency to her over time.

    in reply to: Confused with her actions #41295

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    If you decide to give this a time limit, then you can text her until that time limit is up. It would be best to text her often and avoid having her do all the texting.

    If you want this girl to go out with you on a one on one basis, building a stronger rapport with her over text and even phone calls would work to your benefit.

    Keeping this in mind, if she were to text you, make it a meaningful conversation that is full of substance and laughs instead of keeping it quick.

    If you can get her to trust you over time by building this kind of rapport with her, she may eventually be willing to venture out with you on a one on one basis.

    in reply to: Confused with her actions #41282

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    Hi Cuma eksen,

    You may have to ask yourself about how long you think you can handle not being able to go out with her on a one on one basis.

    Perhaps give yourself a time limit and set your mind to that.

    If she is still unwilling to go out with you on a one on one basis by the end of that time limit, this may be your license to let this go.

    As you stated, dating is time consuming.

    You don’t want to continuously waste that precious time on someone who won’t go out with you on a one on one basis. Your energy and time can be better spent elsewhere.

    in reply to: Single my entire life #41275

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    Hi Mike,

    You may have been single for this long because you may not be consistently putting yourself in environments where you can meet women.

    If you ask the majority of these men that you have noticed seemingly dating women with ease about how they do it, the majority will tell you that they met the woman in some kind of interactive setting.

    You don’t have to be single forever if you don’t want to be. It really starts with looking at what you have been doing through the years.

    Ask yourself about whether you have tried to get out of your comfort zone and do something different when it comes to meeting women.

    If you have repeatedly remained in your comfort zone your entire life and haven’t dated anyone, it may be time to make a change.

    Start going to social venues that you never go to. Start interacting with new people outside of your current social circle either through interest groups or just people that you meet during the course of your day.

    Build your confidence by making it a must to try something new each week, whether it be a social event or some kind of activity.

    These changes put you in environments and situations where you can meet women who could ultimately date you.

    There is so much you can do to ensure that you don’t remain single for your entire life.

    The question is: Are you willing to make the changes necessary and take action?

    in reply to: Confused with her actions #41248

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    Hi Cuma eksen,

    It depends on how much of her sister coming along to these dates you can tolerate.

    You should probably try to find out from this girl about whether her sister will stop coming to these dates at a certain number of dates.

    If you find out that she will, perhaps, you can hold out until then.

    However, if there is no seeming end to her sister coming to the dates, it may not be worth it to keep talking to this girl.

    She may have called you her BFF, but that doesn’t mean that she only sees you as her best friend.

    She does like you romantically.

    After the first date, she texted you and let you know that she had a great time and wanted to know when she would see you again.

    She has made good eye contact with you even though she is shy and tends to look away relatively quickly before bringing it back.

    She laughs at every joke that you make, even the ones that you believe are stupid.

    These are all strong signs of romantic interest.

    Calling you her BFF may just be an indication of her inexperience when it comes to dating.

    Being that she has been raised in a strict catholic family, she may have been taught that she has to be able to like and trust a guy as her friend first before considering him as a romantic prospect.

    in reply to: Not feeling it Anymore #41239

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    The thrill of the chase may be gone for her after having hooked up with you last weekend.

    In so doing, there is no more mystery for her to uncover.

    Oftentimes, this can kill excitement in people and lead them to looking elsewhere for new thrills.

    Also, the text conversations that you had with her during the course of the week may have made her realize that the both of you wouldn’t be a good match for future hookups or a long-term relationship.

    She may not be necessarily looking for a long-term relationship at this time, even though she told you that she was.

    She may have only told you that so as to use the easiest or most convenient way to go about ending her interaction with you.

    Being that she already knew that you didn’t want to be tied down, she may have figured that you would have easily accepted her reasoning and let her go.

    When you came back with letting her know that you were not against a relationship, she told you that she was not feeling the relationship anymore because that was all she could think to say at the time.

    She wasn’t expecting you to come back at her with that.

    Again, she is probably not even looking for a long-term relationship at this time.

    Her real issue is most likely that she is just not turned on anymore and she may feel the need to go elsewhere to get her thrills.

    in reply to: How to approach woman #41235

    Luke
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    Hi Miguel,

    The best timing to talk to her and ask her out is when she isn’t busy with customers.

    Approach the barista at this time and keep it very simple.

    It doesn’t matter if there are coworkers around. They will mind their own business.

    Avoid trying to talk her up before asking her out. Keep the conversation brief. Exchange a few pleasantries and get right to it. If she likes you, she will give you her number.


    Luke
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    You are welcome.

    All the best.

    in reply to: Girl I’ve been seeing always text first but now flakes on me #41216

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    It is rarely a good sign when, in reference to setting up a date, a girl tells you that she has a busy week and will let you know.

    We already suspected that she was having doubts about this relationship and was merely buying time with you.

    It may be ending like this even if you gave her a chance to tell you the truth about why she’s acting different and even gave her the opportunity to take a break from the relationship because she may not be particularly good at ending relationships the right way.

    There is a good chance that she still kept several of her ex friends with benefits around for a while after those relationships were over as well.

    She likes the attention that she gets when she is still able to text the guy.

    Hence, she may keep him around until the next guy comes along that she is interested in, who is also capable of giving her the right kind of attention.

    Once that happens, she is able to disappear from the ex’s life.

    She will often do this without closure because the only reason why she kept the guy around in the first place, once the sexual part of the relationship was over, was for the attention.

    in reply to: What should I do to move things along? #41207

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    Hi Samantha,

    It may be easier for the both of you to talk to each other over an extended period of time if you were both not at work.

    Oftentimes, workers hang out after work to unwind. Find out if he has a crew that he hangs out with from time to time after work.

    If he does, find out the next time that they are all going to be hanging out after work and get your own crew of work friends to accompany you to wherever it is that they will be meeting up.

    Meeting each other outside of work may help to move things along. It puts the both of you in an environment where you can both relax and ultimately talk in a much more elaborate and free manner.

    in reply to: How can an antisocial person get into a relationship? #41000

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    Hi Sith,

    It may be best to work on developing your social skills first. This way, you would not only improve the chances of getting into a relationship, but you would also improve the chances of having a lasting relationship.

    If you are open to developing your social skills, a good start would be to join interest groups around your passions or hobbies.

    This would be a fun environment where you would be able to be around people who share the same passion for said interest as you do.

    This tends to make it easier for you to make conversation with them and develop friendly relationships.

    If you have no interest in developing your social skills so as to improve the chances of not only getting into a relationship but maintaining it, you could try to find people like yourself online.

    There are various online outlets where you may be able to find other people who have the same issue with antisocial behavior.

    Facebook groups for example are quite popular. There is most likely a Facebook group around antisocial behavior.

    Being that you are antisocial, interacting with people online would probably be a lot easier for you to do than interacting with people in real life.

    You may be able to connect with several people that you meet in your online group. Ultimately, one of those people could end up becoming a romantic partner.

    in reply to: Girl I’ve been seeing always text first but now flakes on me #40772

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    To limit stress with women, make sure that you don’t make your life revolve around them.

    Many guys make the mistake of becoming too wrapped up in the lives of women that they are into.

    They forget to have hobbies, interests, goals and a life outside of what they share with the woman.

    If you stay active with your own life and make sure that you are habitually engaging in other interests that are your own, you will not get caught up with any one woman and this will help to limit stress.

    in reply to: Does this guy sound interested in me? #40771

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    Hi Jocelyn,

    He may be following up again because he wants to observe your behavior in order to determine whether there is any romantic interest for him on your part.

    When he spoke to you on Valentine’s day and asked you about how your day was going, he was most likely trying to get your attention and make himself known to you once more.

    Being that he is socially awkward, he finds it hard to truly express himself or be more extemporaneous whenever he is talking to you.

    That is one of the reasons why your conversations with him tend to be dull and awkward.

    On the one hand, he is interested in you and would like to go out with you again but on the other hand, he is very inexperienced and uncomfortable when it comes to courting a girl.

    in reply to: Is he interested in me? #40768

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    Hi Sug,

    He may not be entirely happy in his current relationship with his girlfriend, but may have reached a point where he just feels that it is safer to stay with her and not rock the boat.

    Both he and his girlfriend may have lost the initial spark for one another that they once had. They may have basically settled into a monotonous routine with their relationship that has left him feeling very uninspired and bored.

    Whenever he is around you at work, he most likely feels the spark that he craves and so deeply desires.

    The way the both of you talk and stare at each other probably makes him feel a lot more alive than he normally is whenever he is with his girlfriend.

    He enjoys talking to you and often doesn’t want those moments to end. That is why he was glaring at your friend when she took you away from him during one of your conversations.

    So yes, he is most likely interested in you. However, his situation is complicated.

    He is tempted to take his interaction with you further but he is holding himself back. A big part of that is the fear of losing a relationship that is already established with his girlfriend.

    But also, he may be fearful about work relationships. He has told you about how the work relationship of a friend of his died.

    Hence, he may be fearful that if he were to take the risk of leaving his girlfriend in order to pursue a relationship with you, he may end up regretting it if the relationship were to end badly.

    So basically, he may be unsure of what to do at this point. Until he figures that out, he may try to keep talking to you whenever he can in the hopes that he can learn more about you.


    Luke
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    If there are no issues from the situation and she doesn’t need a temporary break either, ask for her availability to see you and set a date.

    The conversation that you have just had with her in an attempt to make things right may be enough to compel her to finally show up.


    Luke
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    That particular situation that happened between the both of you may have been what initially planted the seed of doubt in her mind about her relationship with you and the prospect of becoming exclusive.

    Prior to the week in which the both of you didn’t speak, you felt as though she had been showing signs of wanting to be in an exclusive relationship.

    Perhaps, the situation that later occurred punctured whatever fantasy she may have concocted about what life with you as an exclusive boyfriend would be like.

    After the night that the both of you made up, she may have spent more alone time thinking about the situation that occurred. This may have actually been what put her in a bad mood, leading her to seek solace from friends to no avail.

    It may be helpful to ask her if she still has issues about that situation and if so, what they may be. Perhaps try doing this before suggesting a temporary break.

    If indeed the source of her continuous flaking stems from this situation, clearing it up further with her may help to mend the rift that has developed between the both of you.

    However, if she tells you that she has no lingering issues in reference to the situation, you can then go ahead and ask her if she would like to take a temporary break from the friends with benefits relationship.


    Luke
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    If she wasn’t in a bad mood prior to you asking her about becoming exclusive, there is a good chance that your request to become exclusive with her is the source of her bad mood.

    She is still not willing to admit that to you because she is not sure about what to do with this relationship at this point.

    Basically, she is still trying to buy time. Until she figures out what to do with this relationship, she will most likely want to continue texting you.

    However, it may not be to your benefit to just hang around in the hopes that she figures out what she wants to do with you.

    You could respond to her message by asking her if she would like to take a temporary break from the friends with benefits relationship in order for her to clear her head.

    The thought that you may spend that break possibly hooking up with other girls may plant a sense of urgency in her head that could make her feel the need to figure out where to take her relationship with you a lot quicker.

    in reply to: How to act towards her? #40505

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    If you feel comfortable asking her out now, you can do that.

    It isn’t necessarily too early as you are both already fairly acquainted.


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    Give me the context of this message.

    Was it after having had the conversation about why she has been flaking on you or is this some other conversation?


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    Hi Noah,

    She may still be unsure of what to do with this relationship.

    When you texted her last week saying that you weren’t feeling the relationship anymore, you caught her off guard.

    As long as she is unsure of what to do with this relationship, she is not going to want it to end prematurely.

    In other words, if there is going to be a breakup, she wants to be the one that does it after a period of deliberation.

    If it ends, she would want to end it on her own terms. At this time, she isn’t quite sure about what she wants to do.

    When you called and told her that you thought that you spooked her after asking about being exclusive, she told you that you didn’t and that nothing was wrong.

    However, her actions since that phone call have demonstrated the complete opposite. She has flaked on coming over three times in a row.

    This is something that is uncharacteristic of her, which means that something is indeed wrong.

    The sooner you have an open and honest conversation with her about why she has been flaking on you, the sooner you will discover whether this is a situation that you can salvage.


    Luke
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    Hi Noah,

    She may keep coming up with an excuse whenever you ask her to come over because she is worried that the dynamics of the relationship has changed.

    In asking her to become exclusive, she may feel that you have developed feelings for her that she is unable to reciprocate.

    Even though you felt as though she was giving off a vibe that indicated that she wanted a relationship, she may have simply been caught up in the idea of it all.

    In other words, she would just get a little lost in thought whenever she would hang out with you.

    However, it is typically best, especially in a scenario such as yours in which the both of you were sleeping together without commitment, to let the woman be the one to strongly suggest getting into an exclusive relationship.

    This way, you never run the risk of being too presumptuous with her and consequently ruin the casual relationship as a result.

    As of now, this particular girl continues to text you first because she still likes the attention. However, she is worried that if she comes over and sleeps with you, your feelings for her will become even stronger.

    The next time that you both chat, start a polite, open and honest conversation with her about why she is flaking on you.

    Once you know her reasoning, you may be able to assuage whatever fears or doubts she may have and that may be enough to get her to start coming over again.

    in reply to: How to act towards her? #40471

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    Yes, if she is interested in you, she could change her mind and decide to have a relationship.

    Since you like her, it may be best to take some action before thinking about giving up.

    Start instigating get-to-know-you conversations with her.

    Try doing this first and see how she responds.

    in reply to: How to act towards her? #40464

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    She may want you to be more assertive whenever she is sitting next to you in terms of starting and maintaining a compelling conversation.

    If you rarely instigate conversation, you essentially make her feel that she has to be the aggressor when it comes to interaction.

    This may be why she picks and chooses the occasions that she will talk to you.

    Your passive behavior may also be why she feels emboldened to tease and mock you almost every time that the both of you talk.

    If you don’t take charge of the moments that you are sitting next to her, she will feel empowered to do so in whatever manner she chooses.

    in reply to: How to act towards her? #40457

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    Hi Dani,

    So far, her behavior towards you isn’t definitively indicating interest in you or a lack thereof.

    If she tends to laugh at almost everything that you say and will sometimes hang with you, she may be indicating that she is open to the possibilities.

    It is best to act like you are interested in getting to know her. Constantly ask her questions about herself and show interests in her interests.

    If you do this over time, there is a good chance that you will eventually be able to tell whether she is interested in you or not based on changes in her body language and what you may be hearing from mutual classmates.

    in reply to: Not sure what to do about this guy who is showing interest? #40445

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    Hi Nami,

    He may have told his friends to approach you because he wanted them to report back to him about what they thought of your personality.

    He may be the kind of guy who finds it easy to flirt and make sexual jokes with many women when there are no romantic intentions involved.

    In essence, he can be himself around them because there are really no stakes.

    However, when there is a woman that he is actually interested in romantically and has invested some time thinking about, he could second-guess himself.

    As a result, he won’t approach her and may choose to send his friends instead to help him figure the girl out.

    You could be that girl to him.

    Flirting with every woman around you, making a lot of sexual jokes, making fun of some women in a joking way, talking about sex a lot, showing off, bragging about the women that are in his huge social life, drinking and using drugs are all indicators of how he would behave if he were to become a significant other to you or anyone else.

    You are the only one who can judge if these are behaviors that you are able to tolerate or not.

    If you don’t feel that you would be able to tolerate them, it may be best to look at them as red flags and avoid giving him a shot.

    Try not to make the mistake of thinking that you can change this guy if you were to give him a shot.

    The likelihood of that happening is incredibly slim and only tends to happen when you get a guy to a point where the value of his relationship with you is much greater than everything else.

    Getting a guy with this much social clout and influence to that point is incredibly difficult and typically comes with a heavy emotional toll.


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    Hi Jacoby,

    Yes, women who have parents who are still together are typically great candidates for long-term relationships. Women like this will often want to emulate their parents.

    An effective way to filter out a woman who won’t make a good wife or mother is to observe the people that she keeps as friends and acquaintances.

    If she typically associates herself with people who tend to have bad relationships with their romantic partners and children, there is a good chance that she will do the same if she were to become a wife or mother.

    in reply to: Instagram Story: See Once & Ignore Once #40439

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    Hi Serena,

    He may keep alternating his viewing of your Instagram stories to every other post because he doesn’t want to be too obvious about the fact that he may be intrigued by you.

    In essence, he may not want to come off as too eager to know what you are doing in your life. He may be worried that this could make him appear as though he doesn’t have a life of his own and thereby desperate.

    It was easier for him to look at your Instagram stories before the college semester started because he knew that he wouldn’t bump into you during the course of his day.

    However, now that the semester has started, he knows that he will probably see you a lot more around campus and may be worried that you would think him desperate if he continues to look at your Instagram stories with the frequency that he once did.

    This perception could make him feel very self-conscious. To an extent, he may already be feeling some of that emotion right now.

    This may be why he would only look at you from the sides of his eyes while keeping his head straight when you said hi to him in class.

    He may already be questioning whether seeing every other Instagram post of yours is even still too much.

    in reply to: Will he come back? #39863

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    Hi Kim,

    Given how passionately the both of you kissed and how he followed that up by being the first person to watch your Instagram stories, there is a good chance that he wasn’t being fake.

    He may have liked you initially.

    However, when he stopped watching your Instagram stories two days before the both of you were supposed to meet. there may have been something that he discovered or experienced in those stories that turned him off.

    This may have been why he told you that he wasn’t interested in you when you both met up again.

    It is unlikely that he will like you like that again because whatever turned him off will continue being an impediment unless he chooses to talk to you about it at some point, perhaps during one of the filming sessions at your apartment.

    However, as long as he is unwilling to talk about it, there is a good chance that he will not come back to the passion that he once shared with you.

    in reply to: She rejected me months ago , now flirts with me i think #39862

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    Hi Blue,

    She seems to enjoy the attention.

    When she isn’t getting it from you, she tends to respond by ignoring you as well. However, when you give her attention, she tends to enjoy it.

    It may only be about the attention though.

    She hasn’t really gone out of her way to show you that she has had a change of heart and would like to go out with you.

    You have already asked her out in the past and she rejected you.

    Hence, it may not be a good idea to ask her out again. If she truly likes you, the onus is on her to make a move, not on you.

    in reply to: Said "Hi" then Completely Ignored Me #39845

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    Hi Diana,

    He most likely wasn’t expecting to see you.

    He probably said “Hi” and proceeded to completely ignore you because he was taken by surprise and felt awkward.

    There is a good chance that he is fully aware that you are beautiful and considered as such by many guys. This perception may actually be somewhat intimidating to him.

    There are many guys who can get intimidated by a woman’s beauty.

    This may be why he gave you such a quick smile and immediately returned to looking at his phone and listening to his music.

    He left when the bus stopped because he had most likely reached his stop and trying to acknowledge you in any way at that moment would have just made him feel even more awkward.

    in reply to: Dating a coworker? #39833

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    Hi Robin,

    Try not to get carried away with her at this time. It is best not to make assumptions of who she is without having gone through the process of getting to know her first.

    Dating a coworker isn’t always doomed to fail. Many people have had successful romantic relationships with significant others that they initially met at work.

    As long as you both understand the necessity to habitually separate your work lives from your private lives, a coworker relationship may work out for you as well.

    With an acceptance of this necessity, you should follow your instincts and ask her out.

    If you keep procrastinating, you could reach a point where you have made her out to be so amazing in your mind that you become absolutely terrified to ask her out. You would be afraid that if she were to turn you down, all of your amazing dreams about her would come crashing down.

    In other words, it will get harder to ask her out the longer that you wait, especially with how smitten you are with her.

    in reply to: What's the next move #39825

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    Hi Kyle,

    You walked up to her for a reason. You were clearly drawn to her. You may not know her, but that is what chatting with each other over the phone is for.

    Despite what your friends told you, if the prospect of going out with a stranger was creepy to this particular girl, she wouldn’t have given you her number to begin with. She was interested in getting to know you as well.

    Your next move should be to use her number to contact her and engage in conversation. If you like what you hear, you could then proceed to ask her out.

    You may be a little bit different from your friends in that you were able to walk up to this girl and ask for her number.

    Your friends most likely never do that. They would much rather play it safe and stick to talking to girls that they know.

    If this isn’t who you are, this may be an occasion to listen to your instincts as opposed to listening to your friends.

    All relationships start from a point of not knowing each other at first. You made a move on this girl for a reason. It would be best to follow it through and see where it all leads.

    in reply to: Men behavior #39822

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    Hi Fanta,

    You can get him to stop without being rude by sarcastically joking with him in saying something like, “The next time you tell me to smile again, I am filing a complaint with HR.”

    Give it a moment to see his reaction. It will most likely be stunned silence. Then just start laughing, wave your hand and say, “Just joking.”

    Though you were joking with him, that will plant a seed of caution in his mind. You will most likely not hear him asking you that question from that point forward.


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    Hi T,

    Ask some of your old coworkers about where they all tend to hang out after work.

    If they let you know that they will be meeting up at a particular location after work on a specific day and R is also going to be joining them, you can go to the location before they arrive and find a spot.

    It may be best to go there with one of your friends so that you don’t feel so nervous and for some support. When your old coworkers show up, you could easily start talking to them.

    R may notice you soon after and may start talking to you in an attempt to catch up. This is where the both of you can engage in extended conversation and see whether there is any chemistry.

    in reply to: Did He Lose Interest? Or Is He More Interested? #39292

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    You are welcome Sara.

    in reply to: Two different girls like me I dated them both before #39290

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    Hi Spencer,

    Figure out what qualities that you most desire in a mate.

    Look at both girls and what each one brings in terms of what matters most to you.

    If you do this thoughtfully, you will most likely notice that one of these girls has more of what you desire than the other.

    Choose the girl that has more of what you desire.

    in reply to: Is she too young for me? #39289

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    Hi Jeremy,

    The friends first approach when you actually already know that you would rather be with her romantically could lead to you playing it very safe with her because you want so badly for her to eventually like you romantically.

    Doing this could lead to her becoming so comfortable with you that she just can’t imagine you as anything other than a good friend.

    That mindset is often what kills any chance at romance with her.

    in reply to: Is she too young for me? #39286

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    Hi Jeremy,

    Yes, women are open to dating guys within this age range.

    Women in their early 20s in particular may be attracted to men who are relatively older because they have only recently come out of their teenage years where they most likely dated guys who didn’t measure up to them in terms of maturity or even direction.

    Keeping this in mind, it is not uncommon for women in their 20s to choose to date guys who are 5-7 years older than them.

    Yes, it is true that a woman can break her own rules if she is really into someone. This often happens because of life experience.

    As a woman matures, the same rules she once had and has tried to hold onto may start wilting as she is exposed to more and more different kinds of people.

    in reply to: Did He Lose Interest? Or Is He More Interested? #39284

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    Hi Sara,

    You may be able to regain his interest by starting conversations with him around topics that he really enjoys.

    This could help you to build rapport with him over time.

    Once that rapport is established, he will let his guard down.

    Once he reaches this point, there is a chance that he will open himself up to considering you as someone with romantic potential once again.

    in reply to: Is she too young for me? #39282

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    Hi Jeremy,

    You are the only one who can determine whether a 7 year age difference is too young for you.

    You are the only one who gets to physically and psychologically experience what it is like when you are around her.

    If you are normally overwhelmed with a sense of discomfort due to the age difference, this is something that you have to take into considerable account.

    If the common interests and core values that you both share are suddenly forgotten in these moments, this 7 year age difference may be a major problem for you and something that could truly impede you from being yourself whenever you are interacting with her.

    If you try to build a sort of friendship with her in the hopes that you can make a move on her after she finishes college and is a little bit older, you may end up becoming a friend to her and nothing more.

    If you actually want her, you should go for her wholeheartedly. If you don’t, someone else will and you will lose your opportunity.

    in reply to: Does she likes me? #39280

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    Hi William,

    Being that she knows that you like her, she may nervously walk around you because she is unsure about whether you will try to make a move on her when she is near you.

    The fact that she tends to look away really quickly when you stare at her may indicate that she is shy. She may not be confident enough to look at you in the eye.

    This may also be why she tends to avoid initiating eye contact altogether.

    This kind of shy behavior could indicate that she is a girl that likes you.

    However, if her behavior isn’t caused by shyness but more so disdain, she may not like you at all. If this is the case, all of this behavior may be a reflection of unease.

    That unease could be caused by a worry that you may try to approach her and she may not want that.

    Since this particular situation could go either way, the only way to know for sure that she likes you may require that you talk to her.

    Stop trying to look for signs from her that encourage you to approach her.

    Just approach her and start a conversation. You will learn very soon after that whether there is truly any romantic potential between the both of you.

    in reply to: A manager at my office keeps staring intensely at me #39279

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    Hi Olivia,

    There may be some concern on his part about the fact that he is a Manager when it comes to the likelihood of approaching you.

    However, that may not be the main reason why he hasn’t approached you.

    Also, if he is taken, he is most likely not all that into his partner if he is capable of stopping while he is in the middle of opening a door just to stare at you right in the eyes as you walked past.

    The root cause of his intense stares may have a lot to do with him trying to figure you out. That may be why he never smiles. He could be contemplating you and what you are all about.

    Until he has figured you out, he may continue staring at you intensely for some time. However, when he does figure you out, he may either choose to approach you or decide against it if he feels that he wouldn’t be compatible with you.

    in reply to: Did He Lose Interest? Or Is He More Interested? #39257

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    Hi Sara,

    He may have lost interest.

    He has looked and smiled at you in the past without any reaction from you.

    Indeed, he may be frustrated with your body language. In not looking at him because you are shy, he may have gotten the impression that you don’t like him.

    Asking him a question about the course activity was not enough to convince him that you like him. After all, you could ask anyone that question.

    That was most likely the reason why he did not reply to your question and went off in some other direction.

    As of now, it appears that he has lost interest.

    in reply to: Dating my crush #39247

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    Hi Arjun,

    You have probably had this crush for your friend over a good chunk of your two year friendship with her.

    Given that length of time investment that you have put into getting to know her, it would be worth it to go for her.

    She may have a crush on some other guy but that doesn’t mean that she isn’t open to dating you. As long as she is single and available, she is fair game.

    It is best to go for it now and find out for sure whether a romance can happen than to do nothing and ultimately live to regret it.

    in reply to: He keeps looking at me? #39246

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    Hi Shreyaa,

    If you have caught him looking at you in class several times, there is a good chance that he likes you.

    When he got a little embarrassed because you caught him looking at you that one time, it may have been because he is more of a shy guy.

    He may want to talk to you but is very nervous about how to go about doing it.

    in reply to: She just went cold #39239

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    Hi Adam,

    If she has gone cold on you before, she will most likely do it again even if you were to keep using the strategy of waiting until she texts you on Snapchat.

    It may be best to just ask her out. This way, you don’t keep expending energy on someone who may just be in this for the attention but has no romantic interest in you.


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    Hi Zach,

    It has only been 3 days. Try not to panic quite yet.

    She may have gotten so used to the fact that you are usually the one who initiates conversations on messenger that she is waiting on you to do so again.

    Give it another day or two to see if she initiates. If she doesn’t, it may be best for you to start a new conversation with her and ask her if she has a boyfriend or someone else that she is seriously talking to with strong romantic potential.

    If your ultimate goal is to become romantic with her, you need to make sure that she is available to you for that.

    Otherwise, you could spend another 2 weeks or more initiating the majority of conversations with her with nonstop texts and be simply wasting your time.

    in reply to: Attraction #39221

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    Hi Marquita,

    Thank you and I am glad that the videos have been helpful.

    The very first time that you saw him and he gave you that intense look as if he could see inside of you would indicate that he felt a strong sexual attraction towards you.

    He keeps asking you these random questions because he may be trying to figure out whether the both of you are sexually compatible.

    He is not necessarily looking for verbal answers to these questions per se. He is more so interested in how your body and voice responds to the questions.

    Again, he may be trying to figure out whether there is any real sexual chemistry. He knows that simply finding you to be attractive doesn’t necessarily mean that the both of you would be sexually compatible.

    In observing your body language and listening to the tone of your voice whenever he asks these random questions, he is hoping that he will be able to get a better understanding about the chemistry that may or may not be there.

    So, there is interest on his part in terms of trying to figure this out. He may not have reached the point where he actually likes you wholeheartedly. He is still fishing for sexual chemistry.

    It may be best to avoid approaching or giving him your number at this point in time.

    If he isn’t feeling the right kind of chemistry with you, it is unlikely he will use the number even if you were to give it to him.

    Instead, be as open with your body language as you can without being too overzealous in showing him that you are attracted to him as well.

    Try getting close to him when the both of you chat. Lean into him. Brush against him as you walk past. Look him up and down from time to time. Open your lips slightly when you chat with him. Lick them every so often as you chat with him.

    These are all very strong body language signs of interest without being too overbearing about it. This is the kind of body language that would stimulate him.

    It is most likely what he is looking for, thereby why he keeps asking you these random questions that don’t really seem to go anywhere.

    Again, he is looking for sexual chemistry.

    From the first moment that he laid eyes on you with that intense look that felt as if he could see inside of you, he was setting the tone for this interaction.

    It is sexual in nature.

    Don’t worry too much about what you should say to him. He just wants you to react to what he is saying more so than to have you engage in long-winded conversations with him.

    Stay upbeat and just let him lead the conversations. Again, the idea here is not to come off as too overzealous.

    If you were to prematurely read too much into how he has been behaving towards you and assume that you now have license to blabber on whenever he is around, you could ruin the momentum and take away his interest.

    He wants to be in control of how this interplay is initiated and it would be wise to leave that to him. Simply focus on how you respond and your body language.

    Try not to get carried away with expectations.

    He is still feeling you out for sexual chemistry. He may or may not ultimately decide that there is compatibility.

    Hence, it is best not to get your hopes up regardless of how attractive he is. So, let things play out naturally without trying to force things to happen.

    You are not missing anything here as far as his attraction towards you. Feeling his eyes on you the moment you walk out your door would indicate that there is a lot of sexual tension in his end.

    Just play along. That is all you should be doing.

    Based on how you respond to him, he may ultimately reach the point where he feels that there is either compatibility or a lack thereof. If he feels that there is compatibility, he may choose to further this interaction by either asking for your number or asking you out.


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    Hi Cally,

    He may have told you that he likes you but he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship because he may not have a particularly good track record when it comes to romantic relationships.

    In other words, he may have a history of short-lived romantic relationships that may not have ended well.

    Hence, he knows that if he were to pursue a romantic relationship with you, not only will it be short-lived but it may end badly as well.

    If it ends badly with you, not only would he have lost a short-lived girlfriend but he would also lose a friendship.

    Hence, he may believe that it would be best not to pursue you as someone with romantic potential due to his past experiences.

    in reply to: He’s done a complete 360 and acting strange #39212

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    Hi Noemi,

    You should let him contact you first and then move forward from there.

    If he wants to work on the relationship and you feel the same way, then the both of you need to get reacquainted and start spending some quality time getting to know each other better.

    If he doesn’t want to work on the relationship, then you should accept that and avoid trying to force anything.

    You may be able to win him over if you were to try forcing the relationship to work, but then, the relationship would be imbalanced when it comes to who holds the power.

    This means that it would only be a matter of time before the relationship would suffer again from a lack of continuity and emotional investment.

    You shouldn’t ask him why he unfollowed you on social media.

    Trying to get an explanation out of him isn’t going to help your situation. If anything, you would only give attention to the fact that he has issues with you and this relationship.

    in reply to: He’s done a complete 360 and acting strange #39201

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    Hi Noemi,

    It’s best not to keep trying so hard. All that does with most guys is push them away.

    Going home to Canada may have affected how he looked at his relationship with you.

    Perhaps in having that time away from you as well as possibly other influences, he came to the conclusion that he wasn’t ready to follow through on so much that he had promised before leaving for Canada.

    He has unfriended you on Facebook and Instagram because he has noticed how hard you have been trying to maintain what the both of you had before he left for Canada.

    Again, over pursuing in this way with a guy will often turn the guy off.

    You shouldn’t text him when he gets back asking if he is free. You would be trying too hard and this only leads to pushing the guy even further away.

    Even though you think that you both need to talk, let him be the one to reach out to you first.

    If this was a temporary change of heart due in some capacity to something that he experienced in Canada, that may reverse when he returns.

    However, you have to let him reach out to you first in order to increase the likelihood that this relationship can be salvaged.

    in reply to: Was she leading me on? #39193

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    Hi Jeremy,

    Her walking up to you to fix your shirt and tie doesn’t necessarily indicate interest.

    At that point in time, she was familiar enough with you to do something like that.

    After all, the both of you had already talked about graduation and life after university in previous conversations. It would be reasonable to think that she would want you to look your best on the big day.

    in reply to: Was she leading me on? #39187

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    Hi Jeremy,

    It’s unlikely that she was leading you on.

    The eye contact that you experienced with this girl seems to have been more coincidental than intentional. In other words, she never seemed to go out of her way to look for you and stare.

    You would both happen to be facing each other in the same class or run into each other as you were headed to class or in a parking lot and eye contact and a smile would follow. However, she never seemed to go out of her way to look in your direction.

    There is a good chance that being that you liked this girl, you may have read more into the occasional moments of eye contact than was really there.

    To be sure about how she really felt about you, you needed to make an aggressive move on her in either asking her out or at least telling her how you felt about her.

    You never did this.

    When you messaged her on social media about how she never talked to you in class, she responded by telling you that you never talked to her either.

    That was a probable indication that she is the kind of girl who expects the guy to step up and go after what he wants.

    You may have received delayed replies to your messages to her social media because your messages weren’t particularly fun to read. You would say hi and then proceed to talk about plans for life after university.

    These conversations were just too bland. It is no wonder that her response rate would become increasingly belated with each new message that you would send.

    All in all, it just appears as though you never really made an aggressive move on her and being that she is the kind of girl that would expect a guy to be more aggressive when he is interested in her, she didn’t take you seriously.

    in reply to: Online Dating #39182

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    Hi Cutiepie,

    Don’t pursue him outright.

    The danger of outright pursuing a guy, especially when online dating, is in the laziness that it can cause in a guy. As a result, you may find yourself putting out all of the effort to make things happen. You shouldn’t put yourself in that position.

    Instead, contact him and let him know what your availability is. This puts the ball in his court in terms of meeting up.

    If he chooses not to take advantage of this and organize a time that he can meet up with you, it is best to let him go and move on.

    in reply to: Dating a girl with bad communication. #39157

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    Hi Joe,

    You may be losing feelings for your girlfriend because she is not fulfilling your emotional needs.

    For one, she still continues to maintain bad communication even after you became her boyfriend.

    Meanwhile, this second girl that you used to live with for a year makes you feel at home. You probably find it easier to communicate with her and may have even hung out more with her in the last two months than you have your girlfriend.

    There are some very important elements to a relationship that you are missing out with your current girlfriend.

    The elements of communication, fun, trust, openness, safety and comfort are just some of them. You are finding all these elements in the second girl.

    It is not so much that this second girl is a better fit, it is that your current girlfriend isn’t providing you with these key missing elements.

    Just because you find these elements with this second girl doesn’t necessarily mean that she is looking at you as someone of romantic potential. So, it is important that you don’t assume that this second girl feels the same way about you.

    Being that you have only been in a relationship with your girlfriend for 2 months, it may be best to talk to her about what you believe is missing in the relationship.

    If she truly cares about you, she may try to work on those elements. If she does, it will take time for things to change. So, don’t expect your relationship to become perfect overnight.

    Being that you were pining over this girl for a year before she became your girlfriend, it would be worth it to at least try to see whether your relationship with her can be salvaged. This way, you don’t risk having regrets.

    There is always a chance that in college, you could miss out on an extremely compatible girl because you hesitate.

    However, it is best to first know the elements that are absolutely essential for you to feel fulfilled in a relationship.

    Once you know what they are, you will be in a much better position to date an extremely compatible girl to you because you would know what to look for.

    This way, you never waste too much time with someone who doesn’t fulfill them.

    It is always important to be yourself. Thereby, you shouldn’t act more ‘masculine’ for the sake of capturing a girl’s attention if that truly isn’t who you are. The most compatible girl for you will like you for who you are.

    However, most girls prefer that the guy initiate conversation or interest.

    Hence, you should always be prepared to be more ‘masculine’ in this sense. This way, you never miss out on an opportunity to get the most compatible girl for you.


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    Hi Kanishka,

    She may have preferred that you talked to her and tried to get to know her earlier, before the Christmas holidays.

    Being that you didn’t do this, there was no rapport established between the both of you. In essence, she doesn’t know you, at least not well enough.

    She may not feel comfortable following someone on Instagram that she doesn’t know. This may also be why she didn’t accept your friend request on Snapchat.

    You may have to talk to her in person when the Christmas holidays are over and work on building a rapport with her over time. This may be the only chance that you have to get her to consider you as someone with romantic potential.

    in reply to: Did I get rejected? #39147

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    Hi Jacque,

    It may not even be that she has really high standards.

    She may just not be the kind that likes to be in relationships all that much.

    If she hasn’t had a boyfriend in many years, she may be quite content being single.

    in reply to: Did I get rejected? #39145

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    Hi Jacque,

    She was staring at you through the corner of her eye in class and had her head sort of down when she held the door open for you.

    These are indications that she is most likely shy.

    A shy girl will often find it hard to be direct with how she feels with a guy she doesn’t know.

    Telling you that she “kinda” has a boyfriend indicates that she didn’t want to let you down hard.

    This is typical behavior of a shy girl. It can be hard for them to give a person a direct rejection.

    Hence, they will flirt around it by using kinder words.

    What she said had nothing to do with whether you came off as a “creep” or not.

    This is how she would reject just about anyone who approached her that she wasn’t romantically interested in.


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    You are welcome Lou.


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    Hi Lou,

    Yes, it’s a good time to give up on this.

    She likes attention up until the point when a guy seems to be getting serious about her and then she bails.

    She may have stopped watching your Instagram stories as fast as she used to, if at all, because she doesn’t want to expose herself to the possibility that you could make another attempt to get her to go out with you.

    In other words, now that she knows that you are serious about her, she has bailed.

    She may have showed up to that lunch date with the coworker because she knew that it was all about friendship and nothing more.

    Thereby, she could handle that.

    If her ex cheated on her, she may also be dealing with trust issues when it comes to relationships.

    If that ex is now trying to come back to her, she may also be debating whether he is worth it.

    All in all, she doesn’t appear to be someone who is seriously looking for a relationship with anyone at this time.

    The attention that she receives from men is enough.

    in reply to: He keeps showing up? #39132

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    Hi Sam,

    You are welcome and I am glad that the advice helped you.

    This stranger keeps conveniently appearing whenever you so happen to be around which would indicate that these appearances aren’t coincidental.

    He seems to be trying to get you to notice him.

    However, he may also be really shy.

    This may be why he keeps checking his wallet or taking his phone out whenever he is about to walk past you.

    The fact that he took the initiative to say “hey” the last time that you came across him as you were walking home may indicate that he is beginning to feel a little bit more comfortable with you.

    It may be because you took the initiative to say “hey” to him the time before.

    So yes, this is a good sign.

    Keep showing positive body language whenever he is around.

    Try making eye contact for a sustained period of time and smiling.

    If he is a shy guy, he will need a lot of encouragement before becoming emboldened to approach you in the proper way.

    Oftentimes, consistent eye contact coupled with smiling will give a shy guy the kind of encouragement he needs to make that approach.

    Try doing this as often as you can.

    Avoid having expectations, as these may cause you to overthink and consequently try to force a desired outcome.

    Just be natural. Make sustained eye contact and smile.

    If he truly likes you, he will most likely make some kind of move once he realizes that all of this eye contact and smiling is always directed at him.

    in reply to: Dating with speech problem #39126

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    Hi Kristiyan,

    Your speech problem wouldn’t really be an issue if you focus on building relationships with girls first.

    When they get to know you as a person and like you, your stuttering problem will only be a part of who you are, not all that you are.

    At this point, they know you as a person and may have connected with you on a number of mutual interests.

    Hence, your stuttering problem wouldn’t be something that is unattractive and annoying.

    They would consider dating you based on the person that they have gotten to know, as opposed to a person who stutters.

    They know so much more about you as a person now.

    Your stuttering problem would only be a small part to a person that they now know as dynamic and multifaceted.

    If anything, at this stage, some of them may even look at your stuttering problem as endearing.

    in reply to: Getting over an ex/possibly getting her back #38077

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    Hi Xavier,

    It can be rough to experience a breakup with someone that you love.

    It is natural to then want to get that ex back. However, in your situation, it would be best to avoid trying to do that.

    She broke up with you.

    Being that you had good chemistry with her and the relationship was flowing smoothly, she most likely didn’t make the decision to break up based on emotion.

    She actually took some time to think it through.

    Thereby, the likelihood of getting her back is very slim and wouldn’t be worth your time to pursue.

    To get over this, first and foremost, acknowledge the time that you had with her and be grateful for that experience.

    Then proceed to making your life as full and fun as you can.

    In other words, get busy with activities that fulfill you.

    This will not only help to enrich your life but it will also keep you from being idle.

    If you are constantly idle, you will be susceptible to constantly thinking about her.

    This would only make it that much more difficult for you to get over her.

    Hang out with your friends and have fun.

    Avoid talking about her when you do.

    Accept that your girlfriend is truly gone and ensure that you don’t put yourself in situations where you will be reminded of her.

    As long as you do this consistently, you will get over her.

    in reply to: Boyfriend stops talking to me for days when i get jealous #38023

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    Hi Flower,

    Trying to turn things around would only bring you right back to where you are now.

    He has demonstrated some personality traits often attributed to sociopaths.

    He lacks remorse, guilt or empathy.

    He is manipulative and unabashedly disrespectful.

    He would need to put in a lot of work on himself to become a person worth dating.

    He has shown no signs that he even believes that he has a problem.

    It is a lot easier for him to believe that you are the one with the problem and not him.

    As long as he holds on to this belief, he will never make any effort to work on himself.

    It wouldn’t be worth it to put in the effort to turn things around when you are involved with someone who will never put in the work to change themselves for the better.

    You will only end up going around in circles and emotionally depleted.

    in reply to: Staring #38020

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    Hi Tay,

    He is not the kind of guy that is able to handle being turned down all that well.

    There is a part of him that wants to get back at you.

    This was the part that blocked you on FB after you blocked him on your end.

    However, he was unable to maintain that anger for long because there is a part of him that still wants you and hopes that in some way he still has a chance to get what he whats from you.

    He has been staring at you without saying anything because he wants you to notice him and make an attempt to talk to him.

    At first, he was using this strategy because he didn’t want to be too obvious that he still wants to engage in sexual activities with you.

    However, that strategy wasn’t enticing you to come and talk to him.

    That is why he decided to smile at you the last time around.

    He was hoping that this would be enough to get you to talk to him again and thereby open up the possibility that he may be able to hook up with you at some point.

    You may not have smiled back at him because you didn’t want to give out any signals that you may be interested in him.

    It was probably a subconscious reaction.

    There is a part of you that may believe that this is a guy that you should just stay away from and not allow back into your life.

    However, there may be another side that is still interested in him in some capacity.

    Your subconscious mind will often try to protect you in scenarios like this by making you avoid getting caught up in feelings for the other person.

    In essence, it encourages you to be more closed off so as to protect yourself from being taken advantage of.

    in reply to: Boyfriend stops talking to me for days when i get jealous #38011

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    Hi Flower,

    Your boyfriend is aware that he has a lot of control over your emotions.

    When you get jealous and he consequently stops talking to you for days, he is exercising this control.

    He knows that he can talk to all these girls that he meets on social media and meet them for coffee without having to worry about the consequences.

    He doesn’t value his relationship with you.

    That is why it is so easy for him to break up with you for no good reason.

    He demonstrated this when he split up with you because you didn’t help him kill a mosquito.

    He may be treating you this badly because he doesn’t believe that you measure up to his ex.

    He just started talking to her after a ten year split and they talk almost every day.

    The more he talks to her, the more convinced he may become in believing that you are just not as good as his ex.

    This kind of sentiment may be the reason why he chooses to continue disrespecting you by talking to this ex as well as other female “friends” that he adds on social media.

    He just doesn’t believe that you are good enough for him.

    As long as he feels this way, he will continue being insensitive towards you.

    in reply to: Girl #38002

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    Hi Afonso,

    If she is super shy, it would be best to put some time into making her feel more comfortable and safe whenever she is with you.

    Just start by getting closer to her when the both of you are on dates.

    Hold her hand from time to time.

    Guide her into a room first by occasionally touching the small of her back.

    Be protective of her when walking on sidewalks by being the one who walks on the side that is adjacent to the street.

    Touch her face gently as the both of you talk from time to time.

    The more you do this, the safer you will make her feel.

    Eventually, if she truly likes you, she will become comfortable enough to start showing you more affection.


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    Hi Jessalyn,

    The sentiment that his feelings haven’t changed in 4 months of dating and the consequent desire to break up due to this doesn’t constitute a particularly worthy reason.

    Your ex boyfriend is making it sound as though he is desperate to fall in love.

    If he never truly showed you that he was the hopelessly romantic type during your relationship with him, there is a good chance that he was not being entirely honest when he told you that he is breaking up with you because his feelings haven’t changed.

    There may be someone else that he has taken an interest in and now wants to pursue.

    In other words, he may have just gotten bored with you and wants to try something new.

    However, don’t be surprised if he suddenly starts trying to get your attention at some point in the foreseeable future.

    Guys who leave a relationship for facetious reasons tend to come back when they realize that they are not getting emotionally fulfilled by whoever it is that they left their ex girlfriend for in the first place.

    in reply to: How start conversation to your crush #37983

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    Hi Shen,

    To improve the chances that he could make a definitive move on you, you could start things off by opening conversation with him.

    Being that he works at the Supermarket, you could start a conversation with him next Friday by using the Supermarket as an opening topic.

    Using your environment or location is often an easy way to open up conversation with someone that you don’t know.

    Ask him a question in relation to the Supermarket.

    Observe his body language as the both of you converse.

    He may give away the fact that he either likes you or doesn’t while he is talking to you.

    If he likes you, look for a lot of sustained eye contact and smiling.

    Observe whether he tries to check you out sneakily by quickly looking you up and down from time to time.

    Observe whether he gets really fidgety with stuff by either playing with his hair or clothing a lot, or even fidgeting around with the trolleys.

    It’s best to go to the Supermarket next Friday and do this.

    If you choose not to go there for a while, you run the risk of never trying to do something.

    You will just come back after a while, hoping that he somehow magically notices or remembers you and makes a move.

    However, that is unlikely to happen.

    His possible recollection that you have stared at him in the past may fizzle out over this period of time and any window of opportunity you may or may not have had with him may pass you by.

    At this time, he may or may not be interested.

    By making this move next Friday to open a conversation with him at the Supermarket, you will be able to get a better idea on whether he is interested in you or not by observing his body language.

    It is best to try doing this first before moving on.

    This way, you don’t leave anything to chance.

    in reply to: Dating #37981

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    Hi Briyanna,

    It most likely means that your boyfriend doesn’t feel that you are worth the effort to take out or hang out with outside of school.

    You may be his girlfriend at school because he wants the social benefits that come with that, but he may not care all that much about you outside of the school environment.

    If you have noticed that he still hangs out with his friends, even though he keeps telling you that he is too busy or too stressed to take you out, he is showing that he prefers the company of his friends over yours.

    Being that he has persisted with this type of behavior over the course of two months, all you may be to him is someone who helps to elevate his social status at school.

    This may be all he cares about.

    You should break up with him.

    If he truly cares about you, the idea of losing you may be the jolt he needs to start taking you seriously.

    If breaking up with him doesn’t cause any changes in his behavior, then you are better off.

    It is best to be free of him than to be used.

    in reply to: Confused #37979

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    Hi Monique,

    You are being played in the sense that he wants to have someone at home that he knows is waiting for him.

    However, he is more concerned with his career and other aspects of his life than he is with you.

    You have already told him about how you feel and he circumvented the question by saying, “emotions are being thrown around.”

    He responded in this way because he is essentially trying to buy time with you and avoid commitment in the process.

    Again, he likes the fact that he has someone waiting for him whenever he gets back into town for intimate company and he wants to keep it this way.

    If you are looking for a committed relationship, you should walk away.

    Staying in this situation will only make you become more and more emotionally attached as time goes on, to no avail.

    It is unlikely that he is feeling emotionally attached but is just unable to explain it.

    If this was the case, he would have shown some emotional vulnerability to you when you let him know how you felt.

    However, he seemed to circumvent the topic in a way that showed that he lacked emotion and empathy.

    in reply to: What can I do about him? #37971

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    Hi Alexandra,

    In this situation, it may be best to just come right out and ask him to hang out on a specific day.

    He is very passive aggressive with you.

    He may have conversations with you on Instagram, but he hasn’t initiated any of it.

    He may like your pictures on Instagram, but he doesn’t follow that up with making conversation or flirting.

    If you don’t make a truly aggressive move soon, you may end up being that online friend that he chats with from time to time and likes their pictures.

    He seems to have some interest in you but it is fairly weak.

    Asking him out directly may or may not ignite that interest and thereby compel him to become more aggressive with you.

    However, doing so will at least give you an opportunity to either move this interaction forward romantically or have good reason to let it go.


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    Yes, she most likely kept asking why you were acting different or hated her because she was just looking for attention.

    in reply to: Confused ! Should i ask her again ? #37951

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    Hi Santi,

    You shouldn’t ask her out again at this time.

    Even though you have twice noticed her staring at you on the bus, you should not let this make you become too hopeful or overzealous.

    Talking to her again at this time may only result in the same outcome.

    Instead, get engaged in conversations with people around you.

    Make them laugh and get them to like you.

    There is a good chance that if she keeps witnessing this, she could reach a point where she feels compelled to either say something to you or get closer to you in some way.

    Making an effort to make people around you comfortable with you can have the added benefit of making her feel more comfortable with you.

    Perhaps it is this sense of comfort with a guy that allows her to open up or become more receptive to a guy.

    Work on making the people around you like you.

    This could get her to start liking you unconsciously and that is where a more profound opportunity may open up with her.


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    Hi Lou,

    Yes, it does sound like she was never into it.

    Flaking on lunch at the last minute was not a good sign.

    Even her follow-up statement, “I might have to do dinner please,” wasn’t all that strong of a request to reschedule to a dinner date that night.

    The signs were already there that she was never truly interested in pursuing anything romantic with you.

    The first three times that she was in town, she never told you that she was.

    You had to text her, “Are you alive? Just checking on you,” after the third time that she ignored telling you that she had been in town.

    Again, these were already very strong signs that she wasn’t really interested in seeing you.

    The last time she is in town, which was last week, the both of you make plans to have lunch.

    However, it takes her hours to let you know that she wouldn’t be able to make it to lunch and that she might be able to do dinner instead.

    When you replied by telling her that you have things you have to do that night, she didn’t bother responding.

    Again, this would indicate that she really didn’t care to meet you all that much.

    She is used to getting attention from guys and may have enjoyed the attention that she was getting from you for a while.

    However, her actions have shown that she may have no further interest in you than that.

    in reply to: How start conversation to your crush #37942

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    Hi William,

    To start conversation with your crush, you could ask her about something that relates to school.

    If you don’t speak English well, just keep it simple.

    You could let her know beforehand that you don’t speak English all that well and then proceed to ask her a simple question about school.

    It could be about a class, an upcoming school event or even an extracurricular school activity.

    Using a topic that relates to the high school will help to make you less nervous when you approach her because you would be using a topic that relates to the both of you.

    in reply to: Early dating stage #37936

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    You are welcome Cor.

    Thankfully, you experienced all of this relatively early and before deeper feelings had set in.

    This will make it easier for you to let this go and move on.

    All the best.

    in reply to: Early dating stage #37932

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    Hi Cor,

    Yes, by telling you, “You just have to hit me up,” he was implying that you need to reach out to him first to hear from him or hang out with him.

    Unfortunately, as suspected, he is just not all that interested.

    He will be game to hang out with you on occasion.

    However, he isn’t invested in getting to know you and developing a deeper emotional bond.

    You should not allow yourself to do all the work.

    If a guy is not willing to put in the work to court you, you are just not that important to him.

    If you fall into the trap of hitting him up all the time or most of the time, he will not have any real investment in the interaction.

    This will make it too easy for him to be very hot and cold throughout the interaction until he starts ignoring you entirely due to boredom or complacency.

    This kind of effort just wouldn’t be worth your time.

    in reply to: Texting #37929

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    Hi Max,

    She may have stopped sending you flirtatious texts because she feels that she has given you more than enough indication that she likes you.

    Hence, she may feel that she would come off as desperate if she were to just keep on initiating flirtatious texts to you.

    Even if she may know that you like her, she would still want you to make the ultimate move in asking her out.

    This may be what she is waiting for now.

    You should ask her out as soon as you can.

    in reply to: Staring #37928

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    Hi Philippa,

    A man may stare into your eyes in this manner when he feels really drawn to you.

    It may be a combination of your intellect and physical appearance that causes this.

    If he has shown other recurrent behavior that indicates attraction, he may be hoping to get some kind of mutual response from you.

    In other words, he may be waiting for a significant sign that you are attracted to him as well.

    in reply to: "What should i do next?" Update + new question #37922

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    Hi Marc,

    Yes, I remember your situation.

    Good job on starting a conversation with her at school.

    Now, she did tell you that she doesn’t like funfairs. But, you went ahead and suggested going to a funfair next week.

    It isn’t a surprise that she didn’t take you up on your offer.

    Yes, you should go on the offensive, but try not to go overboard with telling her about how much you like her.

    Instead, focus more so on asking her out the right way.

    If you are unsure of what to do, keep it simple. Ask her to coffee, lunch, or dinner and a movie.

    Until you ask her out on a proper date, you will not really be able to determine whether she is open to going out with you in a romantic capacity or not.

    in reply to: Study date #37917

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    Hi Kazo_realy,

    Asking you about when next you would be able to have a study date with her may indicate that she wants to see you on a more one on one basis.

    If the both of you are constantly flirting whenever you see each other, there may be a degree of mutual attraction between the both of you.

    Now, all of this doesn’t necessarily mean that she likes you.

    She may not entirely know how she feels about you right now.

    On the one hand, she values having you as a study date so that you can teach her because she thinks you are smart.

    On the other hand, she may feel a degree of attraction towards you.

    She may actually not be entirely certain about whether she likes you romantically or not.

    When a girl is at a stage where she isn’t entirely sure whether she likes a guy romantically or more as a friend, you shouldn’t allow too much time to elapse without taking any decisive action to win her over to you in a romantic sense.

    This is why it would be best to ask her out on a real date as soon as you can.

    If you keep going on study dates with her, you could risk falling into the friend zone with her over time.

    This is not a good place to be if you like this girl romantically.

    You don’t want her to get so comfortable with you that she only starts seeing you as her smart friend and nothing more.

    If you ask her out on a real date, you will give her the opportunity to figure out whether she likes you enough to entertain the possibility of dating you or being in a romantic relationship with you.

    The sooner she figures this out, the better for the both of you.

    in reply to: Asking him out #37915

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    Hi Emily,

    Now that he is home, contact him and start a normal conversation.

    You can talk about his trip, how he is settling in, etc.

    There is a good chance that during the course of the conversation, he will ask about the date.

    If he doesn’t, you should bring it up towards the end of the conversation.

    It is best not to appear overzealous.

    So, just wait it out until towards the end of the conversation to remind him about the plans for a date, if he hasn’t brought it up already.

    Being that you are the one who asked him out first and initiated everything, it wouldn’t be inappropriate to do this.


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    Hi HM,

    Even though it has been 2 weeks since you heard anything from him, there is a chance that he hasn’t forgotten you and will still contact you.

    Indeed, he may be comfortable with being alone at this time.

    However, at some point, he will want company.

    This is most likely the time that he will reach out to you.

    Thereby, it is best to maintain no contact.

    You already know that his behavior towards you needs to change.

    If you give in now and contact him because you miss him, he will get the impression that it is okay to keep acting the way he has.

    Avoid posting pics on your social media just so that you can get his attention.

    Just live your life to the fullest at this time as though you have moved on from him.

    If he was truly fond of you, there is a chance that he will contact you at a point where he realizes that you are not giving in and that he also misses you.

    in reply to: She rejected me but I think she is still interested #37904

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    Hi Mengot,

    Her contradictory behavior may be an indication that she is trying to play hard to get.

    The first sign of this was when she rejected your initial request for her number, only to give it to you the next day.

    Then you write her about how you feel about her and she tells you that she just want to be friends. But, the next morning, she was still staring at you and continues to do so.

    One of the most effective ways to get a girl to stop playing hard to get is to take control over the situation.

    This starts with ignoring her in class.

    Focus on talking to other girls in class.

    Make them laugh and give them compliments.

    If indeed, she has been trying to play hard to get with you, this type of behavior on your part will make her panic as she realizes that she isn’t the only prize in the class.

    If she is truly interested in you, she will start trying really hard to get your attention and may even try to start conversations with you.

    In essence, she may suddenly find herself chasing you.

    in reply to: Early dating stage #37898

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    You are welcome Cor.

    All the best.

    in reply to: Early dating stage #37894

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    Hi Coree,

    It’s unlikely that he just wants space.

    He has been a musician throughout your interaction with him.

    Yet, he was still going out on at least one date with you a week and spending the whole day with you.

    He was clearly able to make time for those dates.

    If he truly wanted to, he could focus on music while still finding the time to go out on dates with you.

    Let him message you first.

    Guys who are truly interested will make the effort to reach out to the girl, especially in the early stages of dating.

    If he is not willing to make more of an effort to pursue you this early on in your interaction with him, that would indicate that he doesn’t care all that much about the interaction.

    The sooner you discover this, the better.

    in reply to: Early dating stage #37890

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    Hi Cor,

    The early stage of dating is often the time that there should be a lot of energy coming from a guy.

    He should be excited to talk to you as often as he can.

    He should be making himself available and setting up dates.

    If he hasn’t reached out nor hung out with you in two weeks, there is a good chance that he is not as excited about you as he should be.

    He is treating this more like a casual interaction.

    For now, let him reach out to you first.

    However, if you don’t want to just casually date, you should let him know this the next time he does reach out.

    Even though it has been two weeks, he will most likely still reach out to you.

    He could have spent the last two weeks going out with other women for all you know.

    This is why it is best to be clear about what you are looking for upon your next conversation with him.

    This way, you don’t end up wasting a lot of time and energy on someone who doesn’t want the same kind of relationship that you are looking for.

    in reply to: Help :( #37886

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    Hi HM,

    Yes, it is best to take a step back now.

    Constant fighting is never healthy for any kind of relationship.

    Thanks for following up on this question.


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    Hi Ali,

    Yes, it would be best to wait until you see your crush again on Monday in order to determine whether he is going to keep ignoring you.

    He has shown signs of liking you through sustained eye contact in the past.

    However, you don’t really know what is going on in his personal life.

    There may be a current or ex girlfriend in the picture.

    He may even be at a point in his life where he wants to focus on his studies.

    Before drawing any conclusions, wait to see how he treats you on Monday.

    If he keeps ignoring, he may be indicating that he wants to focus on other areas of importance in his life.

    In which case, the signs of interest that he had been showing you may have simply been out of curiosity and nothing more.

    in reply to: Why is he friendly in text but unfriendly in real life? #37869

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    Hi Sarah,

    When he was acting really friendly, eager and outgoing on text, he may not have been showing his true personality.

    He may have felt the need to impress you over text in the hopes that he would ultimately be able to get you to meet up with him when you returned from studying overseas.

    His serious nature and the fact that the meet up felt like an interview session would indicate that he no longer felt the need to pretend now that he had gotten you to meet him in real life.

    During the meet up, he had a tendency of repeating a complaint because he may have narcissistic tendencies.

    All of those complaints were typically focused on something that was affecting him.

    He complained about his phone getting wet and his dry contacts and more.

    Again, all those complaints were focused on something to do with him.

    Normally, this type of behavior indicates some narcissistic tendencies or at least a personality that is somewhat self-centered.

    These tendencies were also displayed in how he went about treating his meet up with you like an interview session.

    Typically when a company interviews you, they are looking for how you can serve them.

    The company is thinking about themselves first and foremost.

    Again, this harkens back to his narcissistic or self-centered tendencies.

    He wasn’t irritated by you.

    He behaved the way he did because that is the type of personality he is.

    He would have most likely acted in the same way with anyone else.

    in reply to: Perspective on a Situation #37866

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    Hi Taylor,

    He knew that he was still emotionally attached to his ex and thereby emotionally unavailable to anyone else.

    This means that, regardless of whether it was you or some other woman that approached him, he most likely would have wanted the same.

    Just sexual relations.

    Keeping this in mind, it wouldn’t be prudent to keep blaming yourself or thinking that he must have thought that you were an easy girl.

    He would have looked at any other girl in the same way.

    You happened to approach someone who just wasn’t emotionally available.

    That was not your fault.

    When we take a chance on approaching someone, we never really know what we are going to get.

    in reply to: Advice #37861

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    Hi HM,

    It was this question – https://onlinedatinglogic.com/forums/topic/help/

    But not to worry.

    Just make sure that you respond to the answers that I give to your questions in the future and write proper titles.

    You are welcome and I hope the advice to this particular question helps.

    in reply to: Advice #37853

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    Hi HM,

    You didn’t respond to the last question that I answered.

    In order for me to keep answering your questions, you have to respond to the answers that I give you.

    Also, always make sure that you write a proper title to your question that addresses your issue.

    Do not use one word titles.

    At this time, this particular guy that you are dating long distance is more concerned with his new business than he is with you.

    His new business has taken priority over everything else.

    As far as he is concerned, when you complain about his lack of communication, you are the one who is being difficult and demanding.

    The more that you complain, the more he feels warranted in being disrespectful towards you.

    That is why he hung up on you and followed that up by calling you crazy.

    Yes, you should definitely take some steps back.

    You have been the one who constantly reaches out to him by texting him first.

    You need to stop that.

    If he calls or texts you, you shouldn’t respond to it.

    You should avoid answering his calls and texts for at least a week.

    He needs to understand that there are consequences to his rude and insensitive behavior.

    This is also how you give him a taste of his own behavior.

    He has gotten used to the fact that you are always the one who texts him first.

    When he notices that you are not taking his calls or responding to his texts, it will put him in a state of fear and confusion.

    This is where you will gain the upper hand by getting him to panic.

    He will start frantically trying to reach out to you.

    Again, you should give it at least a week before choosing to respond to him.

    When you do and he asks you about why you haven’t been responding to his calls or texts, just tell him that you have been busy.

    Let him do most of the talking and end the conversation relatively quickly.

    From this point on, you should make sure that he is the one who is doing all the contacting for a while.

    This is how you will get him to start investing in this relationship.

    This kind of investment will make him start feeling like there are true stakes in this relationship.

    Your value to him will rise.

    He will understand you a lot better and become fearful of losing you.

    This will cause him to make positive changes in his behavior over time which would include improving the way he goes about communicating with you.

    in reply to: Why are gay dating girls? #37848

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    Hi Vanessa,

    Being that he is still in high school, he may still be at a stage where he isn’t entirely certain of his sexuality.

    In other words, he may have both gay and heterosexual tendencies.

    He may have kept his relationship with you a secret because he is still wrestling with his sexual identity.

    This may also be partly the reason why he ultimately cheated on you with another girl.

    Oftentimes, a gay guy who is still wrestling with his sexual identity will feel the need to continuously go out with girls until he gets to the point where he either accepts the fact that he is truly gay or that he is actually bisexual.

    in reply to: Need help , i hope you’ll read my little story #37844

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    It is best not to focus on trying to get him back.


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    Hi Sam,

    You may be dealing with someone who is really shy.

    They look away when you turn to stare back at them because they may be very worried about making eye contact with you.

    A shy person would worry about being caught staring.

    Hence, they look away.

    When you decided to say hi to this person, they most likely didn’t reply because they may have worried that you only gave them this kind of attention because you knew that they had been staring at you for a while.

    A shy person can get easily embarrassed when found out.

    Hence, they may not have replied so as to avoid putting themselves in an awkward position where they may have to acknowledge that they have been constantly staring at you.

    You have noticed this person again in your neighborhood.

    This time, staring at you with a glowing happy face.

    They may still want your attention.

    However, you may have to approach them in a totally different way in order to be more effective.

    If you know the path that they tend to take, you could physically put yourself on that path.

    This way, you are literally going to bump into them.

    This is when you will have the best shot at getting the person’s attention.

    As the person arrives, you could briefly stop them by complimenting something that they may be wearing and then proceeding to identify with it in some way.

    For example, the person may be wearing a t-shirt with some interesting lettering or even symbols.

    You could comment on it and relate to it by mentioning something that you have in common with it.

    This will put this person in a position where they will feel a lot more comfortable replying, as opposed to ignoring you as they did the last time that you tried approaching them.

    From here, you may be able to get a better idea of what this person is all about as the conversation progresses into other topics.


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    Hi Rushia,

    If you started online dating with the intention of finding a serious relationship, this is not the guy for you.

    Yes, it would be best to delete him from social media and continue with your life.

    Waiting for him would not be to your benefit because you would both want different outcomes.

    He had sex with you on the first date and clearly conveyed the message that he wanted to only have sex on the second date.

    Even though the both of you got on so well on the first date, he has clearly shown what his true intentions are.

    A person can seem really amazing when you first meet them.

    However, that doesn’t always mean that the person has the purest of intentions.

    The woman that he was with for ten years prior to his meeting you shares a number of similarities with you.

    You share the same birthday, height and come from the same country.

    Though you are looking at this as something that was meant to be, it may be the complete opposite.

    It may have been something that came about by design.

    Ten years is a long time to be with someone and he may not be entirely over her.

    Hence, he may have sought out someone like you so as to remember her.

    However, if his feelings are still strongly tied to her, he would have little room, if any, to care about you.

    This may be why he showed more interest in going to bed with you for a second date than in actually getting to know more about who you uniquely are as a person.

    in reply to: Confused #37815

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    Hi Jonathan,

    It may have confused you that she dipped into an alleyway with her friends.

    However, she may have done that because someone within the group suggested using that route.

    In other words, it may have had nothing to do with you being around.

    If you are having amazing conversations with her, but you tend to be the one who always initiates conversation, it may be because she wants to be pursued.

    As of now, you have both been talking long enough to be quite familiar with each other.

    You have even had a strong heart to heart conversation with her in which she opened up to you.

    It is time to ask her out for real.

    It is not enough to just make vague plans about meeting up.

    Actually ask her out on an official date.

    The sooner you do this, the sooner you will know whether she sees romantic potential in you or not.

    in reply to: Is he testing me ? #37796

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    Hi Farah,

    Thank you for your kind words and I am glad that the videos have been helpful.

    This guy is most likely not sure about what he wants.

    On the one hand he sleeps with you and talks about having a baby girl and on the other hand, he talks about friendship.

    It is unlikely that he is doing all of this because he is just lonely, as he has no parents or siblings.

    After all, he was still able to go off on his 3 month trip abroad.

    This would indicate that he can handle not being around you for an extended period of time.

    That rules out loneliness for the most part.

    He is most likely at a crossroads.

    On the one hand, he knows that he is getting older.

    He has told you that he would like to have a daughter like you who would be able to take care of him when he gets old.

    Hence, he is aware of his mortality and that time is running out.

    However, at the same time, he loves his freedom.

    He loves the fact that he is already retired at 55.

    He loves the fact that he gets to travel in winter for 3 months.

    If he were to get into a committed relationship with you, there is a fear on his part that he will lose that freedom to a large extent.

    A reason why he may have introduced you to three of his close friends but has never shown interest in meeting yours could be because he knows that if he were to meet your friends, there will be inevitable curiosity about what he is up to.

    They would scrutinize.

    Your friends would naturally be protective of you and he may worry that he would have to keep trying to prove that he is a good guy whenever they are around.

    Being that he is at a crossroads in terms of what he should do with you, he doesn’t want to put himself in a position of constant scrutiny if he were to be around your friends.

    As a result, he has avoided meeting them altogether.

    Again, this is a guy that is wrestling with his mortality and his freedom.

    His freedom is all that he knows.

    He has had it for his entire adult life.

    This makes it that much more difficult for him to let go of said freedom and embrace a committed relationship with you.

    As long as he remains in this state, he will want the best of both worlds.

    He will want to still sleep with you, while also calling you a friend.

    He will want to give you access to his flat as though you are his girlfriend, while also being able to simultaneously travel abroad for months on end and live a life without relationship responsibilities.

    It is unlikely that he is testing you.

    If anything, he may be hoping that you break the stalemate by simply telling him exactly what you want.

    This way, he is left with an actual choice that he has to make.


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    Hi White,

    She is most likely just being friendly.

    In the past 15 days, she may have been initiating conversations, looking you in the eye without looking away and laughing at what you say because she wants to get your attention again.

    This is especially true if there is a guy that she was recently dating or talking to who is no longer in the picture.

    In essence, she no longer has the kind of male attention that she has probably been getting in the last several months.

    Being that she already has some history with you and knows that you asked her out in the past, she may be acting so attentive towards you all of a sudden because she is hoping to get attention from you in return.

    However, given how she has behaved in the last few months in avoiding you, there is a good chance that if you start giving her the attention that she is most likely seeking from you, she will eventually become satisfied and decide to start avoiding you again.

    You have asked her out in the past and she rejected you.

    Even though you believe that she was trying to get your attention right after the rejection and you have also since noticed her looking at you from a distance but immediately looking away once you catch her, it is still unlikely that she is interested in you.

    She may have been trying to get your attention right after she rejected you because she was trying to gauge your reaction so as to determine whether the friendship was now damaged.

    Once she noticed that you were keeping your distance, she decided to do the same.

    However, you may be catching her looking at you from a distance because there is still a part of her that misses her friendship with you and reminisces about how it used to be between the both of you.

    She may miss the lunches and conversations that the both of you used to have.

    However, none of this definitively denotes romantic interest.

    It may simply be a sense of loss that she feels and thereby she becomes compelled to look at you.

    A strong way to learn that she is into you is if she starts flirting with you constantly and tries to get close to you physically whenever she is interacting with you.

    She may even touch you often without any good reason.

    She may ask about whether you are dating anyone.

    Also, she may ask for your social media.

    Consequently, you may notice that she is following all of your stories on social media and liking a lot of your photos.

    in reply to: Need help , i hope you’ll read my little story #37774

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    Hi Anni,

    It is unlikely that he might realize that he has feelings for you in 3-4 years and come back to you.

    You have already known him for 11 months.

    If he was going to realize and accept his feelings for you, he would have done it by now.

    It is best not to wait on him.

    in reply to: Need help , i hope you’ll read my little story #37761

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    Hi Anni,

    Indeed he may be hiding his feelings from you.

    However, his feelings may be really conflicted.

    There may be a romantic interest from his past of whom he is still emotionally attached to.

    This may have been why he told you that he wasn’t ready when you confessed to him.

    On the one hand, he has shown that he is attracted to you by staring at you constantly in the gym.

    However, on the other hand, he has shown that he is hesitant in developing any kind of romantic relationship with you through the way he cut off contact with you after 11 months of knowing you and how he stated that he only sent you a message on Facebook by mistake.

    He may be worried about the potential for being hurt if he were to get into a romantic relationship with you.

    But that notwithstanding, there is still a part of him that doesn’t want to let you go entirely and wants to keep you in his life in some capacity.

    The best thing to do at this stage is take a step back.

    You are always the one reaching out to him.

    You need to stop that.

    Avoid eye contact with him at the gym.

    Whenever you stare back at him when he looks at you, you are showing him that you still care.

    Hence, he just feels like he can continue acting in the same way he has.

    You need to give him a sense that you are moving on and not really going to be receptive to the way he stares at you in the gym.

    If you start avoiding eye contact with him at the gym and become friendly with more guys at the gym, he will notice it.

    This will most likely scare him into thinking that you are moving on from him.

    He will realize that he will not be able to eat his cake and have it too by constantly giving you mixed signals.

    This is often what will force a guy to act by either deciding to go for the girl or just ditch the games and move on.

    Either way, you would put an end to his confusing behavior.

    in reply to: She is confusing #37760

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    Hi Ahmed,

    It is best to let this girl go.

    Though her behavior may seem confusing in that she replies to your messages but never initiates and sometimes looks at you when you aren’t looking, she has made it clear that she isn’t interested in dating you.

    You have asked her out two to three times and she has turned you down.

    It doesn’t matter if she was genuinely busy the first few times that you asked her out, she still turned you down without giving you an alternative date as to when she would be available.

    When a girl turns down a date without providing an alternative date in which she will be available, it is often a very strong signal of disinterest.

    Even though she seemingly gave you all the signs of interest when you first met her, she may have simply been looking for attention or validation.

    She has had more than enough time to go out with you in the last two months since she broke up with her ex and hasn’t taken advantage of that.

    She is just not interested in you.

    It is best to let her go and move on.

    in reply to: Picking up women #37743

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    Hi Brad,

    In order for me to keep answering your questions, the next time you return to the forum, I want an account of some action that you have taken to talk to a woman.

    To approach a woman in public, just stop her and ask for her help with something.

    It could be as simple as, “Excuse me, I was just wondering if I could get your opinion on something?”

    As long as she is not in a hurry, she will most likely agree and be all ears.

    Perhaps you are thinking about buying a pair of shoes that day and can’t quite figure out which kind to get.

    Fashion is often a topic that women enjoy.

    You could even show her pictures on your smartphone of the shoes that you are looking to buy and ask her what she thinks.

    Using this tactic will often bring the both of you even closer physically which helps in breaking tension.

    After she gives you a suggestion, you could use that opportunity to both thank her and ask her to lunch or coffee.

    If she likes you, she will give you her number.

    To approach a woman in a shop, it is best to build some rapport with her first, over time.

    This is because women are often hesitant to get personal with customers at work.

    Just ask this particular woman to help you with something at the shop.

    In the process of her helping you, ask her some lighthearted questions about herself.

    Perhaps you hear an accent and ask her if she is from a particular part of the country.

    She proceeds to tell you where she is from as she is in the process of helping you and you can use this to ask her further questions about where she is from.

    This is all lighthearted banter.

    After she has helped you, be sure to thank her and tell her your name.

    Come back to the shop relatively soon. No more than a week later.

    When you come in, be sure to mention a particular detail or more that she divulged when talking to you about where she was from the last time around.

    That will refresh her memory and will make her feel that much more special that you remembered those details.

    This is how you effectively build rapport with her over time.

    When you remember details in this way, she will be more open to divulging even more details about herself as time goes on with very little prompting from you, if any.

    Perhaps she moved from a part of the country that has a beach and she tells you about how much she misses it.

    Again, remember all the personal details that she gives you.

    You will use these details the next time around when you come back to the shop so as to trigger her memory and continuously build rapport.

    Eventually, she will start remembering and addressing you by name.

    She will look forward to talking to you.

    She will feel more of a personal connection with you.

    The kind that she doesn’t have with other clients.

    Once you have reached this point, flirt with her lightheartedly.

    It could be a compliment or flirtatious joke.

    If she responds positively to it by either complimenting you back or flirting back, you should use that as your opportunity to ask her out.

    Again Brad, whether you choose to approach a woman who works behind a counter at a shop or a woman in public, when you return to the forum, I want an account of what you have done.

    in reply to: Help :( #37741

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    Hi HM,

    Yes, there is a chance that he will respond to you.

    The good news is that he saw your text, which means that he hasn’t blocked you.

    This indicates that even after hanging up on you, he hasn’t been willing to completely sever his ties with you.

    As long as you don’t try to contact him from here on out and thereby give him an opportunity to start missing you, there is a chance that he will consequently respond to your text.

    in reply to: Looks #37740

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    Hi Andreas,

    Yes, looks matter to girls, especially the younger they are.


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    Hi Sammii,

    He may have said that he wants to be friends, but he may simply not be willing to be proactive in building a friendship.

    He is focused on other areas of priority in his life right now and building a friendship with you simply isn’t one of those areas.

    This is why it seems like he isn’t trying to get to know you.

    As of now, he doesn’t know all that much about you.

    Hence, there is really nothing for him to become intrigued by.

    Becoming intrigued can be a catalyst that makes him put out more effort to get to know you.

    If a part of you wants to pursue something romantic with him, leaving him alone or ignoring him is only going to make it that much more less likely that any kind of romance will ensue with him.

    The same applies if you think that giving him more time could make him come around.

    You could give him all the time in the world and he may still not come around.

    Next thing you know, he is no longer working at the retail store part time and you would have missed out on an opportunity for possible romance.

    You would have to become more proactive in getting him to know you if you hope to have any chance at romance in the future.

    This means that you can’t wait for him to initiate conversation with you.

    You will have to be the one to do this, at least for now.

    It may feel one-sided, but taking a more aggressive approach in getting him to know who and what you are about is what will increase the chances that he may become intrigued by you.

    All it will take is in him discovering something about you that really appeals to him and he may start taking more of an initiative to build a friendship with you.

    in reply to: How to ask out a girl #37736

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    Hi Myles,

    Thank you for the kind words and I am glad that the videos have been helpful to you.

    A good way to start talking to this girl is by simply finding something in common with her to start off with.

    You could talk to her about a class that you both share and ask her a question or an opinion in reference to something that was recently taught.

    Proceed to talk to her as often as you can when you encounter her in class.

    Start the process of building rapport with her by bringing up topics around feel-good topics such as music or even pop culture.

    You should ask her out not so long after you have established a decent amount of rapport with her.

    You will often know when this is if you notice that she is beginning to tease you or flirt with you.

    in reply to: He is too tired… #37735

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    Hi Selina,

    You should have a sit down and tell him about how you are feeling.

    If your boyfriend is always falling asleep in the middle of talking to you because he is tired, a 40 hour plus workweek is not a good enough excuse.

    It is his responsibility to get the appropriate sleep necessary each day in order to keep him alert.

    There is a good chance that your boyfriend may be spending the time in which he should be sleeping doing other unnecessary activities.

    When you have a sit down with him, find out what he does when he is not at work.

    If he is spending too much time playing video games, surfing through his social media or hanging with friends, these are areas that he should make adjustments to.

    It is all about time management.

    If he makes a conscientious effort to manage his time better, he will not be so tired whenever he talks to you to the point where he falls asleep in the middle of conversation.

    in reply to: Tried to date someone at work. #37713

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    Hi Jairo,

    If your co worker tried to ghost you after the first date, she most likely didn’t enjoy it or a particular part of it.

    If you noticed that the date ended weird, you must have sensed that something went wrong.

    Even though you don’t believe that you did anything wrong at the date, she must have felt differently.

    In taking her behavior to the point where she is now giving you the cold shoulder, there may have been something that you said or did on that first date that really turned her off.

    It is best to give her space at this time and try not to put yourself in one-on-one situations with her at work.

    This would only make her feel that much more uncomfortable.

    If you keep your distance, her behavior may become more friendly with time.

    in reply to: When he ignores your texts but still asks you out #37703

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    Hi Fran,

    When a guy ignores your texts but still asks you out, he is most likely keeping you around because it is convenient for him.

    He takes forever to reply to your texts or ignores them altogether even when you know that he is online and obviously available.

    This clearly shows that he has very little interest in truly getting to know you and allowing you to get to know him.

    He continues to ask you out because he may enjoy the fact that he has someone that he can call his girlfriend.

    This may be a huge boost to his ego, especially whenever he is around his friends.

    However, in ignoring your texts or taking forever to reply to them, he is clearly showing that he is not truly invested in building a stronger bond with you.

    Unfortunately, a guy who acts in this way will keep you around for as long as it is convenient for him.

    However, once someone else comes along that captures his attention, it is often easy for him to leave you for that new interest.

    in reply to: loner personality type #37673

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    Hi Jamal,

    It is unlikely that you have generally been unsuccessful with women due to a loner personality type.

    It may actually be due to a lack of authenticity and the likelihood that you have been trying too hard.

    When you try all kinds of pickup techniques with girls, they may be very aware of what you’re doing and this alone could turn them off.

    In the same vein, when you try too hard with girls, you can easily come off as desperate and this will turn them off as well.

    Something you can do is figure out who you are as a person and what you identify with.

    Girls tend to be very attracted to guys that are self-assured and know who they are and are unapologetic about it.

    Try not to play it so straight.

    Don’t be afraid to disagree or to say something that doesn’t conform to the norm.

    As long as you are truly showcasing who you are as a person, that kind of rebelliousness can actually be quite attractive to women.

    You make your own destiny.

    If you choose to be the best possible version of you that you can be, you will not be destined to be unsuccessful with women.

    in reply to: I approached a woman who works at my local store #37668

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    Hi Gavin,

    She may not have even known that you were walking on the same path.

    You may be reading too much into what she did.

    Perhaps she was having a difficult time adjusting her dog’s collar for a genuine reason.

    Her behavior doesn’t really indicate that she was showing signs of disinterest.

    Again, she may not have even known that you were walking on the same path.

    In essence, she may have been totally oblivious to your presence.

    This may have been why she did not look you in the eye.

    Though she may naturally be a shy and nervous person around people that she isn’t familiar or friendly with, in this particular occasion, she probably just didn’t see you.

    You may be reading too much into what happened.

    in reply to: Girl from the gym . How to proceed? #37652

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    Hi Karl,

    Next Sunday is crunch time.

    Let me know what happens for sure.

    All the best and thanks for your offer of support.

    in reply to: Girl from the gym . How to proceed? #37646

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    Hi Karl,

    The best way to proceed with this girl from the gym is to be more decisive.

    You should have asked for her number after she agreed to the coffee date.

    By the time you saw her two weeks later, she may have thought that perhaps you had forgotten about the date and thereby she didn’t say anything about it.

    You were worried about not coming off as thirsty if you were to start a conversation with her about the date and she was probably worried about the same thing.

    She may have wanted you to take the lead on this.

    After all, you were the one who asked her out.

    Again, you need to be more decisive with her.

    Next time that you meet her at the gym, ask her if she would like to meet up with you after her workout for juice or a beverage.

    Your gym may actually have either a juice or beverage bar within it or one that is close by.

    This move makes you come off as a lot more decisive and self-assured.

    Unfortunately, your indecisive behavior so far, may have closed your window of opportunity with her.

    However, that is not absolutely certain.

    This means that time is of the essence.

    Hence, the next time that you meet her at the gym, you need to make a decisive move in making that date happen.


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    Hi Alex,

    He may have said that he was thinking about breaking up with his girlfriend, but in the end, he never did.

    This means that he was most likely not entirely sure about breaking up with his girlfriend.

    He may have had some doubts about his relationship with her.

    However, since then, they may have been really getting along.

    As a result, he may have decided to stay with her and not break up.

    This happens quite often in relationships.

    One party thinks that they want to break up with the other, only to discover that they have gotten comfortable with that person and would much rather stay with them.

    Sometimes the idea of breaking up happens because of a disagreement or argument that occurred between both parties.

    However, if they make up, staying together tends to be a lot more appealing than venturing out into the world and trying to find a new partner.

    Hence why you have repeatedly seen this guy going out with his girlfriend in his Instagram stories.

    As human beings, we tend to want to stick with what we are comfortable with and what we know.

    in reply to: The girl I like is moving away #37635

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    Hi Arron,

    If the girl that you like is moving away, it wouldn’t be wise to do a long distance relationship with her.

    Even though the both of you got really close last night and kissed, that doesn’t mean that a long distance relationship would work.

    That may have been a moment of passion but when you are in a long distance relationship, that passion is often not enough to keep it going.

    A long distance relationship often requires incredible resilience, character, patience and perseverance.

    These are all qualities that are just as important as having passion.

    It is very difficult to maintain all of these qualities over a sustained period of time.

    Making a trip to see her every other month or once or twice a year is often not sufficient enough to assuage or satisfy the emotional and physical requirements of both parties involved.

    Hence, it would be best to make a clean break right now and avoid getting into a long distance relationship with her.

    in reply to: I am confused #37629

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    Hi Mo,

    Yes, you never seem attracted to any man that you meet because to some extent you have really gotten used to being on your own for the last five years since your divorce.

    Oftentimes, when people are away from the dating scene for that long, they can develop a sense of independence that makes them uneasy about allowing someone back into their life in a romantic capacity.

    It can actually be quite scary.

    They have gotten used to only having to worry about themselves and their children for that time frame.

    So now that they are considering dating again, opening themselves up to a romantic prospect can be scary.

    The control that they have gotten used to having for the length of time in which they haven’t been dating could be jeopardized if they allow themselves to open up to someone new.

    If you truly believe that you want to start dating again, it is best to approach it with more of a lighthearted mindset.

    Yes, it’s a good idea to practice dating.

    This means that, to start off with, it’s best to just go out on dates with several people and have fun.

    Get back into the groove of what it is like to chat, laugh and flirt with someone without any expectations of what may come out of it.

    Again, just have fun.

    The more dates that you go on with different guys and a lighthearted approach, the higher the likelihood that you will start to understand what it is that you need in order to be truly attracted to a guy.

    This discovery alone could be what opens you up to actually allowing romance to come back into your life after all this time.

    in reply to: I am confused #37626

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    You are welcome Mo.

    in reply to: I am confused #37622

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    Hi Mo,

    Yes, it would be better to not have him coach you.

    If he keeps coaching you, you are going to become more and more entranced by what he does.

    You may reach a point where you start telling yourself that it may not be such a bad idea to entertain a relationship with him.

    However, any kind of relationship with him would only be physical or casual in nature.

    Yes, you are making sense as far as not wanting to give him hope through continuing your workouts with him.

    Indeed, if you were to continue your workouts with him, he may use those sessions as his opportunity to keep making moves on you.

    Again, giving in to his advances would only lead to a long distance relationship that is casual in nature.

    This is the kind of relationship that you are not looking for.

    Hence, it would be wise to not have him as your coach any longer.

    in reply to: I am confused #37613

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    Hi Mo,

    His ex girlfriend may stalk you and want to know if are in contact with him because she hasn’t gotten over him.

    She may also want to gauge just how serious your relationship with him is and whether it goes beyond the fitness center.

    In other words, she may have befriended you because she wanted to discover if the both of you have more than a fitness coach and student relationship.

    She may be worried that you are both into each other romantically.

    He is willing to continue coaching you even though he moved out of state because he likes the fact that he can have that separation.

    He has told you in the past that he doesn’t believe in relationships.

    Guys like this will not mind getting involved in a long distance fling because they know that the distance gives them some cover.

    They don’t have to worry as much about the girl suddenly showing up at their door with a bunch of complaints about why she is being ignored or ghosted.

    He seems to have developed a physical attraction towards you.

    You did mention that you have never felt or looked better.

    Hence, you have become more physically attractive since he started coaching you.

    Also, he may feel a sense of ownership over your success.

    After all, he has bragged to people about the things that you are able to achieve.

    He feels that he is a big reason why you have achieved really good results with your workouts.

    Hence, there is a part of him that is also territorial when it comes to you.

    When there is a combination of physical attraction and territorial ownership, a guy can show signs of interest towards a woman.

    However, he is a busy person and he has moved out of state.

    If he were to start any kind of relationship with you, it would be strictly casual or sexual in nature.

    This is how he would want to keep it.

    He may not have had the best experience with his ex girlfriend.

    After all, she is currently stalking you.

    His experience with her may have been a big part of his current reasoning when it comes to relationships.

    As he told you, he simply doesn’t believe in them.

    in reply to: Need help , i hope you’ll read my little story #37609

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    Hi Mouh,

    Yes, you should give up on her.

    She told you that she has a boyfriend.

    There is nothing else to be said.

    Even though, on the Thursday before last, she made you feel as though she liked you because she was looking at you, playing with her hair, smiling and touched you with her legs, she still has a boyfriend.

    This means that she is not emotionally available to you.

    Sometimes, a girl can show a guy a lot of signs of interest.

    However, if she is in a relationship, those signs are merely temporary and of the moment.

    There is still someone that she thinks about a lot more deeply and that would be her boyfriend.

    It is best to not hold out any hope with this girl.

    She is just not available to you.

    in reply to: Ideal girl not bringing anything to her table #37608

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    Hi Vanessa,

    You shouldn’t believe what he says.

    If you were truly his ideal girl and he truly believes that he is not bringing anything to your table, he would strive to become that guy.

    He would want give you just as much as you give him.

    Instead of putting in the work to become what he believes would be your ideal guy, he tells you that he can’t commit to a relationship.

    This is a common way that people end relationships.

    It is easier to make it seem as though they are the ones holding you back than to be honest about the likelihood that they are either bored with the relationship or just want to be free.

    in reply to: Was I a nice guy? #37590

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    Hi Kane,

    No need to be scared that you acted as a “nice guy.”

    It is not that girls do not like nice guys.

    They just don’t like guys who are indecisive, grovel and always agree with them regardless of whether they have a varying or opposite opinion about something.

    There is nothing unattractive about being concerned for your crush’s well-being and asking her about how she is feeling.

    What you do need to do though is ask your crush out.

    Now, that is decisive. That is what girls like.

    A guy who goes after what he wants.

    If you just remain on the sidelines and make small talk with her from time to time, you will soon see her giggling as she exchanges flirty messages with her new boyfriend on her smartphone.

    Instead of worrying about whether you were a nice guy in asking her about how she feels and whether she is feeling better, your focus should be on asking her out the next time that you see her.

    Regardless of whether she agrees to go out with you or not, you would still be a winner for being decisive and going for what you wanted.

    That winning attitude is something that girls absolutely love.

    in reply to: She never texts first? #37585

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    Hi Diego,

    If you have already been out on several dates and she is still not initiating text conversations, it may be best to stop initiating texts and let her reach out to you.

    Even if it takes more than a couple of days for this to happen, it may be best for you to wait it out until she does.

    Upon waiting, if it takes her more than a week to initiate a text, you may have to accept the very strong likelihood that she is just not that into you.

    in reply to: Complimenting a girl #37581

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    Hi Shane,

    It is okay to use the word “beautiful” to compliment a girl you have known for a couple of weeks.

    It is not a turn off to the girl.

    However, it tends to be received best if used while in the process of a fun and engaging conversation that she is clearly enjoying.

    If you use the word after making her laugh or smile a number of times during a conversation, she would appreciate that you said it even more so than if you use the word out of the blue or at random.

    in reply to: I’m really stressed out man #37576

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    Hi JS,

    It is understandable that you would be stressed out by such a change to a relationship that was previously going so well for nearly 5 months.

    Unfortunately, seeing her for about 3-4 hours every 2 weeks is just not enough to maintain a healthy relationship.

    The same goes for how often you both communicate.

    If you are only now able to get an hour of conversation with her a day as opposed to how the both of you would talk for hours every night, the change in schools has most certainly affected your relationship in a negative way.

    You should let her know how you feel about the fact that the both of you only get to see each other for 3-4 hours every 2 weeks and barely talk as much as you used to.

    It is important to do this first so as to determine whether this is also bothering her.

    If it isn’t, this relationship is most likely close to ending and is basically on life support.

    However, if she does show the same kind of concerns, the next step would be to come up with practical ways to better the situation.

    An effective way to talk more would be to simply set aside a particular block of time each day that the both of you plan to talk.

    Being that you are seeing her a lot less than you used to, you should have a lot more video calls to each other than merely verbal calls.

    You both need to see each other visually as often as you can so that you are able to maintain the emotional connection.

    As far as only getting to see each other for 3-4 hours every 2 weeks, the both of you could come up with a way to improve that.

    There may be certain activities in your schedules that you can both give up in order to make more time to see each other.

    In essence, ditch the unimportant activities and make room to spend the time that you both would have spent engaged in those activities actually seeing each other.

    Again, all of these changes will only work or come to fruition if the both of you are willing to make this relationship work.

    The sooner you have the conversation with her about how you feel, the sooner you will find out where she stands.

    in reply to: She never texts first? #37570

    Luke
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    Hi Diego,

    She may never text you first because she is bored with the kind of texts that you send her.

    Hence, she may not feel inspired to initiate texts to you because she worries that she will not enjoy the conversation.

    Try sending her a different kind of text.

    Perhaps one that asks her a question about something that you know that she is interested in but has never gone into great detail about in your previous text conversations.

    If she responds positively to this kind of text, she may feel compelled to initiate a text to you the next time around.

    in reply to: Girl in my class #37554

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    Hi Gabriel,

    The fact that you and this girl in your class keep glancing at each other but never make eye contact may mean that you are both attracted to each other, but shy.

    This is also further indicated when the both of you try to look at each other at moments that the other isn’t looking.

    These are typically strong indications that the both of you are attracted to each other but are too shy to make eye contact and be found out.

    This is typical behavior when it comes to two shy people who are attracted to each other.

    in reply to: Dating foreign women abroad #37548

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    Hi Brad,

    On future encounters with foreign women that you may meet in Montenegro or some other country, simply approach them as you would a woman from your home country of Scotland.

    Regardless of ethnicity or nationality, there is a general rule of civility when it comes to approaching a stranger.

    Greet them, introduce yourself and proceed to ask them something that relates to the location that you are in.

    If the woman is comfortable with you, the conversation will consequently segue to other topics of mutual interest and this could lead to an opportunity to ask her out on a date.

    in reply to: I approached a woman who works at my local store #37525

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    Hi Gavin,

    It would be unlikely that you came across as creepy to this woman that you approached at your local store, as long as you were relatively confident in how you went about doing it.

    If anything, she was most likely really surprised that you had written your number down on the receipt and asked her to text you.

    Most girls, especially when they are at work can easily feel uncomfortable when a customer makes a pass at them.

    Whether the girl is confident or shy, she may react in the same way this particular girl did.

    Freeze up. Not say anything. Look away. Become nervous.

    Besides the likelihood that she either wasn’t attracted to you or already has a boyfriend, she may have never texted you afterward because of the manner in which you went about making a pass at her and how awkward and uneasy that made her feel.

    When most girls are working, they are not thinking about connecting with a customer romantically.

    They are just focused on work.

    Hence, if a customer were to make a pass at them, they may become incredibly unsure of what to do.

    Oftentimes, the way a girl responds to being approached at work depends on what kind of work she does.

    Girls who work at places like bars or restaurants are used to guys hitting on them.

    Hence, they would already know how to handle that situation with confidence.

    However, a girl who works at a local store would not often be all that experienced in how to handle a situation where a customer is making a pass at her.

    As a result, she may respond with a lot of uneasiness.

    Whether it is acceptable to approach women at their work often depends on how you go about doing it.

    Sometimes, it may be best to build a rapport with the female worker first and get her to feel comfortable with you before choosing to make a pass at her.

    Spending some time building this kind of rapport will often make her feel a lot more at ease with you, being that she feels as though she knows you.

    This helps to prevent that “creepy” feeling that you experienced when you wrote your number down on the receipt and asked her to text you.

    A good way to proceed with this is to use time to your advantage.

    She felt really awkward when you made your move.

    If you try to catch her again in order to get an answer, you may make her feel even more awkward as she wouldn’t want to be put on the spot.

    Girls don’t like to be confronted in this manner, especially at work.

    Let things die down a little.

    Create some distance between you and this incident over the course of a few weeks.

    At this point, if you still feel the need to talk to her, you can return to the local store.

    However, this time around, you should tell her that you didn’t mean to put her on the spot when you wrote your number down and asked her to text you.

    Properly introduce yourself and ask her about some item in the local store that you are interested in.

    This is how you begin the process of lowering her guard and making her feel more comfortable with you.

    From here, you could visit the local store semi-regularly, be polite in greeting her, briefly talk about something to do with your day and wish her a good day.

    In time, she may get comfortable enough with you that she starts referencing you by name and even asks you something in reference to what you told her the last time that you talked to her.

    By building rapport with her in this way, you may soon find an opportunity to ask her out directly. However, this time, she would be prepared for it and may just say yes.

    in reply to: What does he want #37518

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    Hi Ana,

    He may be wanting to hang out for a little bit and talk or watch a movie because he may be flirting with the idea of what it would be like to be more than a FWB.

    Now that some time has elapsed since the both of you became friends with benefits and started hooking up, he may have reached the point where he wants to spend more time with you.

    He may actually be just as confused as you are in terms of what he wants.

    Initially, he may have thought that he just wanted to be a FWB.

    However, his desires may be changing.

    At this time, he may be trying to see whether there is more to your relationship with him than merely physical chemistry.

    If he discovers that he doesn’t really feel that much chemistry with you when he hangs out with you, he may stop trying to hang out with you and revert back to only being a FWB.

    However, until he finds that out, he may continue trying to hang out with you.

    in reply to: Why is this girl doing this? #37512

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    Hi Steve,

    Her best friend most likely knows that you asked her out and that you have a crush on her.

    Whenever he jokes in the way he does, he may actually be referencing you.

    It may not be a coincidence that he has mentioned “her crush” or talked about “gifting herself a boyfriend from the class” when he has walked passed you with her by his side.

    He may be teasing her when he does this and wants you to hear it.

    Perhaps he is trying to goad her to start looking at you as a romantic prospect.

    Being that he is her best friend, he may feel comfortable teasing her in this way just to make her feel a little self-conscious.

    Again, it is highly likely that she has told him that you asked her out.

    It would not be a good idea to invite her to hang out just to take away your doubt.

    She has already told you that she only sees you as a friend.

    If you were to ask her to hang out, you would be doing so with the hope that she could start looking at you as more of a romantic prospect.

    She doesn’t see you in this way.

    The sooner you accept that, the quicker and easier it will be for you to move on.

    in reply to: Why is this girl doing this? #37505

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    Hi Steve,

    She may be doing all of these things because she misses having you as a friend.

    After you asked her out in February and she told you that she only sees you as a friend, your relationship with her hasn’t been as close.

    She may miss that.

    She may have invited you to play cards and offered you cake because she wants the both of you to become friendly again.

    When she stares at you and looks away when you try to look back at her, those may be moments where she is thinking about the moment that you asked her out.

    She may be daydreaming when she does this as she recalls that moment.

    This may also lead to her thinking about how much her relationship with you has deteriorated since she turned you down.

    She asked the friend to ask you if you needed anything for the science event instead of asking you directly because she may feel awkward about her current relationship with you.

    She doesn’t know how far she can go or whether you would even entertain her wanting to be nice and caring towards you.

    In other words, she may be worried that you dislike or detest her due to the fact that she turned you down when you asked her out.

    What she seems to want is to become a real friend to you again.

    That may be why she is doing all these things.

    She may want to go back to how it used to be between the both of you before you asked her out.

    in reply to: question #37495

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    Hi Skywalker,

    This is where all of this ended because she may have come to a point where she just realized that she couldn’t see herself dating you over the long term.

    She did tell you that you both have different life situations.

    Perhaps she felt as though you weren’t at the stage in life that she would want a potential romantic partner to be at.

    She may have dated you for about a month in the hopes that she will come to accept you, regardless of her doubts about where the both of you are in life.

    However, after a month of dating you, she may have realized that she was just unable to come to terms with the differences.

    Hence, it is unlikely that she just suddenly thought to pull the plug and end it.

    There is a good chance that she was already worried that this may happen at some point if she was unable to come to terms with the differences between the both of you.

    in reply to: Confused #37489

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    Hi James,

    If you are always the one who initiates conversation and she sometimes takes 1-2 days to text back, she doesn’t like you wholeheartedly.

    She doesn’t think of you as much of a priority.

    When she has nothing else planned, she has been fine with going out on a date with you.

    She is attracted enough to you that she has paid for the two dates that you have been on, given you a gift on the last one and invited you back to her place to Netflix and stuff.

    However, once she is done with the date, she is not thinking about you all that much.

    This is why she left your message on read when you thanked her for the day.

    You should not keep pursuing her.

    She has been interacting with you for the last month.

    That is more than enough time for her to know whether she is into you or not.

    Her behavior so far has shown that she is very lukewarm when it comes to you.

    She would not be someone worth pursuing any longer.

    in reply to: Ignoring #37484

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    Hi Jason,

    This girl that you like is most likely ignoring you because you have been ignoring her.

    Choosing to ignore her in the hopes that she will chase you only works when you have put in the right kind of work beforehand to make her intrigued by you.

    You skipped that part.

    In your current situation, it may be best to simply come right out and either tell her how you feel about her or ask her out.

    in reply to: Was there any hope in this guy ? #37470

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    Hi Radwa,

    If the both of you had gone on a date much earlier on, there may have been hope as far as this guy is concerned.

    However, the longer it took to go out on a date, the more that hope diminished.

    It is unlikely that this guy felt a lack of chemistry with you at the date because you were intimidating or exuded an unwelcoming vibe.

    It is also unlikely that it was because you didn’t feed his ego enough and did not ask him about himself.

    It may simply be because he had built up what he thought you would be like in his mind and upon interacting with you at the date, you weren’t what he expected.

    This often happens when too much time elapses before two people who are attracted to each other finally go out on a date.

    One party or both may build up an incredibly unrealistic picture of what the other is like in real life.

    You stated that this guy had been wanting to go out with you for two years.

    During those two years, he may have created the perfect picture in his mind of what you are like.

    He did say that he wanted someone like his sister.

    Perhaps, over the course of the two years, he had imagined a person with some of the characteristics or personality traits that his sister has.

    When he finally met you, you didn’t possess those qualities and he became disappointed.

    It was hard for him to just let go of the fantasy of what he was hoping to meet.

    As a result, he closed himself off emotionally.

    He thought that you were a nice enough person but simply couldn’t get over the fact that you weren’t what he had built up in his mind for the last two years.

    By saying that it is all about him and not you, he was indicating that he had built you up to such a level in his own mind that he is simply unable to accept you for who you truly are in real life.

    He wasn’t necessarily trying to be nice.

    He was trying to be as honest as he could be, in the hopes that this was good enough.

    He didn’t go into a detailed explanation because he already feels awkward about his reasoning.

    He may also feel that it wouldn’t be fair to you to explain that, for the last two years, he created a fantastical version of who he thought you were in his mind, only to become disappointed when you didn’t live up to that version when he finally met you.

    in reply to: How to advance? #37466

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    You are welcome TBJ.

    in reply to: How to advance? #37464

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    Hi TBJ,

    In order to advance and turn this dating thing into a relationship, you should make sure that you have spent quality time truly getting to know this person and sharing your lives.

    Also make sure that you are dating someone who is looking for the same kind of relationship that you are.

    Spending meaningful time together and ensuring that you are dating someone who is also looking for a relationship is crucial.

    If you take care of these areas, advancing from dating to a relationship would simply require that you ask the person if they would like to.

    in reply to: Music #37455

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    Hi Brad,

    A way that you can go about approaching a woman of interest at a metal concert would be to ask her for her top five favorite metal bands.

    This is a great way to open up a conversation with her and give yourself an opportunity to relate to her.

    If she were to mention some bands that you have some kind of history with or affinity for, you could use your knowledge about the bands to forge more of a connection with her.

    You could share information with her about those bands that she may not even be familiar with.

    This further increases the likelihood that you could connect with her.

    Establishing that initial connection is often what will make a woman feel more relaxed and open to continuing the conversation, thereby giving yourself more of an opportunity to keep relating to her.

    Dating someone who isn’t into the same kind of music that you are into is not necessarily a problem.

    Even though the both of you may not be into the same kind of music, you could still connect on other commonalities.

    in reply to: Someone I like on Facebook/Instagram #37453

    Luke
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    You are welcome Brad.

    in reply to: Someone I like on Facebook/Instagram #37447

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    Hi Brad,

    It would be a good idea to get these women that you like from Facebook and Instagram to notice you first.

    If you want to get to know them, merely messaging them is most likely not going to be very effective.

    Trying to find a girlfriend through Facebook and Instagram is not the best way to go about trying to find one.

    You will be in competition with lots of other guys that are trying to get their attention and being that they don’t know you, the likelihood that they will ignore your message or request is very strong.

    Hence why, you will need to get them to notice you first if you want to have the highest probability of getting to know them.

    This means that you should start following who they follow and model your Facebook and Instagram accounts around topics that they are passionate about.

    This is often how they will find you.

    If you show similar interests in what you post on your Facebook and Instagram accounts, and you have really eye-catching posts, there is a chance that they will either come across your account or become aware of you through a friend or follower.

    Once they start liking your posts and pics, you would have their attention.

    This is when you will have the opportunity to open up conversation with them.

    This strategy dramatically increases the likelihood that they will respond to you.

    Unfortunately, it also requires several months of build up and even then, there are no absolute guarantees that they will discover you.

    However, it is still a better strategy than simply sending these two women who don’t know you some random messages in the hopes that they take an interest in getting to know you.

    All in all, trying to meet girls that you don’t know through Facebook and Instagram or some form of social media is not often the most rewarding way to go about meeting girls.

    If you want something faster and more rewarding, it would be best to focus on either trying online dating or meeting girls in real life.

    in reply to: Online dating #37446

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    You are welcome Brad.

    in reply to: Online dating #37437

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    Hi Brad,

    A major problem may be that you are not having a sufficient amount of conversations with women when online dating.

    Also, you may not necessarily be on a dating site that works best for you.

    The dating site that you are using, Plenty Of Fish, may not fit your personality or what you may even be looking for in a relationship.

    After all, you have been using it for three years.

    This is why it is often a good idea to be using multiple dating apps or be on multiple online dating sites at the same time, at least initially.

    This way, you can determine which dating site works best for you.

    Fake accounts on online dating sites are a major problem.

    You are not the only one who receives messages from fake accounts.

    It’s always a good idea to report these fake accounts to Plenty Of Fish whenever you receive messages from them.

    They will most likely remove the fake account. This helps in reducing the amount of messages that you receive from accounts like this.

    If you are finding it difficult to get replies to the messages that you send to women on the dating site that you are using, you should start writing better messages.

    One of the most effective ways to write a good first message is to ask an open-ended question about something that the woman wrote in great detail and with a lot of passion in her dating profile.

    This is how you can start a conversation on a dating site.

    Asking her a relevant open-ended question is often what will inspire or motivate her to respond to your message.

    There will always be women who won’t reply to your messages regardless of what you write.

    Try not to take this personally.

    Just make sure that you are sending thoughtful and substantive messages to as many women of interest as you can when you are using a dating site.

    Being that you have only had one to two conversations with women on Plenty Of Fish, it is not surprising that you have never gotten a date.

    You will need to engage with a lot more women on a dating site in order for you to increase the chances of getting a date.

    Online dating is a numbers game.

    The more women that you engage with, the higher the likelihood that you will get a date.

    Instead of wondering whether perhaps you are the problem because of all of the success that other guys seem to have on dating sites, focus more so on your strategy.

    Join multiple dating apps or dating sites at a time, at least three.

    Start sending relevant open-ended questions as your first email to women of interest.

    Work on making sure that you have very effective photos on your dating profile that showcase your personality and lifestyle.

    Report fake accounts to the dating site.

    Try making these changes and hopefully, your luck will change when it comes to online dating.


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    Hi Aggie,

    This nice new guy on set that you have fallen for is most likely just being nice to you.

    The 10 year age difference may not necessarily be a problem if the both of you just don’t care about that.

    However, if he has a child and is also in a relationship, that does create a totally different dynamic from what you are used to.

    Yes, this may be too much to get involved with.

    All of that notwithstanding, there’s a good chance that he has been acting nice towards you simply because he is trying to make a work friend.

    He has come to your table, apparently with the person that he is in a romantic relationship with.

    If he was actually interested in you romantically, he would not do that.

    He would want to talk to you on more of a one on one basis.

    Even though he tends to talk to you and nobody else as far as when you are with other people, it is most likely simply because he feels more comfortable talking to you than most people.

    Again, he may be looking for a work friend.

    People do this all the time at work.

    They may not necessarily like most of the people that they work with.

    As a result, they try to find a handful of people that they feel that they can get along with and try to befriend them.

    It seems as though you are a person that he was trying to befriend so as to have a good work buddy.

    Even though he stuck his tongue out at you that one time and you felt lost in his eyes when you first saw him, there is really nothing there to indicate that he was liking you in the same way or that he stuck his tongue out at you because he was flirting with you.

    He may have simply stuck his tongue out at you because he was being playful.

    Being playful with someone that he felt could become a work buddy.

    His intention to make you his work buddy may be why he suggested working together in his department.

    However, since you gave him your number, he has not used it.

    He has not called or texted you.

    If he was truly romantically interested in you, he would’ve taken advantage of the fact that you gave him your number and he would have contacted you very soon after receiving it.

    Now that your ex has come back into your life, you have a big decision to make.

    It took you a while to move forward from your ex emotionally and open yourself up to the possibility of dating someone else.

    That is a lot of progress.

    Over the course of the last year or so since the breakup, you don’t really know what your ex has been doing as far as his depression, childhood trauma and anxiety is concerned.

    You don’t really know if he put in any work towards overcoming those issues and if he did, how much progress he has made.

    If he hasn’t done any work on himself, then he is still essentially the same guy that he was when he broke up with you.

    In other words, he is still dealing with those emotional issues.

    So, if you were to decide to get back with him, things may be fine for a little while, but eventually, the problems will come up again and he may end up breaking your heart all over again.

    Unless you are truly able to determine that he has put in the work on himself and overcome his depression, childhood trauma and anxiety, which in only just over a year since the breakup he most likely hasn’t, it would not be wise to even consider getting back with him.

    At this time, yes, you should forget about both guys.

    The guy that you have met on set is most likely not romantically interested in you and is only looking to have a work friend.

    And, your ex has most likely come back into your life because he misses you, but at the same time, there is a strong likelihood that he hasn’t put in the work necessary to improve himself and overcome his emotional issues.

    Just over a year or so since the breakup is just not enough time to do all that work, especially being that so much of his emotional issues are rooted in his childhood.

    Exploring life on your own right now by traveling is a great idea.

    As you stated, it would be a good idea to clear your mind a little more.

    This will even possibly help you strengthen your sense of self-worth and give you a better idea of where you want your life to go.

    It may not be a good idea to go back on set next year in order to see how your new interest is doing.

    Having this kind of mentality may keep you stuck in the past when you should actually be moving forward.

    It is best to just keep your mind open, go on this traveling adventure and let life happen.

    You’re in a much healthier place today both mentally and emotionally than you were after the breakup about a year or so ago.

    It is best to continue that momentum, instead of going backward.

    in reply to: No Contact Rule #37373

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    Hi Josh,

    Don’t worry about when you should text her back again.

    Just allow this no contact rule strategy that you are using to play out first.

    If you develop the mentality of wondering about when you should text her back again, this no contact rule strategy will not last very long.

    In other words, you will not have the patience to give this no contact rule strategy the amount of time it requires to see whether it actually works.

    Also, don’t worry about what you should tell her.

    There is a good chance that if this no contact rule strategy works, you will not even have to worry about when you should text her again or what you should tell her.

    In essence, at this point, she would be the one both initiating and leading the conversation.

    in reply to: No Contact Rule #37371

    Luke
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    Hi Josh,

    Yes, you should ignore all her snaps.

    You shouldn’t open them at all.

    If you are applying the no contact rule, risking the possibility that ignoring her snaps will make her choose to stop sending you snaps altogether is part of the equation.

    If you are too worried about this happening, you may not be ready to apply the no contact rule.

    in reply to: Should I delete the guy that rejected me on Facebook? #37369

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    Hi Megan,

    It is not weak or immature to delete the guy that rejected you on Facebook.

    Your mental and emotional well-being comes first.

    If those aren’t healthy, your consequent behavior could affect a lot more than your friendship with this guy.

    It could affect the relationships that you have with other people that you care about in your life in a negative way.

    If you can’t see yourself being able to be friends with him on Facebook because you like him, it would be best to delete him so that you can move on emotionally.

    At some point in time, when you have gotten over him emotionally, you could try to become friends with him on Facebook again if you so choose.

    However, in order to avoid further emotional stress when it comes to this guy, you may be better off deleting him at this time.

    in reply to: No Contact Rule #37365

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    Hi Josh,

    It would be best not to open the snap that she sent you.

    Yes, leaving her snap on open without answering it may give her the impression that you are ignoring her to some extent.

    However, if you were to keep opening her snaps without answering, she may get the impression that you are playing a game with her.

    This may actually make her upset.

    She may decide to retaliate by ignoring you entirely.

    If this happens, you would have given her the motivation to start ignoring you because she would believe that you are playing some kind of game with her.

    This may defeat the purpose of getting her to start missing you.

    An effective execution of the no contact rule is when you leave her constantly doubting herself about what is happening between the both of you.

    If you make it too apparent that you are actually trying to ignore her, it may make you look weak in her eyes and she may start ignoring you as well just to spite you.

    That is the danger of using a strategy of opening a snap but not answering it.

    The no contact rule is not about you desperately trying to “show” her that you are ignoring her.

    It is about you not acknowledging her in any capacity whatsoever.

    Again, if you try too hard to “show” her that you are ignoring her, she may simply decide to return the favor out of spite.

    This emotional response will not leave much room for her to start missing you.

    in reply to: No Contact Rule #37361

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    Hi Josh,

    Yes, eye contact breaks the no contact rule.

    Remember, the idea is to give your crush the impression that you have completely forgotten about them and no longer care. As far as you’re concerned, they don’t even exist.

    If she sends you a snap, you should not open it.

    By not opening it, you will make her start wondering why you are seemingly ignoring her.

    These are the kinds of thoughts that may start making her worry about her relationship status with you.

    If you are able to also show that you are building new relationships with, preferably, other girls, through your social media posts, this also could help tremendously in making her feel a sense of competition and stakes.

    Seeing this alone on your social media posts could be what makes her decide to unfriendzone you out of fear that she’s about to lose your attention and adoration.

    in reply to: No Contact Rule #37356

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    Hi Josh,

    Yes, if you view the Snapchat story of this crush who friendzoned you, you are breaking the no contact rule.

    The idea of the no contact rule is to give the other person the impression that you have completely forgotten about them and moved on with your life.

    This means that, they can’t have the sense that you are still snooping around and trying to see what they are up to.

    If they feel like you are still snooping around, they will not really have the opportunity to start missing you because they will know that you are still around.

    If you have decided to apply the no contact rule, you will have to go all in for it to have any chance of working.

    This means that your crush can’t get any kind of impression that you are still looking them up or thinking about them.

    This also applies to mutual friends that the both of you may have.

    You can’t be talking about her to them.

    If you do, one or more of them could inform her about it and then she will know that you’re still asking or talking about her.

    Again, this defeats the purpose of trying to get her to miss you.

    If you want to effectively apply the no contact rule, you should avoid all mentions of her to mutual friends and make sure that you stay away from her in every capacity on social media.

    in reply to: Texting #37353

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    Hi Ari,

    This guy may have just randomly stopped texting you because he got bored with the conversations.

    Perhaps the both of you were constantly talking about the same topics and he may have felt as though the conversations had gone as far as they could go.

    Being that the both of you have been texting each other non stop for three weeks, he may have simply run out of stuff to talk to you about.

    If you look back on the last three weeks that you have both been texting each other and discover that he was the one who was primarily keeping the text conversations going and coming up with new topics, that may have been where you went wrong.

    He may have just randomly stopped texting you because he got tired of having to be the one to keep the conversations going.

    in reply to: The guy I am talking to is being mean and ignoring me #37347

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    Hi Noemi,

    The guy that you are talking to is being mean and ignoring you because he knows that there is a part of you that wants more out of this interaction.

    He knows that you may even already be emotionally invested in him and he really doesn’t want to get to that point with you.

    So far, he has demonstrated that he only wants to have a casual non-committed relationship with you.

    This is why he tends to ignore your texts for hours or days.

    He told you that he has never been good with girls.

    What he meant by telling you this is, he is not the kind of guy who commits.

    More than likely, girls that he has dated in the past have wanted to get into a relationship with him and he has never been the kind to want to stay in a committed relationship.

    He is worried that if he were to allow himself to see you more and text you more and respond to your texts more frequently and punctually, you would start developing the sense that this interaction is headed towards a committed relationship.

    As a result, he holds himself back from getting too close to you so that you don’t develop these kind of expectations and you don’t develop emotional feelings for him that are just too deep.

    This is also why he can be mean and ignore you at times.

    He just doesn’t want the relationship to get to a point where you start feeling comfortable and think that something more substantial is going to come out of it.

    He snapchatted you just recently as though nothing had even happened between the both of you because he doesn’t want to let go of his connection with you.

    In other words, he still wants to be able to interact with you whenever he chooses without the pressure of feeling as though he has to be more than just a guy that you see from time to time.

    In other words, he wants to keep this relationship on his own terms.

    Hence, he can be mean to you one minute by sending you a rude text and the next minute, he can snapchat you as though nothing happened.

    If you want a committed relationship out of this interaction, this is not the right guy.

    He has made it clear that he worries that if the both of you see each other all the time, you’ll catch feelings and then get hurt.

    Hence, he already knows that he would not be a good candidate for you in terms of a committed relationship partner.

    As long as you are a willing participant in his game, he will continue to have these moments where he’s mean to you or ignores you that are then followed up with him sending you a message as though nothing happened.

    However, if you actually want to be in a committed relationship with a guy, continuing to communicate with this particular guy may not be the best idea.

    He would be too much of a mental block that would keep your mind from opening itself up to someone else.

    You have to decide whether you want to remain in his life or not.

    in reply to: Crush?? #37335

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    Hi Tionna,

    Your crush may come into class sighing very obnoxiously every morning because he may be trying to get someone in particular to notice him.

    Perhaps he hopes this person will use the fact that he is sighing as a conversation starter at some point during the class or afterward.

    Thereby, yes, he may be trying to get someone’s attention.

    This is especially true if you notice that when he obnoxiously sighs, he consistently looks at the same direction in class.

    If his head is constantly drawn to the same direction whenever he comes into class and sighs, there is a good chance that the person that he is hoping to catch the attention of is positioned in that general direction.

    Yes, he may need someone to talk to.

    However, he most likely would prefer it if the person that he directs his obnoxious sighs to, takes the initiative in starting a conversation with him.

    in reply to: Gf and I broke up because she was not ready #37331

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    Hi Mona,

    What a mature way for the both of you to handle this difficult situation.

    Giving each other space until you are both ready to continue a close friendship is a very wise decision.

    Thank you for your kind comments and I truly appreciate that you have taken time out of your day to watch my YouTube videos over the years.

    All the best with getting busy with your life.

    There is so much good out there waiting for you. All you have to do is open yourself up to the possibilities and be proactive.

    in reply to: Gf and I broke up because she was not ready #37326

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    Hi Mona,

    If your girlfriend broke up with you because she was not ready due to work, school and family getting in the way, you shouldn’t make the mistake of hanging on.

    If she wants to stay close friends, this could be a very tricky situation for you.

    Being that you are still emotionally attached to her and would much rather that she be your girlfriend, you may be unable to truly be a platonic friend to her at this current time.

    Every time that you interact with her as a close friend, you will be hoping that she changes her mind and tells you that she is ready to be your girlfriend again.

    This is never a good position to put yourself in.

    Hence, it may be best to create some distance between you and her until you have allowed your emotional attachment to her to wear out.

    By allowing yourself to let go of her emotionally, it will be easier for you to be her friend.

    However, if you decide to remain close friends with her because you are hoping that she will change her mind and decide to become your girlfriend again, you would be undertaking a dangerous gamble that most likely won’t pay off.

    in reply to: Is he flirting, Playing or just treating me as his sister #37323

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    Hi Pari,

    He is playing.

    There are guys who like to play with girls because they know that this will often make the girl uneasy and unsure about why the guy keeps doing this.

    It is often a way for the guy to exert a degree of control over the girl’s thoughts and emotions.

    Indeed, there is a part of him that wants to flirt with you.

    This is the side that you see when he is drunk and starts becoming very touchy and frisky with you.

    When he is drunk, he is not as guarded as he normally is when sober, due to the alcohol.

    Hence, that side of him that does want to flirt with you comes out.

    However, when he is sober, he gets mean again because he has more control over his actions and he wants to get back the control over you that he may have lost when he was drunk.

    It’s unlikely that he is treating you as his sister.

    He wouldn’t get touchy and frisky with you when he gets drunk if he was trying to treat you as he would his sister.

    You are dealing with a guy who may simply be too worried about making himself vulnerable to you if he were to tell you that he actually is attracted to you.

    Instead, he would much rather pick on you because that allows him to keep his emotional defenses up and also get some pleasure out of exerting a degree of control over you.

    in reply to: Why is he leading me on? #37318

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    Hi Bernice,

    If you feel that he is leading you on, you need to ask yourself why you suspect that he likes you.

    If you have noticed certain signs in the past that made you suspect that he likes you, you may not be the only one that he shows those kind of signs to.

    There are guys who just like it when they are able to observe how a girl responds to their supposed signals of interest.

    This doesn’t mean that they are necessarily interested in the girl.

    They may just want to experience the sense of empowerment that they feel when they are able to influence a girl’s thoughts, emotions and behavior.

    His ex girlfriend may be copying your style because she may get the sense that he has some kind of attraction towards you.

    In order to keep his attention completely focused on her, she may be copying your style so that he doesn’t feel the need to direct his attention towards you.

    Again, the mixed signals that you are getting may simply be due to a guy who wants to see how he can influence you emotionally, mentally and behaviorally, without him feeling any desire to take things further by talking to you or even asking you out.

    He doesn’t talk to you at all.

    This is often an indication that he only wants to keep this game of influence nonverbal and nothing more.

    in reply to: Why don’t I attract any men #37315

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    Hi Verna,

    It must truly be frustrating when you are finding it hard to attract the right kind of men for you.

    If your friends find it so easy to get men to direct message them on Instagram, it may be to your benefit to talk to your friends about what they are doing.

    Perhaps, they will be able to give you some tips.

    Now, the reason why the right kind of men aren’t approaching you when you go out may be due to your body language.

    If you have negative or uninviting body language, many men, especially men around your age of 27 will feel intimidated to approach you.

    The older men in their 50’s and 60’s will approach you anyway because they have a lot of life experience and just don’t feel like they have anything to lose.

    However, if you want to attract guys around your age, you should ensure that your body language is more inviting when you go out.

    Smile constantly, make eye contact and keep your body loose.

    In other words, try not to stiffen up when you go out by crossing your arms across your chest or keeping your posture very immobile or wooden.

    Be animated when you talk, move your hands and your body.

    Also, make sure that you break away from your friends and be alone for certain periods of time when you go out.

    Many younger men are intimidated to approach a woman when she is in a crowd of her friends or even with just one friend.

    Go off someplace else in the location and just hang there alone for a little while.

    Maintain positive body language throughout.

    Make eye contact and smile at men who may be looking in your direction.

    If you do this right and often, you will dramatically increase the likelihood that a man will approach you.

    in reply to: Married man sends mixed signals #37310

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    Hi Tiffany,

    This married man may be sending you mixed signals because he is wrestling with whether he should allow himself to pursue you or not.

    On the days that he flirts with you, he may be giving in to just how much he is attracted to you and isn’t letting anything get in his way mentally.

    However, on the days that he ignores you and gets angry with you, this may be his conscience making him feel that as a married man he shouldn’t be trying to flirt with you.

    Hence, he takes out his mental frustration on you.

    As far as what you should do, it may be best to only maintain a professional relationship with this married man and avoid flirting with him.

    This way, you don’t put yourself in the difficult position of falling for him.

    Falling for him could open up a whole new chapter in your life that causes a lot of mental stress and anxiety.

    in reply to: I think a man wasted my time #37304

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    Hi Paige,

    It is understandable that you would feel as though this guy wasted your time.

    He may have completely ignored you and never said a word because he felt unsure about how to go about interacting with you in real life.

    It was a lot easier for him to throw subliminal messages at you on social media because he wasn’t interacting with you face to face.

    However, when you showed up at the event, everything suddenly got real.

    He may have just felt incredibly anxious about talking to you in a real life setting.

    As a result, he may have chosen to ignore you so as not to put himself in an awkward position where he wouldn’t quite know how to keep a conversation with you interesting, continuous and fun.


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    Hi Marino,

    Yes, a girl could reject you because she is best friends with your ex.

    She may just feel awkward about the prospect of dating you when she knows that her best friend has dated you in the past.

    There may be worry that she would be disrespecting her best friend to some extent, if she were to date you.

    Also, her best friend may have told her a number of negative stories about you that may have turned her off.

    in reply to: she wants to come to my house #37298

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    Hi James,

    She may have told you that she doesn’t remember anything because she may feel somewhat awkward and confused.

    Yes, the fact that she is shy may have a little bit to do with it.

    However, it may mostly be just a sense of awkwardness and confusion.

    She doesn’t quite know what all of this means.

    She doesn’t quite know where things should go from here between the both of you.

    She may even still have some feelings for her boyfriend that she is finding hard to let go of.

    By telling you that she doesn’t remember, it will give her more time to figure out where she stands emotionally and whether she would want to keep her relationship with you platonic, pursue romance or simply engage in physical intimacy and nothing more.

    in reply to: 3years Talking but never met. #37294

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    Hi Pranali,

    He may be making no effort to meet because he doesn’t want to have a long distance relationship with you.

    Even though the both of you have been talking for 3 years, he may be perfectly content with keeping his interaction with you on social media and nothing more.

    He may be worried that if he were to let you come and meet him, you would expect him to also come and meet you the next time around.

    He may not want to put this kind of effort into seeing you, being that he lives far away.

    Even though you may have feelings for this guy, there is a good chance that he doesn’t have the same kind of feelings for you.

    Perhaps there is someone else that he likes romantically who lives closer to him.

    This may be making him unwilling to take his relationship with you to the next level.

    Regardless of his reasoning, he has clearly shown that he only wants to keep his relationship with you relegated to social media and nothing more.

    in reply to: Too much pressure #37289

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    Hi Luce,

    He doesn’t seem to want to be in a committed relationship anymore.

    He doesn’t want to have to deal with the responsibilities that come with being in a committed relationship, particularly when it comes to appeasing or satisfying your emotions.

    When you sent him that angry short message because you believed that he was playing with you, that may have been the moment where he decided that it was time to break away from you.

    There is a sense of pressure that he does feel when it comes to being in a relationship with you.

    The pressure may have been there for a while, even before the family issues arose.

    What you can do in your current position is to continue giving him space.

    Live your life fully.

    Appear as though you are happy in your life as opposed to constantly thinking about him all the time.

    As long as you are consistent in doing this and make sure that you don’t initiate contact with him, there is a chance that he may come to miss you and contact you.

    in reply to: I ignore my crush and regret it until now #37287

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    Hi Kezia,

    Yes, you should go for it.

    He may also be a shy guy. This may be why he looked away when the both of you made eye contact that one time.

    After you coldly replied to him when he greeted you, he may be worried that you don’t like him.

    It would be best to talk to him.

    You don’t have to get into detail about how you feel about him.

    Just be honest about wanting to get to know him better.

    This alone could be enough to make him start looking at you as a possible romantic prospect.

    in reply to: Text from an ex to meet up – help! #37284

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    Hi Priska,

    1. He is most likely not waiting in order to lose all feeling for you so that he can meet up without any emotional attachments. You both dated for a little over 1.5 years and had an amicable breakup. There may still be a part of him that wants to treasure the best parts of the relationship being that it appears to have been quite a good relationship while it lasted. Hence, he may actually not want to lose his emotional attachments to you because doing so would mean that he won’t be able to reflect and take enjoyment in the good times that you both had during your 1.5 year relationship.

    2. Indeed, there may be another girl that he is trying to get. However, he may not necessarily think that meeting with you will distract him. He may be more so worried that this other girl may somehow find out about this meeting and that could jeopardize his chances with her.

    3. If he graduated with a masters in April and still doesn’t have a job, yes, he may be more focused on getting one above anything else at this time. However, this doesn’t mean that he isn’t open to dating. He may not necessarily be open to getting into a relationship that causes deep emotional attachments at this time. However, he may still be open to just dating around or talking to women, even if he may not have a job at the moment.

    4. He may actually be waiting to meet up with you because he is still trying to see whether he would prefer being single at this time. He was with you for a little over 1.5 years. There may be a part of him that is actually relishing his freedom to some extent at this time. Hence, he may simply want to discover if he can actually be happy just being single. He may have told you that he “prefers to wait now” because he still wants to see if he can handle life being single without the responsibility of being in a long-term relationship. So far, he may still not have reached the point where he misses you so badly that he wants to see you. He may get to that point or he may not. This may be what he is testing out. Until he knows for certain, he may choose to continue procrastinating on meeting you.

    in reply to: contact him? #37280

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    Hi Anna,

    Yes, you should go for it.

    He may be one of those guys who thinks that it is best to wait a while before texting a girl after a first date so as not to appear too needy.

    However, even if this is the case, still go ahead and text him.

    Keeping the momentum going, particularly after a good first date is often what leads to even better and more consistent future dates.

    in reply to: no contact after we hangout #37278

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    Hi Olivia,

    He most likely just wanted sex.

    It took him six months to contact you after the first one night stand and he only did it because he had recently broken up with his girlfriend.

    The fact that he has yet to contact you since the most recent hookup is showing the same pattern of behavior.

    Repeated patterns of behavior normally indicate that you are dealing with someone who is fully aware of what they are doing.

    In your case, he is not really trying to see where things go.

    He came over in order to hook up.

    If you hear from him again, it would most likely be because he is looking for another hookup and nothing more.

    in reply to: she wants to come to my house #37274

    Luke
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    Hi James,

    If she is very shy, it is best to not be so direct about the prospect of wanting to have sex with her.

    It would be better to use the approach of simply allowing the both of you to hang out without any expectations from her.

    If she is in your home, avoid trying to use alcohol to get her to have sex with you.

    Even if she requests it.

    Instead, just hang out as good friends and enjoy each other’s company.

    Make jokes, laugh, tease each other, etc.

    If she truly wants to have sex with you, she will most likely start making those kind of moves on you.

    Let her be the one to instigate this.

    If you use this safer approach, sex may or may not happen between the both of you at your home.

    However, it is best to allow her to lead.

    Women want to feel safe and comfortable around a guy before they think about the prospect of having sex with him.

    By simply having a fun time with her in your home, you will be giving her ample opportunity to feel safe and comfortable around you.

    If she reaches that point, it will be her choice as to whether she wants to now have sex with you.

    Let her be the one who initiates the process.

    in reply to: What does it mean when a girl tends to notice you? #37273

    Luke
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    Hi Sunnit,

    Be careful that you don’t misinterpret a form of behavior as a sign of interest.

    If she notices other people in the same way that she notices you, it is unlikely that she likes you specifically in a romantic sense.

    However, if she only tends to notice you through constant staring in your direction, there is a good chance that she does like you.

    In a scenario like this, it is actually better for you to let her know that you have noticed her through looking back at her, instead of trying to make it seem as though you don’t notice her.

    Establish eye contact with her and smile as often as you can.

    This will make her feel more comfortable with the prospect of talking to you.

    This way, when you are ready to talk to her, she will be a lot more open and receptive to you.

    in reply to: Girl #37269

    Luke
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    Hi Mario,

    It would be best for you to ask her out now.

    Do not keep engaging in small talk with her.

    She has known you long enough that this is no longer necessary.

    Just ask her out.

    If she is playing games with you, she will either not accept your offer or give some kind of excuse.

    This is how you will know for certain where you stand with this girl.

    The next time the both of you talk, you should ask her out.

    No more banter.

    in reply to: Good and Bad Of Dating A Celebrity #37267

    Luke
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    Hi Tracey,

    His intention may have been to get your attention.

    Indeed, he may find you attractive. He did tell you that he has dated older women.

    However, he may not have had any real objective beyond getting your attention.

    Even if he has written and performed a romantic song that relates to you or used keywords and phrases in his music videos on IG to secretly speak to you, it is unlikely that he has a true plan as far as romance is concerned.

    Being that he is constantly on tour, he may think about you from time to time and feel good doing so.

    As a result, he may feel the need to write something creative that relates to you as he is naturally an artist and this is often how artists express themselves.

    However, it is unlikely that he has any intention to want to date you or get into a real relationship with you.

    Being that he is a busy artist, he will often try to think about people that make him feel good so as to be reminded of home or just have some respite from all of the traveling and performing.

    You may simply be one of possibly several women that he brings to mind to help him relax, but nothing more.

    in reply to: i lost contact with my gf. does she hate me for it #37266

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    Hi Lily,

    No, she doesn’t hate you for it.

    Once you get your phone back or you are able to contact her through some other means, she will understand.

    Just be honest about the fact that your phone got taken away and that is why you were unable to contact her.

    Honesty is always the best way to go about this.

    in reply to: My crush at theater class #37265

    Luke
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    Hi Fellipe,

    If she just broke up with her boyfriend on Saturday, it is best to give her some space when it comes to romance.

    Even if she said that she feels better, that may only be a temporary feeling.

    If she actually cared about her boyfriend, it may take a little longer for her to fully heal from the breakup.

    At this time, it is best to avoid pursuing her with romantic intent.

    You can greet her on Tuesday and be polite. Perhaps engage in lighthearted conversation with her but try not to engage in romantic or flirtatious conversation.

    Again, give her some time and space from anything romantic in nature at this time.

    She will normally indicate that she is fully recovered from the breakup when you notice that she is being very social with people and going out to social events more and more often with friends or acquaintances.

    This often lets you know that she is now open to meeting someone new.

    This would be your opportunity to start pursuing her on more of a romantic basis.

    in reply to: He likes me and someone else #37264

    Luke
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    Hi Chelsey,

    He most likely started talking to this other woman because you had been pulling back a lot and maintaining some distance from him despite his efforts to take you out on dates, spend a lot of time with you and talk to you all day, everyday.

    He may have felt that his interaction with you wasn’t really going anywhere and believed that his efforts would be better served in talking to another woman who is more receptive to him.

    He was honest with you about this other woman which does show that he respects you.

    Being that he still wants to continue engaging with you, the door hasn’t been closed to the possibility of romance between the both of you.

    If you feel that you are ready for the both of you to take the next step, you need to let him know how you feel right now.

    If you wait this out and decide to tell him later, it may be too late.

    By that point, he may have developed stronger feelings for this other woman.

    in reply to: Why did he change all of the sudden #37260

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    Hi Lynda,

    You have been the one initiating a lot of these text messages.

    In essence, you have been the one chasing him and he hasn’t been reciprocating.

    He has no stakes in this relationship.

    This is why it is so easy for him to tell you not to text him because you are bothering him, or to unfriend you on Facebook and block you on Instagram.

    You have made him too powerful because you have been trying too hard.

    The best chance for you to get him back is to stop trying so hard.

    Stop initiating texts.

    Let him start initiating text messages to you.

    When he does text you, don’t be so quick to respond.

    This is how you demonstrate more value in this relationship.

    This is how you get him to start taking you more seriously.

    in reply to: Junior liking a freshman #37259

    Luke
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    Hi Mataya,

    It may be best to get to know this junior better first.

    This way, you will be able to determine whether he is genuinely interested in you or just trying to date you because he feels that he can take advantage of your inexperience.

    Being that he is a junior, he most likely has more dating experience than you do.

    Hence, it would be best to take the time to get to know him better.

    If, in time, he has shown you that his intentions are sincere, then you can consider dating him if you so choose.

    Though he is older, it is only by a couple of years.

    That isn’t much.

    As long as you feel comfortable, you can date him if you so choose.

    However, it should be because you truly want to, not because he is pressuring you to do so.

    in reply to: Lost #37253

    Luke
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    Hi Alan,

    For a 28 year old who has never had a girlfriend, it would be best to do the work on yourself first.

    You are too focused on getting women that you meet online to like you.

    As you mentioned, when these women don’t respond to you online, it destroys your self-esteem.

    You have to work on your self-esteem first.

    Find the root cause of what it is that makes you feel less than and start working to overcome it.

    Whether it has to do with your build or something that you are yet to achieve, this is the time to address it.

    Attacking this head on will do a lot in building your sense of self-worth.

    Try to forget about women for now.

    They will most certainly come as long as you do the proper work on yourself first.

    When you have done the necessary work on yourself, try to use a different approach with women.

    In essence, stop focusing on asking them for their phone numbers.

    Just get into the habit of talking to them without any expectation of what will come out of the conversation.

    Just talk and nothing more.

    This is often what will build your confidence over time.

    It takes away the pressure.

    Eventually, if you practice this diligently, you will notice that women will actually be the ones who start asking for your phone number or willingly volunteering their phone numbers to you without any prompting.

    Once you get to this stage with women, it will not be long before you get your first girlfriend.

    If you want to get better with women that you meet online, get my online dating course.

    in reply to: Possibility His feelings will back or not #37250

    Luke
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    Hi Junabelle,

    The possibility that his feelings are now gone is a lot more likely.

    If he is talking less to you, that would normally indicate a lack of interest or very lukewarm interest.

    Even though he may be a shy guy, the both of you have already confessed your feelings for each other.

    Normally, once a shy guy who also happens to be an ambivert gets this far, he will feel a lot more encouraged to ask the girl out on a date and follow through.

    So far, he has mentioned going out to a movie but never followed through.

    Oftentimes, this is an indication that the guy is not looking to spend any quality time with the girl in real life.

    He may have lost his feelings for you when he realized that he would actually have to take the next step and go out with you in real life.

    Sometimes, the prospect of taking an online relationship into a real life meeting can be too intimidating for some guys.

    This being said, he may still reach out to you on Facebook from time to time.

    But, he will only want to chat on a frivolous level and nothing more.

    in reply to: I scared him off #37249

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    Hi Brittney,

    It is completely a loss.

    When he said, “We never know what the future holds,” that is often a dead giveaway that he doesn’t truly see you in his future.

    A man who does see a woman in his future would not just leave things to chance.

    He wants to focus on his new business.

    This means that he is most likely not going to make any room for you in his life, save a few platonic exchanges here and there.

    Continuing to look at this guy as a long-term romantic prospect would be a waste of your precious time.

    in reply to: she wants to come to my house #37247

    Luke
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    Hi James,

    If this type of behavior from her is not normal, it is important to think back to your past interactions with her.

    Has she shown some romantic interest in you in the past?

    Perhaps during a time that she wasn’t with her current boyfriend?

    If she has, she may be using the fact that she is about to break up with her boyfriend as her opportunity to reignite the attraction that she may have shown towards you in the past.

    If she is texting you a lot more than normal and has never suggested drinking alcohol at your home until now, there is a good chance that she may want to engage in some form of intimacy with you. Yes, that can include sex.

    However, try not to get too excited about what is currently happening.

    She may actually not follow through with it.

    If she is yet to break up with her boyfriend, she could change her mind and decide to stay with him anyway.

    Hence, it is best that you don’t allow yourself to become too emotionally attached to what she is doing at the moment.

    It may simply be something that she is doing because she is unhappy about something to do with her relationship with her boyfriend.

    That sentiment may change if her boyfriend suddenly starts making her happy again.

    in reply to: Does he like me #37244

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    Hi, if he has held your hand 3 times and stares at you a lot, there is a good chance that he likes you more than a friend. He may not know whether you like him. This may be why his behavior is confusing. He will probably not commit to asking you out unless he has a really good idea that you like him back.

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