You are not the only one who has googled someone that you met on an online dating site only to be welcomed with news articles about the person and their alleged crime, with a photo of their mugshot to match.
It takes you by surprise.
Until your shocking discovery, the person was the perfect conversationalist.
Polite.
Fun.
Endearing.
Smart.
Charismatic.
This was the last person that you were expecting to find in news articles about a crime that they committed.
This discovery has led to a quandary.
This person either wants to go out on a date with you or you know that they will want to in the foreseeable future.
Now that you are privy to their crime, the prospect of meeting them on a date is daunting.
On the one hand, you still feel a sense of connection with them based on the conversations that you have had so far.
They have been such a breath of fresh air.
You haven’t had that much luck with people that you have met so far on the dating site.
So many vacuous conversations that led nowhere.
You finally met someone that was really piquing your interest.
From shared interests to lighthearted flirting, this person has felt like a godsend.
Now, you are facing the daunting prospect of making a choice that you had never anticipated.
After having googled the person and discovering this crime-related information, you don’t know if it would be wise to meet the person on a date.
This really comes down to your sense of safety and judgment.
People do things, especially in their youth, that they later regret all the time.
A person who has committed a crime is not always a person who is irredeemable.
Some people do turn their lives around to become better versions of themselves.
If these news articles are dated, there is a chance that this person has turned their life around over the years since.
Talk to the person about what you found and use an approach that isn’t judgmental.
Instead, it should feel more like you are just trying to get clear on who you are dealing with.
This is predicated on you being comfortable enough with the person’s crime that you are willing to give the person a chance if they have truly rehabilitated themselves.
What is your tolerance level?
Is there a particular crime that you simply can’t forgive or overlook even if the person has since turned their life around?
What of murder or violent assault?
The more egregious the crime, the more thought you should put into this.
Try not to get so caught up in how you feel about them romantically.
Those warm and fuzzy sentiments were easy to develop without the knowledge of this person’s crime.
Think through this with a clear mind.
According to the United States Sentencing Commission(USSC), over 60 percent of violent offenders recidivate by being rearrested for a new crime within the first two years of their initial arrest.
The percentage of recidivism in non-violent offenders is at less than 40 percent in that same time frame.
You should take all of this into account when considering whether to go on a date with this person.
Based on these numbers, the more years removed from the crime, whether violent or non-violent, the less likely the person reoffends.
Even if you find out that it has been ten years or more since the crime and there has been no recidivism, you should still take care in making your decision.
You have to feel safe enough with this person for you to be free and open with your personality and life.
If you still feel uneasy, even after discovering from the person and your own research that there has been no recidivism in many years, your mind is unable to get past this person’s crime.
The crime has become a mental impediment.
A healthy relationship with someone is not possible when one party has a persistent mental impediment.