Online Dating: Should You Confront A Guy Who Ghosted You?

Online Dating: Should You Confront A Guy Who Ghosted You?

This is the hurt talking.

You aren’t letting this go.

You feel slighted by him.

Led on.

Why would he do such a thing to you?

After such great conversation, starting with the first words exchanged on the online dating site to the amazing dates that followed, he chooses to ghost amid all the promises of wanting to see you again.

You just want to understand why he did that.

That’s all.

Or so you tell yourself.

Confronting this guy for ghosting you only makes you hurt more.

It doesn’t ease your pain.

What exactly are you hoping he tells you?

That he is really sorry for what happened?

That he really wanted to be with you but life got in the way?

That he is still thinking about you everyday but has a crazy ex to contend with?

If it is closure you want, you are not going to get it.

Only more questions.

With that in mind, why bother confronting him?

He knew exactly what he was doing when he chose to ghost you.

It wasn’t a mistake.

He didn’t suddenly forget that he had been talking to you everyday for the last two weeks only to stop talking to you all of a sudden.

He didn’t suddenly forget that he had made you a bunch of promises about what future activities he wanted to do with you and where he wanted to take you.

He remembers all of that.

Yet, he didn’t follow through in the end.

You haven’t heard from him for days now and it doesn’t look like you are going to hear from him any time soon.

When a guy ghosts you after what seemed like an amazing connection that was reinforced with a few fantastic dates, he is showing a reluctance to carry anyone on an emotional level.

He sensed that you were falling for him and this scared him.

Realizing that you were on an emotional journey that he wasn’t capable of having at this time, he decided to ghost you.

He made himself believe that this was the only option.

If he had stayed, he would have only led you on.

In his mind, he is a good guy for having let you go when he did.

He knew that he simply wasn’t where you were in terms of an openness to allow love to come in if it saw fit.

This is fear.

His lack of emotional availability can be attributed to a number of factors.

A past love that he has been unable to get over.

A difficult childhood where there was a lack of affection shown by his parents towards him.

A life surrounded by loved ones and friends who have had relationships that have repeatedly failed and ended on a bitter note.

To spare himself that kind of pain he chooses not to allow himself to become emotionally vulnerable to anyone.

He flirted with the idea of becoming that open with you.

The connection just seemed so perfect.

Like nothing he has experienced with anyone from either the dating site or the real world in a while.

It wasn’t long before the reality of what he was thinking about doing reopened those old wounds.

There was only pain and suffering awaiting him.

He had experienced it in his previous romantic relationship.

Felt it growing up around unaffectionate parents.

Seen it in the continued failure of relationships of the people around him from childhood to present day.

The fear has returned and he simply can’t ignore it.

Confronting this guy about ghosting you isn’t going to get him to express anywhere near this level of deep-rooted expression.

If he doesn’t hide by ignoring your message, he is only going to tell you that life just got in the way and he had never intended to hurt you.

Do you really think that this gives you closure?

Watch a cheesy romance movie instead.

At least, the jerk of a boyfriend always gets his comeuppance in the end.