Online Dating: How Do I Get Past Being A Pen Pal?

Online Dating: How Do I Get Past Being A Pen Pal?

There doesn’t seem to be an end to this.

A match occurs with a guy on a dating app, conversations ensue, and then it happens.

You become his pen pal.

After several weeks or months of texting back and forth, he never asks you out to meet in person.

Even when you drop hints that you want to meet in person, he doesn’t take the hint.

He keeps texting and texting.

Inevitably, the texting fades away and he is gone.

Yet again, you were relegated to being a pen pal.

This is so frustrating.

In the beginning, you would not take these occurrences too seriously, believing that other matches you were conducting conversations with would eventually ask you to meet in person.

Once you realized that it kept happening, it was no longer something to brush aside.

You want to get past being a pen pal.

I have heard this complaint over and over.

The dreaded pen pal on a dating app.

Undoubtedly, it’s disheartening when you realize that after several weeks or months of text messaging, you are never asked out to meet in person.

People like this on dating apps are called Time Wasters.

Although he signed up on a dating app, he has no intention of meeting a match in person.

He does everything in his power to avoid talking about meeting up, intent on chatting online until it fizzles out.

Where it’s unavoidable, he makes excuses or false promises about meeting up in person, so as to keep the chatting prolonged.

These are guys who are already in relationships.

Those who aren’t in relationships, aren’t emotionally available to get into one.

Several are grappling with past breakups they aren’t over and others suffer from personality disorders.

Besides these, there are those who are inspired to make you a pen pal for an ego boost.

This is how he exercises power over you.

In leading you on for several weeks or months, he has you eating out of his hand, more and more dependent on his every word, as you hope that a request to meet in person is forthcoming.

Guys like this are devoid of power in their personal lives and sign up on dating apps to fulfill that need.

To get past being a pen pal, create a time frame for how long you intend to chat with a guy you are matched with.

As long as you have consistent communication, people who match on dating apps don’t have to chat for multiple weeks or months before meeting in person.

On average, you should meet in person within a week to two weeks of matching.

This is a suitable amount of time to get to know a match better, as long as there has been consistent communication.

Use this time frame as a strict rule of thumb.

Don’t get lulled into believing that you need to wait it out longer, based on a fear of losing the guy should he not request to meet in person within that time frame.

Your time is valuable too.

A guy who doesn’t know whether he wants to meet you in person after a week to two weeks of consistent conversation isn’t authentically interested in meeting you.

Ditch him.

Using a strict time frame saves you from becoming a pen pal.